Man, how I HATE the phrase "Gotcha Day"
Jennifer sent us a note directing our attention to an article being featured on Adoptive Families' online
website that has me cheering for joy. In it, the author laments the phrase "Gotcha Day." For
those of you who are unfamiliar, the term "Gotcha Day" has worked its way into common usage in the
adoption world as the day that children who were adopted came home to their families. I will admit that I NEVER understood the use of this term with reference to adoption. "Gotcha!" has always been a word I would've attributed to catching a fly ball, not for something as serious and meaningful as welcoming a new member of your family. "Gotcha!" sounds pithy and cutesy -- and frankly, I'm not a pithy or cutesy kinda girl.
What do you think? Does your family celebrate "Gotcha Day," or do you have another name for the day your little one came home?
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
julie 3-01-2006 @ 12:54PM
I agree 100%. We use the term "forever family day" and celebrate with a cake which we decorate with hearts and all our names.
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christy 3-01-2006 @ 1:35PM
This may be different if a child is adopted at an older age, but as an adopted kid I would have felt weird having any sort of day like that. In the same way I think it sucks when you hear phrases like "the adopted son of ..." It seems like something parents like to do because it makes them feel warm and fuzzy, but kids may resent being put in a situation that makes them stand out. I feel things like that would be constant reminders that I was adopted and that I was a bit of an outsider to my family. I feel like I am not explaining this well, but I always thought of my family as my family. Period. Not as my "foverver family" or the family that took me in. My mom and dad were my mom and dad, my brother was just my annoying little brother. Would a celebration like that have made me feel like I owed them some debt of gratitude for "taking me in"? Would I have not thought of them as my family in the same way natural-born children do? I have no idea, but in retrospect, I can see that happening.
Again, just my 2 cents, so if your kid(s) seem to like it, more power to you.
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Terri Mauro 3-01-2006 @ 1:45PM
On the first year anniversary of bringing our kids home, we did make a big deal. We went out to dinner with extended family, and the place happened to have somebody going from table to table singing, and for us he sang "A Whole New World," and my gosh, major bawling.
After that, though, life kind of took over. There was a lot to do with school and therapy and doctors and I think we just stopped being an Adoptive Family and started being a family. Then again, my husband and I barely do anything on our wedding anniversary, either, and birthdays are pretty low-key, so maybe we're just not milestone people.
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Sylvie 3-01-2006 @ 3:51PM
I don't really like the whole gotcha day concept. We decided we were just going to celebrate our son's birthday, because we feel that is the day we fell in love with him, and he came home 3 days later. We decided to not even really make mention of the court finalization because we just felt like he was a part of our family and court is just a formality, but that's just us. Even if we were to adopt more children and bring them home when they are older than three days old, I don't think we will celebrate a gotcha day, we don't like the term (personally)and we think the important thing is that we are family and we can celebrate being family in other ways and without putting a label on it.
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Caitlin 3-01-2006 @ 4:10PM
My friend's father doesn't share DNA with either of his daughters (the other is a step daughter), but they both share a large piece of his heart. He was very much the proud father at my friend's wedding, and gently corrected people that my friend was "just his daughter, no qualifications needed". I think someone mentioned that we were considering adopting and he started telling us about when they brought my friend home.
They didn't celebrate my friend's homecoming day, because they realized it was a day that she might have mixed feelings about. When she was adopted, she was a preschooler who remembered her bio parents and it wasn't the easiest of transitions. But he said that it was a day that he and his first wife always privately remembered together, because it was the day they became parents.
I think if we do decide we want a second child and adopt, we probably won't celebrate anniversaries of their homecoming, especially since we're looking at older children. Like my friend's father, that day will probably be a day of private thanks for the gift of having this new child to share our lives with. I'm not really sure how we'd handle it if the child was too young to remember a life without us.
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Jennifer 3-01-2006 @ 4:28PM
What good comments! Aside from birthdays (and even then not-so-much) we're also a very low-key-on-anniversaries family. The last few years with my oldest daughter, I think we MAY have gone out to eat on the anniversary of when she came home to us, but that's about it.
This year, though, she's been talking a lot and asking me many questions about her adoption, and I think she'll really be happy to have a special day (far opposite in the year from her birthday) just for her. I think I'll play it by ear in the future, and perhaps some years we'll do something, and the rest of the time it'll just be another day on the calendar.
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Twyla 3-01-2006 @ 5:17PM
Perhaps it is because I am a 47 year old adoptee and this is a new term that I find it a bit surprising. Although I do not remember ever specifically being told I was adopted, it is something I have always known. So,obviously, Gotcha Day was not celebrated, although there is no doubt in my mind that my parents were very happy on that day. However, my birthday is December 22 and my mother always made sure it was celebrated as MY birthday, separate from Christmas. The day I was born was the day to celebrate, just like everyone else. For non-adopted children, do parents celebrate conception day, in-vitro fertilization day...
Yes, being a parent is a great joy, but I think celebrating Gotcha Day would just continually say, you aren't a real part of this family.
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Ms Sisyphus 3-01-2006 @ 5:53PM
I agree that, as an adoptee, I find this idea of a "gotch" or "forever family" Day to be offputting. I'm all for feeling no shame about adoption, but to me, this seems to be taking it a bit far in a way that only serves to heighten the differences between adoptive families and the other varieties rather than focus on the simple fact that you are a simply a family.
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Amy 3-01-2006 @ 5:57PM
Why not just call it "Homecoming"?
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St. Pete Mom 3-02-2006 @ 11:48AM
As the parent of 3 year old that we adopted at 13 months, I love celebrating "Gotcha" day. My husband and I prayed and waited for that wondrous day to arrive for longer than I can say and we have a special family dinner to celebrate it. Our daughter knows that this is the day we found each other. We are big celebrations people and love another chance to affirm our wonderful bond.
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Dee in TN 3-23-2006 @ 11:45AM
We have been a Forever Family for 6yrs, our son now 7 & daughter now 8 are from Ukraine. We enjoy celebrating "Gotcha Day" and telling the story to the children of how we were pronounced a family by the judge. That to us it is as special as a marriage, and that we should enjoy being a family by "Love" instead of "Blood". That we are special, that God led us across the earth to find them, that we need them in our lives and that we cherish the day April 11th as a most wonderful day. If we call it "Gotcha" or something else, it is a day to remember/celebrate forever how blessed we are to be a family.
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