I'm not buying my baby anything for Christmas
Categories: Media, Toys & Games
My daughter will soon be ten months old. She'll be almost 11 months when
Christmas rears its head. And I'm not buying her a damn thing for Christmas. Call me a humbug, a Grinch, or a Scrooge.
But I just don't see any point in buying a bunch of crap for a little creature who couldn't care less about any of
it.
Don't get me wrong, this isn't because she's given us hell with the sleeping thing and coal in the stocking is the best revenge. She's a great kid, but just a bit dim-witted when it comes to understanding the social and cultural complexities of American holidays. As the utterly-exhausted cliche goes, when you give a baby something wrapped in shiny paper, what is ultimately wrapped matters little in comparison to the wrappings themselves. So that's all she'll get: wrappings. She'll get air for Christmas and she'll just have to like it.
I’ll admit that part of this is my anti-consumerism/anti-materialism raging hippie side coming out, but I just don’t get why the bloody hell kids (and babies in particular) need all these little plastic gewgaws and gimcracks that these companies are so eager to sell us that my daughter looks at for a few seconds before tossing them over their shoulder to cackle at the remote control or toss around my cell phone instead for an hour. They don’t make toys for babies. Babies don’t have money. They make toys for parents and they convince parents that by buying the toys they will receive in turn their children’s love. Just like my refusal to let her watch ANY television, for as long as I can get away with it I’m going to resist implicitly training and encouraging my daughter to become a materialistic slave to our consumerist culture. Whoa, I need to chill on the whole adbusters thing. That makes me sound like a total tool. But I still mean it.
The hardest part is going to be to convince everyone else not to get her anything for Christmas. Grandparents seem to think they are above the laws you set down in your household under normal circumstances, but this is particularly true for gift-giving and food. They’ve got diplomatic immunity or something when it comes to that. I’ll tell our parents that we want to encourage love, familial devotion, community, and all that other good stuff this holiday. I’ll tell them we can give her the smells, the sounds, and the feel of Christmas, without all the crap. I’ll beg and implore them not to send any boxes to our already-cramped one-bedroom apartment. I’ll remind them that Abraham Lincoln didn’t need a bunch of plastic crap to grow into a good citizen. But I know it won’t do any good. I’m either going to tell them we’ve converted to secular Judaism or send them a catalog of French baby clothes anonymously. Just in case they won’t take no for an answer.
What kind of a sick culture do we live in where readily-available and cheap, plastic junk is such an easy symbol for the love we have for our children? I hope someday she’ll understand that it is because I love her so much that I want to deny her all that junk and give her my time and attention instead.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
Chookooloonks 12-18-2005 @ 7:03PM
Hear, hear! I actually did exactly the same thing for my daughter's first Christmas -- I wrapped boxes in bright paper, and let her play with those. This year (she's 20 months), all she's getting are books.
Oh, and a bike. But that's her father. I have nothing to do with that.
Happy holidays!
K.
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HollyRhea 12-18-2005 @ 7:03PM
Yeah, we're skipping the presents, too.
She doesn't know any better yet, so why perpetuate it? However, I have a stepmother who LOOOOVES to buy crap (she also LOOOOVES Wal-Mart). So I'll be intercepting those packages in the mail and sending them to our church day-care instead.
And I love adbusters, by the way.
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Hilary 12-18-2005 @ 7:03PM
Oh, you caught me! We'll be giving our 12-month-old daughter toys for Christmas and loving every minute of it. We'll do this specifically because we don't love her at all, not a bit. Don't even like the little brat actually. We only love shopping, materialism, commercials, and Wal-Mart. Heck, we only went through the fertility treatments and the labor and the bedside vigil in the NICU and all the other crap just so we could raise up a good little slave to American Capitalism.
Give. Me. A. Break.
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Ann Adams 12-18-2005 @ 7:03PM
We didn't buy for 1st Christmas (I don't think) but I didn't turn down the relatives. They all knew to please send clothes. They probably had a stocking with maybe one stuffy.
We don't do adults to speak of either. It gets too crazy.
Even now, we don't go overboard and we're stricty pay as you go. I have one low limit credit card for emergencies and that's it. If we can't afford it, it doesn't get bought.
I'm hoping the girls will thank me for it some day. Now, it's just the way we do things. If we can't afford it, Santa can't either. We still have a great Christmas.
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Justin 12-18-2005 @ 7:03PM
We are buying a few educational/developmental toys (Little Touch LeapPad) for our 3 month old for Christmas.
His grandparents are getting him some fairly big ticket developmental gifts as well. I'm sure he will get some cloting as well.
I don't really see the evil in this. Did you turn down all requests to throw a baby shower for your child?
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SJL 12-18-2005 @ 7:03PM
Great for you! I never quite understood the need to buy an infant a gazillion things for the holidays. They don't remember any of it and they get completely overwhelmed by the entire experience. Can any of us really remember what we got as gifts as toddlers, or even little children for that matter. I'm trying to recall and I think my earliest gift memory is somewhere around 6! People that buy their infants and toddlers an exhorbitant number of gifts are just trying to prove to everyone else how great of parents they are. "Look at me, look at how much I bought for my baby because I love them sooooo much."
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Susan 12-18-2005 @ 7:03PM
We also essentially skipped Baby's First Christmas, with both of our kids. And until recently we had a $10.00 rule (no toys that cost more than $10.00).
My sons are three and a half and five and a half now, and they know ALL about Commercial Christmas. But we still keep things small--Santa brings them ONE gift each, and Mommy and Daddy give them one 'together' gift. We have also insisted that the grandparents keep it small, which has sort of worked. Sort of.
And no, my kids aren't lacking for 'stuff' (see grandparents, above), but even at three and five, they prefer the swords and shields we made out of cardboard and the magic wands made from straws and the 'fort' they built themselves out of diaper and beer store boxes. And I'm all over that.
Good for you, JD.
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CA 12-18-2005 @ 7:03PM
Sounds like a fun Christmas. "Now everybody get your copies of Adbusters and the Communist Manifesto out for the reading around the Che statue."
Poor kids. My 10 old is getting toys for Christmas. Because... it's Christmas.. and toys are you know, fun.
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Andie D. 12-18-2005 @ 7:03PM
We didn't go to one extreme or another for our son's first Christmas. There were a few gifts from nothing other than WELL MEANING friends and relations.
His favorite gift though was one of two that his parents got him: a big, blue rubber ball that cost less than $1.00. He had fun opening the gift, we had fun watching, and he still plays with the damn ball.
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Lisa V 12-18-2005 @ 7:03PM
You guys have Che statue already? Rats, I was sending one to Junebug for Christmas. Thank god I kept my receipt. (Some people really need to lighten up I think.)
My kid's first Christmas we seldom got them anything. They had toys and all sorts of stuff all the time. My mother's "get her a big box" was completely true.
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Dutch 12-18-2005 @ 7:03PM
Hilary, your confusion about what I was saying with this post only supports my conclusion. Of course I am not saying "if you buy gifts for your child that means you don't love your child." That's preposterous. But all the things you write about: the "fertility treatments and the labor and the bedside vigil in the NICU" are all the truest sign of how much you love your baby, along with all of the love and sacrifices you continue to make for your little one.
Please reread the post. What I am saying is that love is not best represented by a bunch of wrapped-up pieces of plastic shipped from China and sold to you at Wal-Mart's everyday low prices. In the old days, people actually had to sacrifice to give gifts. Today, toys and trinkets are so cheap, that many parents I know shower their children with absolute junk at the holidays just to show how "wealthy" or "successful" they are, in addition to using the gift to convey how much love they have for their children.
In modern America, buying a baby who can't even appreciate a bunch of plastic crap a bunch of plastic crap just because the newspaper ads or the Joneses next door make you think you need to isn't a sacrifice. You may do it because you love your child but is that the truest expression of love we can muster as a society? In modern America, where commutes to the suburbs are so long and people work so hard to pay their mortgages on their mcmansions and their leases on their SUVs, the true sacrifice is time. Frankly, it is easier to spend a bunch of money on a baby than it is for a working mother or father to spend time with them.
To "CA", you're missing the point. I am writing about BABIES. This is BLOGGING BABY after all, not "BLOGGING TEN YEAR OLDs." Of course I'll buy my kid a thing or two when she's old enough to actually appreciate it. But I think some of the other excellent comments to this post have already made the point better than I could: this is something that can be done within reason.
I do believe that by giving children too much, and caving in to their desires for every mass-marketed toy or latest craze, you are perpetuating behavior that corporations and ad-men want you to perpetuate: ugly behavior that has very little to do with any of our actual human needs, the greatest of which is love.
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the girls' moma 12-18-2005 @ 7:03PM
I skipped gifts the first Christmas, too, but not out of any high-falutin', grandparent- denyin' manifesto. I just didn't think it was necessary to spend that money on her. I spent it other places, like traveling money for our trip to take her to see her grandparents.
On her 2nd Christmas, last year, I got her a few "Santa" gifts that were unwrapped under the tree. However, this was because we spent Christmas with my then 4-y-o niece who also had Santa gifts, and would have really wondered if her cousin didn't have any!
This year, with a new baby in the mix, I am thinking it all through again. I think I'll get a couple of shared big ticket items, simply because of the sales this time of year. The older one will steal all the baby's toys, anyway. And then, I'll let the other family members get them the rest.
Good luck!
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Tamyu 12-18-2005 @ 7:03PM
I have to agree with this. We didn`t get anything for our son`s first Christmas last year (He was 3 months old), and we won`t be getting him anything for it this year either. Family will be giving us money - not at our request, at their own suggestion - which will be put in the bank for his savings.
I just don`t see a big point in showering him with gifts that he doesn`t understand or really appreciate. There is no thrill or joy in buying tons of gifts for a little one who doesn`t get the point. I`d much rather shower him with love and affection. Toys can be bought any day.
To the person who had to comment on fertility treatments and NICU vigils... Why on earth do you feel the need to bring that up? What does that have to do with buying gifts at Christmas? You need to calm down. No one is telling you not to buy anything, nor is anyone saying you don`t love your child because you ARE buying stuff. Calm down and stop being so defensive.
AND, for your information, I have also been through NICU vigils - 5 months of them, after having given birth to a 14 oz baby.
I certainly don`t think making the choice not to buy toys on Christmas has anything to do with love.
People need to stop equating toys with love. There are other ways to express your devotion to your child.
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Hilary 12-18-2005 @ 7:03PM
Thanks for your concern about my reading comprehension skills but I do fine, thanks. When you post statements like...
"I want to deny her all that junk and give her my time and attention instead"
...then you should be prepared for people to be a little put off by your assumption that those of us who give our babies toys do NOT give them time and attention also. You're fabricating a zero-sum game (toys OR attention; spend money OR spend time) where none exists.
Who are you to judge how other people express love, anyway? How do you know why other people give gifts?
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Nicola 12-18-2005 @ 7:03PM
We didn't buy for Kellan's first Christmas and we're not buying for this one either. But I have to admit that its only because he still doesn't know a thing about the consumer side of the holiday and, of course, our families give him more than he could possibly need. He has a house full of toys and books, and he'll be getting lots more this Christmas. Hey, winters are long and cold here (for this San Diego native!), so at least he's got some interesting new things to keep him busy over the coming months.
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CJ 12-18-2005 @ 7:03PM
What no one mentions here (and doesn't of course apply to infants) is that some parents buy their children toys because they do love them and know how happy it will make their child. My daughter loves babies and doesn't have one of her own. She will be 18 mon at XMas and we've bought her a cabbage patch baby who she will absolutley LOVE giving a binky and pretending to nurse. That being said, we wrapped things we needed like PJ's and diapers for her first XMas. Grandparent's and friends of course can get whatever makes them happy.
I think a part of the joy of Christmas as parents is seeing your children enjoy their gifts.
No one needs to defend the love for their child here. Everyone obviously is doing what they feel is best for their family.
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Erika 12-18-2005 @ 7:03PM
My daughter will be 11 months old this Xmas. We will wrap up two board books for her to open, and that's about it. I also don't think it makes sense to lavish her with gifts at this age, when she doesn't know what the heck is going on.
What I will enjoy is sitting by the tree and watching her stare at the lights, and singing Christmas carols while she claps her little hands.
The big-ticket items can wait a few years, and even them, they will be few and far between.
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Hilary 12-18-2005 @ 7:03PM
Tamyu: I was being sarcastic in my post. I completely agree with you that toys or no toys has nothing to do with love. The original post assumes that no toys equals extra love, which I dispute.
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Dutch 12-18-2005 @ 7:03PM
Hilary, you're being unecessarily sensitive about your decision to lavish gifts upon your child. I don't give a rat's ass what you do for Christmas and I certainly wouldn't waste a second judging it. What I am talking about in the original post is MY FAMILY'S decision to make a conscious effort not to buy into the prevailing wisdom of consumer culture, that gifts equal love.
I expected reactions like yours and I'm not going to deny that I was trying to be a little provocative. But the conclusion you have latched onto isn't about you and it isn't about judging the decisions you are making. It simply expresses my hope that one day my daughter will understand that the reason I didn't shower her with unecessary toys and gifts is because I love her. I am not saying "no toys equals extra love," but that because of my personal values, beliefs, and spirituality I want to teach her to value things in this world beyond material possessions.
Resenting that "toys=love" in this society is not the same as saying "no toys=extra love." That is a fallacy arising from your insecurities apparently agitated by my post.
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eden 12-18-2005 @ 7:03PM
We bought for our daughter's first Christmas (She was 4 mo) and our son will be freshly home from being born this year and we have a few things for him (which his sister will be using, I'm sure). Not much but enough so that in future years, there'll be no "where was Santa?" questions when viewing videotapes or scrapbooks ;)
You shouldn't have to buy gifts b/c it's a gift-giving day for others. We don't exchange gifts on Valentine's Day; in my mind, there's no difference. I don't think it's "Scrooge"-ish, just practical.
Maybe an alternative/addition would be, once the children are a little older, to have them choose toys or books to donate to charity at this time of year. I think by next Christmas, my daughter will be old enough to understand this idea and we're looking forward to it.
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