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Blogging Baby Size Six: egregious toddler bling

by Larissa Brown (Subscribe to Larissa Brown's posts)
Mar 8th 2006 12:03PM

5Comments

Filed under: Babies, Toddlers Preschoolers, Life & Style, Baby Essentials, Decor

Known as “baby bling,” mini diamonds, tennis bracelets, and chains for babies have arrived! And instantly become another cliché.

Yesterday Fox 12 News profiled Pimpfants a new line of clothing for lesser monied babies and toddlers, which the creator says “gives today’s generation of parents what they want,” and “fills a niche” in the children’s clothing market. An example: currently featured on the Pimpfants web site is the curiously named “baby beater” top.

The company’s just crying out for attention with its name. Pimpfants might be the grossest new word. Ever. In honor of this etymological feat, we’re rounding up a size six of the most egregiously useless, over-the-top, or wacky baby and toddler bling items, a few of which Blogging Baby has covered before.

1. The Spongebob Squarepants bedazzled juice box holder, $185

2. The lovely, but unsuckable, Swarovski pacifier. A mere $16.18

3. Burberry Cologne for Babies Who Stink, $38

4. A faux mink sling, so your blingy baby won’t get pelted by PETA, $153

5. The birth diamond baby necklace, shaped like the Gund bear’s head, but with a diamond for its face. For $3,950 your baby can suck the ultimately expensive gummy bear.

6. A Cinderella’s coach bed, a bargain at just $47,000.

Back over at Pimpfants, the problem isn’t the clothes – which darn it, are kind of cute – but the fact that the velour toddler tracksuits come without irony. Does it make any sense to adultify a kid into a role like a pimp (or a stockbroker)? Would a real pimp be caught dead in these onesies?

Opposite of that, there’s Ellen Degeneres, who gave Britney Spears an irony-laden gift last May. Perhaps the cutest and most hilarious baby bling of all – an iced out Silver Cross Pram with neon lights, spinners, and a Sony DVD player, preloaded with the Ellen show.

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