Babysitter or distracted mom: which is better?

I'm so glad you are posting this question. I'm in a similar situation where I feel like I need to get more babysitting hours too because I'm trying to sneak away to my computer while baby einstein plays or during the naps which keep getting shorter.

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such a tough question and struggle. i wish i had an answer. i notice a big difference in nolan when i am working and he's with me. he knows i'm distracted and starts misbehaving or getting in my face literally to let me know it's bugging him. and i think he has every right. so i try to shut off my computer or pack it away when the boys are awake and work when they're napping and at night, and when the babysitter is over (about 5 hours a week). quin's getting older and more active and i'm going to run into the same situation as you, though - i'll have less time to work and need to figure out what to do.

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My daughter goes to daycare three days a week now, she loves it. Loves the interaction, her friends and the day care ladies. When she is home with me she demands more attention from me and I know that I need to give it to her.
Do I think she is suffering (this month 1 year old)
not at all.
She has developed so fast being at day care, she interacts so well and is a pure joy.
When my husband lost his job for a little while we were sturgling with the idea of pulling her out of daycare because of money, but we just could not fathom doing it. She enjoys it too much.

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If you need to work, and therefore need time on the computer without kids calling for your attention, my vote is to use up more babysitting hours.

I'm one of those that believe it is always best to have a parent (mom or dad) stay at home and raise the kids. But, if you need to work it might be a mistake to do it while also trying to be an attentive parent. You will no doubt find yourself tuning out and ignoring your kids. You might tell yourself that it is only occaisionally and it's just the little things that aren't getting your attention. But, over time the kids will learn, not so great ways, to be heard or learn to give up on being heard at all. It is much better to have complete focus when your with them and have them with a babysitter when the focus is on work.

As one example - my mom is a teacher and had a lot of school work to do at home. She used to tell me that she had become very good at tuning my sisters and I out. She said this like it was a valuable skill. My mom was always (and still is) just half there - in a kind of 'thinking about work or actually doing work haze'. I'm 34 and still get very annoyed with her. I also went through much of my life not wanting to 'bother' people by talking about myself, my day, my life. I know that goes back to mom always making me feel like I was bothering her while she was working. It would have been so much nicer if she had just stayed at school a couple of hours later everyday and got all her work done then came home and paid 100% of her attention to her home and family.

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I also think that it depends on whether or not the grown up that's watching the kids is doing something worthwhile with the kids. Not just babysitting, but engaging the kids. I'm a teacher on leave. I took the time off to raise my young kids, i also have the knack for being able to, at times, tune them out. I feel guilty as hell for it too. If you're able to pay for more babysitting hours so that the time you do spend with the boys is worth it for them, then do it girl.

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If the reason you're working from home in the 1st place is so that your child gets more attention but in the end you realize that it's really not positive attention they are getting but negative since you're trying to work and they are trying to grow. Then yeah a babysitter is better. Sure there are other kids, but the kids themseles give attention, not just the teacher.

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There was an article I read recently (i'm looking, I'm looking) that reported on an actual study done on this....it basically ranked the different childcare options by impact on the child.
The one with the most negative and least positive impact on the child was when the mom or dad was working from home, particularly when they don't always do so. They gave a couple of reasons: the distraction that the caregiver is dealing with, and the fact that the kids don't understand that mom or dad is not really available, even though they are in the house.
The study came to the conclusion that the best options were either a fully-dedicated caregiving parent, or a babysitter or daycare.
If I can find the link to the article or study, I'll post it.

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I believe that the quality of time we have with our children is as important, if not morte important, than the quantity of time we have. I work 32-35 hours a week and my son stays with family. But when I have time with him I'm always enganged in him - I value the time we have together more than any other priority.

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