Blogging Baby Size Six: things I don't miss about life before kids
Categories: Just for moms, Just for dads
As I mentioned earlier, I reacted
strongly to the judgements hurled at parents who dared to admit they missed things about their lives before their
children in Sarah Gilbert's Size Six:
things I miss since becoming a parent. When something keeps me awake at night with a sick feeling in my stomach I tend to write about it. Well, I write about it but first I keep my darling husband awake for an extra hour or two while I verbally beat the topic to death. But I've verbally pummelled this topic as much as I can. Now I'd like to talk about the things I don't miss since becoming a parent, because in all honesty my list of what I miss could go on forever.
- The time I spent focused on a number in my pants. I do truly miss my body the way it was before I had two kids and turned 30. However, I don't miss that time in my life where one of the most important things on my 'Worry' list was something as trivial as keeping a number 4 in the back of my pants.
- Not having much in common with my in-laws. Before my daughter was born, I didn't have much of anything in common with my in-laws. Enter my daughter and suddenly we had one very important thing in common: our love of this little baby. That love we shared in common changed how we related to each other. (At least for a time.)
- Cooking for just two. I don't love cooking and cooking for just two people seemed like such a waste. It was just as easy to grab a bowl of cereal (if we were even at home...we ate out a lot.) Now that we're a family, I still don't love cooking but I do love sitting down to a family meal.
- Bickering with my husband. My husband and I used to bicker about some of the stupidest things, usually while we ran errands on Saturdays. Looking back, running errands together is a luxury we both miss. However, the stupid things we bickered about, they weren't important at all. Now we bicker about important things like who's turn it is to get up with the kids on Saturday morning.
- Date nights, every
night. When we were newly married it was hard to make a date seem really special, since we went out whenever
we felt like it. "Dates" seemed to need to be elaborate things in order to be exciting. Now, whenever we get
a sitter it's an exciting date. Going to the market, just the two of us, is practically a date. Turning off the TV when
the kids go to bed, sharing a cocktail and talking on the sofa is something we relish much more than we would have when
it was just the two of us. We took time together to connect for granted before kids, now our precious alone time
together is much more meaningful.
- Not having a minivan. No, I don't love driving a practical box. I don't love announcing to the world at large: In case you missed my sensible haircut, I'm a Mom in a minivan! However, in case you haven't noticed the back of a minivan is sort of spacious and the windows are tinted. Let me put it bluntly, the way back of the minivan makes a lovely spot for making out with your husband when the desire and opportunity arises. Try doing that in the back of a Crossfire.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Meredith 1-23-2006 @ 5:19PM
As I was reading this, I realized that the thing I didn't miss is of how little importance time alone with my husband was before child.
I hear you sister. Nothing says lovin' like 30 minutes of alone time now.
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charlene 1-23-2006 @ 7:22PM
i'm with you on all except the mini-van. i don't think i could ever get over that, even with the make out space!
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MelissaS 1-23-2006 @ 7:42PM
Maybe you've just never had really good car sex post kids. ;-)
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Amy 1-24-2006 @ 1:04PM
Hee. And I thought we were the only ones using the back of the minivan for something other than hauling strollers and groceries . . .
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Susan 1-24-2006 @ 2:10PM
I always swore I would never get a minivan. But I clearly wasn't thinking through all the possibilities.
Before our sons were born, my husband and I lived a variety of places, but always in apartments or rental houses. We never really settled anywhere. Since we had our children, we have bought a house and really made a home for ourselves. And while there ARE things I miss, that sense of transience, of waiting for our 'real' life to start, will never be one of them.
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Y 1-24-2006 @ 4:23PM
I PRAISE JESUS FOR MY KIDS EVERY MINUTE OF EVERYDAY AND I DON'T EVEN THINK IT'S RIGHT THAT YOU'RE A MOTHER AND YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT HAVING SEX IN A MINIVAN. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU ARE A SELFISH PERVERT. [/bad imatation of The Judgemental People.]
You know what I miss the most? Expensive perfume. I used to spend every weekend at Nordstroms, dousing my body in the newest designer fragrances and not even thinking TWICE about dropping $80 on a bottle of perfume. Now? I have to wait til bath and body works has their "buy two get one free" sale if I want to buy a new scent because how can I justify spending money on perfume when the kids need new shoes?
I AM SELFISH AND NEVER SHOULD HAVE HAD KIDS IF PERFUME IS MORE IMPORTANT THEN THEIR BEAUTIFUL SOULS, HUH?
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vetmommy 1-24-2006 @ 9:56PM
Hey Liss, good for you for picking up this thread and not just running with it, but making an AFGAN out of it. I'm totally with ya'll on the missing pre-parent "me" time, but of course its a trade-off; none of us would ever want that time back if it meant giving up these wonderful little people. And Amen to the missing all the eating out/loving family dinner time. My husband often remarks on how much he misses the way we used to eat in front of the TV (gasp!) but prefers it now, with all of us gathered around the actual kitchen table.
But I really wrote to say that is such a great portrait of you and Logan. You really must frame it and put it on one of your beautifully painted walls. Maybe it could be your Christmas photo next year. Oh yeah, but then without the kids it might seem too much like you wanted your old life back. Well, maybe Logan can photoshop them in!
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Izzy 1-25-2006 @ 11:12AM
Being a parent is hard enough. Coping with such harsh judgements only compounds that. Where's the love, people????? Geez...
Thanks, Melissa! I love your POV :-)
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Amy 1-25-2006 @ 12:38PM
Is that you and your husband in that picture? Because he's HOT! (Meant as a compliment, not a "Boom I got your boyfriend!" type of comment.)
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Bee 1-25-2006 @ 3:05PM
The minivan comment is great!
We are ttc and just started Clomid. I told my husband that when I am 5-7 months pregnant I want to go ahead and get a minivan. He about died.
I told him I was being practical. To buy the crew cab Z71 I want (we raise cattle so a truck would be nice for me) I would not be able to get ANY bells and whistles or even the vehicle for another 5 years. However to get a minivan with a dvd player and power sliding doors I would spend just $26k. Plus we won't have to take 2 vehicles to dinner (45 min away) if my parents come along and so on. So I told my husband this was a very practical decision and I was giving up my wants for our family's needs.
His response...."I have never loved you more you sexy minivan momma!"
lol...yeah he is a little on the practical side. Now if I would just wear $10 jeans and $2 shirts I would be completely irresistible to that wonderful (way too practical) man I married. :-)
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JT 1-26-2006 @ 10:44PM
Amen, sister. We're stuffing three car-seaters in the back of a '93 Corolla and, scarily enough, panting for a Freestar. And now we have yet another reason to want a roomy car.
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Emily G. 1-29-2006 @ 1:27PM
Knowing that there are mothers out there like you is what makes me feel confident enough to become a mother myself. I don't ever want to just be a breeder with no thoughts for myself, and I know I will be conflicted at times about loss of identity, etc. I know there will be difficult times for me as a woman, as a person, and as a parent. But watching how openly and honestly you navigate the whole thing gives me more courage to go out and be the best damn mother I can because I know I will love my children and be there for them despite all of my own difficulties. Thank you for putting it all out there for us - it makes a big difference for us young 'uns, the ones who are going to have to go through the craziness next.
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