Portable DVD players in public: how far is too far?
Categories: Fun & Activities, Places To Go, Development, Gadgets & Tech, That's Entertainment
I'm not even going to feign objectivity here, nor pretend that my view on
this issue is in line with many other parents. We don't let our kid watch television nor do we plan on letting her
anytime soon. When I am waiting at a stoplight behind a minivan or an SUV with one of those entertainment systems with
a DVD of that blue fish movie playing I start ranting about how kids these days can't do anything without the numbing
sight and sound of TELEVISION placating them. When I was a kid I got dragged around on long drives with my parents and
when we got bored we sang songs or played games or looked out the windows and imagined what it was like to live in
the places we passed.
Hollyrhea sent me a tip about this story which concerns those ubiquitous portable DVD players that you see kids carting all over the place nowadays. The author describes dining with her family and seeing another family with a 4-year-old girl who spent the entire meal watching Cinderella loudly on one of those portable players. She says she could hear the strains of "Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo" well above the din of the restaurant. The judgmental author had the following problems with this behavior, and I tend to agree with her:
- these parents demonstrated through their own thoughtlessness that they did not believe it was necessary to devote time or energy to thinking about how their actions might affect others.
- these parents showed the child she had nothing of interest to tell them and they had nothing they felt was worth discussing with her.
- these parents failed to take advantage of the opportunity to teach their daughter an indispensable life skill -- the ability to participate in a thoughtful and courteous conversation.
But don't those points apply to any use of a portable DVD player in public? Sure these things can reduce whining and give parents valuable quiet time (perhaps to talk to each other), but doesn't the bad outweigh the good? I guess like anything, moderation is the key. But the very existence of these devices seems to betray the idea of moderation, that televised entertainment isn't limited to the living room but knows no boundaries beyond battery life.
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Reader Comments (Page 2 of 3)
momma2mingbu 4-13-2006 @ 10:13PM
I'm with Joanna. ;-)
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__ 4-13-2006 @ 10:19PM
Steve...different strokes for different folks. Not all people agree on the correct method of parenting, but we all agree that people need to have a common courtesy and use common sense when in public.
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dutch 4-13-2006 @ 10:28PM
Ohmigod Steve davis THAT WAS SUCH AWESOME SATIRE!!! LOL!!!
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Stefania Pomponi Butler 4-13-2006 @ 10:42PM
I love the TV issue. I don't understand why parents think it's so bad. You can control everything your child watches after all. It's not a free-for-all with the kid and the remote.
It's like the whole "my kid is only going to play with wooden, faceless toys" spiel. Does the kid care? No. It's the parents that love to say that shit cuz it makes them sound so, I don't know, full of it? Are my kids less imaginative, less creative, less, intelligent because we've allowed Groovy Girls and a Barbie nightgown into our household?
You watch TV, right? Are you going to get rid of your TV altogether? I don't want to say I told you so, but just wait until the first longer-than-six-hour car trip you take with a child that's too young to carry on a conversation with you or sing songs for hours on end. Do you want to hear whining for 2 hours? Juniper hasn't hit that stage yet, but I bet if you drove cross country with her in about two months you'd be singing a different tune. (Older kids are different.) Or a flu that knocks you on your ass and you have no one to help you. Yes, parents got through it in the Dark Ages, but we're not in the Dark Ages.
I'm not even going to pretend to argue that "anything in moderation" bullcrappy. I'm just going to say straight up that I think TV is a good thing.
The Electric Company helped me to read. Mr. Rogers taught me kindness, to take off my street shoes before coming into the house, and that soap dipped in a bowl full of peppery water will make the pepper move to the sides of the bowl. Villa Alegre taught me Spanish. And, it was because of PBS cooking shows (Julia and Jacques) that my brother and I were fairly skilled 8- and 10-year-old little chefs.
I also read a ton (and still do) because my mom (single, working mom with 4 kids) took us to the libary weekly to check out books. We were allowed to watch TV as long as homework was done. We played sports, took dance classes, played instruments... All 4 of us graduated from college, all four of us did post-graduate work. All four of us turned out okay. So, yeah, I guess I am saying everything in moderation.
We have a portable DVD player. We use it when we go on road trips. I highly recommend it for that purpose.
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Uly 4-13-2006 @ 10:52PM
Thank you, Steve. We have all been refreshed and enlightened by your unique point of view.
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Michelle 4-13-2006 @ 11:02PM
You Go Girl! I think that about sums it up!
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Alyssa 4-13-2006 @ 11:06PM
Wow- I am amazed how quick some parents are to say how great of a job they are doing raising their own kids just because they don't watch tv- aren't we quick to judge other parents?!?!?!?
I have 5 kids, just got a DVD for the car- they watch it during medium to long trips- what a great chance for me and my husband to talk without being constantly interrupted by the kids- it's almost like a date, and the kids enjoy it, it's not like we never sing or read or play games- if you think it's wrong, maybe you know more than me- and I'm sure you are a better parent!
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molly wilber 4-13-2006 @ 11:24PM
you know, i'm not sure what the big deal is here...isnt it possible that maybe this child needed to cool down, relax and be quiet for her own sake and her parents? the volume of course could have been lower, but seriously, why is everyone else so quick to judge? i mean, i am so tired of the argument over this particular issue... people see one dvd player and all of a sudden, "they are ruining family time" "they are depriving the child of much needed family interaction" bla bla bla.... how many times have we all sat down in front of the tv at dinner... going out to dinner is fun and different for some families and not everyone is as strickt... i mean, do your kids get to color at your own dinner table? no, but they do at restaurants.... lighten up. they will still be productive citizens, and by the way, if this child was anywhere near as difficult as my child can be at times, trust me, it's nice to have him/her quiet and give mom and dad some time to chat and hey, if the kid is having fun on his fun dinnertime outting, then for heaven's sake, let him! those dvd players do have headphone jacks for all you sticklers..... ok, i'm done.
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Caitlin 4-13-2006 @ 11:45PM
"I don't want to say I told you so, but just wait until the first longer-than-six-hour car trip you take with a child that's too young to carry on a conversation with you or sing songs for hours on end. Do you want to hear whining for 2 hours?"
I've done a lot of traveling with my son and I still don't think a portable DVD is the only answer, but it is an easy one. Kids need breaks more frequently than adults. I realize that being in the car gets boring quickly for kids too young to participate in conversation or read a book. But there are other ways around it.
We geocache on trips. Sure, we may go 5-10 miles out of our way, but being able to find a park where Paul can run around is worth it. Once he's had a chance to explore things and stretch his legs, he's more than happy to hang out in the car. We didn't have geocaching when I was little, but my grandfather always stopped every few hours at the goofy places like the "World's Largest" odd objects along the way and things like the Navy ships you can tour.
What I do with Paul when I want to drive a really long stretch is leave at 3am so he'll sleep for 6-7 hours. No whining involved. By the time he wakes up, I'm more than ready to go running around a park with him.
I realize that it isn't fair to assume any of this works with all kids. But automatically assuming a parent is in for a bunch of whining without DVD player in the car is unfair too.
I don't have anything against TV watching. I don't really watch much of it myself because I never get around to watching the shows I tivo. I'm just tired of hearing how I'll regret not having a DVD player in my car on long road trips because it's easier than other ways to alleviate your child's boredom.
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annie 4-14-2006 @ 12:34AM
Wow, I can't believe how judgmental everyone is! I do not have a dvd in my car, but on vacations when my 2 or 3 year old had had enough of dinners (when she had finished, but we hadn't ) I see no problem letting her watch a dvd for the time being. I talk with my child ALL day and when we go out "in town" we dont use it, I bring games, we talk etc. But, guess what, sometimes it is ok to let the kids watch tv, I think people need to get off their high-horse. As for it "being rude" why dont you just pay attention to the kids at your own table and be glad others aren't running around and ruining everyones dinners.
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cheryl 4-14-2006 @ 2:03AM
We have one of those cursed video players. I usually dont have it plugged in but there is one time I praised the lord we had it in the car. I live just south of houston and we had a hurricane evacuation. It took 13 hours to drive 40 miles. that is literally from just south of houston to just north of houston. If I didnt have that video player and the kids learning potty I would be very much nuts right now. I have a 3,4,6 yr old and when the car isnt moving they are frustrated also. my husband stayed home to watch the house and I drove from alvin tx to witchita falls tx with the 3 children myself. it took 19 hours to reach our destination once we found tx75 which parallels with interstate 45. While I agree that someone people rely on them much to often they do ocationally save your sanity while you are worried yourself about where am I going to get gas and am I going to be stuck in traffic when the hurricane hits.
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Kate 4-14-2006 @ 8:14AM
We don't have a DVD player in the car and neither my husband or I like the idea very much. We did a lot of driving vacations when I was young and listened to audiobooks which fun and even the driver could participate. I'll never say never, though. We did, after all, watch a movie on my husband's laptop on our last plane ride. And if I end up driving across the country alone with a 2.5yo and a 4mo when we move next fall, I may consider adding a dvd player to my arsenal.
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LS 4-14-2006 @ 8:16AM
I have to agree with Caitlin, and also say, 'Sorry, Steve, guess you'll never be invited to my backwards, dark-ages house, where we actually talk to each other and read books rather than watching TV or e-mailing one another'.
On the DVD issue. I refused to buy a minivan partly because all of them seem to include the DVD player. I do not, and will never, have a DVD player in the car. My choice, based on my life experience. Too much of America to see outside the car window. Too many silly traveling games to play, too much music to listen to, and too many books to read.
I also think that the DVD player in the restaurant was way over the top. Restaurants are for everyone, not just those parents. I'm of the group that believes that if your child is acting up, you get up and leave, rather than letting the tantrum interrupt the dining experience for others. This attitude extends to loud conversation, rude behavior on the part of adults, and yes, DVD players being held by 3-year-olds. I will refrain from being "judgemental" and not say that I think it was just a pity that the child didn't interact with her parents the entire time.
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Michelle 4-14-2006 @ 8:32AM
Caitlin, I don't believe anybody said anything about you regretting not having a DVD player in your car. As with everything in child-rearing, it is the individual family's decision.
Making frequent stops is a wonderful theory, but not always practical, especially not when I am travelling alone with 2 small children ( 3.5, 20 mos. one not yet walking). I try to time trips during naps and drive straight through.
We do sing songs and talk. But if I can put in a movie to entertain them while I navigate the dangerous world of construction and tractor-trailors, not to mention, other idiots, on the interstate, to insure my sanity and our safety upon arrival of our destination, THAT DOES NOT MAKE ME A BAD MOTHER. Just like it doesn't make you a bad parent for not having one.
I fought it, too. I don't use it for tooling around town, which in my town, can take as long as going on a long car trip and we don't have a portable one that can go into stores or restaurants with us. This is strictly for in our van for long car trips after we have exhausted other options and Mommy needs to concentrate on driving.
Sometimes you have to pick which is more important to you in the moment, conversation with your child, or getting them to their destination in one piece. They way to Grandma's house, right now, is frought with Big Bad Wolves and I choose safety.
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thordora 4-14-2006 @ 9:19AM
IN a resturant, not cool. Just as watching TV while you eat dinner at home isn't cool in most places. I hardly get to see my kids as it is-wouldn't want to waste that time in this way.
And TV isn't evil. I'm with Stefania. I grew up watching Sesame Street, Mr, Dressup, Mister Rodgers, Friendly Giant, etc, etc. We didn't have cable. I watched these, as far as I can remember, in the mornings briefly, or a little after school. My brain didn't collapse, and my mother was an excellent parent, as well as my father. I was also an absolute FIEND for books and knowledge, driven in part by what I watched, and parents who loved to read. Why is parenting judged based on TV? Most studies aren't even conclusive on the effects (although many I've seen aren't exactly quoted correctly)
I don't leave my kids to watch TV all day, and I don't think I'd want a DVD in the car-but that said, as a child who got severely car sick, and STILL tried to read on trips, a DVD would have been a great way to liven up dead boring trips down the 401.
Don't we have enough real issues to become divided on?
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Caitlin 4-14-2006 @ 9:50AM
Michelle, Stefania told Dutch he'd regret not having one if he went on a long road trip with his daughter in a couple of months. I wanted to point out that it is possible to survive such a trip without a DVD player if you're willing to put in a little more work. It's not an automatic sentence to 3000+ miles of whining.
I have also been told repeatedly by other parents I know that I was making a bad decision when I bought my new car without a DVD player. When we went on our road trip in September, they all thought we'd make it to NJ from DC and have to turn around without a DVD player. Everyone was surprised that we made it a whole 8 days and hit all but 2 states and one province on our list.
I was then told "Just wait til your son is a year old, you'll see". He turned one at Christmas, and he survived another long road trip to Louisiana and back. And now it's "Oh wait til he's a few months older...". We average a day trip every week or two when the weather is nice and my friends are still waiting to say "Well, I hate to say it, but I told you so".
I never said DVD players in cars made anyone a bad parent. I'm just tired of the parents I know who have a DVD player acting like it's the -only- way to entertain your child on a long road trip, because it's not.
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MelissaS 4-14-2006 @ 9:52AM
I'm surprised by the number of "anti-dvd player" people who assume that families who do have dvd players in their cars don't do both things.
Talk to their kids in the car, play games in the car, play with toys brought along, take breaks while travelling *and* use another tool to make the trip more enjoyable for everyone on the trip: tv.
It's funny the assumptions about others we're so quick to form based on one choice over another.
I think it's great that you don't do tv in your car, but then I shouldn't be surprised by the veiled "I'm a more awesome parent than you!" tone so quickly offered up.
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MelissaS 4-14-2006 @ 9:54AM
Another thing to remember about the woman at the restaurant with the DVD player on the table. I do think that's overkill and probably not the best way to teach your child to behave in a restaurant (not to mention disturbing to other patrons). HOWEVER,
We let our kids bring small toys to a restaurant to play with, but I can think of one time we let them bring a leap pad and a leapster (with headphones).
If you saw us that night you may have assumed we always let our kids plug into media rather than interacting with the other adults at the table.
What you wouldn't know is that our kids never bring those items to restaurants, it was a late dinner (9pm) with a 3yr old and a 5yr old with 15 adults to celebrate my brother's graduation from fireman's school.
Yes, we could have sent one of us back to the hotel with the kids, but we see family so rarely we made a choice that night to push our usual limits.
A newspaper reporter may have seen us that night and assumed we always tune out our kids by letting them plug into media. Which is simply not true. Sometimes we let them tune out and most of the time they talk with us.
OH GOD THEY TALK. THEY NEVER STOP TALKING.
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Allison 4-14-2006 @ 11:13AM
So much judgement of others. Our story is that our son screamed in the car from when he was 1 month old until about 8 months later when our new car had a DVD player. We tried everthing. More clothes, less clothes, toys, sitting with him, switching car seats. Nothing helped. We dreaded going anywhere more than 10 minutes away. The DVD player was a God send and I was against them too. Swore up and down I'd never get them because I never had one as a kid and was fine. So my son got to watch Baby Einstein when we traveled anywhere more than 10 minutes. If I wrecked him for life, so be it. We just couldn't deal with the screaming anymore. I wasn't comfortable with him being that upset either. Now he is almost 2 and only watches the DVD on long trips. My point is that you never know what is going on in another family until you talk to them.
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dutch 4-14-2006 @ 12:39PM
Christ you folks are sensitive. Yes, you are bad parents because you use a DVD player in the car. Yes, you are all bad parents because you let your kids watch TV. You are bad parents because you feed your kids junk food and because you didn't breastfeed them and because you didn't blah blah blah blah. Your kids are all going to be fat, dumb, ADHD and unhealthy. Can't you see how much better I am? I am like a God, gilded and beautiful. Have you seen my full head of hair?
Look: I don't plan on letting my daughter watch TV for a while not because I'm some luddite who doesn't believe in technology, or because it makes me feel superior to all the losers who keep their kids plugged into something electronic 12 hours a day; I'm not going to let her watch TV because generally kids have really shitty critical thinking skills. and TV ain't free, folks. entertainment comes at a cost, and that cost is advertising. I believe that the advertising business is one of the most insidious, soul-wrecking industries we face, and I sure as shit am not going to let those nasty fuckers penetrate my child's innocent mind with their fucked up values.
Do I plan to let my child watch televised entertainment? Hell yes. I am even editing my own DVDs of old cartoons and shows I approve of without commericials. And I plan to develop her critical thinking skills, particularly when it comes to advertising, so that eventually she will be able to watch the trash on television and see it all for what it really is. It took me a long time to learn, and I want to pass on what I have learned to her if I can.
Yes, I know this is a rejection of current American mores, but that is because some people feel that many current American values are severely fucked up. We value material goods over people. Our economy is destructive of our souls as well as our environment. And unless more people decide to reject it, to look past the desire and the constant coveting of MORE MORE MORE, we're all fucked.
Now why don't you sensitive jokers just let someone think differently without nailing yourselves to the cross as martyrs of the portable DVD player industry.
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