Parents battling over circumcising their eight-year-old

The story doesn't seem to tell enough to know how they got into this situation.

Did they agree not to circumsize him as a baby and now the mom has changed her mind?

Or has it always been something they had different opinions on?

The mother says two doctors recommended the procedure for health reasons. Has he had some health problem since birth that would cause them to recommend it?

Reply

I had a friend whose mother decided to have him done when he was eleven! Apparently he was born in Europe and she didn't want him to look any different from his friends in Canada. He said it was the most horrible traumtic and painful thing he had ever been through. My husband was also born in Europe and never circumcised. He said he never felt weird in the locker-room as they never stood around and compared their penises (penai?) hee.

Reply

My friend who works for a urologist says that they have a parade of adult males every week who come in for circumcisions. Their reasons: They are "tired" of the hygenic requirements and flat out women prefer circumsized penises. Obviously when you're an adult male that's "not getting any", a little circumcision isn't the MOST PAINFUL thing you've ever been through!

Reply

Well sweet baby jeebus! Has anyone asked the 8-year-old if he wants to be circumcised? I can bet that would settle it pretty quickly if they listened.

This is just as, no, wait, MORE irritating than people piercing baby's ears.

Reply

Adult men getting circumcised to attract a mate should be honest with themselves as to why they can't keep a woman's interest. I refuse to believe women are that superficial, or that such a woman is worth the time.

As for my situation, my mother later apologized for having me circumcised. I have to classify it as male genital mutilation.

Reply

I have to agree with AJ. If how a man's genitals look is enough to end a relationship either 1. it wasn't much of a relationship or 2. she wasn't a very good catch to start with. If she really loves him, then it wouldn't matter.

I originally thought we would have our son cut since my husband is circ'd. I was surprised that he was emphatically against it when we were PG with baby #1. I did the research and we left our son intact. I'm glad we made that decision. Now it can be up to HIM what his body looks like when he is grown.

Reply

in the bible it says you circumsize a man, not a boy so I guess this is early at age 8. I think at age 8 though they may think about asking the kid if he wants part of penis amputated.

Reply

Our first child was born 5-weeks early and we hadn't finished arguing about whether or not the baby would be circumcised. Our first child was a girl, so it wasn't an issue.

We knew our second child would be a boy and I put my foot down. I told her I wouldn't sign the papers to have him circumcised. Her mother had been a nurse and explained exactly what happens during a circumcision. That was what finally convinced her not to have our son circumcised.

We have several other friends who did not have their sons circumcised. We some other friends who had their boys circumcised so they would "look just the same as daddy." The worst reason in all the world for putting your son through an unnecessary genital mutilation.

In conclusion, if we were talking about removing a little girl's clitoris, there wouldn't even be a debate.

Reply

Our twins are circumsized, and I left that up to my husband. I figured that he was more qualified to make that choice (he has a penis, I don't. 'Nuff said).

This, however, is not normal. I agree that the boy is old enough to make his own decision, provided he understands the ramifications of either side.

And yes, some people are hung up on the appearance of body parts, and this applies for both genders. It sucks, but it is a reality.

Reply

My husband was circumcised at 12, and like Stephanie's friend, he said it was very VERY traumatic. And he has quite a bit of scar tissue which I imagine would not have happened if he had gotten circumcised as a baby. Honestly, I'm glad he's circumcised because I do think it's cleaner, but it would NOT have made a drop of difference with my decision to date and marry him had he been uncircumcised.

Reply

Cercumsision is genital mutilation and nothing short of it. The idea that parents do this to their sons is sick, especially so they they will look like their fathers or other boys in the locker room. And I have to wonder about any woman who would reject a man based on the fact that he is whole. My husband is not cercumsized (he is European - where cercumsision is not done except for religious reasons) and there is no "extra care" or "higenic requirements" needed besides pulling back the foreskin while showering. If that is extra work worth cutting off part of ones body then we should also cut off our ears so we don't have to be bothered washing behind them...

Reply

I don't know what the doctors in this story mean by "health reasons". My dad is an anesthesiologist, and knows lots of different types of doctors. I asked him to ask around about this when we found out our first would be a boy. ALL of the doctors he asked (pediatrician, family practice, urologist, general surgeon, just to name a few) said that it was medically unnecessary, so long as the parents teach their son how to clean himself properly.

This may sound like a low blow, but I don't get what mother would subject her kid to this (barring religious practices, I suppose), especially at the age of EIGHT!!!!

Reply

The AAP actually recommends AGAINST doing circumcisions as a routine procedure, yet the majority of American boys are still cut upon birth.

http://aappolicy.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/pediatrics%3b103/3/686

Per the AAP statement -

Existing scientific evidence demonstrates potential medical benefits of newborn male circumcision; however, these data are not sufficient to recommend routine neonatal circumcision. In circumstances in which there are potential benefits and risks, yet the procedure is not essential to the child's current well-being, parents should determine what is in the best interest of the child. To make an informed choice, parents of all male infants should be given accurate and unbiased information and be provided the opportunity to discuss this decision. If a decision for circumcision is made, procedural analgesia should be provided.

IMO, something is really wrong when we are performing surgeries on newborns for purely cosmetic reasons.

Reply

My family consists of all women. So when I had a boy last June I had no idea there was a time limit on circumsizing. My husband was adamant that it be done, and I left the decision up to him. When he was 8 weeks I started calling to get the procedure done, and no one would do it. I finally found a dr. that had done the procedure on babies as old as 9 weeks and he'd take a look to see if it was still possible. Well it wasn't, his penis was too big for the clamp. Now if we want to have it done we have to wait until he is 8, all dr.'s I spoke with gave this age. After the penis becomes to big for the clamps, they have to use a scalpel. This requires a lot of meds and it could cause damage or complications on a child under 8. If at 8 he wants to do it, we will. But it will be his choice not ours. It is my fault for waiting so long, but I had no idea 8 weeks was too long. This could be the same reason why this boy wasn't circumsized.

Reply

it is for the most part, either cultural, or religious in many, many, most, parts of the world, i.e. asia, africa, and most of the middle east (not sure bout lAmerica though.

though in most instances it is done after a specific number of days, i think due to blood clotting better then, it is not uncommon to have it done for boys of 7-12yrs.

for all those poo pooing the idea, its a big world out there, with lots of everyday "norm"al practices not known or appreciated or believed by americans.

while living in west africa, south, and southeast asia as well as parts of western europe, it seemed it was fairly normal for people to do this.

then, what the hey do i know, i'm jus sayi, s'all...

Reply

it is for the most part, either cultural, or religious in many, many, most, parts of the world, i.e. asia, africa, and most of the middle east (not sure bout lAmerica though.

though in most instances it is done after a specific number of days, i think due to blood clotting better then, it is not uncommon to have it done for boys of 7-12yrs.

for all those poo pooing the idea, its a big world out there, with lots of everyday "norm"al practices not known or appreciated or believed by americans.

while living in west africa, south, and southeast asia as well as parts of western europe, it seemed it was fairly normal for people to do this.

then, what the hey do i know, i'm jus sayi, s'all...

Reply

in reply to Laura Snow's comment: the Bible actually calls for circumcision of all males when they are 8 days old. (Gen. 17:12) There are a few instances of adult males being circumcised but this was because this was the beginning of the covenant.

I'm not religious or trying to weight in on this, but I just figured that I would add where I could.

Reply

This is a really interesting debate to me... I kind of wrestled with it before our son was born and didn't really want to do it, for all the reasons previously stated. My husband was for it, and we live in the south and I have not talked to a single person around here who has a boy that they didn't have cut at birth. (It's still very much what everybody does.) And also my grandfather had to be circumcised at the age of 70 because he was having a lot of problems with it (don't ask me what, I have no idea, but it was medically necessary and it was HORRIBLE for him.) So that's why we did decide to go ahead with it.

The bad thing is, though, he ended up having to stay in the NICU for a week because he had a tiny stroke sometime around birth and he'd been poked and prodded and had blood drawn and MRIs and all kinds of weird stuff, and a circumcision just seemed like too much trauma to add to what he'd already been through. So we decided to wait until he'd been out of the hospital a week or so. This was a HUGE mistake! At that point, we'd already bonded with him and were getting to know him... it's much harder to put your 17-day-old infant in his car seat and drive a half hour to get to the pediatrician's office and hand him over for this procedure, than to just sign the papers at the hospital for a 1-day-old baby who is already in the nursery. It was AWFUL... We could hear him screaming all the way out in the waiting room, and he was really irritable for two or three days after. (Wouldn't you be?) I really hope our next and last kid is a girl so at least we don't have to make this decision again.

Reply

I forgot to say... I cannot (and don't want to) imagine what it would be like to explain to your 8-yr-old child what this procedure involves... if it was that bad with a 17-day-old, what would it be like to put an 8-yr-old in the car and go to have that done? just a leetle traumatic, don't you think?

Reply

My child is circumcized, and we did so on purpose. When he is an adult and sexually active, I do not expect that AIDs will have been cured, perhaps manageable, but not cured, and certainly more widespread and endemic then it is now. There is plenty of evidence that being circumcized not only lowers the incidence of infection of HIV, not only in the male but the female partners (http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/news/fullstory_29641.html) of circumcized males, I can not in good conscious not circumcize my child.

This is given that my brother passed away due to AIDs related issues (either clotting issues or his heart just stopped) at the age of 42, and while we are not sure he may have contracted it through heterosexual activities in the State of Alaska, where the incidence of HIV is quite low. Sure, there is safe sex, and no sex, but damned if I am going to at all increase the risk if there is something that I can do for him and his future partners that I consider a gift.

Reply