Neale Godfrey: Return to the Nest
Jill Patir: Hug Your Loved Ones a Little Tighter
Weird toddler behavior: Why do they hit themselves?
Filed under: Toddlers Preschoolers, Preschoolers, Development/Milestones: Babies
My toddler has entered the
phase of development where she hits herself when she gets frustrated. I say it's a phase because my preschooler did the
same thing when she was younger, and I found it both odd and disturbing. Odd because it's such a strange behavior, and
disturbing because, well, it can't feel good. It's not like my husband and I are walking around hitting ourselves so I
can only assume it's something kids learn to do on their own. (Please tell me I'm not alone.)When Wallie can't get her toy stroller going the right way, she'll throw it aside in frustration, try to kick it, and then hit herself on the top of the head. (Her older sister did a similar thing.) I gently take her in my arms and tell her that it's okay to be mad, but that hitting makes owies and hurts our bodies. I reassure her by telling her that I will help her if she needs it.
My older daughter is almost four and she's pretty much outgrown the behavior. (She did it once recently when she didn't want to share a toy.) I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but still. It's so weird to see your child hit herself.
Did your toddlers do this? We're you equally shocked the first time you saw it happen?
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 6)
2-14-2008 @ 9:33PM
Linda said...My daughter is 4 and today when i picked her up from school i checked my mailbox and there were 3 write-ups in there about this. Im also really scared, I didnt want to take her to the doctor because im scared of what theyll tell me; I think anymore everyone wants to put there kids on drugs, and im so against that. This has been brought to my attention a number of times and its become something i can no longer ignore. I tried to look it up on the internet, but youre right, most of the articles are about older kids who cut themselves. Talking to her teachers at school youd think she was the only kid in the world who does this, but reading this im thrilled to hear that's not true. My daughter seems to do well in school, short of this hitting thing, everything else seems to be normal. Thats why i wasnt that worried at first. Im hoping that she outgrows this, but i did notice most of these kids are younger than her.....
Reply
7-24-2011 @ 8:37AM
Kyrie said...My 2 1/2 year-old grandson has been hitting himself in the head since he was six months old. He does it when he's frustrated - if a tower of blocks he's building falls over, he hits himself - that's just one example, but he does it at other times as well. It's very disconcerting . We've had him to three different doctors who say it's normal, not to worry, and that he'll grow out of it.
My friend's daughter did worse - she would bang her head on the floor; that girl is now grown and is a well-adjusted wife, mother and teacher.
Don't let thim put the child on medication - what medication is there? Their famous Ritalin? Or some other drug that'll turn the baby into a zombified version of a child?
You're not alone - try to distract your child when the hitting begins - take her outside or make noise with her, anything to divert her attention, and take heart - you are not alone.
7-24-2011 @ 8:34AM
Kyrie said...My 2 1/2 year-old grandson has been hitting himself in the head since he was six months old. He does it when he's frustrated - if a tower of blocks he's building falls over, he hits himself - that's just one example, but he does it at other times as well. It's very disconcerting . We've had him to three different doctors who say it's normal, not to worry, and that he'll grow out of it.
My friend's daughter did worse - she would bang her head on the floor; that girl is now grown and is a well-adjusted wife, mother and teacher.
Don't let thim put the child on medication - what medication is there? Their famous Ritalin? Or some other drug that'll turn the baby into a zombified version of a child?
You're not alone - try to distract your child when the hitting begins - take her outside or make noise with her, anything to divert her attention, and take heart - you are not alone.
2-25-2008 @ 11:31PM
VICTORIA said...my son is 3 years and 4 months old. and when he gets mad or doesnt get his way he hits himself, bite himself, and bends his fingers back. he hit himself in his eyes like 3-4 times. and crys out loud. he crys like it hurts but why does he still do it??
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4-02-2008 @ 7:54PM
virginia said...my 16 month yr old hits herself bangs her head on the floor she has been doing this since she was 10 months i am glad to see i am not alone. i guess you can say its normal but she also does it when she is playing. i keep meaning to ask the doctor. does anyone know why kids do it not just cuz there mad
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4-13-2008 @ 8:55AM
leslie said...my son will be 4 in may, he uses to bang his head as a baby and he now punches himself in the head when he is mad. he will say to to me what do you think of this and punch himself repeatedly. he also tells us that he is going to cut his head off or other varations of some mutilation. someone told me that it could be linked to a form of autisim. he doesn't show any other symptoms. has anyone heard this before?
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4-08-2010 @ 8:09AM
JCow said...My son turned 4 this year and has starting hitting himself and saying the same things as your son. I have been very worried. Particularly because my 3 YO daughter started to follow his lead. I was concerned about where he may have 'picked' up this behaviour i.e. pre-school; or was it from poor parenting....i thought were doing an OK job considering we have 3 under 4 years. I am interested in the autism link, i will look into it. My youngest has required lots of medical attention since these problems with my son began, and my husband and i had wondered if it was an attention thing related to that. We are carefull that the kids do not watch violent TV etc, and the concepts he expresses i wouldnt have thought he had been exposed to i.e. cutting off head. Very confusing and worrying.
5-12-2008 @ 7:23AM
Miodle said...Hi all,
Our 16 mth old son has just started self hitting after he had adnoid surgery and grommets. It is very disturbing to see him do this and at first we contributed it to the surgery.
He also has only just started talking, not alot but enough for his mum and I to understand. It seems that he selfhits when he gets frustrated at his inability to comunicate, he is a very intelligent child who has a great understanding of what he is told but cannot at the moment be able to reply and this causes him alot of frustration so he retaliates by selfhitting because he knows it gets a response from us.
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5-18-2008 @ 9:12PM
Amber said...My daughter is 17 months old now and she will get so frustrated that she will smack herself in the face. I don't mean a tap. I mean a hard hit. Either she will do that or she will pinch herself and leave claw marks on herself. She just started this recently. I know it has to hurt, but she just won't stop. It doesn't matter how many times you say no or if you even spank her lightly or anything. Is this normal??
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7-18-2008 @ 8:19PM
Walt said...my 30 month old child has a huge problem with this. it started about 6 months ago and has progressively gotten worse. he has made himself bleed and given himself black eyes and i fear that he may seriously injure himself if he does not stop soon. please help me i am at my wits end and there is absolutely no stopping the fit once it starts.
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7-24-2008 @ 1:05AM
carinsanders said...My son is 34 months old and hits his head when he is frustrated. How is your child's verbal communication skills? Usually, when a child behaves in this manner, he/she is having difficulty expressing emotions. Maybe you should try physically stopping your child and saying "no" everytime this happens. It will get better in time;just be consistent.
8-05-2008 @ 6:41PM
jhoann said...Even my 18months baby shes hitting her head when shes upset and sometimes hit her head on the wall its worry me a lot. i bring her at the doctor but they just said its alright i think its not.im worried if my baby would develop a brain damage?sometimes when she hit her head my husband smack her hand for doing it.anyone can give me a good advise waht to do?i really appreciated it so much....
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10-13-2009 @ 5:35PM
chandarenee said...I feel so much better to here all this my 32 month old son does the same thing with hitting head on walls, floors when he gets mad or doesn't get his way. Very disturbing but lets hope it's a phase my family thinks it's weiird and abnormal glad to see it's more common then i thought.
8-18-2008 @ 4:45PM
Carla Lauer said...this was so good for me to read and learn there are more parents who are going through the same problem i am trying to deal with. i have a 14month old son who is a strong head butter. he has just started doing this about a month ago. when i pick him up and remove him from a situation and tell him no he will throw himself back and then he will look for you to "wham" head butt you. I try to be very firm with him and tell him, "no, you do not do that, that really hurst mommy". he then tries to lean in and try to head butt 2 or 3 more times. He just recently head butted me in the mouth and made my two front teeth bleed. It is very scary and I don't know how to react or disipline him. He is a very strong little guy and I'm affraid he is going to really hurt me and himself some day. If anyone has any advice please feel free to email me.
Thanks,
Carla
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11-02-2009 @ 9:58PM
jill said...Of the 84 comments, yours was the most like mine! I have a 20 month old boy who bangs his head into things when frustrated or just for attention. I'm embaressed about the walnut size bumps on his head in varying colors and don't know what to do. How is your child lately/ Have you found any strategies that work? I'd love to know. Thanks.
Jill
4-11-2006 @ 1:12PM
Melinda said...My 10-month old likes to stand against the wall and bump her head against it, again and again. She doesn't show any other self-harming behavior, but it does seem pretty weird.
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5-25-2008 @ 6:34AM
hodan said...I can't bleave this,My son Adam does the same .He will stand against the wall and bump his head ,i thought he was spoiled since he is the only boy in the house,but i guess this is toddler thing.
4-11-2006 @ 1:19PM
bigkans said...My son does this too, and I also find it disturbing. I'm not sure why they do it, so I'm not much help there. But, you're not alone!
It's really awkward when he hits himself in public. I feel like other people must think I hit him at home if he's hitting himself. I DO NOT.
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8-06-2008 @ 4:45PM
julie said...yea i know its weired that kids hit themselfs i have a 5 year old he still hits hisself sometimes cause he dont get his way r just cause hes mad at frist felt like it was my fauilt but i learned its not so i understand how u all feel and if anyone can tell me what i can do to stop this please tell me thank you
4-11-2006 @ 1:40PM
Ginny said...I don't remember mine doing that. But it sounds like you are not alone.
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