Gwyneth Paltrow's nanny gives terrible, horrible advice in her new book
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I realize that Karen Walrond covered this story a few days ago, but I need to add my $.02.Rachel Waddilove, Gwyneth Paltrow's former nanny has a new book coming out, and I am horrified at the advice she gives. Advice like this, for example:
Where a lot of people go wrong is by making (a newborn baby) baby the kingpin...Baby has a right to be loved, but not to be centre of attention."
Or this:
Most of us live by routine, why not start that with (newborn) babies. I wake babies during the day to feed them, but never at night.
I believe in routines (heck, I'll even call it "a schedule") as well, but not for newborns. She's talking about babies less than six weeks old since Waddilove usually leaves her families at the six week mark. In fact Gwyneth proudly states that it was Waddilove's techniques that had little Apple sleeping through the night by six weeks old.
The book, How To Enjoy Year One (Lion Hudson), is a manual to help parents make it through the first year of parenting. Waddilove has worked for several high-profile parents, which, apparently, gives her cred. Waddilove believes that you need to show babies who's boss saying, "the unruliness of modern youth can be traced back to misguided handling in the first few weeks of life." Seriously?
(More horrific advice after the jump. Please keep reading, I'm just getting started.)Waddilove blames feeding on demand, "which establishes mum as baby's servant. It affects a child's whole life...A child who has had to fit in with the family and has a routine fits in better at school."
I am so furious I am seeing red. I can't believe that hippie-dippy, yoga/vegan Gwynnie would allow someone with such an back-asswards approach to baby-rearing into her house. But not only did Gwynnie allow Waddilove into her house, she endorses the book with a quote on the cover that reads, "Rachel's flexible yet structured schedule was just the thing for our daughter."
I'm shaking my head. Schedules for 6 week old babies? Not feeding on demand? Not making your newborn the center of your world at least for a precious little while? I'm saddened to think of all the new parents-breast-feeding mothers especially-who are going to take this advice to heart and not nurse on demand or at night when babies need comforting. Or parents who will toss their newborn baby aside while they resume their pre-child lifestyle-can't have Junior be the center of attention, after all.
I hope no one buys this book.
[source: Telegraph.com]Your<span>Voice</span>
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ReaderComments (Page 2 of 2)
4-10-2006 @ 12:51PM
thordora said...My first I tried the scheduale thing, writing everything down, driving myself nuts. Then I threw that crap out the window and listened to my child.
What a difference. I began to be able to anticipate what she needed. I held her when she was upset, despite my in laws telling me I was spoiling her. I let her set her times, and within a few weeks, we had a scheduale of sorts.
A newborn child, fresh from the womb, should never, IMO, be somethng to mold into a scheduale to make your life easier. The most important lesson I have learned thus far is to just relax, and let my child lead sometimes. I have yet to have any real problems with either child, both of whom set their timetables, and I followed, sometimes with minute changes, sometimes not.
What's next? Blackberry's for babies? It's a newborn. But I assume Waddlebutt or whatever thinks that a newborn only cries to manipulate it's parents as well.
I'm with you. I hope NO ONE buys this book.
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4-10-2006 @ 3:14PM
Julianne said..."Where a lot of people go wrong is by making (a newborn baby) baby the kingpin...Baby has a right to be loved, but not to be centre of attention."
I disagree with you. I read the line above and went right over to Amazon.com and bought the book. Finally a child rearing book that really speaks to me. I can't wait to read it.
This is my first baby. Maybe once I get him home I won't be able to follow her advice. I know I'm not the Earth Mother type but I don't think that bringing structure into the house of a newborn baby is a bad thing or makes me a bad mother.
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4-14-2006 @ 7:49PM
Helen Bulkeley Kirkham said...Might I suggest that you actually read the book before just reading the press! Rachel helped me with no 2 baby not no 1 - I did't sleep for 3 years with no 1 but no. 2 slept from 5 weeks. I didn't subsitute bottles she taught me how to breast feed properly and learn when baby needs a feed. This article is not a good advert for the book. She never suggests that baby is not important in fact she knows it is No 1 in anybodys life. (remember telegraphs words not hers) So before you all start giving your opinions might I suggest you get a copy of the book your opinions are purely on the distorted press review!
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4-14-2006 @ 8:08PM
Helen Bulkeley Kirkham said...How many of you have read the book rather than the goosip columns or telegraph?!! I had Rachel for baby no 2 and she taught me how 2 feed properly (breast) settle my baby and make sure she was 100% OK. Rubbish about not making baby important. I didn't sleep with baby no 1 for 3 years but with Rachel's flexible and easy routine No2 was sleeping through the night by 5 weeks. Might I suggest you read before you critise - reading that telegraph article was more like reading a copy of HEAT and when they realised they weren't going to get good gossip about GP they decided to write anything to grab headlines. I now have slept peacefully apart from the odd illness for 2.5 years - thanks to Rachel. By the way I never leave my children to cry and they are both the number one people in my lives (apart from at times my husband!)
PS Don't listen to gossip/ newspapers
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4-15-2006 @ 7:15PM
Helen Bulkeley Kirkham said...I think those people who have placed their judgement on Rachel purely by the Telegraph article should please read the book. She has to be the most caring loving person I know - she looked after my No 2 baby for just a couple of weeks and gave me the best and invaluable advice I have ever had - we had her sleeping through the night after about 5 weeks and yes we did breast feed & she taught me how to do it properly. My No 1 did not let me have a good nights sleep umtil she was 3! I I did not have Rachel). Please take the press with a pinch of salt. I honestly think they are more intersted in the Gwyneth side of things than the book. The Telegraph didn't like it when she wouldn't speak openly about her - do you think that this may have had a difference in the slant of the article. Please give this book a chance. Rachel's advice is invaluable and fantastic and the answer to one of the comments - has she ever had children if she read the book she will see that she has had 3 ( 1 boy - 2 girls!)
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4-30-2006 @ 5:17PM
Peggy said...I have been a pre-school teacher for over 30 years. I am a mother of two (son 24 and daughter 21). Children under 3 or 4 months old cannot be on a schedule. When I was pregnant I talked to my children and told them they were the most precious thing in the world to me. I told them that I would always be there for them. My children were with me all the time. I breast fed both my children plus they got baby cereal at night@7 days old) along with nursing they slept better and we had no problems. I would wake my kids up (if they were asleep, most of the time they were with daddy and me playing or cuddling) at about 9:30-10:00pm and change them, give them some cereal, nurse them and put them back to bed, they slept (most of the time) till 6-7 the next morning. If they woke up during the night I would get them, play with them, nurse them and if they fell back to sleep put them back to bed. If they didn't want to nurse we just stayed up and played till they were ready. They were very alert children, during the day they were in what ever room I was in either in a swing or bassanet or the front carrier. They were always with me. I can't beleive the things that experts are telling parents today. I had the "advice" of my mother, my mother-in-law, realitives, and of course I had gone to school to become a pre-school teacher so I the "advice of so called experts", I picked and chose the advice I wanted. You can't always listen to others, you have to raise your children the way you feel is right for you and them.
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5-07-2006 @ 7:38PM
Me said...I have officially lost all respect for her (not that there was much left).
It is truly sad when a person gives all control to an outsider who has archaic and ridiculous child rearing practices. She and her ideas are what is wrong with the world.
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1-06-2010 @ 5:46PM
Catherine Sinclair said...Hi Stefania,
I think you're looking at this book from the completely wrong angle. Maybe Ms. Waddilove's phrasing and word choice rubs you the wrong way, but that's semantics -- I think you're missing the value of the message.
Getting your child into a firm routine, and keeping the attention they get in balance, is meant to benefit the child --- that it might benefit the parents is a subsequent result.
I think anyone would agree that routine and structure provide a child with crucial stability. If anything, starting that routine from the beginning reinforces that stability. Our daughter never had to change schedules, or suddenly become accustomed to sleeping through the night --- she was able to enjoy a predictable schedule that continued past infancy.
As to the "center of attention" issue, I also think this is immensely helpful advice, and a point that should be taken by all parents. Most of my friends, after having their second or third child, had to manage a lot of jealousy issues with their older children --- their firstborns were used to getting much more attention, and you could see that it was very painful and confusing for these children to suddenly take a backseat to a new baby half the time.
Again, with our daughter, we almost never had this problem. We were very careful to keep a balanced routine, so that our daughter would feel consistently prioritized from Day 1, and never have the experience of losing any love or attention on behalf of a sibling. As a result, she was over the moon about her baby brother, and, though two years old at the time, threw not a single tantrum about the new baby. Pretty amazing.
Bear in mind that short-sighted instincts to care for your child may cause more harm than good in the long run. I don't know that Ms. Waddilove's advice is "back-asswards" so much as cautious and wise.
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