Supplementing with formula: my story

Caitlin, regarding all parts of your comment I reply with: exactly!

I'm sorry for what you went through.

Reply

I would like to sympathize to the mothers who found little joy in the process of breastfeeding. True, I had nursing problems, but I hated even trying. Just as I stated in a comment on the adopted/natural parent post, I think some people are more naturally inclined to parenting than others. I believe this extends to mothers and nursing. Just because women are born with breasts doesn't mean breastfeeding will be something they can (or want to) do. It is very comforting to read all the comments so far...

Reply

I have to speak out in support of LLL here. La Leche League (as an ORGANIZATION) is not "the breast nazis" and I am tired of seeing the organization portrayed that way by women who had a bad experience with a single person who may (or may not) be officially associated with the LLL. (And I *hate* that term. Nazi’s were horrible people who MURDERED thousands of people. What a horrible thing to call ANYONE!) Please don’t bash an entire organization based on an experience with a handful of people.

First off, only LEADERS speak for LLL, not members. LEADERS are trained volunteers who are taught to "meet mothers where they are at" and provide information and support to them. If they are't doing that, then they aren't doing their job properly as they agreed to when they signed their commitment statement. If a member gets too far off tangent in a meeting or makes disparaging comments in a meeting, the Leader should be responsible for getting control of the meeting and making sure that others present don’t feel judged.

There is a qualifying statement that is read at the beginning of every LLL meeting I have ever attended that goes something like, “You’ll hear lots of ideas and information in our meeting tonight. Take what you like and think will work for your family and leave the rest behind.” After all, when you go to a shoe store, you may try on lots of pairs, but you only take home the ones that fit you the best. It’s the same with going to a LLL meeting. You may hear ideas and opinions expressed by some people who attend that you think won’t work for your family. Leave those behind in the pile of things that didn’t fit you, but hold on tight to the information and support that will work best for you.

Every group is different because different Leaders and mothers attend it. They all bring a different realm of experience with them and thus, different groups have a different “feel” to them. Some groups are more “crunchy-granola” than others. If a woman has a bad experience with one group, I’d highly recommend that she try another group in her area if she has that option. A daytime group is more likely to be attended by SAHM’s and mothers who don’t want/need to pump. A nighttime group is more likely to be attended by moms who are trying to juggle working and pumping.

Every drop of breastmilk is an important and precious gift to your child. Every nursing mother deserves to find the information and support that she needs to solve breastfeeding challenges and make decisions along the way. Don’t write off an entire organization that has helped millions of mothers around the world based on a few people. Every organization out there has people who don’t always represent it in the best light. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes or have a bad day every now and then.

Reply

I think momma makes a very needed point, but at the end of the day, there's a VERY common theme here.

Many of us commenting on this piece suffer from depression, PPD, etc. The extra dimension that mental illness of any kind throws into this argument is enormous. The absolute PRESSURE and GUILT is terrible, in fact, I still feel it, and it STILL pulls me down into the gutter. And you're right-no one should assume that the group is that way because of a few.

BUT, it also seems that MORE than a few of us have had run ins with people who decide to judge prior to asking anything. I've been "looked" at for my formula feeding, and what the people don't realize is that due to MY emotional state, I was unable to continue. Should I have to explain that each and every time I'm in public feeding my youngest a bottle?

There is a DIRE need for TRUE and HONEST support, regardless of feeding method. My good friend just had a baby, who is in NICU, and while putting together a basket for her, I didn't know if I should add bottle or breastfeeding gear (ended up with both). Why? Because I did NOT want to add that layer of GUILT on if, at the end of the incessant pumping and prodding, she cannot breastfeed. She knows it's the best thing. What she doesn't need, is someone making her feel less than 100% for doing what she feels is the best for HER and HER BABY.

I'm really passionate about this because I had FULL intentions of breastfeeding my children, thought formula was the bane of evil, etc, etc.

Then I sat there trying to feed, thinking the entire time how much I wanted to throw my baby out the window as my hormones washed over me. I looked to the nurses and consultants and LaLeche for help, and was told "it would pass"

2 weeks after that, I almost took my own life. My in laws likely saved me, and my father, by asking me what was more important-where the food comes from, or ME.

I agree that it's an uphill battle reintroducing breastfeeding after years of formula focus. But there needs to be a balance, and a realization that it IS easier for some, and that our current world is not set up for breastfeeding in every instance. I think that perhaps it's up to groups of parents like this one to try and figure out how to adequately support BOTH sides without name calling. I've used the "n-word" too, and it is unfair, however backed into a corner I felt.

Am I off base here?

Reply

Thordora,

I do not feel that you are off base. I have found that the more exposure I get to those that are adamant about breastfeeding (I too hate the N word and I cannot believe that people would use that in any context) the more angry and turned off I become at the whole breastfeeding thing. I think there needs to be a respect of mothers who have read the information, tried their hardest and made their decisions. If you ask for my understanding and respect in your decision to parent, then I expect the same courtesy. When someone tells me that I am poisoning my child by giving him formula and make disparaging remarks about a decision I have not made lightly then I find it very difficult to see their point of view.

I hope this makes some kind of sense, I have a 21 month old who has started to regress on his sleep patterns so I am tired. :)

Reply

I really connected to this post. When my son was born in May 2003, he was a great nurser from the get-go (even with an induction and an epidural). He was BIG and gained weight well. Of course my nipples hurt like hell the first few weeks, but after that it got better. If my son was fussing, he was either tired or hungry (usually hungry). We breastfed for 15 months, even after I went back to work when he was 3 months old I would pump 2 a day. I always had enough milk. I did HATE to pump.

Fast forward to May 2005. My darling daughter is born, via c-section, because she is breech and 10 pounds. But, for some reason, our experience was different. She was a fussy feeder, and it never got easier. She gained weight really well, but the experience was much more miserable because of her fussing at the breast. I always had to feed her in the same chair, with the lights low and no noise. It was very anxiety producing. I used to dread feeding sessions. She could never settle down enough to nurse her out of the house, either. When I went back to work, my milk supply suffered, even after increasing the pumping sessions, eat and drinking more, etc. I even went on reglan, which only made me CRAZY and sleepy. After work I would drive to daycare to pick them up, DREADING the nursing session that was coming up. So, we (my husband and I) made the decision to wean to formula at 8 months. At first I was so upset that her experience would be different from her brother's. But, in time I realized that they are different and it's okay. It was really the best decision for our family. And that is what matters most to me.

Reply

Wow. There is a lot of pent up guilt here!

Why is motherhood so associated with guilt? If you bottlefeed or nurse, you get guilt somewhere. Someone's always ready to blame and even if they don't, you're likely to blame yourself.

Working, pottytraining, cosleeping, circumcision, which school to go to, etc. Unless the kid is being physically or verbally abused, they're probably going to be okay. So why, why can't we just let these things go? Because someone, somewhere feels insecure and wants you to feel bad so that they can feel better - even if what you're doing is perfectly fine for your family.

Ladies (and men, too, if you're reading), give yourself a big pat on the back for bringing that kid into the world. That's a huge responsibility and if you're at least giving it a solid effort, you can't be doing everything wrong, right?

Reply

It is so nice to know that I am not alone. I gave birth to my first six weeks ago. I have always been adamant about breastfeeding and worngly assumed it would all come naturally. I have never tried so hard at anything my entire life. I am still trying. My story is long and too fresh to recount here, but I have finally realized that i would rather be a good mother and a sane mother to my baby than to worry about where every once of his nourishment is coming from.
Thank you all so much. You will never know how much I needed to hear what all of you have said.

Reply

No guilt here.

My daughter was born with low blood sugar and the nurses shoved a bottle of formula in her mouth almost immediately (in retrospect, I wish I had the confidence to say NO, but I was a scared new mom and figured they knew what was best for her). After that, she latched on and would suck for what seemed like hours, but her mouth was so tiny that she wasn't latching properly and pretty soon, my nipples were torn up and so tender I would cry.

The lactation consultant sent me home with orders to pump exclusively until my nipples healed, and supplement with formula when necessary. Eventually they healed, we got the hang of nursing, and by 6 weeks the formula was gone. She had breast milk exclusively until she was 7 months old, then we reintroduced formula as my milk supply diminished (I work full time) and she started eating more solids.

She is 13 months now and we're in the throes of weaning. Yes, I supplemented with formula, but that doesn't change the fact that I did all I could to give her the best. And ultimately, that's what matters.

Reply

You're probably tired of hearing me say "back when".

Back when I had my first, I had to twist arms because I wanted to try to nurse. They gave me the idea I was obscene somehow. It didn't work too well, I gave up in a couple of months, and then got to hear "told you so". My second was a preemie, breast pump - what was that? Formula again. Third, a little more successful - still no support. When I went back to work, she went on formula. Fourth - ditto third. Fifth - same as second - preemie - no encouragement to provide breast milk. Time range 1956 - 1972.

Bottom line - never once did I feel guilty. I tried, it didn't work, they're all healthy.

I admire the work LL does; they're been successful in changing attitudes that desperately needed changing. But formula feeding is not child abuse. It's a personal decision for each woman and should stay that way.

The personal stories I've read here from loving parents break my heart. For heaven't sake, lose the guilt and enjoy your healthy, happy child.

Reply

Thank you so much for writing this. I had similar problems when my daughter was born (she was in NICU for a heart defect), and I still feel a little guilty for failing to breastfeed even though I couldn't stand another night of sobbing while my daughter screamed, unable to get milk from my breasts.
I pumped as long as I could stand it, but had so much milk that I could've pumped all the time and still have been engorged. I chose to spend the time with my new baby instead. It killed me, and I felt pretty damn inadequate, but I think my mental health would've been in the toilet if I hadn't used formula.

Reply

I too had a lot of trouble with nursing at first. I went through much guilt and tears. My daughter wouldn't latch for three weeks and then when she finally did I spent 2 weeks in pain before it finally eased up. I was afraid of PPD and yet I felt horribly guilty at the thought of "giving up".

Funny thing -- the more we defied breastfeeding orthodoxy, the better I felt -- we "caved" and fed her pumped milk in a bottle instead of a cup, we gave her a pacifier, and one night at midnight when she was crying and crying I walked to the 24-hour drugstore and bought formula. I worked with 7 lactation consultants/nurses/doulas; most were not helpful.

I vowed to myself that I would stick it out till 6 weeks no matter what, and then re-evaluate. There were many many many times I wanted to just quit. I was lucky: by six weeks she had gotten the hang of it, and I never had an issue with milk supply so I was able to do this. Now she's 14 weeks and BF is going beautifully - in my case I'm really glad I was able to stick it out. But I have enormous sympathy for those who decided for whatever reason to switch to formula. Many of my friends did it, and I almost did too.

If I hadn't had an excellent milk supply, if I hadn't had an incredibly supportive husband and mother who did lots of the feeding when I was pumping, if I hadn't found that one nurse who reassured me that I was doing everything right - the baby just wasn't eating right, if I had had worse problems with mastitis or cracked nipples, if I had suffered from worse PPD, if the baby hadn't just figured it out on her own by six weeks -- for any of those reasons I would probably have stopped and my daughter would have been absolutely fine.

I guess my point is that BF is very difficult for most people I've encountered. For some people it works out, for others it doesn't. Luck seems to be a pretty big factor - especially luck in terms of what your baby figures out how to do when, and what your milk supply is like. We're all trying to do the best for our babies -- which includes, very importantly, having a happy, balanced, non-depressed mother. And the best thing we can do is support each other, whatever our decisions.

Reply

Wow, this is my first time ever reading a "blog" thing. It's pretty neat, gotta share my story and my certain truth that took me 3 children to attain.
I love the idea of breatfeeding, i love the closeness, i love the time off my feet, i love that i can give the very best to my children. But the truth of the matter is that i just don't like the actual "feeding" part of it. I can't stand the feel of my little ones suck. It hurts, it makes my breasts itch like crazy inside and out, it takes forever, i just don't like the act of nursing. My nipples are fine, they don't crack and bleed. My supply is fine, i even made ounce after ounce after ounce of thick yellow colostrum for my preemie to eat for the first 2 weeks of her life rather than full-term white milk. I've no reason not to breastfeed other than the fact that i just don't like to! There, i've said it! I feel free! Took me 3 nursed babies to be able to admit that. So with this new baby, my preemie who came in the 34th week, i bought a pump. Not a flimsy hand pump, not a $50 hand pump either, (i've got all those already and they suck...only cuz they don't "suck" enough--haha) i forked out the big bucks for a pump of my own. It is affectionately called "The Machine!" It not only sucks milk from both breasts in 4 min flat, but i think my very soul as well!! (J/K) It's a beast of a thing! Anyway, it is the bridge that has allowed my baby to get the best she deserves, and me to just be more comfortable. It's a win win situation. I never feel like a failure because i refuse to. Ohh people say their nasty little comments, but i wont listen. I know what's in my little one's bottle. And sometimes, it's FORMULA! And i still don't feel guilty. I think mom's have a right to choose to breast feed from the breast, from a pumped supply, or to offer formula. Point is, a good mom FEEDS her baby. Sometimes i think it's worse to try soooo hard at breastfeeding when it's just not working out for whatever reason (does the reason really matter?) when everyone could be just as healthy and HAPPIER with a bottle filled with whatever works for mom and baby.
So moms, be encouraged, you're on here because you desire the best for your baby, and someone questioned you. They've no right to, God entrusted that beautiful baby to YOU and not your nosey well-meaning tongue flappers.
That is my story. I've breastfed all my little ones, with boo-coodles of problems at the begining, and just pressed through them determined to make it work, and in then end they all had bottles (go figure after all that hard work and determination), sometimes with bm sometimes with formula. My kids are happy and healthy, and i am confident i've don't my job as a mom. Ya'll should feel pretty good too, cuz you're doing a great job! Blessings on the wonderful years to come.

Reply

I have read these stories with great sadness. I first breastfed 39 years ago. When I had some pain and cracked nipples, the pediatrician had no advice but to stop nursing. When he found out the baby had not gained weight above her birthweight at 6 weeks, he said I should stop. We were leaving for a long trip and I thought formula was a big risk, so I didn't stop. Instead, I went to the "Womanly Art of Breastfeeding", a LaLeche League book. It made it clear to me that I was not having the baby fully on the nipple, even though I thought she was. It also suggested to me that without proper suckling, (the baby mostly chewing on the nipple) my breasts were not producing enough milk yet. This kept me from thinking I simply could not produce milk.

I started ensuring that she was well on the breast at every feed, and, despite the prior nipple damage I FELT NO PAIN even at the very first correctly-latched feed. I was amazed.

To increase my supply, for the next two weeks while I crated everything in the house for the cross-country move, I nursed her every two hours for an hour, if she would stay at the breast that long. I nursed standing, cooking, eating, resting, reading, talking on the phone and loading boxes. At night I nursed an hour only when she waked for a feed. To calm my worries, I would then offer her formula.

Over a period of about 2 weeks, she gradually reduced each feeding time and eventually also refused any of the formula. The time between night feeds grew long. Six weeks later, when she went to the new pediatrician at the new location, she had gained 3.5 lbs and I was having no trouble breastfeeding.

I went on to specialize professionally in the biological benefits of breastfeeding for the mother and child. I learned a lot more about the working of the breast and the growth and development of the newborn, and a lot of it would explain why many of these breastfeeding stories are so grim. Using a pump to try to increase the milk supply is rarely the right answer, as most of these stories show. If the baby does not suck well, reducing the time on the breast is a mistake. If that is done, neither the baby or the mother learns how to do the breastfeeding right, and the baby's suck doesn't strengthen. Loss of weight by the baby early on is NORMAL while they learn how to do it better. Frequent feeds are normal, too, for a couple of weeks. During this weight loss and frequent feed period, the milk supply changes to fit the baby's needs both in terms of the amount available at a feed and the time between feeds. Overfilled breasts can be dealt with easily, if you are given the right advice.

Also, when breastfeeding is relaxed and established, you can rest, even sleep during feedings, unlike during pumping. But you have to get both the mother and baby completely used to settling in, making the right physical connection, and not counting time during a feed. Then the feeds soon become organized and effective and relatively short. Women need to rest for at least a month and that time should be spent getting to know the baby and what its rhythms and needs are. With my second baby, this happened for me within the week, because I knew what I was doing. More time should be allowed for the first child, and no one should suggest a pump unless a woman CANNOT BE WITH the baby when it needs to be fed, and ONLY after full lactation is established. If, during the first month or two, a woman needs to be separated from the baby for a period, I would prefer giving a formula bottle rather than have the woman identifying breastfeeding with a machine. I think they DO cause breast irritation, and it is blamed on the baby if the baby is also fed on the breast.

What a shame after all these years that medical people are still giving women such bad advice about how to make breastfeeding work.

So, to any of you out there that are still game to try it, breastfeed your child. Don't worry about the house for at least a month; accept all the help you can get (assign friends to shop, cook etc, rather than visit), sleep whenever you can, and be attentive to learning good latch-on, so breastfeeding is painless. DOn't count the feeds, as the numbers change every day and in two months you will not remember the first month. If you end up back to work before the baby is 4 to 6 months old, you can decide if you want to pump and store breast milk THEN, when milk is flowing easily and you really have a CHOICE and know why you are making the choice you make.

I loved the fact that I could pick up my second child, my purse, and the 3 and half year old and just head out without worries about what I would do if he needed to be fed, or if we wanted to stay out a little longer than planned. Further, although most U.S. babies are healthy, and the vast majority survive if they get ill, breastfed babies DO have fewer illnesses and hospitalizations, even into adulthood. The truth of this is partly revealed by the poor standing of the U.S. in regards to infant mortality, compared to other countries.

Reply

Sally, while I appreciate that you have lots of good advice for women trying to successfully breastfeed, the way it is presented is precisely the reason so many of us feel consumed with guilt. Perhaps I'm just being too sensitive, but it comes across as "if it's not working for you, you're just not doing it right because if you did it right, you'd love it."

While I'm sure there are many people who can nurse pain-free once they learn how to do it correctly, there are also people with inverted nipples, very sensitive skin, and other issues which will cause pain no matter how perfect the latch is. I do think that accurate information is vital for women who really want to nurse and who like it, but making it work physically is not the only issue.

I also have to ask, why would you prefer that a woman formula feed her child than pump? Especially when you made a point to mention the health benefits of breastmilk. Were you talking about situations where a woman pumps at first and then tries to switch the child to the breast later on? Or were you also talkin about women who pump and bottlefeed exclusively?

I apologize if I have misunderstood what you wrote or misread your tone. I'm sure that I'm extra-touchy about this because I heard and read so often that if it wasn't working for me, I must be doing something physically wrong and by learning the perfect latch, everything would fall into place. I couldn't understand, then, why physically it worked perfectly, but mentally I just couldn't stand it. I had more than enough accurate nursing information, but the assumption was always that every woman loves nursing once she and the baby figure it out. The more women I talk to, the more I find out that that isn't the case.

Reply

As a health professional, I was really interested in reading all the comments. As a mom who was able to breastfeed two children (each with their own problems), I was really interested in reading all the comments. I have always felt, that while nursing is the best for the baby, it may not be the best for the family. It is 'natural' but not necessarily 'instinctual'. Latching on, positioning, and more are learned. The suckling is all that is instinctual. I have told many new moms who really want to nurse the first thing is to relax and give it time. Nurse first. If they are worried about baby not having enough to eat, offer a bottle with an ounce of formula at the end of nursing. It's the mental thing. They can relax because they know baby is getting nutrition one way or another. That is the important thing. My son, as it turned out, is 'tongue-tied' and nursed for 45 minutes a feeding every 2-3 hours. My nipples hurt to be in a bra and hurt to not be in a bra for the first 2 weeks. I offered him formula at times to supplement. My guilt was from my own mom, who told me I was starving him by breastfeeding, although he never was that fussy a baby. I did what I knew was best for us, knew deep in my heart. With my daugher, she scared me she was starving. She only ate (the normal) 20 minutes at a feeding!!! Then, at 9 weeks, I had to have my gallbladder out, the old fashioned way. No nursing for a week, then slow relactation. Of course I supplemented with formula. There was no way I could pump for a few days with the surgery, my body needed the nutrients for healing ME. I could have stopped, but it worked out I could continue nursing, with aid of formula, bottles, etc. It's easy to say "Relax" but hard to do, when the pressure comes from within to be 'perfect'. As I have said a thousand times, food is food. Some of us eat fast food, some are vegetarians, some eat sushi. Infancy is such a short time, enjoy it and don't worry about being perfect. Baby won't know if the perfect blanket was used, or the most expensive stroller, or sleigh bed vs. hand-me-down bed. All baby cares about are if the needs of love, food, warmth and support are met. Such brings about confidence that needs will be met throughout life.

Reply

Like so many moms...I know it is hard to not to Exclusively Breast feed..exspeically if you are me...I am an OB/Nursery nurse...We preach to all the new mom's that BREAST is BEST...Well I thought so but never ever preached it to my new mom's at the hospital..I always thought bonding and cuddling with your little one without stressing about getting your baby to breast is more important...

The Fact is I didnt do well with breast feeding my Last daughter just born this Feburary...She not only didnt like to breast feed the first month but she would vomit it all up...at 6 weeks I gave up and put her to soy...What a life saver..she was happy not crying all the time...less watery stools...and gas was gone...and she may have vomited a total of 4 times since the change

So why the hype about ONLY Breast Feeding when there has been so many moms that cant get it down..I DONT KNOW...What I do know is back in the 50's and 60's over 80% of all babies...that includes me..were Bottle fed formula that is what was preached to them..so they could monitor a babies intake and weight better...and we all seemed to turn out ok...And we all know Formula today is much better then it was back then...And if you come to think about how bad most of our diets are now days...its probably better then our breast milk is...

All I can Say is this----> Go with your Gut Instinct...And love your babies...Remember its a BOTTLE not the Devil

Reply