Toddler Leashes: Helpful or horrific?

Tim, just the fact that you used the word "restraint" is pure indication that it is a negative thing. I am apalled to think that a man in the military would be for this method of controlling. And what if the child falls while wearing the lease? Don't you think that "sudden jerk" on the chest wouldn't be good either. You are embarressed to put your child in a stroller, but not embarressed to put your child on a leash. I don't get it. I may not be a perfect parent, but my husband and I don't need to restrain our child in public. It is called good parenting.

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Geez, what a bunch of judgemental people unable or unwilling to "walk" in someone else's shoes. I too stumbled upon this site while looking for a harness for my child. Oh, that automatically makes me a bad parent, maybe I shouldn't have said that. Maybe you should also note that I walk with a cane and my son (who is 16 months old today) already walks faster than I am capable of. Maybe you should note that he's always been my sweet sweaty baby, and his hand gets wet and slippery within a minute of my holding it, to the point he can slip out of my grasp even before my hips and knees are screaming in pain from bending to hold his struggling hand (we practice in the house every day to try to train him to hold my hand without complaint). There's NO excuse, EVER to use a harness? Oh, so a parapalegic either shouldn't be an active part of raising their kid, never left in public unattended with their child, then, right, or it's abuse?

Well, guess what, if you can be judgemental, so can I. You morons who think it's better to stick a child in a stroller instead of putting a harness on them and letting them walk are CONTRIBUTING TO THE SEDINTARY UGLY AMERICAN LIFESTYLE THAT IS LEADING TO SERIOUS HEALTH PROBLEMS! GREAT PARENTING! Since you'd judge me if I walked down the street with my child on a harness, I return the favor. Anyway, why don't you just put a straight jacket on the kid while you're at it, so they can have as little tactile stimulation from their environment as possible? Blindfolding them might be nice too, then, so they don't have to constantly stare at passing people's crotches. It's not the best view in the world, I've seen enough of it from wheelchair height to attest to that (somehow the Holocaust Museum was much less moving for me than my husband... maybe it was because I spent about 80% of the time stairing at people's butts while they were too oblivious to notice I was even there. Well, if I'd been in the holocaust I'd have been sent straight to the gas chambers for being gimpy anyway, and that was probably the most meaningful thing a gimp could hope to get out of the visit, right? The fact that I was rude enough to procreate AFTER that visit... oh, I can hear the roars now.)

This really pissed me off. Sorry to the blogger if I'm re-stirring up a hornet's nest, but seriously, I think the worst parenting is the closed-minded crap that's being spouted here. I really don't give a crap what of my parenting decisions anyone thinks is "disgusting" - got over that when I was criticized for very discreetly nursing my 2 week old son in my father's living room. He's still nursing, and I have no qualms about nursing him in public even tho he's got serious objections to any attempt on my part to be discreet. I don't care who thinks that is disgusting, it's the best thing for my child (and may prevent some of the health problems my husband and I have grown up with), and he's not yet able to delay gratification long enough for me to get somewhere else to do it (especially since I walk rather slowly!). Other people are squimish about it. I'm putting my son's needs above theirs (and even my own). And no, I'm NOT going to sit and pump to have a bottle - which he won't take - for him whenever I manage to get out of the house. The pump is much less efficient at getting the milk out than he is, to begin with, and then leaves me with more equipment to haul around when I've enough dealing with my cane, him, a couple diapers & wipes, my wallet, cell, and keys!

Now, REAL advice for parents of active toddlers who have stronger backs than I... they may not take to the stroller, but they may like a baby backpack or even a front carrier, if your back can take it. My son is VERY active and independant, but he'll happily be in the backpack with Daddy for HOURS (and, as he's going through a biting phase while getting in three molars at the same time, this is how he usually spends the time at church for the safety of the other toddlers). It's a much more interesting view for the kid, and an easier transition if they're used to being worn in a front carrier/sling (I wore a sling almost constantly for the first few months, until it felt like the lumbar discs that herniated 2 months before I got pregnant were about to go again from the strain). Some toddlers will still be happy in a sling, in a hip-carry position (again, something my back can't tollerate). You can also google for "asian baby carrier" (which is what the Ergo Baby Carrier was based off of) if you need something that goes over both shoulders but would prefer to be without the bulk of a metal-framed backpack. This isn't really an option for me anymore as he's too heavy for my back (and my keeping from being bedridden is rather high on my priority list!).

So, for you judgemental types (especially named Kelly and Anna) who think I'm a bad parent because I'm trying to meet my child's developmental need to explore his world without risking his life, within the constraints of my physical abilities, grow up. Please grow up before your children are able to figure out how narrow-minded you are. Part of being a good parent is helping your kids learn that not everyone is living the exact same life you're living. Oh, and as for that "if you can't do X then you should stay home" comment... nice. You know, there are people in this world who are pretty much housebound. Right now, since we DON'T have a harness for him, I pretty much NEVER leave the house with him without at least one other adult to help. Which means that frequently WEEKS go by that the only time I've been out of the house is to go to church (with my husband). If people like you had your way, the GOVERNMENT would consider my leaving the house to walk down the street with my child, after we get a harness, to be child abuse and at least warrent a visit from CPS from the way you spout it. So instead, to make you people happy, I guess we'll just stay in the house numbing our brains with the television set and lacking in socialization opportunities during the week. I better not risk taking him to the library and offending one of you morons. *growl*

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After having read those comments, I came to the conclusion that it is seemingly impossible to find a common ground between pros and cons about this little thing called a leash or rein connnected to a harness. Degrading for someone , a must for another. For those who promote a humanistic approach with children, it needs to be talkative with the toddler when having to explain that there exists dangers around. For those who promote a behavioral approach, it needs to use concrete solutions to concrete problems. Then, it could happen in the first case that the kid will not be aware immediatly to any potential danger. It takes a parent fully confident in himself or herself to take the risk to see the toddler being hurted, harmed , stolen or lost. After all, those situations, even if not spreading, exist as it was with the classic case of the little Bulger in England. Even if the chances are less than one percent for the whole population, it is 100% for the mom or dad who discover their child dead. That is why a lot of parents who will feel anxious. Even if people will express disagreement in words or otherwise, those ones will prefer to pull on, oh! very gently, a harness on their treasured toddler and to snap on a leash to it. The harness in iyself is not disturbing. They are some which are very nice and full of baby bears or monkeys which would please the kid. But to it is connected a leash . This single thing is the real problem. You can hide the harness, never the leash. From it come some poissibilities of abuse. For example, yanking instead of tugging gently. If you have seen people using the leash in an inhumane manner, you will judge that this restraining device is absolutly inappropriate. If you lokked at people using gently the leash while holding the child's hand, you will be open to promote this kind of tool. That is why I believe that a leash could be positive. more appropriate than hearing parents shouting after their kids to stay near, to not run if not running after their kids if not spanking them.
I agree with Kelly that a more personalized approach with children is the top. But, is it possible with active and independant kids, those who are real tyrant ? For those, a leash is better than doing nothing because in some emergency, the harness will save a life.
So, may I suggest an approach not so far from Angel. Any kid can like to wear a harness but he will dislike the leash. Sippose now you are going to make an outing with your kid. Because the toddler learnt to wear the harness at home for many weeks, he or she will feel at ease when having to pull it on. During those days of trial, you have shown the leash while telling that it will be used if he stays too far or if he is running away. You tell him also that this leash will be used properly if he doesn't want to give hand when required. The simple fact that he is wearing a harness, the kid will associate to it some clear orders. He will try to be a good boy or she will try to be a good girl to please mom or dad. If disobeying, you snap on the leash while telling why and you roll the leash around your wrist while holding the hand.
No smacking, no shouting. This way of learning combines a behavioral approach on concrete ground to a more humanistic approach which is the purpose of the learning. Here, we are far from those people who are willing to use a leash like if a kid is a dog. This latter will be leashed all its dog life, a child needs to free himself with his/her parent's help. Unfortunately, there exists some people who are more instructing than educating. I think to some childminders who will use the leash in a strict manner because their purpose is to keep the child alive. it needs loving care for gently tugging on a leash without never yanking.
How does it seem to you ?

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I have a son that is 16 mo. old and he is a very well behaved child. He is also very independent and curious. My husband and I purchased a leash because my son does not like being in the stroller all the time. He would much rather walk than be "restrained" by the straps on a stroller. Is there that big if a difference in strapping your child down in a stroller or giving him a little room to roam with a leash? I think it is just a matter of what your child is more comfortable with.
Is it more cruel to put your child on a leash where they are happy or push them around in a stroller while they kick and scream? After all, there is no reasoning with a 16 month old.
I have gotten comments and dirty looks, but the smiles and giggles from my son are much more important to me.

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Like someone pointed out earlier...what exactly is the difference between restraining a child in a stroller or keeping a child connected to you by a harness or leash? Both have the same end result, one just offers a bit more freedom. Either way, it's still up to the parent to instill boundaries and rules once the child is free to roam without a stroller or harness. Six of one, half a dozen of the other.

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While I can understand the use of a harness or "leash" I never did use one. What I used went on my son's wrist. He was not able to take it off. I think harnesses should be used in extreme cases only.
I just found a device called a Toddler Alert. It has a transmitter (attaches to the child) and a receiver(for the adult to carry). It has a range from 3 to 80 feet and an alarm goes off when they are out of the range you set. It is great for any type of crowded area. There is a number to call to get it at certain Wal-Marts. 1-877-778-4472. I have used it and wish I had it when my son was a toddler.

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Just suppose you like the harness because you feel you can control your kids for a while, until they will agree for giving hand. Some harnesses are nice, safe and low cost. You can find some at a low price on eBay UK or eBay US. Beware of velcro or wrist. They are cheap stuff.
The best are British Mothercare or Boots.
So, you use them with your children, Some day a friend of yours call at your home and say:" I am just looking at you and your kids on leashes on Webshot or harnessedkids.
What will you do ? Your photo is now rolling around the world.
You will be answered that there is no proof it is you, the there is a freedom of expression to be respected, and so and so. The worst are the comments: Ah!Ah!Ah! Animals are out of the zoo, Beware of dogs.
OOOOOOOOOhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ! Poor kids on a leash ! lazy parents.( The fact is that it is true when you see a parent yanking on the leash)
Many nice parents are scaring about that. They don't know what to do. They feel there is no private life, no personal decision.
This issue is never talk about.
This place is the best place for giving opinion about this.
How does it seem to you ? What to do ?

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I bought a child harness or leash as we call them for my now 3 year old son. The reason I bought it was because I got so tired of him running off when he was 2 that I went to Wal-mart and bought one. My child like others I have read above hates the thing...he would rather try to be a big boy and just walk on his own. My child like many others have dashed out in front of cars nearly getting hit and giving me the biggest heart attack they can give as a young child. I had it on him the night of our town Halloween Parade, so he would not get lost in the massive crowd and you would not believe the people that have never seen or heard of these "leashes". One lady I seen the following day at Wal-mart asked me where I got it and I told her to go to the baby isle and look at the saftey things for kids. I tell every parent that I see about these "leashes", b/c they are a life saver for not only the child but for mom as well. I worry enough about everything else that I can't control, so why should I worry about if my kid is going to run away from me and get lost or kidnapped when we are out when I can just put a "leash" on him. I have had friends make comments about the phrase "put a leash on your kid", but that is exactly what I do to keep him safe and my heart intacked. I encourage all of the parents on this site to continue to use them regardless of the stares or comments, b/c you are the one protecting your child.

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Brandy, you are right. Which seemed degrading a few years ago is now sold on eBay or in some stores like Walmart . Tell you that after a first shock, many parents looking at your kid will go and buy one. Remember when orthodontics appeared. Kids were scaring to wear them but after a while, some ask for wearing them because fashionable. It is the same now. Kids and not only toddlers like to play harness as a way to control themself when they are bolting or running here and there in a store. Also, more and more parents are conscious that they are lacking authority on their kids. Even if a leash is a leash, it is sometimes very useful for parents to learn to be firm. in using then correctly.

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Brandy, you are right. Which seemed degrading a few years ago is now sold on eBay or in some stores like Walmart . Tell you that after a first shock, many parents looking at your kid will go and buy one. Remember when orthodontics appeared. Kids were scaring to wear them but after a while, some ask for wearing them because fashionable. It is the same now. Kids and not only toddlers like to play harness as a way to control themself when they are bolting or running here and there in a store. Also, more and more parents are conscious that they are lacking authority on their kids. Even if a leash is a leash, it is sometimes very useful for parents to learn to be firm. in using then correctly.

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After reading most of the posts, what I really don't get is that no one seems to understand that some kids are just not going to stick around.

My mother had a hell of a time with my oldest brother, who at the age of two, would just be missing. No kidding, in the middle of Trinity County, CA (that means the boonies) my brother would disappear for hours. Mom, at this time, blames my uncle's collie for instigating the disappearance. She resorted to making a harness out of a clothesline while she was hanging laundry to dry, but that kid just screamed and hung on the end of the tether. That was the way he was, always, a genuine free spirit with a notion of going places.

Sometimes not even the best parenting can contend with those kids persistance and overconfidence and you got to do what you got to do. You see, I don't let my kid have a pacifier, or watch television, or have electronic toys, but who am I to belittle the parent who does allow those things? Different tools for different needs. And we all know each kid is unique with specific issues to that kid.

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