Evil Mommy is the story of the day-to-day life of Karen, her husband, and their three-and-a-half-year-old adopted daughter. She's passionate about politics, her friends and family, and knitting and weaving, which she discusses on her other blog, the Spinning Goth. We talked her about blogging, choosing a church, and being an unconventional mom.

When did you start blogging?

I started about 3 years ago. I had a Live Journal that is now "friends-only"/private, mostly for the benefit of some close friends from when we lived in Charlotte, NC. I began a knitblog not long after that, which I still have, and I started Evil Mommy at the end of November 2002.

Why did you start blogging?

For the silliest of reasons, I guess — sheer loneliness. I was a stay-at-home mom, and the Internet was the most accessible way for me to meet new people and make friends. Alena was way too young for me to get out much.

It was also a way to talk about our adoption experience. Our family was a long way from us physically, and I couldn't really talk about things with them; certainly not until very recently.

Which blogs did you first start reading/what was your introduction to the blog world?

Aside from my friends' LiveJournals, I started reading Dawn's blog, this woman's work; through her blog I met other adoptive parents too.

Will you ever show your daughter your blog?

Absolutely! She's a little young for it yet, but I've taken certain things out already and have them in an AppleWorks document for when she's older/more interested in things. I look at it as an extension of a lifebook, which we've already started for her.

Will you stop blogging at some point?

Probably. I'm guessing that once Alena starts school and I go back to work, I'll have less time for lots of things. Like blogging. That's at least a couple of years away, though.

What things won't you blog about?

Personal, specific stuff relating to Alena's birthparents. For example, I've been tempted to write about their placement story - but so far I've been able to hold back. Stories that are part of Alena's story, that she hasn't been told yet. And specific things relating to my husband's and my families. In fact, there's a story brewing about my husband's extended family...but I'd prefer to talk to the people involved to get permission before I write anything.

Have you decided on whether to go to church regularly/at all? If so, where?

I think we're going to go to the Universalist Church. Neither my husband nor I are religious, and they seem the most inclusive of all the churches available to us. We'll start out there until the end of this year and see how it goes. If Alena isn't having a good time or doesn't seem to be getting anything out of this, we won't continue.

How are you an unconventional parent? Does the outside world see you that way?

For starters, I'm an older parent, certainly older than the vast majority of bloggers I've been reading. I'm also an "eldergoth", which is pretty misunderstood. For us, it's an appreciation for the darker/weirder aspects of life, and only tangentially related to death, the macabre and general "spookiness".

As for if the outside world sees me as unconventional — when you dress mostly in black (just my preference), are shy enough to have difficulty making small talk at the playground, and are not the same as the stereotypical suburban "soccer mom"...people notice. Noticing isn't always good either. I hope that Alena isn't stigmatized for that, but she's developing enough of her own personality that I don't think it'll be that big a deal for her.

Do you ever worry that, when your daughter's older/in school, that other kids might tease her because you look different? Do you think you would change the way you dress, etc., if that happens? (I ask because it's something I've thought a lot about in my own situation, and I think other parents do as well.)

I've been thinking about that lately. I don't know... I've been wearing a lot more casual things since I've been at home (lots of band T's and jeans, mostly), so it'll probably change when I go back to work. Not much though. If she mentions it to me, we'll certainly talk about it. I think every kid is embarrassed by their parents for one reason or another; that'll probably be her reason. :D

I've seen that topic come up a lot on alt.gothic.parenting (the newsgroup). A lot of parents seem to let it go. I don't know what I'll do...we'll see.

Is there anything you wished you'd known beforehand that you know now?

Oh my yes! Where should I start? I think I would have insisted that our placement have happened immediately after the birthparent's termination hearing instead of two days later. It was for the convenience of our social worker, and we could have insisted that someone else handle that, but we just didn't know and were too shy (well, I was too shy) to ask.

I would have also been a little more forward when talking to our social worker between our placement and our finalization. I had a really difficult time with entitlement issues, and I didn't feel like there was anybody I could talk to without either sounding whiney (like *this* doesn't sound whiney, heh) or risking our daughter's adoption. I felt like I was the only person who felt that way, and that I was awful for feeling the way I did. Hence the name of my blog — Alena's birthmom was the "good mommy", the self-sacrificing mother, and I was the "evil mommy" who took her child away; even though M asked us to be Alena's family, more than once. Yeah, there were a lot of things I would have done differently.

Do you hang out with other adoptive parents or other parents in general?

Sometimes. We don't have an active parents' support group here for domestic adopters, so I don't hang around with other adoptive parents except accidentally. We have been hanging out with other parents lately; I'm a member of a knitting group of other SAHM's with young kids, and on the weeks that we don't meet we go out and try to do as many child-centered things as we can. I've met a couple of stay-at-home dads very recently, so that's been interesting too.

What's the best part about staying at home with your daughter? Most frustrating?

I've had a great time getting to watch her grow up. I think that's been the best thing.

Aside from the distinct lack of money, :D the worst part has been the isolation. Our neighborhood is in the foothills, fairly far from lots of things; and there are only a couple of stay-at-home parents. I don't have a lot in common with them, so that's been tough.

You've mentioned books about adoption for children a couple of times. Any you'd recommend or discourage?

Both Alena and I really like A Mother for Choco by Keiko Kaska, and Alena likes The Mulberry Bird by Dr. Anne Braff Brodzinsky, although I have a couple of uneasy moments about the presentation. We're getting Tell Me About the Night I Was Born by Jamie Lee Curtis; again, there are a lot of differences between their adoption and ours, but the story looks really good.