I have a six month old baby. Right now, it's not hard work, it's just constant. In any other job you get a break every few hours to go have lunch away from the office, or take a bathroom break, or something. You can close the door on your office at 5 pm and leave it all there, if you choose to leave it there. But parenting follows you no matter where you go. There are no breaks. Even when someone else is caring for your kids, you're still "on call." I went to the doctor yesterday without my baby, and I kept feeling like I'd forgotten something. I had to check the backseat for her before I went in, even though I knew her Daddy had her (hey, cut me some slack, I'm sick).

I used to think that parents' "breaks" came during nap time, but when my daughter naps I play catch up - scrambling to work (I work from home) or clean or take care of my husband or the pets... There's no "me" time, anymore. I always feel guilty that I'm not doing 10 other things. Even with this sinus infection thing I've got, I feel horrible that I'm not cleaning the house or working right now. I have to remind myself, "I'm *sick*, it's ok to veg in front of the computer..."

So, that's what it is for me, the "constantness" of it. A close second is the feeling that I'm taking care of everyone except myself, and that no one is taking care of me.

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I really appreciate this post and the 1 comment so far. My daughter is 4 months and for the most part, she is a very good baby. She rarely cries but when she does in public, I feel like everyone around me is annoyed. We flew to Georgia for Christmas and I was so nervous that she would be bothered by the change in air pressure an that she would cry the whole flight. I didn't want to get those glares like, "Will you please shut your baby up?" Luckily she did very well on the plane but it is still a fear of mine. Also, I agree with the no time to yourself comment. While my husband comes home from work and asks, "What did you do today?" I always have a hard time answering. I know I spent the day feeding her every 3 hours, cleaning up spit up, changing diapers, trying to vacuum and do the dishes while she was sleeping, and running errands but it always seems like I just didn't get enough done.

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I echo that completely, Amy. It's the fact that you have to be 'on' all of the time. Being out and about is certainly challenging, but I think it takes far more effort to get ready: creating a mental list of all that has to be done before leaving the house and rounding up supplies and packing a bag with everything to to be brought on the outing. And when arriving home, it's time to unpack the cooler, reload diapers, wipes, bibs, etc.

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Amy is right; it's unending, no matter the age. I do hear what you're saying. No matter what you do, someone who has no idea of your situation is going to say it's wrong.

It seems like they're usually the ones without a single kid in tow.

Right now with the girls at 10, 11, & 12, the biggest challenge is balance their growing independence with the concern for their safety. That will not improve as they become older.

Too little freedom, they rebel the first chance they get. Too much and I'm either exposing them to danger or they may make poor choices.

You'd think it would be easier this time around but it isn't. The world is changing rapidly and I'm having trouble keeping up with it all.

It's a constant balancing act and at times, it's exhausting. Amy's last two sentences should be set in concrete somewhere. They are so, so true.

On the other hand, this may be the most valuable contribution I will ever make and all I can do is the best I can do.

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For me, one of the hardest things about being a parent has been accepting that my son's neurological wiring will make him different for the rest of his life. Before we got his various diagnoses, I thought the hardest parts were the sleeplessness, the difficult baby days (feedings and changings and pukings and all the rest). But then when we finally had names for why he melts down when I ask him to take a shower in the morning instead of the evening and for why he *literally* bounces off the walls and why he doesn't like for us to touch him and all the rest...it's been the hardest thing I've ever done, this accepting of something I have absolutely no control over and cannot change.

At least, though, we learned that he's not the way he is because we are horrible parents. That's some consolation.

The other hardest thing? Seeing them grow up. It's wonderful, don't get me wrong, but we'll never again have a toothless-grinned little baby boy, and we'll never again have a three-year-old little girl who wears a full-body tutu everywhere she goes for three months. It breaks my heart.

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As the stay at home parent in my family, and the lone stay at home mom in a group of working moms, I find the most frustrating thing is the lack of understanding. Sometimes I think women have not come as far as people would like us to believe. When I get together with my working mom friends, it seems like they complain that they can't afford anything because childcare comes out of their paycheck while their husbands get toys from their paycheck.

If I get a compliment on something I bought for myself, inevitably I get "But don't you feel bad spending your husband's money?". I hate it because I'm already having a hard time trying to be happy with being a stay at home mom, without people assuming I don't do anything worthy of buying myself new clothes or shoes when I need them.

It's just so frustrating some days, because I give up a lot of myself to be a good mom. My day runs from about 6am to 11pm. By the time "me time" rolls around, I can't do anything I want to without it being at the expense of myself. And yet, every step of the way, someone is waiting with a fresh cargo ship sized load of mom guilt for me. It just seems like you can't win if you choose to stay at home or to work and you're female.

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I think the hardest part about parenting is the expected loss of self.

The idea that because I am a mother I am supposed to lose who I am in the life of my child is so pervasive and widespread that it worries me. As a mother I can "get away" things - like being late, missing meetings, being a tad nosy or bossy - however, the reason why I can "get away" with things is because motherhood is known to be so challenging (which of course it is).

However, I just feel truly concerned that motherhood is seen as a kind of "you're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't" kind of scenario. You're missing out on the ultimate connection if you don't have kids, but if you do have kids, you lose your connection to yourself.

People undestand that parenthood is the greatest job, the rewards are amazing. But knowing that the majority of other mothers feel like they have to lose their sense of self to their children is alarming to me. I sometimes feel that society views having a child is like a handicap that A) makes others be helpful and considerate of my needs and 2) everyone respects me for taking on the challenge but they secretly feel sorry for me. And it seems like mothers know its going on and have to give into the whole persona and perception.

I am a self-centered person, I think about who I am, what kind of person I am, what kind of person I want to be and how to achieve those goals. I feel connected and at peace with my personality and who I am and I will be sure that I never lose that about myself. However, as a mom, I know that image doesn't fit into the role.

And at the heart of that role is the expected loss of self. I know that what society thinks and what actually happens are two very different things, however I wish that the perceptions of motherhood would evolve. Which, I guess if I think about it is why I spend so much time at this site, reading and thinking about being a parent, with all the other parents who need to identify their parent-ness.

And as a mom I want to give a hearty applause, a reassuring hug and a pat on the back to all caregivers.

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And I want to follow up my last post with some words to Candance and Ann Adams.

Parents like you, who have to do even more than most and keep your joy going, have my deepest admiration.

....

I re-read my last post and there's a missing element in there. Parents give and give so much that it can be seen as "wrong" or "unusual" when they do little (or big) things for themselves. And that is a large part of the perception of motherhood that I would like to see changed.

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Since I don't yet have kids, I don't know what the most challeging part of being a parent will be. But I think the scariest will - or at least might be - the loss of self as meg suggests.

I really hope I can keep some outside interests and hobbies. If not for the first few years, at least by the time she is in school.

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I think the hardest part does definately change as the children grow.

When they are tiny babies, it's the always being "on-call" because they have such intense needs and can't do anything on their own to fulfill them. It can be overwhelming to be depended on so completely.

As they become more independent toddlers and preschoolers, it's helping them learn to handle those so very intense emotions and also to begin to develop a little self-control.

Once they enter school, so far for us it's been teaching our oldest how to manage his time. He is a daydreamer and is distracted by the wind blowing. If we could get him to manage his time better, life between 3:50 and 8:30 p.m. would be so much calmer and more enjoyable in our home. Instead, it's a battle of wills from the moment he comes home until the moment he goes to sleep. I miss the days when I got to have time to ENJOY his company instead of 1. trying to get him to wake up, get dressed, and eat breakfast and 2. trying to get him to do his homework followed by 3. getting him to stop what he is doing and come to dinner and 4. squeezing him into some PJ's and shoving him back into bed.

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The hardest thing about being a parent is finding yourself on the couch after the kids have gone to bed, thinking, "this episode of 'SpongeBob Squarepants' is quite funny"

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All good comments ladies and gents. My wife and I have 3 kids of our own. I can relate to most of you alls experiences however I constantly like to remind myself of them as "my little gifts from heaven"...no matter what age they are or will be. While parenting is challenging for what seems to be all the time, I cherish every moment I can with them. No matter what went on that day or how hard it was, once you see them in bed with their eyes closed so peaceful, you can't help but to smile lean over and give them a big kiss and hug. After all they are only with you for a brief period of time. We all know how fast time flies. Before you know it they are off to face the real world...and hopefully they are armed with all the love, advice, wisdom and guidance that we as loving parents have provided. So lets enjoy them while we have the time cause lord know for how long that will be.

good luck to all of you :)

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There are a lot of difficult aspects to being a parent. My kids are 12, 7 and 1. I haven't reached the teen years quite yet, but I have found the most difficult thing for me is letting go. Letting my oldest go off to school nervous and not running after her and letting her stay home. Letting my middle child jump in the pool without standing under him and undermining his confidence. Letting the baby let go of my hands and walk - and then fall - without holding him every step of the way. Every new milestone, from eating, crawling, walking, school, sports, homework, friends...they all require a parent to step back at some point so the child can fail - and succeed - on their own. Babies get frustrated when they try to do something, and you can be there to give them a hug when they need it, but when that first step turns into a short walk and a look of pride and amazement, you know you did the right thing. Unfortunately, it never gets easier!

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