Darryle Pollack: Parenting: It's All About Perspective
Is attachment parenting a religion?
Filed under: Health & Safety: Babies, Development/Milestones: Babies, Media
That's the view of Start-Up Dad, who urges parents to chill out
when it comes to their choice of parenting methods. He particularly has some harsh words for attachment parenting and
the Ferber method. "Attachment parenting," he writes, "believes anything that might
inconvenience the child constitutes child abuse and will make your child grow up feeling unloved, eventually leading to
his/her committing grave acts of violence in a bid for attention."
Which is an unfair description. While there are some AP parents who enact AP in this fashion, they're not the majority. Start-Up Dad might have done better picking on Taking Children Seriously, or TCS, which argues explicitly that a parent should never impose his or her own will upon a child. You would never see a TCS advocate write a book about discipline, for example, like Dr. William Sears did.
Still, Start-Up Dad has some sound advice when he encourages people to follow their instincts. "[J] ust like religion and politics, you can't really fake it. Either you are a coldhearted disciplinarian, or you're a weak-willed love-dovey — that was decided long before you had your kid." In other words: play to your strengths, pops.
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
12-18-2005 @ 6:38PM
L. said...I have no major trouble with Attachment Parenting, at least what I`ve read of it.
It`s the Attachment PARENTS who sometimes drive me insane!
Reply
12-18-2005 @ 6:38PM
Kthomas said...I disagree, I am not "Either you are a coldhearted disciplinarian, or you’re a weak-willed love-dovey". It is loving to be a disciplinarian, thats what makes your children successful. People who think otherwise are the reason we have problems with our children today.
Reply
12-18-2005 @ 6:38PM
AJ said...I suspect I'm a bit of an AP and disciplinarian. Rounding out the first year I haven't witnessed manipulative behavior. Crying to get a parent's attention or presence is normal. I can distinguish between desire crying that quickly subsides (say, when you take away a toy) and true emotional distress. My gut feeling is that comforting your kid promotes healthy emotional development. My kid is simply super, from sleeping to playing with other toddlers to reacting to strangers. When she is in distress she knows Mom or Dad will instantly be there and do a decent job of interpreting what's wrong.
When my kid is older and learns to use crying and whining for manipulation, my disciplinarian side will kick in.
I recall at an early age that my mother once bought me Froot Loops. I don't remember the incident, but I know it happened. We normally did not eat sugary cereal. What I do remember very well is bawling every time my mom rolled me down the cereal isle at the grocery store because she refused my pleas for Froot Loops, even though history dictated that eating Froot Loops was an action clearly within the realm of possible events.
So, for me, being a disciplinarian will involve a clear set of rules that Mom and Dad consistently enforce.
Reply