if there's one single thing i've learned about parenting which i know for sure to always be true: never say never because you never know! i can't imagine using one, and now that my kids are 4 and 6 i don't see it happening until they're teenagers. ha! but my kids weren't roamers. my friend has 4 kids three and under: it is next to impossible to watch 4 small children at once. thankfully only one of hers is a wanderer so she does okay watching.

i don't think it's as simple as "parents don't want to watch their kids" but sometimes, yes, parents seem awfully distracted as their child runs totally wild at the end of a leash.

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i think a harness is a great idea if you are in a potentially dangerous area. we've used the harness in new york when our 16 month old wouldn't sit in a stroller but wasn't able to realize the danger of the cars. we've also used it when we needed to go somewhere with our older children (like the aquarium) where a small child can get easily lost in the dark lighting. it's a short term solution for a developmental stage where children are just too young to understand verbal direction and have no fear of anything.

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i think a blanket statement that harnesses are cruel and instruments of torture is just silly. every child is different, and many go through stages where parents need all the help they can get in keeping their little ones safely within reach. i bought a harness when my son was about 2 because i would set him down and he would be off! like a shot and we were traveling through busy airports, but i gave up trying to use it because he would just lie down on the floor and spin around in circles like a puppy, shrieking with rage, til i took it off. lol. so we figured something else out. would have been terrific if it had worked, though. my daughter is a much milder-mannered gal and i have just taken to bringing the stroller and strapping her in whenever we go anywhere i need to keep her right next to me and i can't carry her (like the library).

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all i know is that i really, really wish i had the stomach to use one of these 'cause my three-year-old is not just a wanderer, but a runner. sometimes he can't just help himself, and has been known to run across streets before i gave him clearance (in both cases, nearly giving me a heart attack as i tried to run after him, baby bouncing wildly in my sling). sometimes i wonder if it would be the only safe thing to do (well, that, or never leaving the house). but i can't quite bring myself to buy one - it's the judgment, the stares, that i couldn't handle!

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when i was pregnant with my son and my daughter was 2.5 she went through a (blessedly brief) period of running from me. i just could not carry her everywhere at the end of my pregnancy and me running was....hilarious. i was so so so close to buying a harness and the judgement and stares kept me from it. also the fact that my daughter has always loved pretending to be a dog.

picture it: walking in public with my barking 2 year old on a leash. nope. no thanks.

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i said i'd never use one--and my daughter pulled free from me once in a busy parking lot. thankfully she stopped when i told her to, but i bought one. it didn't take long for her to get the message that if she didn't like this, she had to follow the rules.

i got another for my son, but so far haven't had to use it, mainly because we tend to go out as a family, so there are 3 of us to handle our very active boy.

and for those who would judge--you can't see that i have problems with both of my ankles (and currently, both of my knees) which would make chasing after my very fast son nearly impossible. i'd rather use that than risk injury to him or myself.

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i had 2 kids (toddler and baby) 16 months apart and lived in san francisco around 1959. i couldn't push the stroller with one hand and make sure i had a grip on the older one with the other (while probably carrying something at the same time). i certainly couldn't have let go of the stroller to race after my daughter. i devised a harness out of clothesline for the older child. i got some stares and a few comments to which i replied "do you have a better idea"?

now they have those great double strollers - then they didn't except for twins and i couldn't have afforded one anyway.

a rope around a child's neck would be abuse. a harness around their middle is no more abuse than strapping them into a car seat or a stroller. it's just one more way to keep your child safe.

if this looks like e.e. cummings, it's because this dumb thing keeps switching back to lower case and i got tired of fixing it.

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there have been times when i've admitted a leash would definitely make life easier, but my wife and i agreed we would do our best to do what was best for the kids, even if it wasn't the easiest for us.

we use cloth diapers because we feel they're better than disposables. disposables are way easier, though. i drag my carcass out of bed early every weekend to go to swim class or my gym class or whatever. i do my best to avoid the dreaded "nuggetsandfries" and instead offer healthier meals, even though that drive through is so much easier.

i don't like the idea of putting a leash on a kid and simply won't do it just because it makes life easier. my three-year-old either holds my hand or sits in the stroller. i'm bigger and stronger than him (for now, anyway) so i can hold on to him even when he wants to pull away.

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one of my favorite daddy bloggers wrote about this subject today. thought you might enjoy reading another perspective. he's much more literate than i am.

http://metrodad.typepad.com/index/2005/07/what_a_cute_dog.html

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is there a reason why you didn't include the following in part of your article?

at one point the leash was used as a restraining device while a spanking was administered. a spanking that was given for trying to "resist the leash". everyone at the outdoor cafe sat with their mouths agape. while i do understand that there are a few individuals out there who use the leash in big crowds (like at disney) as a security measure - the majority of parents i've seen resorting to this type of child control are just being lazy. it's a lot easier to yank your kid around like a puppy than to teach them self control in a public setting. about 3 minutes after the child on the leash (who was screaming and crying) was out of ear shot - another 30-ish father and his two sons (3-5 yrs old) walked by the cafe - they were holding hands and waiting for cues from their father to know when to cross the street and staying close by his side. they were actually learning self control and awareness of their surroundings. not by the yoke of a leash but by example and with increasing trust.


i do not like the leashes, and i have one rowdy 2 1/2 year old. we use a stroller every where we go and it is a severe pain in the ass. but, it is necessary, that or the leash of some kind. but, as one of the commenters on the site mentions, this isn't about the leash, this is about bad parents using the leash inappropriately...there is a big difference.

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I am sorry, but the use of a leash on a child is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen. Hold your child's hand or put them in a stroller, be a parent. You are not walking fido on a lease. These parents look ridiculous and I can't even imagine why it is not against the law. It is so outrageous, be lazy about some things, but don't be lazy with your kids.

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I would like to know what to do when your 15 month old just learned to run, does not listen to commands (because of her age) and does not want to stay in her stroller for more than a half hour at a time (and I can't blame her at this age). I was just at a busy festival in this situation, and felt terrible for having to contain an active toddler. I would use a harness in the future in this situation only. I am anything but a lazy mother, on the other hand I would never forgive myself if she ever wandered away in a busy crowd. Any parent who has ever lost a child would tell you it only takes a split second for a child to wonder. It all depends on the situation given, so there is NO room to judge, furthermore none of your business unless you are the parent of that individual child.

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Elizabeth,
There is no excuse to "leash" your child. It is the most disgusting thing that I have ever seen, why would you feel terrible about "containing an active toddler". Sorry but I have to judge, take a picture of yourself with a child on a leash and then see what you look like. If you can't handle your child then go home early or don't go at all. My mother never put a leash on my brother and I and we went to many functions. She held our hands and she put us in a stroller. If we complained she took us home. She did not put us on a leash, what's next putting the leash around your child and attaching them to a tree? A child should never wander if a parent is watchinig. That is the point, watch your child. I hope that the "leash" is outlawed Elizabeth because it is disgusting. Oh and to Ann Adams you should have got more than some looks and stares for tying your child up with a clothesline. Wow is this America?

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I have read many sites about this topic and there are always the pros and cons. I just don't think you can let emotions make decisions in something like this. What a leash "looks like" or if you feel it's "disgusting" really has little bearing on a parent's decision to use a harness. Every child is unique and every parent cares for their child in their own loving manner. Some may be overprotective,but that is their way.

I will share my experience because it will undoubtably raise some comments and rebuttals.

My girls were 7 and 5 years old when we visited Washington D.C. a few years ago. My husband was on military TDY and it was my mother and I who were sightseeing with the girls. We were in a strange setting and my seven yr. old was very "adventerous". My husband and I, after much thought and discussions,chose to use walking harnesses and leashes for the girls on this trip.

We were waiting for the Metroliner on the platform. As the train approached, my 7 yr old bolted toward the train and yelled "Here it comes!" I will never know if she would have jumped in front of the train by losing control, but I was so relieved when she was stopped by her leash. Should she have known better? Should she have better control? Am I a bad parent? I just know we made a good decision and had a wonderful visit which did not end as a tradgedy.

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I found this blog because it came up on my search to purchase a harness, or rather two. I have 14-month-old twins boys. They love to run, walk, dance and move. They try very hard to listen to me but asking them to hold my hand at this age is illogical. I, like Elizabeth, am anything but a lazy mother-I can't be with twins as active as mine. I am disappointed to see how superior you all think you are to judge others decisions as parents. I see harnesses as a chance to give my sons a sense of independence and allow them to walk and explore but still be able to stop them if I need to. I was quite the wanderer when I was little and my mom used a leash with me. She claims I was "happy as a fly on watermelon" You may all look at me and judge me as I walk with my sons and I will smile. Smile because I know that my children are safe, loved and happy. I am sorry for those of you who are too afraid of judgment-shame on those who judge.

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Children need to learn how to behave, they need to understand that they can't go running around like wild animals, they need to be taught that there is a certain way to act in public. To Susan.... if your 7 year old was ready to jump in front of a moving train then I think that there is a problem. At seven years old, I could be trusted to walk down to the grocery store and buy something, I certainly was not on a leash, trying to jump in front of trains. It seems like parents do not want to take the time to teach children. It would be easier to throw a leash on them. It is a "restraint". To me, PERSONALLY, it should be illegal. What do you do when your child goes too far in front of you? Do you yank on the leash? Parents, please try to refrain from using this method for keeping your child by your side. No matter what anyone thinks of me, I am really thinking of the children. What is this teaching them? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Anyone who has a child like Susans who is running in front of trains, well I think there is a problem there. Don't you?

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I'm amazed by all of the negative comments from people who obviously don't have a child like mine. I have a VERY independent 3-year old who doesn't fear anything and refuses to be reigned in. For all those who say it's bad parenting, you of course are entitled to your opinions. But since you seem to know so much about being a good parent, give me the solution for keeping my son under control. When we get out of a car he wants to walk by himself, it's a struggle to make him hold my hand and he happens to be a rather strong 3-year old. Strollers are not always an option in some of the places we go. He does ride in the shopping carts, but you do have to walk into the stores to get to the carts and he's getting a little big for me to carry. I've scolded, I've pleaded, I've explained that he can get run over, but he doesn't listen. He's a good kid, but he's very strong-willed, much like his father. I haven't bought a harness or leash, but I have considered it. I'd rather have someone give me a few dirty looks, than be on the 6 o'clock news begging someone to please help me find my child. So, any ideas or suggestions are certainly welcome, but please don't judge my parenting skills when you don't know me or my son.

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Sandra, You have to find out the root of your child's problems. It seems as though it is more of a problem then being strong willed like his father. How do you think a child that acts as yours does will feel with a harness around him, do you want him to freak out even more. Maybe if he can't be controlled then you should seek other professional help. I am sure that you have a great child, all children are, but you may need some intervention. A child that is not able to be controlled either has not learned that you are the boss, or cannot control it. I feel bad for you and I think that it is better to ask for help then it is to strap a leash around a child. You should not have to plead with a child, my little boy knows the rules and if he doesn't behave we don't go anywhere or we leave where we are. Certainly this would cause ALOT of inconvenience, but I do have a lovely child that listens and understands and I feel that I have tried other methods. Maybe you say you would not mind stares, but if your kid was screaming and you have him/ or her hooked to a harness, it will only be worse. REALLY!!!

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I really don't care what people think when I use a harness on my toddler son. I am the one who has to live with it if he ever ran off and something terrible happened to him. I could never live with myself. If that happened would I ever stop to think, "Oh, at least I never put a harness on him and had people staring." With two other children in tow, I can't always have my focus on him because I have the other two's needs including their safety as well. A harness is another measure to ensure that my toddler, the escape artist, is safe. As long as I know I am responsible doing my best for my kids. The stares, the critical eye . . . let them have three kids for 10 minutes in public and they would be relieved to see that a harness is a great option.

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I was quite surprised to have found this site when looking for a restraint system for our 18 month son who enjoys walking, but is still at that age where he doesn’t understand a lot of commands. As being a father from the military and law enforcement, I was totally blown away from the repeated negative pressure by certain people against the thought of using a restraint. One thing I have learned is that there are no books on the right way to raise a perfect child and have them turn in to a millionaire. My child is my life and the thought of him being taken or lost fears me the most. He is young, he likes to explore and walking independently is a good thing I think. I was just at a mall and find it more embarrassing to have a child whining because you have stuck them in the stroller or hold your hand. What happens when they trip? I am sure that sudden jerk on their arm can’t be good for them. I would rather have them on a restraint so people know his distance and he can enjoy a refreshing walk while exercising. If used as a tool to help them understand what is right and wrong, I see no problem with it. And for the person that wants to challenge the use of it, I am sure we can find something you are doing that we would consider disgusting or wrong. Remember the movie Adam? All is it takes is a crowded place, a push and then you are distracted.

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