Portable DVD players in public: how far is too far?

Please don't hunt me down and shoot me, but we have a portable DVD player for long trips with the kids. I mean...COME ON, they are almost two and almost four. So that being said, I 100% totally agree that T.V. is no subsitute for parenting. Nor should it be used as a babysitter. AND...those parents are jerks.

I'm not a bad parent...really!

Reply

My parents wanted to buy us one of those 2 years ago at Christmas. I said no thank you. We rarely drive more than 3 hours one way. (Once a year?) My children can go 3 hours without TV without it killing them. It would have been nice for our drive from Indiana to Washington, D.C. last summer, but we lived without it. The kids each packed a backpack of toys and books and such to bring along on our long drive. I bought a handfull of surprises for each child to pass out along the way. We made it there with everyone in one piece and both parents still sane without a TV.

Reply

We have one of these in our van (not factory included, I got it for christmas) I travel to visit my parents by myself with the kids through some pretty rough construction. That is when the DVD is used.

I don't turn on a movie to run errands around town. We sing songs, play games or have conversations.

But when Mommy is trying to navigate through Atlanta contruction and interstate construction congested with hundreds of tractor-trailors while we go over the river and through the woods to Birmingham ( BTW, avoid I20,sux) NOT having my 3 year kicking the back of my seat and saying "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy,Mommy" helps me get us there safely.

I totally agree about not needing them all the time. I think using the times you have them as a captive audience (i.e. in the car) as learning experiences or just conversation times is important.

I've not had the pleasure of dining near one, since I hardly get to dine out, but I understand where you are goming from there, too. I also dislike the gameboys at the tables!

But, I think there are times when the DVDs are sanity savers, like when I have to travel through all that mess by myself with the kids. It's a hellacious drive anyway, add 2 kids vying for your constant attention, when it needs to be on the road and all the idiots around you, DVDs can be a life-saver.

Reply

I think it's outrageous for kids to watch a portable DVD in a restaurant. I haven't seen that but I have seen many kids with GameBoys or PSPs playing during dinner. I think family bonding time is being sacrificed in the name of keeping kids quiet in a restaurant and it is very upsetting.

Reply

I took my son (age 3 then) from Arkansas to upstate New York long before the dvd in the car was available. We had a radio and we made out fine. I don't expect to make a trip like that with the girls - 200 miles is about my limit. They think they should have a player - I say no - they pout - and they get over it.

I feel the same way about the entire plugged in society. Ipods, text messaging, nobody sees or hears anything or anyone. We're disconnected and to me that's a little sad.

And yes, we have t.v. at home. I monitor time and content to some extent but I believe in moderation. I was much stricter when they were younger.

Reply

Please, don't be too harsh to judge. We use ours very selectively. We went to Maui on vacation last year with our then 2 1/2 year old. We brought the DVD player for the long plane ride, and used it selectively throughout the trip. For example, we were staying at a hotel and did eat breakfast and lunch in our suite, but dinner was out at a restaurant - every night of our 7-night vacation. We ate early, tried to choose family-friendly restaurants, but there were a few times where it was just too much to ask our son to sit through another restaurant meal and then we brought out the DVD player. We were VERY considerate in how we used it (he has his own headphones!), but I think our neighbors would definitely have preferred to see a 2 1/2 year-old watching some Sesame St. than listening to him whine to get down and run around. When we get our mini-van or SUV, we will get one, but we've already decided to only use it on long trips AFTER the kids have had all the "I spy", singing and playing car games they or we can take. So, there are ways to use these things appropriately. I think its 'harsh' to judge all parents who use them as uninvolved or just wanting an 'out'.

Reply

I lost track of the original topic. A restaurant? No way ever. It's rude and you're absolutely right. It's family time.

Reply

Blue fish movie?

I have been tempted, surely. Then I thought about it and decided there are plenty of games and educational things we can do instead. And I'd rather have the kids seeing the country instead.

I will admit, however, that we bought a couple of portable magnadoodles ("drawing boards" to the kids) and they love them.

Reply

I do not have a portable DVD player, but would actually like to buy one. I travel by air with my toddler (and without my husband) at least twice each year. As a baby, he was easy to entertain -- nursing usually did the trick. As a one year old, the novelty of the adventure, along with a few books and toys worked fine. But now, at two, I find it very difficult to keep him entertained and seated for 7+ hours with only what I can carry on my person. Those drink carts seem to be forever in the aisle, so walking around the cabin is limited. Plus, it gets old fast. We read, colour, play games, sing songs, and generally annoy the other passengers, but eventually he's had enough of it all. On our last flight, he actually spent a good hour watching (without sound) the portable DVD player of some kids in the next row. We fly again in August and I fully intend to be purchasing a portable DVD player in advance.

Reply

I don't think it's right for a parent to allow their child to watch DVDs during dinner, especially in public. I also don't think children need them while their parents run errands around town. I can see them being used on long car trips though. They really come in handy if the children are very young, or one is sleeping and the other one(s) are awake and could get loud. Using them in airports for long waits and on planes with headphones is okay in my book too.

Reply

Car dvd players are to new "mom-mobiles" what diamonds are to engagement rings, it seems. Buying our car last year was frustrating. At several of the places we looked, I got bingo'd. "Oh, but you need the minivan because you're having more kids." "Oh, but you need the seperate input dvd player system, because your kids won't want to watch the same thing." And finally when we wouldn't budge, "I feel sorry for you when you're stuck in rush hour traffic." I've driven through 20 states with Paul (now 15 months old). I've yet to run into a situation where a DVD player would have been anything more than a convenience.

Portable DVD players as pacifiers in restaurants doesn't surprise me. There's decent sized segment of the parent population who feel entitled to do whatever they want because they have a child. It doesn't matter who it bothers, being a parent puts all your needs before everyone else's.

If your dinner is going to be so long and drawn out that your kid can't handle it without a movie, do everyone a favor and get a baby sitter. Or at least invest in a pair of headphones to help reinforce that your child isn't welcome to join in conversation during a family dinner and keep the comments from other patrons from damaging her self esteem.

Reply

Roger, the big difference between a magnadoodle and a DVD player is that the kid is making stuff up, all on their own.

I remember once babysitting the kids down the street. After the show they were watching ended, they flipped through the channels to see what else was on. Twice. As they started a third loop, I told them to just turn it off if there wasn't anything they really wanted to watch.

Poor kids were stunned.

Reply

My wife and I were in IKEA a couple weeks ago, and we saw a 3-4 year old girl sitting in the basket of a shopping cart as her parents pushed her around. Every time they passed by, the child was holding her portable DVD player about 2-3 inches from her face. Oh, and it was so loud that you could hear it pretty far away. We have a portable DVD player for long car trips or extended sleepover trips without many kid-friendly activities, but that was ridiculous.
-------------------
FYI, here's a review of one of our IKEA Smaland/GameWorks outings - http://gamefam.blogspot.com/2006/01/review-gameworks.html

Reply

TV is not the devil incarnate, when used in the proper setting. We watch tv, and yes, to the Child advocacy groups, my 20 mos old son does, sometimes, too. As a matter of fact, he is learning some things his therapists and I have been working on with him for MONTHS from PlayHouse Disney. Go Little Einsteins!!!

TV is not our only outlet. We read, a lot. My 3 yr old has her own library card and loves going to the library for story time, picking out books and "paying for them". She also loves to do anything artistic and expressive: painting, coloring, dancing, singing, you get the idea. She is very active and intelligent. We monitor TV time and discuss things. She tends to ask a lot of questions, so we answer as best we can.

And, when I am driving both of those children through treacherous conditions on the way to Grandmas, sometimes, we put in the "Blue Fish Movie" so that I can concentrate on getting the "Mom-Mobile" and its occupants there in one piece, which is the most important thing.

Reply

We used to travel over 500 miles to visit the grandparents before we moved to the same area. We bought a portable DVD player for this trip and my older daughter got carsick trying to watch it, after about 30 minutes, even on the interstate.

We learned to travel the old-fashioned way, playing sightseeing games in the car and telling stories, etc. Believe me, they have their fussy moments, or get into minor spats, which is annoying when you're cooped up in a vehicle, but we get through it! We also have to compromise on the music (we can only take so many kiddie remakes of top 40 songs). My sisters and I managed to make it through half a dozen 2,000 mile+ road trips without a TV. I guess mine will have to, as well.

Reply

I guess I'm a freak, because when we took our kids on long car trips, we taught them songs, road games (before they even knew how to read) animal-sighting games, and stories. Every summer, they memorized a rock opera. (Cats, Phantom, Les Miz, Evita,
Sweeney Todd, etc, and yes, some of them are adult-oriented and no, we did not edit them and yes, we expected all-car participation and yes, I realize that we are not living 'inside the box' by anybody's stretch of the imagination) With children in the car, we did not think we had a right to silence and adult conversation, although whenever I told my children to be silent, they were silent. (by golly and by gum!!!) As for eating in restaurants, any time my kids disobeyed me anywhere in any kind of public place they lived to regret it. I did not spank or speak cruelly to them, but in our family, Mommy and Daddy were the Ultimo Bosses, PERIOD. My kids are in their twenties now and they love to talk about our car trips and all the 'cool stuff we got to do' on the way.

But then, we didn't watch tv at home, either, except for the VERY occasional Sesame Street (before it evolved and got all stupid). All we had for years was a ten-inch B/W set with rabbit ears.

No, I don't like the idea of DVD players in a vehicle or any kind of public place, but I also realize that I am not a typical mom. I REQUIRED proper behavior and I got it. (No, I am not talking about infants. When my infants got loud, we left instantly. )

The in-the-van movies, and any kind of portable personal electronics for a child, just seem like parental cop-outs to me. I preferred to sing and play games with my kids, myself.

Reply

We have a portable DVD player and we only use it when the kids have "had enough" in the car. We do travel 3+ hours to see the grandparents at least once a month. It has been such a relief to not have my 1.5y/o and 2.5y/o screaming the last leg of the trip. If you have ever had a colickly baby that hates the car, then you would do just about anything to pacify them. As for restaurant use, we used it once while waiting to be seated (45 minute wait). Once seated, it was put in the diaper bag. I think having it at the dinner table is ridiculous...that is family time. Our family sits at the table every night together without any TV to get us through.

Reply

YO..NUTZ...welcome to the year 2006 ! WE use DVD's ...OMG wouldnt u have LOVED to have had a DVD as a kid instead of staring out the window like a dog dealing with your parents music or worse yet NEWS station on the radio.... I LOVE TV, ELECTRONICS, MOVIES and everything else NEW & EXCITING we have i 2006 !I am one for technology, our girla 8 & 11 are both str8 A students , smart as any "tv deprived " child..DO NOT TORTURE your kids and think that for one minute they would rather be without a tv..,.stop being so CHEAP and BACKWARDS and let the kid into HIS WORKLD!! This is THEIR age, the age of Electronics, Information and yes TV....EMBRACE IT donr be so CHEAP or AFRAID of today ! YES your kids want a damn DVD in the CAR and on trips and in a Restaurant but with the volume down or headphones !!!
If u dont like it u are to backwards !

Reply

I have a Restaurant Bag that I keep in my car; it has sticker and coloring books, crayons, PlayDoh, Hot Wheels cars, two plastic dinosaurs, wet wipes, and kleenex. I have pulled it out at Starbucks and PF Chang and the country club, to keep my kids entertained during coffee dates and long meals. The kids know that the toys in the bag are ONLY for restaurant use, and they love to see what's in the bag (I would like to say that I rotate toys and books frequently, but I don't--fortunately, my kids have short memories).

HOWEVER, I will also say this: for the most part, we eat out in places that are kid-friendly, which includes serving our meal quickly. We also eat at times that are good for our kids--not too close to bedtime, for example--so that we can reasonably expect our sons to behave and participate in the meal.

But a DVD player at the table? Absolutely not.

Reply

I think we'll teach our kid spelling and grammar, as well as courtesy on road trips ;)

Reply