Ruminations on working from home
Categories: Just for moms, Money & work
I've been
working from home for 18 months, now, but last week I started a new job requiring 95% of my attention during typical
office hours (when previously, I'd done a good bit of my work after dark). And I love it. I have a babysitter for 12-15
hours a week and my husband's around to help out much of the time.
But, many times during the day, I realize that Everett has been tapping me on the shoulder whispering "mama. mama. mama mama mama mamamamamama!" for the past three minutes and I've been totally ignoring him. Or that I've told Truman to hold on, mama's coming as soon as I finish this email! (and he cries, seemingly not getting the importance of said email). Sometimes I feel guilty, that I'm giving my children the short shrift, failing to stimulate them properly. Sometimes I'm pleased, because after all - who else gets to take tickle breaks instead of smoke breaks? Other times I rationalize it. And I'm perfectly happy with the rationalization.
Here's why:
We have it so good today, we moms. Every time I feel badly I think back to my own mom, with five children and a house full of laundry, cooking, cleaning, gardening, grocery shopping, mending, curtain-making, and backing Dad up in his work (he was a missionary and minister, those jobs require much of the Mrs.). Did she spend hours each day in active "stimulation" of the babies? Nope. They got strapped in the backpack for errands, or left in a play pen to entertain themselves while mom cooked or folded clothes. Did she carefully schedule play dates and violin lessons and soccer practice? Nope. We played in the backyard, or explored the neighborhood, or ran circles around the empty church.Sure, we had some organized activities; I took a few gymnastics classes until we ran out of money, and piano lessons until I finally admitted that I just hated practicing the piano. We all did the church stuff. But we didn't have lives like kids today are expected to have if mom - or dad - is fully "stimulating" them. And we're all great people. We turned out well. We all contribute to society and give money to charities and pay our taxes and obey the laws. Two of us were valedictorians of our respective high schools, three of us have major roles in non-profit organizations. We've got three masters degrees among us. I think anyone would say that Mom and Dad did an excellent job raising us.
And think back to when my Mom and Dad were kids. Grammy was helping run a dairy farm. Grandma Ruth didn't see Grandpa Vern for several years during World War II. Do you think our own parents were "stimulated" as babies? Only if you can count digging in the dirt while mom weeded the garden or counting the holes on the play pen as "stimulation."
I'm not fully present 100% of the time with my kids. But I've decided that's ok. And if you don't mind, I'm taking a tickle break right now.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Susan 2-20-2006 @ 7:14PM
Thank you for that, it was just what I needed to hear today :)
Reply
nora 2-20-2006 @ 8:13PM
Your comments come at a good time for me - I'm starting a new job that will mostly working at home, with a care provider there to entertain my gal. I'm feeling excited about it (love the commute) but nervous about it too, so I appreciate your thoughts on this.
Reply
kelly jeanie 2-20-2006 @ 9:30PM
Thank you so much for this post. My work at home job is very flexible, and I have my 11 month-old spending 7 hours a week in day care and at my mother-in-laws for a day, and my husband is home at night. Owen doesn't understand the importance of e-mail either, or, "Just one more task, honey!" I really needed to see this, I agree thinking back to my own childhood and have thought often about what mothers in past generations have done. I know my mother and mother-in-law used playpens, and I know that stay-at-home-moms in generations long ago were more like work-at-home-moms. Anyway, thanks.
Reply
Bonnie 2-20-2006 @ 10:17PM
For me, I wasn't able to rationalize it away without feeling tremendous guilt. I know we were all schlepped around with our moms when we were little, but for now even though I work out of the house, our son goes to school. It makes me feel good that others are devoting full energy to him during the day, and I can focus full energy on him when he is at home and my work is through.
Reply
ann adams 2-21-2006 @ 12:50AM
I don't remember my mom just sitting. Even at the end of every busy day, she had something in her hands; usually the hand finishing on the latest garment she was making for me. I remember hating being the only kid in school wearing homemade clothes. I look back and wonder how I could have been so stupid. When she finished a dress I could almost wear it inside out, the work was that perfect.
You're right; our lives weren't micromanaged back then but both my parents always seemed to make whatever time my brother and I needed.
A lovely post and one that brought back memories.
Reply
jk 2-21-2006 @ 2:22PM
yes, our views of parenthood have morphed into something unattainable, and probably undesirable. I think that is why so many people choose to have dogs now instead of children. (!) We treat our pets today the way we used to treat children. The bar of expectation is just too high and can lead to self-centered, spoiled kids with frazzled and unhappy parents.
Reply
Sheri Reed 2-26-2006 @ 12:42PM
I loved this post so much I had to link to it over at mamazine.com. You can read my thoughts at: http://www.mamazine.com/Pages/mamalike198.html. Thanks, Sarah, for the wonderful post.
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