"Deadbeat dad" sent to prison for inability to pay $1,666 a month

All,
I agree with Dave Briggman. In divorce who do you think gets full custody of the children even if the father wants an equal amount of time with the children....the MOTHER. I wonder how many of you here have even been in a divorce situation. Of those mothers who have - how many, and be honest with yourself, have intentionally interefered with the fathers visitation? And for your information not all states recoup TANF costs paid to a mother who also receives child support. In Wisconsin 100% of the child support payment goes to the mother. If you want men to accept the RESPONSIBILTY of making child support payments then you mothers should take the RESPONSIBILTY to NOT INTERFER with the fathers right to have a meaningful relationship with thier children.
Dan

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Dan, as a woman I am aware that things are stacked in my favour if I ever have children with my boyfriend and hopefully husband-to-be, and the relationship between us goes wrong and ends.

But I can assure you that for as many cases there are that a woman spitefully upsets the visitation process, there are just as many cases where the father himself is to blame.
As I already mentioned, my mother never once went after my father for child support: she wanted the two of us to have a relationship that wasn't based on money. And guess what? He never called, hardly ever wrote to me and when we did occasionally meet up, it was always ME that had done the chasing.
My mother wouldn't talk to him; she couldn't - he had hurt her too badly. But she made herself do it just once; to make it clear to him that she would not object to him seeing me, in fact, she encouraged us to see one another, she wanted me to know my father and him to know me.
He didn't know me from the age of 12 up, and of his own choosing he still doesn't. We are now in touch again via letters and phone conversations but we haven't seen one another for nearly five years. I tried desperately to see him. We made arrangements time and again; all of them planned in a neutral location with halved travel costs, only to have him cancel last minute. And later, when he married the woman he had had the affair with (after trying through me to get back with my mother) he concentrated his time on her children, and I was all but ignored for three years.

....So How did my mother 'make' my father not visit me? How did my mother 'make' my father not call me, or write to me?
But of course, at least she had that lovely child support money which was all she wanted...Oh, wait, no she didn't.

There are many more stories like mine, I can assure you. I know a couple of them personally and have heard of many, many more, just as on the other side I have heard many stories involving loving father's barred from their child(ren)'s life.

So, my final question to you is this:

How is it ALWAYS the fault of the ex-wife/girlfriend when visitation is difficult or nonexistent?

Do you really believe that men never get it wrong?

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This guy is deadbroke. The government has no place in family affairs. If Family Law were equitable, most of these cases wouldn't even go to court. The majority of custodial parents, predominantly women, receive egregious sums from the courts and are not held accountable on any level.

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Alice,
I am not saying men never get it wrong. I am not denying that there are deadbeat dads. For those that are truly deadbeats, they deserve what they get. What I am saying is that this is the image of divorced fathers that the public is exposed to and believes. For every deadbeat dad out there there are 10 dedicated fathers who walk into family court and have thier children ripped from thier lives. As a father I can say that family courts are extremely biased against men. A mother is considered the better parent by default whereas the father must PROVE he is a good father. I am not saying that all women do this to thier ex, I am saying that a majority of them do. In order for them to receive child support they have to end up with custody of the children. In order to obtain custody women know all they have to do is walk into court, shed some tears, make an allegation, which neednt be proven, of abuse to them or the children by the ex and wam bam the children are thiers. It is not only the money for which the women seek custody, it is to take revenge on the ex, see I can take the house, the car, make you pay the bills, take your money and best of all I can take away your children. Ask yourself - how many divorced people do you know had a nice clean divorce as opposed to one that was nasty and dirty. Of those nasty ones how many were due to custody battles. Tell me Alice if you and your boyfriend got married, had children, and lets say he left you for another or simply wanted to be single again, would you be angry enough to use the tactics I mentioned to take revenge on him? Would you make sure you got custody of the kids just to spite him? If you say no to these things than you are the exception to the rule. Even if he did leave you for another would you interfer with his relationship with his children because you thought he deserved it? Again you would be the exception to the rule if you said no. Even if the circumstances were reversed and you left him for another he would still face a biased family court that would reduce him to a VISITOR in his childrens lives. Not to mention the false allegations he will face in court, he abused me and the children, he sexually abused the kids, he was never there for us. Trust me, all the mother has to do is make the allegation, they do not need to prove it nor show any evidence, the father is then assumed GUILTY UNTIL AND IF PROVEN innocent. Yes I do blame the mom for doing this but even more so I blame the courts for allowing this to happen. As for child support, if the father were given 50% placement of the children there would be no child support to worry about as both parents would be responsible for the childrens costs when in thier care. Ask yourself why are mothers awarded sole custody in the majority of divorces, even when the father wants to remain in thier childrens lives? Why does the state have so many tools at thier disposal to enforce child support yet a father whose "visitation" is interfered with has only one thing he can do, take mom back to court. Back to the very same biased court that took his children away in the first place. I am guessing that your father is feeling very guilty about not pursuing a relationship with you but have you gotten his side of the story about what happened? As for child support, they take mine right out of my check. I pay 821.00 a month. My ex has made sure that my children do not want to see me. Havent seen them in over four years and the live in the same city as me. You guessed it, she is on state aid becuase she simply does not like to work. She gets my 821.00 a month and yet here she is getting evicted for the third time. I pay this child support so she can provide food,shelter and clothing to my kids so I ask where is the money going that I give her? According to the court that is NONE OF MY BUSINESS! She can spend the money any way she wants and does not have to make an accounting to anyone on where it goes. My son has been in court for juvenile offenses several times that I never knew about because she chose not to tell me but they always find me when its time to pay the court costs and fines.
Dan

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Dan, what can I say?
That's disgusting and I sincerely feel for you. That one human being can be so cruel and dismissive of another beggars belief. I do think the courts are often unfairly biased.
I believe all parents, male or female, should have the right to see their children unless they are actually a danger to them, and I sincerely hope that my feelings should remain consistant should God forbid I be involved in break up or divorce and children be caught in the middle.

If he jilted me for another...Well, if that involved an affaire that would make him a bastard in many respects, but honestly; why would I hurt my children just because I was angry? As I said, unless my children are in danger, I believe the father would have every right not just to visitation, but to joint custody. We may hate one another, but that is neither the child(ren)'s fault nor their problem; they will not have asked for this to happen, and all that would happen if I cut daddy out of their life would be hurt caused by me. It would be mine and his duty as parents to ensure our child(ren) are loved and cared for, and that we remain as civil as possible for their sake(s), and if the father is devoted, which as you say many are, what right have I got to take away his responsibilities? After all, how would *I* feel if he had the same power I seem to have, and simply cut me off so I never got to see my child(ren) ever again, with little or no support from anybody??

I apologise for being inflammatory in my last post. I suppose as a woman I simply felt attacked by what unfortunately is the truth: there ARE women out there who will use their children as weapons to hurt others with, and I overreacted to an issue I feel strongly about, because, well, I truly believe I would simply not act in that way, but there are many men who would tar me with the same brush simply because I am female, stereotyping and stigmatisation which I'm sure as a man you have had many soul destroying and frustrating diffulties with yourself.
I can assure you, however, Dan, that however many like your ex there are, there are an equal number who feel and act the same as I hope I will be able to if my life ever comes to that; maybe grudingly, but in the best interests of the child(ren) it took TWO people to create.

I promise. We are not all the same.

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Dave sounds like an angry ex-husband who either resents having to support his children or who is not supporting his children because of his bitterness toward his ex-wife. How much in arrears are you Dave?

The only time I have ever been on public assistance was when I was married to Mr. Deadbeat. I was working two minimum wage jobs to support us and he sat on his butt at home. Then had the nerve to go down to Curtis Mathis and put a down payment on my credit card on an expensive entertainment system because he thought we could afford it since I worked two jobs (while pregnant). When we divorced and he had to pay $200 (he thought his "fair share" was $80) a month he thought he was supporting me in high style and making my car payment as well as the rest of my bills. Wife #2 informed me that he had at least 15 jobs that she KNEW of during their short two year marriage. Somewhere in here child support was raised to a fair amount. At the same time he writes a letter to the court saying he is giving up rights to me because he is so bothered by seeing our daughter being put through lies, GREED and heartache. He then tries to get my eight year old to tell him it is okay to never come back because he is a horrible father. Then he left wife #3 who he cheated on wife #2 with while she supported him through nursing school to go to Wyoming to avoid paying child support. Wife #3 thought she was following him after the house sold until she went to the bank for some cash only to find the account was cleaned out. I tracked him down in less than a year working under his father's social to avoid paying. By this time he was about $15,000 behind and finally got what he deserved (although in my opinion it is still less than he actually deserves). Five years probation for failure to pay child support. He got nothing for commiting social security fraud or identity theft. He only has to pay $100 per month on the arrearages. By the time his probation is over he will have paid less than a 1/4 of the support back. I haven't taken one dollar of assistance in 14 years but I do pay taxes to help take care of other deadbeat parents children. I believe mothers can be just as bad, so I am not trying to man bash.

Imagine how upset these men would be if they lived with the child and 100% if their income went to the children. Account for how I spend child support - Please! Not only am I burdened with my own child support issues but I also have to pay taxes to take up your slack Dave. Sorry to be so tough on you Dave but you sound just like all the other deadbeats who think it is someone else's responsibility to raise their children. If things were stacked in the womans favor as much as you men think, you would all be in jail after the first late payment.

Attention deadbeats get off the couch and go get a real job. Stop quiting everytime the withholding order goes into affect. Try to live a respectable, honest life so at least you can say you did the right thing regardless of what the mother does. You can only be responsible for your own actions and you can't control what the other person does whether it is right or wrong. Bottom line - GROW UP! Even though you may be proud of what you are doing nobody else thinks you are cute or right - even the new flavor of the month you feed your sob stories to. Unless of course she is just as big of an idoit as you. In that case just be happy and good luck with that - and don't forget to mail the check so that life in the real world can continue with a little less stress and hardship.

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I can't even begin to express how sick custodial parents are of hearing the "she/he prohibits me seeing my children" excuse. Do you realize that the two issues (support andd parenting) are TOTALLY seperate in court. The are not mutual issues.
For you who asked how many of us "honestly" never got in the way of the other parent seeing our child.....PLEASE!!! I have all but begged for help raising my son. My son's father has not so much as made a phonecall. His self justification is that I ' won't let him' because he isn't paying support. What a load of crap! I couldn't stop him from pursuing his parental rights if I wanted to. And he sure must have the money to afford a lawyer, because he isn't buying food for his kid!
Just another way to try to make themselves feel justified for being IRRESPONSIBLE SCUMBAGS. Furthermore, even if that WERE the case ( I am sure some custodial parents DO make it difficult) is that ANY excuse to make the child suffer? Does that make the noncustodial parent any less responsible?
How about this , selfish noncustodians....WHAT ABOUT THE NEEDS OF THE CHILD?
k

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Okay, first off I have been through a divorce. I also have children that I get $236 a month for BOTH!!!! My daughters father has his bachellor's degree and a Masters degree. I have worked 3 jobs and am going to school full time to keep myself and my children clothed, fed and taken care of. I can not tell you how many times I have gone with out food to make sure that my children had enough. My ex walked away and has never been back. He CHOSE to walk away. There are visitation orders in place and he CHOSES not to see her. Which I think is sad that she has to suffer that because HE decided that she was not worthy of him.
I do not recieve TANF. The only assitance I get is food stamps and that is about to be taken away from me because I got another raise at work. Some how they expect me to pay rent, child care, feed, and pay bills on what I bring home, ohhh, but wait all the assistance that you get is based on before taxes and your insurance not after. There is another Dan that you dont think about. What about those of us who are just asking for day care expenses to be paid. That is all I requested and when I took him back to court he quit his job to keep from paying me. There are some women out there who put the child in the middle and that is WRONG!!!! My ex husband does not even pay for his son. He does NOTHING for him. I get nothing and I am having to raise him with nothing. How do you explain to a boy that his father walked out on us when he was a baby. How do you explain to a boy that his father wants nothing to do with him. Dan, I am sorry that you have had such a bad expeirence but not all women are like that. I just want my children to be able to wear new clothes and not something that I had to buy at a yard sale. I want my children to have shoes that dont have holes in them. I want to be able to put food on the table and make sure that I have enough money for gas to get to work. I want my daughter to be able to go to gymnastics like she dreams of doing. I want my son to be able to play t-ball like other boys. See some of us are more concerned with the welfare of the child and how that child and how that child is raised. There are some of us who actually give a darn about the child. Dan, you should think before you open your mouth and you should examine who you are upset with your ex or society and vent your frustration that way and not be so general about what you are accusing people of until you know the whole story from everyone.

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