What is the obsession with MILFs?

It also doesn't help that the media is obsessed with how quickly celebs can lose than baby weight (Heidi Klum in the VS fashion show...) and then is all high-fives and praise when celebs DO look pencil thin just weeks after having their babies. I also think that they prioritize working out and dieting over bonding with the baby, but no one ever mentions that. And I really wonder, of all the celebs that claim they nurse and co-sleep, how many really do? Nothing wrong if they don't, but why claim to if there is a team of support staff at your disposal? There is definitely a type of woman that is going to be made to feel inferior because they are not living up to a media-created ideal. (Me, I could give a f***.)

And "Ragu"! HA! I am ashamed to know that the trainer's name is "Radu."

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Just a comment regarding 'sexualized ideals that can be maddeningly hard to achieve' - there may be more than one idea of what a MILF is. For the women on the discussion board (and celebs), it may be a return to pre-baby looks. And I agree, society does push an unreasonable ideal on women, saying they aren't hot if they don't wear size 0 jeans with massive breasts.

For men, they may not be focusing on whether the women have returned to pre-baby looks - or that they are incredibly hot by society's 'standards.' The issue is, are they a mom, and are they attractive? Not attractive in a 'you don't look like you had a baby' way, but in a 'you look like you had a baby, and you are hot' way. 'Hot' is obviously subjective, but at the very least, the women tend to be older and heavier then typical porn models (i.e. not 18-21 y.o. and a size 0 with fake boobs).

I'm not trying to say that objectifying 'MILFs' is good, or that the MILF websites are a bunch of idealists, but just that what the average man or website considers a MILF is not the same as what the women bloggers consider a MILF.

And what is hot about a MILF? I would venture to guess that it has more to do with the fact that mothers are supposed to be paragons of virtue, and to see them doing whatever they do on those websites goes against that - the infamous madonna/whore dichotomy.

One of the interesting things to happen to porn in the last few years is that women who would traditionally not be considered attractive enough for porn, are actually in high demand. Mothers, older women, shorter women, heavier women, women of other races, etc. In the 1970s, it was probably easy to find porn involving thin blondes from sweden, but difficult to find women from india. Now, both types of women can be successful in the porn industry, should they chose to be.

Is that a good thing? Obviously, people are going to disagree. But I do think it is a good thing that society, or at least the porn industry, is no longer saying you have to be tall, blonde, impossibly thin and white to be considered 'attractive' - by their standards at least. Now, it is saying that all you have to do is be willing to take your clothes off - and there are thousands of men willing to pay to look at you.

Cosmo, on the other hand, still seems to be insisting that you be a size 0, although I do believe they now allow brunettes and redheads to model for them.

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Just to clarify - in trying to define what is hot - when I said, "'Hot' is obviously subjective, but at the very least, the women tend to be older and heavier then typical porn models (i.e. not 18-21 y.o. and a size 0 with fake boobs)." I wasn't trying to say that women who have had a baby tend to be older and heavier than typical porn models, but that the women on the MILF centered websites tend to be older and heavier than the women you would find in Playboy or on other, more traditional, porn websites.

I guess what I was trying to say was that the men who frequent those sites may not have as unrealistic an idea of what a MILF is as you think. Think Dove's Real Bodies campaign - the ideas may still be unrealistic, but they are a lot closer to the norm than Cosmo or Playboy.

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An older woman is sexier in the sense that is suppose to be someone more mature, and the term may be new, but not the trend.

/in the Drew Carey show this make me laugh: Oswald mom tells Drew that he can stop calling her Mrs. (Whatever), since they are both adults, he can call her by her first name. His response: "oh no, that will ruin my fantasy"

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The problem is it's not just the 'media' who push this unattainable ideal on women...it's that as women we're realizing having a baby doesn't mean we want to be frumpy asexual beings.

It all ties together.

I'm certainly not attempting to defy gravity or my desire to eat (and drink) what I like when I feel like it, but frankly I am flattered by the term.

I guess what it says to me is, you're still attractive and not 'just a mom' (is that really what the term means? I don't know. Maybe I'm just being called 'loose'.).

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I think I just opened a can of something... I wouldn't call it worms. A can of underwear? Diet Soda? Milf-ade? Sigh...

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I see your point Dutch, I do. I just see the term in a different light.

I also have saggy boobs and about 20 (on a good day) to 30 extra pounds on me.

I guess that's what I think when someone calls me a MILF...of course, like I said, when you really think about it they're mostly telling me they want to use me like a whore. So I guess I shouldn't really be flattered exactly.

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please, please, just tell whatt MILF is! I've never heard of it before this. When I googled it, all the sites that would explain it were blocked (I'm in an elementary school) -- which makes me just want to know MORE!

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I completely disagree with seeing the term as 'wholly negative.' It all depends on the spirit in which the term is used. The porn industry does not use the term in the most complimentary light, but I can assure you, if I called MelissaS a MILF (and I would, if Logan weren't so sensitive and strong) it would be meant as a compliment and not exclusionary of anyone.

Not that I go around constantly mentally labeling women as MILFS and non-MILFS, but just as there is a group of women I find attractive, there is a group of women that I don't find attractive. By saying that someone is a BILF (Blonde I'd like to...) I am not saying that most blondes are unattractive to me, nor am I saying that I like or don't like red heads.

Yeah, it's a crude way of expressing yourself, but to see it as exclusionary, is to say that anything meant as a compliment is exclusionary of the people who may not be complimented. To say that my wife is a MILF doesn't meant that MelissaS is not one, and to say that MelissaS and my wife are MILFS doesn't mean that most moms are unattractive.

MILF is a subjective term, and my MILF may not be your MILF. That's the beauty of subjectivity. It seems like you are trying to turn it into an objective term, as if there are a group of universally acknowledged MILFs out there, and the rest of the Moms are unattractive and asexual. The reality is every Mom is someone's MILF, although some MILFs have more 'fans' than other MILFs. But that doesn't mean they aren't a MILF.

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Easy folks, it's just a fetish, like all the others out there. Some guys are into MILFs (Mom I'd Like to F@@k) and some aren't. Just like some guys are into feet and some guys want a gal to poop on them.

I think, maybe, the catch, is everyone has their own definition of a MILF. I might see a 40-something that I find attractive and refer to her as a MILF without any knowledge of whether she's ever had a child or not.

And someone will argue with me saying she's not a MILF, because by definition, said female must have at least one natural child to be a MILF. Or wait, to adoptive mother's count as MILFs? There's some adoption entries of late, let's cross-post and find out, NOT!

Anyway, it's a fetish. If you don't get it, fine. I don't get why some guys want a gal to poop on them either.

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Well, I think we're clearly going to have to agree to disagree on the definition of MILF, but I want to respond to a few things.

First, 'saggy and stretchmarked'? I'm not sure who you are referring to with this description - whether all mothers are 'saggy and stretchmarked' - or just some mothers are, and I'm therefore trying to reclaim 'MILF' on their behalf.

To be honest, maybe the reason why I'm not quite understanding your argument is that I don't find the 'conventional' idea of beauty particularly attractive. Just like it's more fun to drive on the PCH then through the deserts outside Las Vegas, I think women should have curves.

Or maybe it's the fact that I think the word is used most often by teenage boys, in reference to each other's moms. Do those moms typically have 'the beauty of a seventeen year old girl?' I would doubt it, moms usually don't look like Angelina Jolie. Except, of course, if your mom is Angelina Jolie.

To me, your definition of MILF (you are a mom, but I want to f*** you anyway - therefore most moms are unattractive/asexual) is working too hard to find a negative connotation. If I said some woman was hot, would I be saying most women are not hot and are therefore unattractive and asexual?

So why is the M needed in MILF? I would guess you are saying that it implies that the speaker is saying that mothers are generally unattractive, but this is the exception.

I would say that the M is necessary because in the context of the individuals who came up with the term, teenage boys, mothers are generally imagined to be unattainable paragons of virtue, as well as authority figures.

To sleep with a girl in your class is a pretty big accomplishment, in the mind of the teenage boy. To sleep with Steve's mom is to make you a Stud with a capital 'S'. Not because Steve's mom happens to be one of the few attractive moms around, but because she's attractive and she's a Mom. Kind of like scaling Mt. Everest in the mind of the teenage boy.

But does MILF have your connotation to some people? Obviously, at least one. But words always have had different meanings for different people. And with more Moms using the term in reference to themselves, sure, I'll help to 'reclaim' it, if that is in fact, necessary. And if the 'saggy and stretchmarked' feel good about the way they look because someone called them a MILF? Well, I don't think that's a bad thing.

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