Blogging Baby Round Table: tell us your working mama stories

I'm a UK blogger with two sons - aged 4 and 2. I have a degree in astrophysics (no, really!) and am a stay at home mother. Happy to answer any questions you have :)

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Oh boy, do I fit the bill. Was on the "ladder track" until I had my first son. I went back to work but it all changed...and has changed even more since baby number 2. My boys gave me focus. Now I'm doing what I love and working from home. On my terms.

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I have a two year old son and am expecting my second son in January.
I have an Honours Degree in English Literature and a Law Degree.
After getting called to the bar I chose not to practice law but instead went immediately to work for the government in taxation - I got pregnant within 4 months of starting my government job.
I felt and still feel this job allows me more family/work life balance than the practice of law ever would have. I chose it even though it pays much less, is much less mentally stimulating and is much less socially prestigious. I think I made a good choice and I intend on coming back to this job after my coming maternity leave.

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I graduated summa cum laude, was made a fellow of the university in grad school, and completed my graduate degree in Quaternary geomorphology (w/ an emphasis in palynology). I remained home for six months after the birth of my son (paid maternity leave in the UK), following which we moved to the US so that I could start a new research position that allowed me full independence, complete flexibility of hours and days, and the freedom to nurse during meetings that ran outside of my normal work hours. My husband quit work and took on the role of stay at home dad. He is now back at work in the IT field, hired by my employers actually, and we work opposite hours in order to have one of us at home full time with our son as well. Two college educated people, both working full time in wonderful careers, no child care. It took some maneuvering (and an international move!), but we've made it work.

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I graduated from the same women`s college as Gloria Steinem and Betty Friedan -- I remember writing my application essay more than 20 years ago on some feminist topic, and quoting both of them in it. The catchphrase in my day was that we were supposed to "have the career, not marry one," as so many of our predecessors had done.

I now have 3 kids (ages 10, 8 and 3) and I`ve only been a SAHM since July. To be honest, I`m not entirely comfortable with the loss of my former professional identity (I was the Asia Bureau Chief for CBS MarketWatch in Tokyo), and now, on top of that, I`m supposed to be worried that I`m betraying the feminist cause? Sorry! They can find their own damn role models. What is this trend lately, to berate people who make different choices, instead of making the same ones and validating yours? It seems to be everywhere -- from working outside or not, natural childbirth or not, breastfeeding or not, etc. Bleh!

Qitting my job was an entirely selfish act -- I did it for myself, not my kids, and certainly don`t feel as if I have to defend it to "the sisterhood." My kids were growing up happy and healthy with a mother who worked fulltime, but time was passing so quickly -- hell, I wanted to enjoy them a while before they`re gone, and I can afford to do it, so why not? It`s really that simple.

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Summa cum laude, Vanderbilt University, double major in Engl and Secondary Ed. Never did go into teaching, worked in adult training and technical writing, and hated the corporate culture. Now I stay home with my two boys -- 3 years old and 18 months. Some days I love every minute and some days I feel like I wasted a great education and a lot of opportunity. Some days you couldn't pay me enough to be anywhere else and other days I wonder if I should put that college degree to work so we can afford some of the luxuries we're doing without. But -- as the previous comment stated -- they grow up so fast and I'll have many years after they're gone to develop my next career.

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I have three children ages 4, 2.5 and 1. I have a BA in Education (social sciences, secondary education) and am a thesis short of my Masters in Applied History. I was working in the Museum field until shortly after I married. The commute was too much for me when I moved to the city my husband lived in, that's also when I stopped working on my masters. I've been a thesis shy of my masters for five years now.

We started having kids shortly after I left my museum job.

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Well, you know I chose both. Two days a week I'm a consultant, 1 day a week or so I'm a professional artist, and the other days I'm a SAHM/WAHM and an semi-amateur writer for knitty magazine and on my blog. To make this work, my husband has a similar "career," 2 days of writing work, 2 days of consulting to pay the bills which also include being a WAHD, and a day off. One day a week is family day together. It's a complicated mix, but it keeps us sharing all the duties and all the excitement of our son's days as he learns to talk, eat, crawl, etc. It takes services - Merry Maids, a babysitter once a week - to make this work out.

Um, if my sort of common BA from Drew University makes me "elite" then I guess I am.

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BTW, this piece mentions how feminism failed to reach its goals. I disagree on some level, though not all levels. I was a women's studies minor in college, and one of the main messages we learned was that the key idea of feminism is choice. It's not which choice a woman makes, but that she can choose her life path at all. For many women, such as myself, being able to choose to stay home part time does not *equal* feminism failing at its goals. It's actually a marker of feminism's success that I can do this, and feel good about it, and enjoy it, and still be a professional who has fulfilling work both outside and inside the family unit.

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This whole debate really has been getting under my skin recently. I have a Masters Degree in Audiology from a prestigous university. Until 18 months ago, I worked in a Veteran's Hospital where lots of stimulating research was being performed. I participated in several studies and have been listed as a contributor on more than a couple of important articles in my field. I chose to stay at home. I choose it every day. It is NOT the easy choice. My boss was angry at me when I stopped working. He was angry about my second pregnancy. He said it was a waste of potential. I am a very intelligent woman, just as intelligent as my husband who pursuing a specialty dental program right now. I am not afraid to say that. However, I feel that my resources are more wisely used to raise my children. I can make a difference in their lives that is much more permanent than a difference I would make in the life of a patient. At times, I am resentful of the choices available to women. For example, I recently considered applying to a post-bac pre-med program. However, that would mean 2 years of such intensive study that I would have practically no time to be a Mom. Then, 4+ years of medical school, etc. That, to me, is just not an option. By the time I was finished, my children would be teenagers, and I would have missed so much. My husband agreed to support me, but there is no way he could be a stay at home Dad.

To me, having the choice to stay at home epitomizes feminism. I feel privileged to have the choice.

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Before I had a baby I worked 3 jobs (1 full, 2 part) at a total of 50-55 hours a week. Before that I was working 2 part time jobs and going to college. Now I have a Bachelor's degree in Geography (I am Geographic Information Specialist) with a minor in journalism. I also took a few Master's courses. I got married, and now have my son. I now work 2 jobs for a total of 33-37 hours a week. My main job as a GIS specialist allows me flexibility as I need it. My single sister watches my son during the day and I take my son and her daughter while she works and goes to school in the afternoon/evening. She is going to be taking another child in her home to watch which will aloow her to quit her job now and I will work more as a result. I also have four friends with 6 children between them and we swap around child care with them as well. In a year though, my sister enters the practical phase of her RN training and will be working from 3-11 pm 4 nights a week - thus putting me in charge of her daughter most of the time. We will be taking turns advancing our careers and educations while my husband works full time and wonders how we schedule it all!

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I’m a WAHM to my 13-month old son and two nephews, 7 and 5, who have lived with us for two years. I have a BA in sociology and worked for a government contractor. I intended to go back to work after the baby was born, but the time came around and I extended my leave because I could not face it. Then there was a voluntary layoff and I took it. I did a little bit of at-home work editing an academic journal, and two months ago started working full-time from home doing medical transcription, usually at 1:00 in the morning when all the kids are asleep. My husband works full-time outside the house and does web design as well. I’m starting to think it’s impossible to “have it all” and stay sane. Guess I’ll know for sure after a few more months of this.

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I guess I didn't realize that I am in the minority these days. I earned a BS in Mechanical Engineering ten years ago from a top university in the US, and am currently pursing my certification as a Project Management Professional. I took off 12 weeks of disability/FMLA when my son was born two years ago, and cried every day the week before I returned to work. Although I love my job, I struggled very hard with the fact that I was indeed making a 'choice' to keep working, because my husband makes enough that I could certainly stay home. Whenever I start to have doubts of my choice, I like to re-read this short article: http://www.greystonehouse.com/news_archives_ext.asp?id=249

And now, from Linda Hirshman's piece, it helps explain why I find I have so few social peers in the workplace these days.

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I fit the educational profile. I have a B.S. and M.B.A from a top-tier American university and an M.Sc in Operations Research from a top British university. I worked in management in the airline industry for almost 10 years. I left my job before I had children, because the 18 months I put in post-9/11 left me feeling exhausted and hopeless. If I hadn't left I probably would have been promoted in a matter of months. (Side note: I wasn't the only one to leave the airline industry without a plan, several friends have as well.) I had been in a long-distance relationship and moved and got married and planned to find a new career. I promptly got pregnant, so that became my new career. We had savings, so I decided to stay at home until something seemed more important than full-time care for my kids (we now have two under two).

I have bad dreams about having to go back to work at the airline, like the ones many people have about going back to high school.

My role model for staying at home is my brother-in-law, who stayed home for about 3 1/2 -4 years and transitioned from being an engineer in the Navy to working in politics. I don't think when he started staying home he would have forseen that career change, and I'm waiting to see what career change calls to me.

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I had an identity crisis when I left my management job to focus on my family. I'd worked my @$$ off to get where I was in the business field, and almost felt that I *sold out* when I decided to stay home.

It seems that one is damned if you do (work outside the home) and damned if you don't. I seriously don't understand why there is such disparity between SAHMs and *working* mothers. I have been in each group, and am just glad to have had the opportunity to have that choice. For some, there still is no choice.

No matter what, we're all moms in the end.

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i think it is interesting that all the women are posting their academic credentials. either we all feel insecure with our choices (no matter what they are) or we realize that this debate rings of privilege.

now that is not to say we should not have it-but lets keep it on the level. we are not talking about working moms simply but middle class working moms who could make other choices if they so desired.

as for the failings of feminism-i have been pondering this a great deal since the birth of my son and i believe it is the movement that failed. feminism failed to truly discuss and deal with motherhood in the context of a middle class capitalist society. it made us feel like we had to try to have it all and in the end made every mother feel like a loser.

our corporate structure leaves women without options. we are not only lacking support in trying to balance family and career but we are made to feel inferior to others who are not so tied down. in the end not only do we not force the issue of support, we try to pretend we do not need help -that we are super human and can do it all alone.

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You said, "We’re looking for both those that chose to stay at home, and those who didn’t - and college-educated to fit Hirshman’s definition of “elite.”"

Once again, you are perpetuating the myth that there is a CHOICE for all mothers.

Not sure if my graduation magna cum laude from a Canadian university qualifies me in Hirshman's 'elite', but I sure am getting tired of hearing how ALL middle- and upper-class mothers have any kind of choice when it comes to staying at home.

As it happens, we'd starve on the salary of my husband, a part-time college teacher, so he stays home with our boys a few days and they're in daycare part time. Me staying home with them was never one of the 'choices' - unless you count poverty as a choice.

As you can see, I have opinions on this subject and am more than willing to share.

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I'm in, Sarah--I would love to answer your questions.

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CDL says, "...either we all feel insecure with our choices (no matter what they are) or we realize that this debate rings of privilege."

I think it`s the latter, because Sarah specifically said in the post that BB wants to hear from everyone, including "college-educated to fit Hirshman’s definition of “elite.” "

I am very well aware that I am a "mother of privelege." This is why I felt that the oiginal article was speaking directly about me, and my choice to be a SAHM.

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I'm not sure if my BBA in Accounting from a state university and CPA credentials put me in the "elite" category, but I'll put in my 2cents anyway. I don't choose to work full time - economics necessitate it.

I work full time as a controller for a small company in a small rural town. My husband works full time in IT for the local school district. We have a not-quite-two year old daughter.

My profession is traditionally male dominated. This has been painfully obvious to me throughout my entire career (which has included much more high profile positions for giant international companies). The men could work the 80+ hours a week needed to get ahead because they had stay-at-home wives or secretaries who cleaned, cooked, and did their errands. The women had to work the 80+ hours and still do all the other stuff. Feminism succeeded in getting women in the workplace, but has a very long way to go for women to have equality in the workplace.

Furthermore, feminism has neglected to foster any value and respect for the traditional roles women play. "Women's work" should be respected and valued just like any other job as an important contribution to society. Where would society be without someone raising the children and "tending the homefires"? Is that not just as important as any "real" job? By focusing on the workplace, the feminist movement has only further degraded society's view of these roles.

The ultimate goal should be to have both the workplace and the homeplace equally valued by society, regardless of which sex performs which jobs.

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