Party favor rudeness

by Melissa Summers (Subscribe to Melissa Summers's posts) Mar 27th 2006 1:03PM

From the Tipline, Terri's wondering if it's bad form to return a party favor you don't want to the party host. At her son's birthday party, a mother came up to Terri explaining how her daughter doesn't play with cars or eat candy so she should just keep it to give to the birthday boy.

I mentioned last week how vehemently I hate goody bag clutter, so on the one hand I understand the mother's point of view. On the other hand I think that's exceedingly rude. The goody bag, the one I hate so much, is a gift from the host of the party to the attendees.

Would you hand back a poorly chosen gift from a well meaning relative under the Christmas tree? I think it's a similar train of thought here. It's in poor taste to hand back any gift given to you. Yes I realize I've admitted to tossing candy and rubber balls from goody bags, but I don't do it in front of the party hosts.

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Comments (19)

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LB 3-27-2006 @ 1:26PM

Ugg I'd be so ticked. Rejecting mom actually gave the birthday mom extra work, either the work of having this extra toyat home, the guilt of tossing something, maybe having to negotiate the extra gift with any siblings theBD boy has, etc.

She should have just taken the freakin' goody and tossed it or kept if for a little gift for a little kid. Why should her kid' gift be the resposibilty of the giftgiver.

We've had our share of useless good bag stuff. I either stash certian things that make good add-ons to BDday gift wrapping, or I make little goody bags for siblings of friends with new babies.

Also a local thrift store here bags us all those doo dad things, MCD toys etc and sells 'em. I sometimes fill up a ziplock of that stuff and include it with Purple Heart pick-ups.

StephanieS 3-27-2006 @ 1:41PM

As much as I hate goody bags full of useless junk, I would never tell a host to keep it. I'd toss it at home or give it to one of my kids' teachers (they use little stuff as prizes for different things).
And if someone said that to me at my own kid's party? I'd want to punch them. How incredibly rude!

Sadaf 3-27-2006 @ 1:43PM

Returning the candy, doo-dads, whatever is so rude. It's like one-upmanship in parenting, somehow ("my kid doesn't eat candy...so here you go, feed it to yours, since it's obvious you care so little for his health. Sanctimonious, prissy, obnoxious parents like that should be stricken from future guest lists, in my opinion. Just throw the dang junk out if you don't want it. Jeesh.

Eden 3-27-2006 @ 2:03PM

I think party goodie bags are well-intentioned and they represent more than just what's in the bag so it would be easy to read into the gesture of giving it, receiving it or returning it.

If there's something in the goodie bag your child can't have (say a Snickers bar and your kid has an allergy), that's maybe something the host should have been informed of in the first place.

I don't think it's particularly nice to shove a goodie bag back in someone's face. You could "forget" it or just pitch it at home. But you never know when your kid might say, "My mom threw away the goodie bag from your party."

Plus goodie bags aren't expensive (unless that's the new thing at kid parties, creating Oscar basket-worthy goodie bags) so I don't see the advantage of "returning" it to the host. It's not worth causing waves over, IMO.

Lisa V 3-27-2006 @ 2:05PM

Rude. I don't care if you toss it in the first garbage can you see after leaving the party, you don't hand it back to the hostess. I hate balloons more than anything, seriously my kids fight over, or they knock over a lamp chasing them or they pop the kid is sobbing. We refuse all balloons at restaurants, etc. But if we are handed one at a birthday party, we accept it graciously. Then I pop the darn thing the minute my kid isn't looking. You accept a gift, no matter what you think of it.

Angelica 3-27-2006 @ 2:12PM

Handing back a gift is TRES MAUVAIS in my opinion. If you REALLY want to head off any kind of controversy, keep whatever you deem inappropriate out of your child's hands, but give them a chance to pick one or two of the items from the bad. Just because your kid dosen't eat candy doesn't mean that ONCE in his life it is going to kill him (barring he is diabetic). And playing with a useless, meaningless toy is the whole reason kids LOVE to get goodie bags. Besides, giving goodie bags at a party is a great way for your child to pick out things his/her friends will like, and to show them that he/she appreciates their friendship and for their coming to the party.

Missy 3-27-2006 @ 2:16PM

This was an entirely new phenomenon for me. We went to a one year old's birthday party and the host, a friend of mine, gave out goodie bags. It was weird because none of the toys were age-appropriate for our kids. They were appropriate for, say, three year olds, of which there were a couple at the party (friends of the family).

I didn't throw the bag away, I'm just holding onto it until my son gets older. Still, it seems like such a waste.

I don't remember this kind of stuff when I was a child? Is this new?

lynn 3-27-2006 @ 2:19PM

We had a 5-year-old guest come up after the goodie bags were handed out to say "Why did you give me fruit snacks? I hate fruit snacks!"

Ginny 3-27-2006 @ 3:00PM

Yes Missy, I think this is new. "Back in the day" you would invite 4 or 5 friends over for cake and ice cream. You might play pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey. Then the guests would watch you open your gifts. IMO children's parties are SO out of control these days. You gotta hire a friggin clown with a pony for everyone to ride on when they are finished bouncing in the contraption you rented. Then the guests open their gifts.

ann adams 3-27-2006 @ 3:10PM

It's new to me. Our parties are so simple. I usually manage noisemakers and the dreaded balloons and maybe one other little piece of junk and that's it. Probably no balloons for the wee ones though except for display; they're dangerous to small children.

I agree with Angelica about the meaningless toys. My tacky and useless is their treasure. (Or was, they're a little older and more discerning now).

I would never, ever throw a gift in someone's face and that includes the blue and white polka dot blouse with ruffles on the bottom my sons' dad thought would be the perfect birthday present. I cringed and wore it under a jumper.

callistawolf 3-27-2006 @ 3:17PM

Definitely rude. If you don't like the toy, throw it away later at home or give it to someone you think might enjoy it. But don't refuse it at the party. That's tactless.

Hollie 3-27-2006 @ 4:15PM

OK......I'm planning my daughters birhtday now and I'm doing to whole "goody bag" routine. I'm not too crazy about the whole concept, but she comes home with a goody bag, so I suppose this is the cycle begins......My question is - What would be something moms would like to see in goody bags that the kids would enjoy. We are going with a Dora theme. I'd like to spend no more than a few dollars a bag??? Any suggestions, or success stories on these goody bags from hell????

elsimom 3-27-2006 @ 4:45PM

When we do goodie bags - I try to do things that are consumable so that you can use them up and be done with them- so for example: bottles of bubbles (can double as balloon weights) Crayola colored bath tabs (dissolve and turn the bath pretty colors), pencils, erasers, washable crayons, little note pads (our pre-schooler who is beginning to write just LOVES having her own note pad to write in.)
We do give mylar balloons, because my kids just LOVE them.
Also- we go in the another direction - We have done all of our birthday parties so far as "no gifts please" from the attendees. Our daughter just turned 4 and had a successful "no gifts please" invitation. This is her third such party. The guests bring cards, and occasionally some little thing (stickers, a pretty multi-color pen, etc.) but no real gifts. Our feeling is that our kids have plenty of toys (too much stuff?), and all the moms I have talked to appreciate not having to buy another gift, as well. For myself, I stand in the Target aisle to buy a gift, and I think "Well, they probably already have Dora Candyland, and Hungry Hippos and . . . . " I always include a gift receipt because I'm sure half the time we duplicate something they already have.
I don't know how long we'll be able to continue this as our kids get older and really want presents - BUT- so far, so good.

larzlaw 3-27-2006 @ 5:26PM

I agree whole heartedly with the above comments! Re: new -- I think so, it seems to me that everyone is trying to one up everyone else. That said, here is what I have done. 12" blow up jungle animals from Oriental Trading Co. for a jungle book party, along with a small board books (purchased at Ross and any other discount store where I could find them) I really like the idea of giving books. Does anyone know where to get the bath tablets?

elsimom 3-27-2006 @ 5:38PM

I have seen the bath tablets at Target (they are in the toy section, in the area with the clay and the Magna doodles and other "art" toys), Toys R Us and a specialty toy store near us. Crayola has some, and we have also had some "elmo" ones in a larger canister. I'm sure you can also get them on-line.

Bonnie 3-27-2006 @ 6:00PM

I've thrown a couple of theme parties where we gave out home-made clay that we made using kool-aid. We made red clay and used heart shaped cookie cutters to make individual hearts then put them in a plastic sandwich bag with ribbon curls. I don't know if there is a color associated with Dora so you could do your daughters favorite. Homeade clay is and fun, easy, and inexpensive project to do with your children a few days before the party and because your putting drink mix in it, it smells nice too.

Also, I noticed on the nickjr. website they had some printables of Dora, coloring book types of things. You could include one of those as well as a small pack of crayons. They also had some cute menu ideas to go with your theme. One of the activities I always include at parties I've planned is to have a card table set up with stickers, crayons, and paper lunch bags. As children arrive I have them decorate a paper bag with their name and stickers, then I have an adult helper fill them with the favor goodies. Add a few stickers and you've got yourself a decent favor bag.

My least favorite favor are whistles, they drive me nuts and I'm quick to make them disappear at the first chance I get. The same with balloons. I'll let them be for a day or two, but the moment they start heading towards the floor they meet with a mysterious death.
http://www.kraftfoods.com/koolaid/2001/scroll/scroll_detail_play_dough.html

http://www.nickjr.com/home/shows/dora/index.jhtml

Enjoy your party,
Bonnie

daisy 3-27-2006 @ 8:01PM

You all might check with your moms. I am 32 and I remember, barely, a few goodie bags from when I was a kid.

Hollie 3-28-2006 @ 8:19AM

Thank you so much, Bonnie for the great suggestions. The bag idea is perfect. It�s off the subject, but I LOVE the name Bonnie. If I have another little girl that�s what we'd name her!

And I also liked the color bath tab idea from elsimom. Do you know if these come individually wrapped?

The reason I ask, is that last year I found some of those bath capsule things and put them in goody bags��you know, the ones in a capsule shape (that should have been a red flag for me) that turn into sponge animals etc. Well, I had second thoughts of putting them in there because they weren�t in the original package, they didn't sell them individually wrapped, and I should have known better. I had 2 parents call me that night asking if I mis-placed some of my medicine, and that there appeared to be some sort of pill in their kids goody bag! SIGH!!!! I of course felt like an ass, but I think the parents also did when I told them what it was��Just a suggestion��avoid lose objects that not all parents can identify.

One more question to annoy you all with��can you think of any Dora snacks? I�ve seen the fruit snacks, and am going with those, but is there anything else?

daughter in law 3-29-2006 @ 9:34AM

It was rude. Hands down.

At my daughter's bday last month we used mini chinese take away boxes filled with a small amount of m&m's with a thank you note. One of my cousin's kids actually asked why they were plain not peanut m&m's.

Instead of a bunch of crappy plastic items, I had a table set up with play-doh, crayons and other items and during clean up told the kids to take home whatever they wanted if it was ok with their parents. (which is probably a faux pas) - oh, well.

I remember getting ziploc baggies with tootsie rolls or smarties and I'm 30.

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