Housecleaning and parenting

We have the house cleaned twice a month and I love it. There's still plenty to do inbetween those cleanings and my son is involved in quite a lot of it. Picking up toys, wiping up spills, sweeping up whatever, making his bed, and helping with the dishes. Lots of opportunities to learn about cleaning, just no toilets involved and at this stage (he's 6) that's probably a good thing!

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We had a housekeeper--her name was Marisa, I invited her to my wedding--when I was growing up. She cleaned up my room every Friday, I can remember loving to come home to a patterned freshly vacuumed carpet.

My mom nagged me always to keep my room clean, I never did, even after Marisa wasn't around to clean up after me. I'm still messy, but I probably have a cleaner house than most people I know. I just don't have any tolerance for a dirty house.

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Actually, that thought did occur to me. For approximately 30 seconds. I decided, like you and those above me, that there are plenty of opportunities to show my daughter how important/polite/necessary it is to maintain a clean/uncluttered environment.

To be honest, I do still think about it occasionally. I don't want her to grow up with the expectation that someone else will always do things for her. I don't want others to consider her "spoiled" (whatever that means). But, I also don't want her to think that her parents considered a clean house more important than having fun with her.

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I grew up overseas as the child of a US diplomat where everyone had household help (it was a way of supporting the economy). Here's how priviledged I was - one maid lived in, another came daily, and we had a gardner. Most of the other American diplomats also had a chauffeur and possibly a cook. That was totally normal there. I can assure you, however, that my mother still found stuff for me to do - set and clear the table, look after my little brothers, clean my own room, wash or dry dishes, and whatever else. When I backsassed her one time and asked why I had to do all of that when we had a maid, she smacked me upside the head and then said it was because I needed to learn. Well, I did - I'm almost compulsively neat and now after 20 years in the workforce, I can afford to have someone clean for me once a week. However, I still insist that my son pick up his own room b/4 she comes, as well as daily chores like load and unload the dishwasher, feed the dog, take out the garbage and pick up dog poop. So that was a long, round-about way of saying that it's all in your attitude about having someone clean for you, not the fact that you are hiring someone to do it.

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I'll jump in too, but I'm pretty sure I'm just echoing what many of the previous posters have said. My husband and I have a cleaning service come in every other week, and it is a huge help when it comes to the dusting, vacuuming, sheets-changing, bathroom-scrubbing types of cleaning that needs to be done. However, we are expecting our first baby any minute now, and I fully intend to teach her that those of us who live in the household are responsible for the everyday chores, like making the beds, doing the dishes, etc. We pay the cleaning service to do just that - the cleaning. We don't pay them to pick up our crap, to put it bluntly. We, and our children, can definitely do that ourselves.

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I grew up with a housekeeper who came to the house once a week. My mom still had us do weekly chores, and if we didn't pick up our room for the housekeeper, she didn't clean it.

Once I had my girls, and started my career, it didn't make sense for us not to have a housekeeper. (Especially once I had my back surgery -- I couldn't physically scrub toilets and whatnot.) Your time is precious, and wouldn't you rather spend time with your kids than scrubbing toilets, if you can afford it? I hope that doesn't sound entitled, but I work really hard (as I know you do), and that's a small luxury. I still pick up, and clean, but the deep cleaning is done by someone else, and I can't tell you how worth it it is. The best thing is the world is to come home to a sparkling fresh house after a long day.

Your kids will still have plenty to do (as will you), but you'll have someone else to do all the heavy lifting, while you can use your time to do more quality things (for yourself OR with your family).

Seriously -- get the housekeeper, you won't regret it!

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I think the fact you are even asking the question is indicative that there's likely going to be some balance and perspective in your house on this issue.

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Another point of view...when I was little, my mom had teenage friends of the family come in to clean (not the best quality, of course, but it helped her a lot). I would hang out with the older kids when they came over and "help" them because I thought it was cool. And then once I got old enough *I* was the cleaner...I had a specific day, and I got paid a specific amount of money per hour, and my mom held me to it. My parents are divorced and I also cleaned my dad and stepmom's house for pay. I learned great skills, I wasn't always whining for money, and it was a good deal for them.

Obviously, that wouldn't be an option for you for many years, but it worked well for us!

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I think the word is irresponsible.

(I grew up with a housekeeper and had to learn how to clean in front of the children. Not cool.)

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I think it really REALLY depends on how you approach it (and I think you'd do it the right way, Melissa). We had a housekeeper once a week when I was growing up and I wasn't expected to do squat around the house. My mom hired her purely out of laziness. She had us to do laundry, dishes and general clutter pickup and everything else fell to the housekeeper. I didn't have a clue about how to keep house once I was married and out of the house and boy, did it show! My house was disgusting for the first year of our married life. I don't have any objections to having one now but, since I'm a SAHM, I figure it's my job to do the deep-cleaning and to teach my kids how to do the daily stuff at this point. Someday...maybe we'll rethink this.

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