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Discipline: When kids test parenting mettle
Filed under: Development/Milestones: Babies
Two recent posts by two different mommy bloggers really hit
home with me. The first is by Morphing into Mama,
and it made me laugh and cringe at the same time. MIM often talks about people who "parent without a
license." And even better? Gives examples. She
attended a workshop with some parent friends on positive discipline and one of the moms felt like the workshop
"didn't apply" to her or her child. This same woman organized the workshop and then said, "I'm just so in awe of Junior. I just don't think he needs it.”
MIM's point, and I agree, is that "discipline is about teaching
– teaching children to learn how to control their own behavior, how to understand and control their own
emotions, how to behave in social and other life situations. We can’t expect children
to instinctively know how to do these things on their own. It’s our job to teach
them." Hot on the heels of this post is a poignant post by Mamaloo A Go-Go where she observes that her "once-sweet" child is not grabbing and shoving other kids to get at toys. She writes, " He's begun pushing, pulling, and grabbing from other kids when he wants something, or doesn't want them to have it. I've seen this everywhere and I know it's normal but it's bringing up some unexpected feelings to see it in my own child." Her 19 month-old suddenly has a mind of his own. We've all been there, right? We've all watched in horror as our darling, empathetic one-year-olds turn south. It is normal for kids to test this way, but this is the time where parents need to step in and be parents. At this age there are lots of strategies: you distract, redirect, even tell the child "no hitting." Some people even start short time-outs at this age. Ever try reasoning with a toddler? It's near impossible. Working on the behavior now nips it in the bud.
The difference between the parent in MIM's story and Mamaloo A Go-Go is that Mamaloo is at least aware that she needs to take the next parenting steps. She takes her license seriously and i don't see it being revoked any time soon. Mamaloo will be fine. But MIM's friend? As she says, we'll probably be seeing her on Nanny911.
TheTalkies:RelatedVideos
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Parenting - Kids and Discipline Across Cultures
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In Papua New Guinea, there are tribes that inflict cuts on their young as they believe that the experiences will turn them into disciplined men.
While few parents would go to such extremes, most have their bag of tricks to discipline children. We ask; we plead; we threaten; we bribe; we punish, and still – they just won't listen!
From permissive to draconian, with differing cultural
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What to Do After Disciplining Children
All parents are faced with having to discipline their kids for bad behavior. In this episode of The Lab, Daddy Clay and Daddy Brad discuss how dads and moms deal with the aftermath of handing out punishment to their children. We talk to a few experts who give their ideas on how a parent can get back to their normal relationship with their child after disciplining them.
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Parents: Our Kids' School Is Like A Prison
The Excellence Boys Charter School in Bedford-Stuyvesant, Brooklyn was defending itself Tuesday against parent complaints that its new, “Scoreboard Behavioral System” was discriminatory and treating disciplined students like prisoners.
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
1-09-2006 @ 4:03PM
Scott Saxon said...Discipline is a very difficult job for anyone. Parents need to take this part of their "job" very seriously.
Children will always test the limits of their behavior and the parenting rules. (Many adults still do)
I know of parents that have basically given up on trying to discipline their children because "it's just too demanding". Yes, children are very persistant. Yes, they use all their tricks to get what they want. And yes they want their parents to be their friends. You see friends don't always say no.
As we all know, parenting does not come with instructions. There are some basic tenents that need to be followed.
First and foremost, NO means NO. It does not mean try later, or maybe, or go ask someone else. It also means no for tomorrow or any other day. Being consistent is vital.
Next, being a parent and enforcing good discipline means that we're not always going to be popular. This is a fact, get over it. Our children need us to give them direction. Our children do things that are wrong and it is up to us to enforce and re-enforce the rules and proper ideals.
Discipline begins at home. It is not the primary function of teachers, coaches or any other adult.
When a child is allowed to act unrestrained they become a societal problem and unfortunately for them they often end up before a judge.
Reply