Euphemisms for um, ah, the you-know-what

by Sarah Gilbert (Subscribe to Sarah Gilbert's posts) Aug 30th 2005 11:24AM

my flower How do we decide what to call the (ahem) private parts? And when is a good time to first use said descriptors? I've never been one for euphemisms (and there's evidently some psychological basis for this instinct), so I decided to call a "penis" a "penis" and started early with Everett. As soon as he asked what it was, I gave him a name. My husband's family calls them "weiners" and I've heard various cutesy nicknames, "peepee" and "peeper" and "dingdong" and "unit." For some reason, though, I have a problem with the "v" word. For the longest time I avoided the issue; when Everett asked, I just explained that mamas don't have penises. Finally yesterday his questions became too much, and I just had to break down and give it a word. I could have called it a "yoni" or a "flower" or "popo" or "vulvie." But I used the "right" word and when he repeated it back to me (like he does whenever I tell him a new word or name for something) he just looked so proud, I figured it couldn't be that bad. I can't remember my parents ever using euphemisms; my mom was a nurse so she was always one to use proper medical terminology. Do you use a nickname? When did you first have the "boys are different from girls" conversation?

Comments (16)

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

L. 12-18-2005 @ 6:50PM

My daughter took the inniative herself, and started calling it her "girl place."

A friend of mine taught her kindergartener son the word "vagina" but told him that it was a "private" word he shouldn`t use outside with his friends -- and he got the hint, and started coyly referring to his mother`s "Virginia China." I think the kid`s ready to go see "The Vagina Monologues" now.

Gawdessness 12-18-2005 @ 6:50PM

Always used the right words for things. Always. Even when doing diaper changes.

I was victimised as a kid, sexually, by adult caregivers. Not knowing the right words and thinking it was wrong to talk about any of it, went a long way to putting me and keeping me at risk.

Penis, Vulva, Vagina, Scrotum.

Knowing the names for all the bits also helps if there is a medical problem ever.

We joke about the other names "yer bits", "fribble", "personal parts", "personal areas" etc. As much to make it an accessible topic.

My kids have always know that a great way to get a reaction out of me is to use the wrong word on purpose. It entertained the heck out of them.

Great question!

Jen 12-18-2005 @ 6:50PM

Oh, Gawdessness, I'm so sorry! I have not been so forthcoming with the word "vagina" with my kids, because I suspected from the way they love to use the word penis that they would just parrot all the day long. I don't think they know the correct word to this day... Maybe time for a talk later...

Kerri 12-18-2005 @ 6:50PM

As my son is only 3 months old, I haven't had to address this topic yet. But I remember how amused I was when a coworker and I got on this subject. She told me her kids call them their "Peach" (for the girl), and their "Wally" (for the boys). I thought they were cute!

Dustin Miller 12-18-2005 @ 6:50PM

I intend to use the real words with my son (and future offspring). No sense making his penis seem "dirty". Certainly he should (eventually) learn when it's okay to talk about your little wizzer and when it's not, but when it is okay, he'll know its real name.

Society's pretty funny about these sorts of things, isn't it? If society directed men to wear gloves and women to wear earmuffs, frantic teenage boys would be spending hours trying to figure out how to stick their fingers in a girl's ear.

The Mommy Blawger 12-18-2005 @ 6:50PM

We use the real words too. We have only boys so far, so we haven't really had to discuss the "V" words. All parts of the body have their purposes and we learn their names. As for the difference between boys and girls, we tell them when they ask and only answer the question they ask. "No, mommy doesn't have a penis."

FYI: the vulva is on the outside, the vagina is the inside part only.

mamaloo 12-18-2005 @ 6:50PM

We are an anti nickname family. Which leaves me saying such things as "no, really, stop pulling on your penis so I can put your diaper on!" One of those you-know-you're-a-mom-when moments, eh? I also say testicles (tho, technically, I suppose scrotum would be better and more accurate).

When my son, who is only 2.5 years, brings up my own parts, such as post shower or when I'm getting dressed, when he has access to a naked me, I call the entire area "vagina". Though, to be honest, mostly I just say, "that's mommy's" as in "that belongs to me and you aren't allowed to go poking at it".

I figure, since we're pretty blase about nakedness within the family and we never shy speaking the real names for things, we will probably have minimal trouble with him running around happily telling old ladies that they have "va-chinas" when he's older.

eden 12-18-2005 @ 6:50PM

It always bugs me to hear "vagina" as the term used for everything between a girl's legs. The vagina is inside and therefore not entirely the right word to use. "Labia" and "vulva" are more accurate but are awkward words in general. Our daughter decided to call hers "kitty" and until she's older and able to grasp concepts like vagina versus labia, that works fine for us.

Stacey 12-18-2005 @ 6:50PM

I have a 4 year old daughter and a 1 year old son.

When my daughter was learning the names of body parts, I taught her "vulva" at the same time she was learning arm, leg and elbow, just like any other part.

When my son was born, she watched me change his diaper and I taught her the word "penis". She helped me diaper and bathe the new baby, and this natually led to a discussion of the difference between boys and girls.

I breastfed my kids, so she also learned "nipple", "breast" and sadly "boobie".

By now, she knows that her "vulva" is a private part and that no one else should touch it, except Mommy, Daddy, Grandma, or her preschool teacher when we are helping her after using the toilet or during a bath.

Meredith 12-18-2005 @ 6:50PM

I am surprised to find that my family was less than supportive when I taught my 2 yr old "vagina". She was often sticking her hand there during baths, so I had to teach her not to put her hand 'in' it. (I chose not to get detailed about the exact name of each individual part, since I wouldn't have explained to her the name of each finger either. Right now, its ok that its just 'fingers')
My sister had a hard time as to why we would introduce the word at such a young age. After all, we called ours a 'tee tee' for many many years. I still cringe at the thought. I have found that many adults are just uncomfortable with the words, not the identifying of parts.
Its a shame though. While I don't want her yelling it in playgroups, I am not embarassed when we talk about it during diaper changes.

Ann Adams 12-18-2005 @ 6:50PM

I use the correct words with my girls and I managed to do the same thing with my grown boys when they were younger. I don't however, make an issue of the words they use unless they're vulgar or demeaning - they'll get it right eventually. I try to deal with sexuality as it comes up no differently than if they asked about any other subject. Occasionally I procrastinate (they have lousy timing) but their questions get answered.

My hardest conversation was discussing homosexuality with my (then) teenaged gay son. I knew before he came out to me but I was afraid I'd say the wrong thing even though I was supportive. Silly me - he was so relieved, I could have said almost anything to him except never darken my door again.

Yes, it can be embarassing and difficult. I grew up when s-- was never mentioned in polite society. It caused me some bad moments and I vowed I'd never do that to my kids - I never have.

A thorough sex education (including prevention) can be combined with one's own moral values. Better a few minutes of embarassment and stammering now than an unexpected teen pregnancy or worse, an STD down the road.

Angel 12-18-2005 @ 6:50PM

We use a combo of proper names and "nicknames". Sure, it can lead to a few embarrassing moments, but that's life with kids ;)

Carrie 12-18-2005 @ 6:50PM

With our boys we always used the word penis (currently almost 5 and 3) and when our daughter (2 yo) came along, we started using the word vagina. We also stress that this is there private area, and only mommy, daddy, and grandma or auntie are allowed to touch when cleaning up after a change or toilet use. With our two younger ones being streakers, preferring to be naked rather than clothed, we are all comfortable with referring to those body parts by name. Breasts are definitely called boobs, or boobies though. And recently, my darling 2 year old exclaimed "I want boobies!" I had to laugh and tell her soon enough honey soon enough.

Anna 12-18-2005 @ 6:50PM

My brother and his wife have decided that they cannot possibly say vagina and penis to their children (5 and 2), and much to the disappointment of my husband and I they have now taught my daughter (who used to call genitals vagina and penis) to say "Bippy (vagina) and "Willy Wonka" (penis). We laugh because it is so silly, but we really would like to get her on the right track. She recently asked my husband (in the grocery store) if his wee wee comes out of his willy wonka. TALK ABOUT A RED FACE!!!!!!!!

Rachel 12-18-2005 @ 6:50PM

I just started this a couple of weeks ago... my son is 14 mos old and discovered his parts after I took his diaper off to give him a bath. I turned around to check the temp of the water. He was standing up, and then when I turned around again, he had the top of his head squarely on the bathmat, looking straight up underneath himself, with both hands on his parts. To date, it was the FUNNIEST thing I've ever seen him do. LOL!!!

He sat down, still playing with it, and started chattering and questioning me. As hard as it was the first day, I managed to use the word "penis" (and THIS from a biology teacher!).

I'm all about using the right words. Just didn't think it would happen so soon!

Another Tim 12-18-2005 @ 6:50PM

Our daughters refer to their privates as "bum". Their hiney's are called "butts".

Yes, they're cutsy names, but you what, they call the finger closest to the thumb the 'pointer finger' and not the proper 'index finger'. Why should private parts be any differnt?

They'll have time to learn the scientific names later.

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