Parenting magazine: I don't fit any of your categories

That article bugged me to no end. It made parenting sound like high school. I'm sure there are moms who fit into those categories, but I think that there are a lot like you who don't fit into any specific category- and I think that's a good thing!

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I am part of a group led by a very prototypical Queen Bee, and I think most of the folks are completely fed up with her "not so hidden messages." My take is that this SAHM creates the hierarchy in order to feel empowered and appreciated. I liken the whole relationship dynamic of our mommies group to The Godfather: everything is all nice and happy, but all planning and decisions must come from above, and DON'T cross the Queen Bee.

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I wrote in the other comments that I was a "floater", but it was mostly because I didn't think the article fit me either, and that was as close as I could get. In high school you are all the same age and spend 6-8 hours a day in similar activities. In parenting you could have as much as a 25+ year age range between mommies, wildly different life experiences, and wildly different activities during the day. There are just too many variables to create cliques in the same way. I think motherhood is an opportunity to meet a variety of people, and I often wonder who these articles are talking about since it isn't me or anyone I know.

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I stopped reading parenting magazines for exactly this reason. I often felt that I did not "fit" into motherhood as described by these publications, and became more and more uncomfortable with the narrow definitions of "right" parenting (which often required the acquisition of more "stuff") they promoted. For me, it was having every single "How to recharge as a mom" or "How to handle discipline issues" article make heavy reference to "your husband" that finally turned me off. There was occasionally the odd token reference to single motherhood, but it was obvious that it was simply shoehorned in and that the writers and editor's didn't really "get" it.

I must say, I feel much more empowered and confident as a mother since I freed myself from trying to work the expectations of those magazines into my life and instead just concentrated on being the best mother *I* know how to be and seeking out information on the issues and concerns that matter to *me*, rather than having these things spoonfed to me by the Parenting Media Mafia.

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jenny, i agree with you about all of the variables. all of those factors alone make it impossible for most moms to be available to treat each other the way the article suggests. like sarah, i live in portland, where i think the mom scene is pretty friendly and easygoing. but the people in portland have always struck me that way. i moved away from an east coast suburb where i bet the moms are cliqueing up, becauase that's what people were like even after high school. different towns have different ways of operating.

on the other hand, i don't think people should have to make friends with everyone if that isn't their way. some folks are shy. some people need to have a few good friends vs. many acquaintences. some people have strong child rearing beliefs that would make random, new friendships with people of opposing beliefs a dumb idea in mamahood, just as it would be a dumb idea otherwise. this isn't an excuse for rudeness or clique-ish behavior, but an acknowledgement that we're human.

i agree it's wrong to say motherhood is where people become divided.

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It's funny how in the last week or so this has become such a hot issue. I suppose a couple of people have books coming out ;)

I think it's bizarre that publications like "Parenting," which I don't read outside a doctor's office, are supposedly devoted to being a positive tool for parents to use yet they're asking mothers to label themselves according to narrow, negative definitions.

The only parenting magazine I buy/read is "Violet" and I'm worried that they're ceasing production. It's positive, creative and beautiful -- labels that other parenting magazines don't seem to want to attach to themselves or their readers.

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Honestly, as angry as the article made me, I think some of the points were valid. Somewhere in there, the writer mentioned that many women have "grown up" if you will and don't really follow these roles anymore (the reformed mom, I guess?).

The fact that we're making such a point to address the differences is more of a problem than the differences themselves. We could apply all sorts of titles to people...Queen Bees could also be identified as First Borns or Type "A"s or Controlling...you're just as much likely to find these personalities in men as you are in women. Can we just move on and stop placing everyone into a category?

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This is just one of the many reasons why I have decided to not read parenting magazines: they either make me feel inept as a mom, catorgarize me, or scare the sh*t out of me in terms of my daughters daily life.

That and I can find all the highlights here without buying the magazine first. hehe

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Advertisers (by way of media) try to pin mothers down into categories. So they can sell us stuff. The message du jour? Stress, misery and danger ... oh my! On top of that, we all hate each other. Case in point, Leslie Morgan Steiner -- an ADVERTISING executive at the Washington Post -- whips up the fury of the mommy wars on her WP-sponsored blog, even though she says she wants to call a truce. Wink, wink.

I'm not buying it.

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Becky, that is such a good point and seems so clear now that you say it. Parenting magazine is essentially a vehicle for ads, so their purpose is to make parents (moms) feel insecure and then to offer the ads for products which will make them feel better. And I hadn't even thought about Leslie Morgan Steiner being an advertising exec, but you are so right. I was a little amused by her disingenuous claim in the Salon interview that she wanted to call her book something other than "Mommy Wars" but the "publishers" insisted.

We do get Parenting, because my daughter likes the Sesame Street mag that comes with it. I just have to train myself to throw out the main mag!

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