Housecleaning and parenting

by Melissa Summers (Subscribe to Melissa Summers's posts) Mar 28th 2006 8:33AM

Interesting discussion at Half Changed World about hiring a housekeeper to buy yourself / your family time. She's read a book, which I've ordered at the library of course, called "A Housekeeper Is Cheaper Than a Divorce: Why You Can Afford to Hire Help and How to Get It".

The topic is timely for me because my husband and I are planning to get twice monthly housecleaning help in the fall once we're not paying for preschool any longer. But what really interested me were the comments on Elizabeth's post. The issue was raised of whether or not it was wise to not teach children about cleaning up after themselves by modeling that behavior but also by having them join in with the family's responsibilities.

It had never occurred to me not to hire housecleaning help because of the children. I could easily remove all the scrubbing and spraying and dusting chores from our life and still find plenty of ways for my children to clean up after themselves. Making beds, clearing the table, loading/unloading the dishwasher, taking out the trash, general putting away of stuff, in between vacuuming and sweeping, pretty much all that maintenance stuff that overwhelms me all on it's own.

But still it's an interesting issue and I wonder what you think. Do you think your kids would grow up feeling somehow over-privileged by having a housecleaner?

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Comments (30)

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Angelica 3-28-2006 @ 8:58AM

At this point in time we do not have a housekeeper...dont get me wrong, I am not the domestic goddess you want to think I am. I haven't scrubbed the toilets in a week and a half and I can't remember the last time I did a thorough vacuuming. Anyway...during the summer the real estate business goes into super-overdrive and I will be hiring a housekeeper to come in bi-weekly along with an 'on-call' babysitter. I don't think that doing this will give me kids a 'turned-up nose' view of cleaning. They both love to put their fair share in, and I think by having someone come in to help will show my children that as much as they like to think so...I am not SUPERMOM and that sometimes I need a little bit of help. I would rather trade a few hundred dollars in for cleaning than worry about having to waste my time doing things when I could be spending time with the kids.

Stacie 3-28-2006 @ 9:00AM

Yes.

Unless, along the way you teach them to clean up/pick up before the housekeeper arrives. Why?, they may ask. My response would be to show respect. She's kind enough to come and do the heavy duty scrubbing but, we can at least make her job a little easier and let her know she's appreciated by not leaving her so much filth.

I think kids should learn - especially boys, the importance of keeping a place straight, at the very least. Not even I dust (except with a feather duster about once a month). But, everyday, my soon to be 8 year old scoops the litter and my 5 1/2 year old empties the dishwasher. They do all the picking up of toys and cleaning their rooms, too. I've been trying really hard to express to them how embarassing it'd be for our friends to show up unannounced and have them walk into a pig stie (sp). Most importantly, when they're all grown up and living on their own - I want to know they will keep their living spaces relatively decent. And, how are they going to learn those skills unless they perform the chores.

Kim 3-28-2006 @ 9:10AM

I only hired a housecleaner in January so I don't have a lot of experience but they only come every other week. Though greatly lessened, it's not like we are entirely absolved of all cleaning responsibilities.

The bathroom needs a "swish and swipe" (for the flyladies out there) and the kitchen too. We have hairy dogs so the vacuum is out a few times between housecleaner visits too.

When Oliver is old enough (he's 11 months) we'll get him involved in these activities. In my dreams, he's a kid who loves to dust and doesn't mind a little poop scooping in the backyard!

Hollie 3-28-2006 @ 9:14AM

I can speak from both sides of this. I grew up with having somebody clean our house, however I never was allowed to take this for granted. The cleaning lady did the things that were more time consuming, not day to day chores. She did the floors, toilets, ceiling fans etc. Whereas, the children were still responsible for daily chores: the trash, dishes, yard work and more.
Now as an adult, after many years of doing it all by myself, I became a mother! It�s now clear to me as to why my mother hired someone in the first place. (She had 5 girls) Your time is priceless. We get our house cleaned once every 2 weeks, and this is perfect. There for awhile, we only had her come once a month and it was still a great help. There are plenty of daily chores to keep you busy, why not reduce these if possible. Nothing beats the day of coming home from work, to a clean house, and just lounging and relaxing with my family. It�s great not feeling like your disgusting house is dragging you a million directions, begging to be cleaned!
I will however be like my mother in some aspects��once I was older, the cleaning lady did not clean anything in my room. That was always my responsibility. I grew up having this luxury, and it didn�t spoil me in any way. I always had as many chores as the next kid, if not more, and I am a neat and responsible adult today. If anything, it taught me that we, children, were my mom�s top priority, not the dirty floors and showers! Looking back, we weren�t wealthy at all, and she could just as easily have spent that money elsewhere, but instead she played with us, took us to picnics, the park, etc. and didn�t stress over the housework.

Ms. Mama 3-28-2006 @ 9:16AM

When I was young my friends parents had a weekly housekeeper come and do the major chores. But she was instructed to NOT clean the kids rooms or any of their mess (ie toys/books/clothes out of place). This was their duty, not that of the housekeeper... I think this is a nice way to give mom a break, but keep kids responsible for their own mess...

ann adams 3-28-2006 @ 9:24AM

If I could, I would, even for a couple of days a month for the parts that sometmes overwhelm me.

If the kids aren't spoiled to begin with, giving mom (or dad) a little help won't do it. Mine would still be expected to do what they're doing now (with a gentle reminder from time to time) but I could sure use someone to vacuum under the furniture instead of around it and wash a wall from time to time.

For someone working from home, it could make the difference between sink or swim and the cost could be offset against the cost of transportation, lunches, clothing, etc.

Ginny 3-28-2006 @ 9:26AM

You could always teach them that in order to be able pay for a housekeeper, they should go to college. ;)

Meredith 3-28-2006 @ 9:40AM

My mom just wanted to be able to say she had a maid. Although, she also didn't want to scrub toilets.

I grew up most of my life helping clean the house on Saturday mornings, just as my mom did, just as her mom did. Anyone who spent the night at my house also helped, just as her friends did, just as my grandmother's friends did. We never took it for granted.

It is funny, but even though we had someone clean the toilets, mop the floors and wash the sheets, I still recall a childhood of cleaning up after myself.

You have no worries. From your blog and on here, it seems you are lending a fine example of hard work to your children.

Caitlin 3-28-2006 @ 10:12AM

We've had a maid service for about 3 years now, and you pay for the amount of work that gets done in x hours, depending on how many rooms you want cleaned. Leaving clutter (like toys) on the floor and dirty dishes in the sink just takes away from time that they have to do the tasks I don't have time to do during the week.

We play the pick up game about an hour before the maids come. Paul is beginning to help a little now, although at 15 months he still thinks it's funny to unload the pick up box as I fill it up. We try to set a good example for him. He sees us put our dishes in the sink, soak our cooking dishes during the meal, and wash the dishes after the meal. He also sees us do laundry, and I let him "sort" socks while I get the rest of the laundry put up. I think the important thing is that your child sees you doing chores without complaining and seeing that certain things are "expected".

StephanieS 3-28-2006 @ 10:14AM

Having someone come twice a month to clean the house would not spoil your kids. There's still the daily stuff, like dishes, making beds, and general picking up that the kids can help with. Now, a full-time maid? That would spoil your kids! (But wouldn't it be wonderful?)

Danigirl 3-28-2006 @ 11:51AM

Your question struck me as hilarious for some reason. Of all the things we considered in deciding whether or not to hire a housecleaner, it being a bad influence on the kids never made it to the list.

Either mommy (and, to be honest, daddy) scrubs the toilet, or the nice lady does.

It's no worse than dinner - sometimes mum burns it, and sometimes the pizza dude brings it. On the day somebody else does the work for us, we're all a lot happier. I don't fear for their tender psyches on that one, either.

Tricia 3-28-2006 @ 11:58AM

I look at the cleaning lady coming as not a way to spoil my kids (who are 5 & 1) but a way for me to spend time with them that I would otherwise be occupied cleaning the tub. Worth the money for every other week!

Nancy 3-28-2006 @ 12:45PM

After my daughter was born (2.5 years ago), and I was still working in the corporate world, we hired a gal (well, she's a mom who cleans houses part-time) to come and clean every two weeks. It has been one of the best things we've done with our money! When I quit work to stay at home, we decided to keep her in our budget. I still teach my daughter to clean and tidy, and do so myself... actually, I confess that I usually end up doing a big housecleaning the night before "Sue" arrives so that it's tidy enough for her to clean!
It has been great to have someone help with the big cleaning - she is very good at it and it seems so effortless the way she does it that she inspires me. She shares her own cleaning tips with me and it gives me a new incentive every other week so that I don't feel so overwhelmed. My husband appreciates it as well. I realize how fortunate I am to have this extra help. And I've developed a strong friendship with Sue as we share stories about our daughters and lives each time we see each other. My daughter watches her work (we try to get out of her way most of the time though!) and she learns about cleaning from both Sue and I.
It has been one of the better investments for our family!

Mary 3-28-2006 @ 1:19PM

All the others have already said it: as long as your child is expected to pitch in on the day-to-day stuff and pick up after themselves, they won't be spoiled by a cleaning lady.

I might add one other item: they should understand that a cleaning lady is a privelege, and not one everyone enjoys. My 12-year-old told me only yesterday of a friend of hers, who, upon visiting a third friend's home, looked around and said, "Your cleaning lady isn't doing a good job."

Ouch.

My 12-year-old was disgusted. "Imagine getting to be 13 years old," she says, "and not figuring out that not everyone has a cleaning lady. Sheesh."

Sheesh, indeed.

Grayson 3-29-2006 @ 6:52PM

Just to show how the other side lives--I work as a private tutor for an overpriveleged family who has a full-time maid. The children do NOTHING. Their mom says that the struggle of getting them to do any chores is more painful than just having the maid to do it. Clearly it is horrible and I think it has a very negative effect on the kids. They have no household skills. To spill a little gossip, one day the 6th grade daughter put a new roll of toilet paper on the roll and congratulated herself for making things easier on the maid. I had to roll my eyes. Sometimes those things that seem like incredible assets and luxuries are terrible liabilities.

Compared to this family, you all have nothing to worry about!

ChristyD 3-29-2006 @ 10:47PM

Yes, sometimes. I grew up in a house that was cleaned by a professional, but there were a few years when my parents decided that we, as a family, were going to clean the house twice a month on the weekends.It was good for me because I learned how to clean a toilet and all the other gross places in our house. I also REALLY appreciate the value of what our (current) housekeepers do. I wold REALLY like to do it myself and save the $$, but then there is my husband. He grew up with a mother who did EVERYTHING. He didn't even learn to make a bed until he married his first wife (I am the second and last, and he makes our bed). He's finally domesticated, but cleaning toilets and showers and scrubbing floors is somwthing he would rather pay someone to do. I figure we'll go through some years when we pay our kids to do it on the weekends. Lord knows, I don't want to send them into the world not knowing how to do these things for themselves, and I doubt they'll be able to afford it from the minute they leave home.

Eden 3-29-2006 @ 11:49PM

We're selling our house in a few months and it's all I can do to put the house back into the chaos it was in the morning by the end of the day. There's no way I can get ahead. I'm seriously thinking this is the solution. Thanks so much for bringing this up. I'm enjoying the discussion.

Belinda 3-30-2006 @ 12:11AM

The real issue, for me, is...how to get past the initial embarrasssment of having someone who cleans professionally see how I live? Seriously. My mother gave us, as part of her Christmas present to us, some paid-for cleanings from her cleaning service. We have yet to use one, because I can't unclench and let someone in without the house being clean. Are you seeing the disconnect here? Help me!!

Danigirl 3-30-2006 @ 10:39AM

Further to Belinda's comment - the main trouble we had when we had someone coming in every couple of weeks just to sanitize the bathrooms and kitchens was getting enough of the clutter out of the way so she could get to the dirt. I would never expect a cleaning service to put away toys and pick up clutter - really, how would they know where everything goes?

I broached this subject with my husband last night, finally willing to capitulate and call in a service again, and he said he didn't want to 'waste' the money when we could do it ourselves. Sigh.

Michelle 3-30-2006 @ 10:42AM

Get thee a housekeeper!!! I started doing it once every 2 weeks this year and my only regret is I didn't do it sooner. It's a quality of life issue. I work 4 days a week with 2 kids and was spending my weekends on household chores, and not with my family. Even if I wasn't working, I would give up food and shelter (for me!) to keep her.

My kids (3 and 6) each have household chores. THey make their beds, clean their rooms, load the dishwasher, and pick up their toys every day. THe housekeeper just does the "deep cleaning." Believe me, there's still plenty to do! Do it without a shred of guilt, as a gift to yourself and your family!

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