Hug heard around the country: school parent speaks out

I still think it is absurd. I am usually very open-minded and will listen to ALL sides of a story.

This story just rubs me the wrong way. The underlying fact is that the girls, the school, the community is being taught that the hug was wrong, un-called for and harrassing. If you saw someone in a car accident, would you just give them a once over and then walk away? If a person tripped over a curb and fell on the sidewalk, would you step over them because they were in the way?

If this is going to be the case, I will file my permit to never leave this premises again. I'll order my groceries online and not even bother to say 'Thank you' to the deliveryman.

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Usually when I (or my family/friends) read stories like this we tend to think 'typical American behaviour'. However the same thing is slowly starting to happen here in larger cities. What used to be considered common courtesy, e.g. greeting someone in the street, is now frowned upon, often replied to by either an angry or scared look and once in a while people actually reply in an assertive/agressive stance (something along the lines of 'Why are you bothering me' said in a harsh tone is not uncommon). Reaching out to a stranger who's just had some misfortune (like tripping over on the sidewalk or whose grocery bags just decided to drop their bottom & contents) is something people don't even seem to think off any longer. Luckily children are still exempt from such behaviour and the scrutiny described in your previous story but it's only a matter of time...

Thank God I just moved to the countryside - gives me a few more decades before I see courtesy and manners go down the drain again.

Jef (Belgium)

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It almost seems as though hugging is just as punishable as hitting now! That's crazy! I personally would want my child to be caring instead of ignorant and insensitive. For some reason good deed opportunities seem to find me and I will not let my child be rude to people just because society is starting to THINK it's unacceptable to help out some stranger once in a while.

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I'm purely speculating here, but I wonder if there is a significant size difference between the girls. My niece is tiny (she was still the smallest in the school in 3rd grade), and I've seen her lifted up in bear hugs by other children. She isn't the biggest fan of it; you can tell it makes her a little uncomfortable. But she would be *mortified* if attention was drawn to it as it was in this case. In her mind, the less attention paid to it the better. Making the huggee write a letter essentially draws more attention to her size, when she'd rather just put the whole thing behind her. It would have been much better to have a talk with the other child and explain that a hug that picks someone up doesn't make them feel better.

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While I believe that encouraging kids to be able to say no to their peers in cases of unwanted affection, this is more than too much. Parents don't need to be involved, nor do I believe a letter written. We used to be told not to touch other kids without their permission on the school yards-whatever happened to that simple lesson? I think it's a bit much to link this into future callous behaviour however. I'm more worried about my girls being able to say no when they need to.

But a news crew? I mean come on...

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Good grief!

The school can have their rules and they can enforce them (yes, this is a retarded rule but they have it and it isn't violating anyone's civil rights) but to bring the news crews in?

This *is* the United States...

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I think the "No touching" rule is a good rule in general, and if it includes hugs, so be it.

Some children use hugs in an aggressive way and it looks all nice, but it really can make other kids feel uncomfortable when the hugs are unwanted. It doesn't look as mean as outright hitting, but it can be just as unwanted from the receiver's point of view. Plus, how do you, as a teacher or caregiver, distinguish between the hugs that are mutual and the ones that are one-sided.

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Yes, the parents blew this out of proportion. I think having the child write the letter was also out of line.
I just found out yesterday that my 5 year old son Zane has a new friend at (pre)school. His friend happens to have Spina Bifida and cannot walk. His teacher (who happens to be the other child's mother) told me that they have taken to each other and that my son carries her son around to different places on the playground. I asked my son how this other child feels about being carried and he said, "He likes it, he asks me to." Can u imagine my son being told it is against the school rules for him to do this?

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It's my fault for not reading the article and commenting.

I can understand if the kid has an autistic-spectrum disorder or is physically disabled by being touched but if the kid is normal? This is overkill.

That poor teacher. I can't imagine putting up with this kind of bullshit.

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I still have a lot of questions too. I didn't feel Julie Berry dissected this in any helpful way.

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I agree with LB.

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The office staff looked like it needed a hug? Just don't try it - next will come a sexual harassment complaint.

We may never now the whole story but I still believe the school overreacted.

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Recently my son who is 14 was given an extended suspension for hugging a teacher. This is a teacher who had repeatedly hugged him in the past (this was a practice on her part of which I was previously unaware - I believe it is inappropriate for any teacher to hug a middle school student). On this occasion, however, she filed a complaint saying that the hug had made her uncomfortable because he didn't let go of her quickly and she had to instruct him to let go. I don't condone the acts of my son, however, the administrators at his school went on to make threatening comments to us that they considered this to be bordering on sexual harrassment which I believe was over-reactive. Teen-agers have to learn sexually responsible behavior, but surely we, as adults, are capable of instructing them calmly and rationally. Since then they have again suspended him from school for hugging a teacher when the teacher initiated the hug (different teacher). Unfortunately, it seems we have arrived at the point where we have to make specific rules about teachers and students not being allowed to hug. I am interested in other people's comments on this subject. It seems to me that our kids have little or no rights when accused by a teacher; while, conversely, there is much due process to protect the teacher's rights when the shoe is on the other foot. Right now I have some insight into why the parents in this case felt they needed to talk to the media and focus public attention on the issue.

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