How do you motivate good grades from a smart-but-lazy child?

"This was a good way to make a living until we could find something else," said Lewis, whose father, grandfather and stepfather also worked in the mines. "It's just a way of life. Unless you're a coal miner or you have a college degree, you don't make any money." - I took this quote from Yahoo News Article about the 13 coal miners that are trapped.

The boy needs to understand the value of an education and until it's real to him, the abstract idea of "you need good grades to go to college" will be as effective as "you'll understand when you're older". This means finding a way to expose him to uneducated and therefore poor people. Being poor motivated me to get my education, as it does for many. Of course the ways and the means of doing this are up to his mother, but a few afternoons volunteering at a soup cellar or a literacy center would be a good start.

Reply

I hate to say it, but a traditional college education is counting for less and less these days. My college-educated, qualified mother makes significantly less than her sanitation worker cousin. I know plumbers who make about as much as doctors - more when you count in the fact that they don't spend years paying off student loans.



Additionally, I chafe at the idea, meg, of treating poor people as object lessons. It seems... wrong.

Reply

Uly, I'm glad you commented on my previous post because I wanted to go into more detail.



I understand that what I said could be seen as objectifying poor people. I thought about that as I was writing it but didn't take the time to explain myself fully.



As I said, I was extremely poor as a child and knowing that the only way to better my life was to learn really lit a fire under my ass. I often use my own experiences as a poor child to explain to the others the value of working hard and bettering onself.



You're right, a college education doesn't come close to determining a paycheck. Both my parents are very smart, but not educated. And circumstances put them in places they couldn't get out of, as well as theit own bad choices. A college degree and the time it takes to get a degree would have changed their course anbd given them the tools to better deal with the hands they were dealt.



Getting out in the world to assess what life is like as an educated person versus not being educated is important in encouraging a smart kid to keep his mind going and to stay motivated to better himself. Which is why I felt it important to suggest the addition of working with disadvantaged/poor to include a lesson of giving and sharing with a helping of reality. The basis of interacting with uneducated, i.e. poor people is not to make fun of or to ridicule or study like rats, (which you did not accuse me of but others could) but to understand what its like to be poor and not have the tools or options to change that fact.





And you are also right that sanitation workers and plumbers make good money, but it is not an easy job to be good at - which is true of many "service" jobs. They look easy but being successful in any field takes a lot of work and dedication and innovation, not just book smarts. The boy posted about above is smart, just not motivated and it's the motivation that makes people successful.



I finally want to close by saying that a money does not bring fufillment, being an interested, intersting member of the human race does - which a love of education and learning can bring.

Reply

It is a tough question, but I think Hannah is doing the right thing! I keep thinking about this from the point-of-view of my working days, when I managed people. An employee who acts like he can just do the parts of the task he likes or find interesting is *irritating*. I think it is an even bigger deal in the skilled professions mentioned, like plumber. You don't let your plumber do half the job then wander off and still keep him as your plumber!



Sometimes I think "not fair" has morphed in our language to mean "something I don't like", but that isn't what it means. "Not fair" means that you are affected by circumstances outside your control. Keeping your grades up is generally within your control, unless you have some kind of learning disability. It isn't as if his grade is randomly determined.



As to how to keep your own kids from going down the steep slope, my kids are too little to speak from experience, but based on what my parents did I'd say: make them earn things. Not everything, there can be treats, but things like allowance and special toys should be based on chores not on entitlement.



Also, I think it is important to give kids the chance to contribute to their community, and to see their parents doing that. That gives them the chance to see people with a different set of blessings and curses, as well as giving them a sense of connection. I got to see my parents doing a lot of volunteering for the local fire department and election commission. 11 is a little young to volunteer, but my niece is 10 and spent some time this summer running a lemonade stand, and then she gave the proceeds to the local soup kitchen.

Reply

You're assuming that the kid is wrong, and you are right, and everyone agrees with you. You're wrong, of course.



Why should the boy have to do well in Bible class

(it's a complete waste of time)? It's his education. If he doesn't like it, he should have the opportunity to choose another school, or make a curriculum of his home and study at home. As long as all the ramifications are explained to him, he should be allowed to make his own decision regardless of his age. He will respect the decision more because it was his own.



If he chooses to stay at the school (a likely scenario if he has friends there), he needs to be made aware of the consequences of failing the class. If he can fail Bible class and still pass the grade, let him go for it. If not, let him strive for the lowest possible grade that he can get and still move on. It's his life let him live it (i.e. don't suck the life out of the kid by taking away his games and his spirit). Besides, the worse possible scenario is that he repeats a grade, that likely would motivate him in the future.



What good will having a higher grade in Bible class do anyway? Make his parents happy at his expense, Earn a spot on the honor roll (and a bumper sticker), or conform to some sick societal standards? He should be commended for having the insight to intelligently delegate his limited time away from unfruitful activities like Bible class.



Where do you get off calling him lazy and whiny? It's the old work 40 hours a week or you're worthless mentality. Isn't it smarter to do as little work as you possibly can. Perhaps you fail to see the kid's genious and even worse are trying to quash itto oblivion.



Just my thoughts :)

Reply

1. Not lazy. Bored.

2. Perhaps the child doesn't have the same spiritual beliefs as the parents. Forcing bible study down their throat is a sure fire method for future resentment and resistance. My worst subject was "religion class" until, at my request, I was removed from catholic school. Has anyone asked the child how they feel about christianity and offered other spiritual options? There's a world of religions out there.

Reply

I think parent's take too much perogative with their children's lives. It would be one thing if the child is too young to speak, but shouldn't the one who is the most effected have the most voice regardless of age.



I remember always thinking my parents knew what was best. Once I "grew up and got in the real world," I was pissed at them for a while. Pretty much all the decisions they made didn't effect me one way or the other, besides satisfying their own sense of self-right and preventing me from having control over my childhood. That's the way it is with most parenting. If the boy doesn't pass Bible class, is it really the end of the world. Will it effect his college education, chances of a scholarship, do those even matter?



Parents should readily admit that they not only don't have all the answers but rarely have any. In fact, most parents don't have any more of a clue than their 11-year-old kid. In other words, if the child says, "I think it's unfair to not give me my toy/game/etc based on my performance in a class. Even though I could do better, I choose not to, and that is my perogative, etc..." He's probably right.



One of my big pet-peeves is the sense that discipline must always be instilled in children. Discipline is a character trait not a virtue. For example, Hitler was very disciplined, and no one would every consider him virtuous. That's the equivalent of forcing a kid to be funny instead of studious. "Have you made your jokes today, boy? I'm not laughing yet."

Reply