Blogging Baby Talks: an Adoption Month interview with So, it's come down to this

Johnny of So, it's come down to this is a Taiwanese-American.  He and his wife are the parents of a two-year-old daughter adopted from China.  While Johnny's only been blogging since August, it feels like a lot longer - mostly because he writes amazingly long and honest posts about a variety of topics: some about the actual mechanics/politics of Chinese adoption, some about how people have reacted to his daughter's adoption, and, most poignantly, about the death of their first daughter.

We talked with him about blogging, adoption, and introducing his daughter to his four dogs.

When did you start blogging?
I started blogging August 6th, 2005

Why did you start blogging?
I read the initial blogs of Elizabeth(Macy Day), Karen & Scott (Journey to Gwen), and Amber (American Family) and was wowed by how their writing affected me.
Macy Day confirmed that the things I experienced the first few weeks of adoption were not out of the ordinary.  Her blog also made me think that others might need to see different aspects of adoption. i.e. Not all the feel-good stories.
Journey to Gwen reminded me of the excitement, tension, anxiety, and other feelings as you are waiting and waiting.  
American Family partially mirrors my experience, but in a twisted way, to being married to a Caucasian woman and....living the "American Dream", so to speak.

Which blogs did you first start reading/what was your introduction to the blog world?
Basically, I started with Karen, which led me to Macy Day, which led me to another link to another link to American Family, and on to others.  But, what even got me started was an adoptive Mom friend from overseas..."M" sent me the link which showed Karen receiving the referral call.  That's how it all got started.

Will you ever show your daughter your blog?
No.  But let me tell you why not.  I work in the computer industry and I know a bit about data storage and networks.  In 10 years, my blog will be lost.  I do not plan on printing out any of these posts.  I believe that the disks will fail or the company will be bought out or the site will close or something will happen in 10 years which makes this not a big concern for me.  Of course, I've been very wrong about trends in computers.  But, as I've been equally wrong, I've seen sites or companies that I thought would be around for a long time...just disappear.

Will you stop blogging at some point?
Yes.  My plan is to stop shortly after we adopt our second child.  I am worried about becoming predictable, tiresome, bland, boring.  And, the more I blog, the more information I might inadvertently release.  In fact, as I exit the blogging world, I might go backwards in my 2 years worth of blogs and start deleting them.  I haven't decided on that point, yet.  I guess that would take care of the issue of showing my daughter the blog.  But then, I didn't start this blog for my daughter or my family.  I started it just for me.

What things won't you blog about?
That's a very interesting question.  There are many subjects I've thought of putting down as a blank draft and then possibly coming back to visit.  The question is....do I ever want to tell that to anyone?  I have some subjects and stories that fall into the category of "just-between-my-wife-and-myself".  Those will NEVER be blogged.  And for some other issues, I always turn to my wife and ask once and sometimes twice, "Do you mind if I blog about this?"  She always gives me the green light.  There are some subjects I'm sure will offend.  I'm trying to balance between my right to write what "I" want versus the offensive factor.  This is what made me start thinking about the timeframe to shut down my blog.  But, not quite yet.

Does your family know about the blog?  What does your wife think about it?
My family does not know about the blog.  They don't typically visit the internet for information, they just it for email purposes.  They also wouldn't understand the context or the meaning behind blogs.  My wife's family is aware I have a blog, but I have not told them its "location".  I haven't decided if will tell them (they are very computer literate) because I may choose to write about them in the future.  As for my wife, she tends to think of blogs, as I did before starting my own, with humor and derision.  I think this may have to do with some of the co-workers she works with who have blogs and describe what they write in their journals.  She has refused the offer to read my blogs the few times I've offered.

Why did you adopt? Why did you adopt from China, specifically?  Did you ever consider another type of adoption?
Because of health issues, we could not safely deliver a child.  Thus, we chose adoption.  Before we got married, we had a discussion as to our options if we could not have biological children.  When it became a reality, we just moved towards our pre-agreed upon alternative to biological children.

We immediately settled on China for adoption because we wanted the anonymity of Chinese adoption and the lower possibility of Fetal Alcohol Symptom that we've heard that some other countries have.  An additional benefit was that one of our child's parents would look like her.  We never seriously considered or investigated domestic or South American adoption options.

What are the things you like about blogging?  hate?
I like blogging because it gets me a chance to exchange ideas with like-minded individuals.  Because of the post, then comment proceedings, it's less "quick-fire" than that of an email thread that may go on-and-on with no stopping.  Those "board threads" sometimes erupt into flame wars.  Blogging, at least for now, seems a bit more civil.  

What I don't like about blogging is the fact that you never know if what you write makes sense or even matters.  Typically, each post I write averages 2-5 comments.  However, (free) monitoring tools show me over 100 people visit.  It makes you a bit self-conscious, but you can't do anything about it.

Like taking a shower in a public shower stall, but with a blindfold on.  You don't know what's going on, but you're sure you are being observed.

What resources would you recommend to someone who's thinking about adoption?  What are the things you wish you'd know beforehand?
We never read books or consulted any group before we started adoption. On one hand, that is good, on the other hand, that is bad.  I don't believe that books are a good way of learning real life lessons.  Many times they are theoretical and may be outdated.  I only stumbled upon blogs after our adoption.  At that time, I figured that blogs were mostly self-important rantings of individuals with too much time on their hands.  I guess I'm now one of those people.

Part of the reason I blog is to show those unsure of the process or the future what could happen good and bad.  The most fulfilling comment I receive is when someone says, "I was thinking the same way, but am very glad to see I'm not the only one".  I think if I head read blogs that deal with real problems that occur, it would have made me more secure when dealing with a child having difficulty.

How did you introduce your daughter to your dogs? Any suggestions you'd have for parents in a similar situation?

We didn't really have a choice in the matter about introducing our daughter to the dogs.  Our dogs are used to being very close to us in proximity and we had just returned from China.  They had been boarded for 2 weeks and were climbing the walls to see us again.  To be separated much longer was making them a bit crazy.  So, we just let them run around and figure out who this new person was.  That said, we learned which dog had what type of behavior with our daughter and have adjusted the contacts she has with each dog accordingly.  Since we have four dogs, I'm not sure I can give good advice to those parents with one or two dogs.

Do you feel that adopting a child from China has made you more aware of your culture/more obligated to learn more about it?

Since my true culture is Taiwanese, I'm torn.  Do I teach her my culture?  My American culture (where she shall be spending the rest of her life)?  Or do I teach her a culture that's foreign to both of us.  I felt just a quick twinge of obligation towards the Chinese culture, then quickly dismissed it.  It's just our choice, not one to be looked upon as a guide by anyone.