What do you think of co-sleeping?

My wife and I have co-slept with all three of our children. With the oldest now looking in the rearview at 10 and being quite possibly the greatest 11 year old boy to walk the streets of Ann Arbor, we have found no truth in the pejorative statements made of the family bed. The transition for both of our oldest went exceptionally well/easy and we look back fondly on the extra-bonding time found in co-sleeping. Our little Creaky is now 14 months and I believe he relished every minute of kicking me in the head last night.

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I am a cosleeper, but I don't find it easy and wouldn't recommend it to others. My little girl is 7 months, and at first, I couldn't imagine being separated from her. But now, it is impossible for her to sleep without me - even for naps during the day. She usually sleeps on my lap. The bonding side of cosleeping is wonderful, and it's easier to breastfeed during the night, for sure. But when are my husband and I going to get some alone-time? We both miss being able to sleep in each other's arms.

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We have learned to be flexible when it comes to every parenting philisophy and practice. Our first daughter hated co-sleeping. We stuck it out for 5 months because we felt it was something we "had" to do. Once we transitioned her to the crib, we all slept better. Our youngest LOVED co-sleeping. She was the perfect bed partner (didn't kick, flail, or hog space). We co-slept for almost 9 months, much longer that we expected to. We stopped because I needed a break from the all-night nurse sessions. Her transition to the crib was also easy.

I'd like to throw out there, just for the sake of arguement (heh), that co-sleeping **can be** much different for mothers than fathers. Esp. if the mother is nursing. Many times my husband would wake in the AM asking if our daughters had slept through the night since he felt so refreshed...he was unaware of the midnight, 2AM, 5AM and 7AM nursings. And--maybe it's just me (or him)--but I heard every stirring and whimper before he did. Sometimes the baby could be full on crying before he woke up. And he was right there.

That said, we believe in co-sleeping but for not for any prescribed length of time--and not even as part of any strict parenting philosophy. Like with anything, we watched our children and apapted to their needs. It seems right not to leave a teensy baby all by itself in another room, we believe it reduces the chances of SIDS, and it makes nursing easier. That about sums up the benefits for us.

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I must take a moment to agree with CityMama, and I’m certain my wife would enthusiastically concur. I’ve snored through many a night during which my poor wife has been up nursing every hour or ½ hour. I don’t know how she does it. She and mother’s like her deserve the utmost respect.

We also never follow a prescribed routine and only do what feels natural or comfortable.

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In Japan, where we lived for a long time, many of our Japanese friends still co-sleep with even high school age children -- not out of a desire for bonding, but because lots of our friends live in tiny apartments or in houses with extended family, and the lack of space means they have no choice. They just unfold their futons and line them in a row -- like family camping every night. I found that one good point for newborns is that they can`t roll off a futon already on the floor.

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Co-sleeping was sort of thrust upon us without much of a choice: we have a one bedroom apartment without room for a crib. As a father, there is nothing to complain about, except, as Jackie suggested, it is harder to sleep in each other's arms, although we have one of those co-sleeper attach-to-the-bed contraptions and it gives us a few hours each night for that. I am sure CityMama's husband shames me as far as waking up when baby cries goes: at least he eventually wakes up. Despite the waking, it's easier on my wife than if we used a crib. This baby would sit in her crib and drag a metal cup along the bars and throw flaming pieces of paper at us all night. Co-sleeping just worked out best.

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My wife and I had many reasons we didn't want to co-sleep. Highest among them was safety; our bed is squishy and we were worried we wouldn't feel it if we rolled over on her. We were also worried about a difficult transition to her own crib. Plus, we like being alone together, and figured night would be just about our only time.

When our daughter was born, we discovered another reason not to co-sleep. Noise. Our daughter is the loudest sleeper out we've ever heard. Every breath is a sigh, when it's not a wheeze or a shriek. The Dr. says it's normal, so it's not worrisome, just distracting.

One great side effect is that at one month old, she's only been waking up once at night for half an hour for feeding since three weeks. My wife takes the first 15 minutes (feeding) and I take the last 15 (getting her back to sleep. Eight hours of sleep feels like eight hours for both of us.

All that said, I can see the appeal of co-sleeping for others. It's just not right for us.

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We do a mixture of both. Kellan's crib is pushed up against our bed with the side rail down. He is 17 months old now and still spends about half of the night in his crib and half in our bed. The nice thing is that he doesn't wake up crying in the night, so my husband always has a good night's rest and mine is as undisturbed as possible. When he wants to nurse, he simply climbs into our bed, nurses, and goes back to sleep. If I'm awake, I'll return him to the crib. If not, we all wake up together in the morning.

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(Dutch's wife)

So far co-sleeping has been best for all of us, but I think I'm getting ready to move on. Not only would I like to sleep for more than 2 hours at a stretch (CityMama is so right re: the difference for moms and dads), but I'm beginning to suspect that my daughter might sleep better alone. She's a pretty light sleeper, and I think I wake her up so she wakes me up and it's a vicious cycle all night long.

But that just leaves us with the problem of logistics -- as Dutch said, we have a one bedroom apartment. I'm seriously considering borrowing a crib and sticking it in my closet.

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I have a question for co-sleepers: do you have to go to bed at the same time as your babies? I doesn't seem safe to leave a baby alone in a bed (especially once they are a few months old and moving around quite a bit - but without much control) but my daughter has always gone to bed before 8pm. How does that work? I had never heard of co-sleeping (except by necessity) when she was born so she was in her crib in her room from day one. We've had no problems with her sleeping though I think nursing would have gone better if she had been closer. We are considering trying for another so I am trying to research all of the stuff I was oblivious to the first time around!

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Kate, when our kids were younger, we used guard rails and frequent checks to make sure our babe was doing fine. Now that my son is two, it doesn't concern us as much.

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We followed our son's cues with sleep. For a week, he was content to sleep in a bassinette in our room. But then for the next six (!!!) months, he would only sleep if he was held (and I'm not exaggerating).

Since I cannot co-sleep (I have a sleep disorder), my husband took over that duty, bringing him to me when he needed to nurse. It was a LONG six months lol.

Then our son would sleep in a playpen in our room, but by 12 mos, needed his own space and peace and quiet--and transitioned to a crib in his room.

I think co-sleeping is fine as long as it is done safely, and as long as all the members of the family want to do it.

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I love it. Tonight however, in 2 hours time, I was poked, prodded, kicked, talked to and just overall beat up. Right now our 2 1/2 yo wants to sleep with mommy and not daddy so he sleeps right up under me. And, so, I left, I'm headed to his bed for a good snooze alone! But normally, I love it. I love the smell of sweet smelling babies in the morning, the warm feeling they have, the giggling, the hugs and snuggles they give.....it is the greatest! He apparently liked it to b/c he is still there at 2 1/2

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I know I am going to get blasted for this, but I think that it is kind of creepy to co-sleep. I guess I can understand if there was no place else to sleep, but teenage children sleeping with their parents? What the heck? I certainly am no expert and I don't speak for everyone, only me, but wow, my child might fall asleep with me once in a while, but she will be placed in her own bed. If I was a Social Worker, I think I would have a hard time with this one.

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I am a believer of "start as you mean to go on". Therefore, i have put my kids in their own cribs from day 1. Granted it started out in my room, and then moved their own, but if it is all they ever know, there is never a problem with them sleeping independently, which i am sure we all agree, the ultimate goal.

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Kelly, most co-slept kids transition into their own beds anytime between six months and 3 years old. I know of no one who co-sleeps with their teen kids.

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Kim... I should have said pre-teen as Clint stated that his child still slept with him at 10+ years, so I really shouldn't have said teen, but the point still is, what is the benefit, isn't it preventing children from moving forward, and shouldn't we bond in other ways, I know that there is no right or wrong, I really am still just trying to understand.

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My son is 5 months old and we haven't been co-sleeping (although I have fallen asleep many times on the couch with him in the middle of the night). I am exhausted from his nighttime wakings. My husband sleeps through it all (he must work everyday - and I'm nursing anyway). I have an older child - she slept with me until she was 3 months old and seemed relieved to be in her own crib thereafter. But my son just doesn't want to sleep alone. I let him sleep with me in bed the last two nights - the first one was hard, he was very restless. Last night was the best sleep I've had in 5 months. I want to continue co-sleeping, but my husband is against it saying that we will never be able to get him out of our bed. Even if I convince him that we should co-sleep for now, i know he will soon say it's time to move the baby to his own bed. I'm scared it will be too hard to move him too soon. Anyway, I'm confused. But the main thing is that I'm really tired and need to get more sleep. Every baby is different - that's for damn sure!

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Trina,

I'm sorry you and your husband can't agree on this issue. Do you think he would agree to getting one of those "co-sleeper" beds for your son? (The one I am thinking about is called the "Arms Reach Mini Co-Sleeper.) It attaches to the side of your bed. I have been co-sleeping since my son was 3 weeks old (he is 6 1/2 months now) and I am able to sleep very well. I don't have a co-sleeper, and we were a little worried about rolling over on him at first, but now we are very happy with the arrangement. Maybe it would work if you pointed out to your husband how common co-sleeping is (even though many people don't want to admit it to others.) And that kids don't want to sleep with their parents forever.

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I am wondering if anyone feels that co-sleeping is stunting the child in growth, not the physical aspect, but the mental aspect? I cannot seem to really understand why this is important, we give our children love, but we also have to teach them to be independent right? Shouldn't there be some space between a parent and a child? I am not saying that I think all of you are wrong, I just really don't understand it. My family and all the families I knew never slept in the same bed, they seem fine, I don't get the whole idea behind this. Can someone explain? I think that I always look to the closeness like this as something "not normal" and that is probably because we were not a family that would ever do anything like that, and it certainly would be frowned upon. I think that if I went to school, back when I was a young gir, and stated to anyone that I slept with my parents, the Division of Youth and Family Services, would be knocking at our door to take us away. I guess that now a days things are much different, maybe we (my family and friends) are the ones that are in the dark about this stuff. Let me know what you think, was anyone brought up in a family that would never do this and now co-sleeps? Do you get any negative response from family members or friends? I would love to know.

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