Kids' questions: do you answer any you shouldn't?

I don't think it is the question so much as what the children want to know.

Sometimes it is best to ask first, "What do you THINK it is?" And go from there.

I don't think children are too young or old to ask questions. I think we just aren't prepared! And never will be, if you ask me.

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My children are just infants, so this issue hasn't come up for me yet. But my dad had a penchant for overexplaining things when I asked questions as a child. I learned to live in a state of confusion, and I learned to present my questions to my Mom instead. :-)

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In light of what 'Just a Mom' was saying, it's best to keep the answers simple. When my 4 year old asked me where babies come from, I answered by saying that they come from mommies and daddies loving each other. No further explanation necessary for now. My husband and I were dying with laughter last night when we watched DH!

Of course, when that dreaded time comes and the answers are going to have to be more plausible, we plan on answering as briefly and frankly as possible.

My daughters' serious questions have been revolving around death, ever since two uncles and their grandfather all died within one month. Just knowing that they end up in a happy place seems to satisfy them for now. Bless their innocence!

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Why should we wait until they are older? As long as the information and the context is age appropriate, there is no "wrong time". Your child doesn't want the long, drawn out, scientific answer. If you give them answers they don't understand, they will learn not to turn to you when they want to know something.

A simple answer to a preschooler about the licenses in words he can understand goes a lot further towards developing the lines of communication for "the big stuff". Little by little, you build their knowledge.

For example,a 3 or 4 year old who asks where babies come from, doesn't really want a biology lesson. Depending on the maturity level of your child, you give her an answer that fits what she will understand. In a couple more years, she will be able to grasp more about the human body and reproduction.

When my 3 yr old daughter asks questions, and boy does she ever, I try my best to answer her as honestly as possible without patronizing her, while at the same time, giving her information she can try to process in words she can understand.

When she gets old enough, I'm going to teach her how to find the answers and we will look them up together.

BTW, when I asked my Mom (who is an RN) where babies came from, she got out her nursing Human Anatamy Text Book and showed me. ( I was 5 and quite precocious, but not how I plan to approach this with my children)

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I answer all questions as factually as I possibly can. I do, however, sometimes alter my explanations to include terms that my 3 year old son can relate to. I'm trying to keep everything as simple as possible, but I suppose that I'm going to over-explain some stuff.

For example, my son sees menstrual related stuff and is curious about it, particular since he wants to make sure mummy is OK. So, I told him that mommies sometimes wear special diapers. About six months later, he wanted to know about the blood and did I need to see a doctor. I explained about what a period was by telling him that mommies bleed every month and if they don't it means there is a baby in their belly. I added that it doesn't hurt and doesn't mean I'm sick but sometimes it means a bit tired and yucky. He seems to understand that it happens periodically and it isn't something any of us should be afraid of.

I wrote a piece about it on my blog. http://momcast.blogspot.com/2006/03/kind-of-man-i-would-respect.html Strangely, a couple of family members thought I was crazy for being upfront about the subject. That's just the way Sean and I decided we were going to parent our son: we would operate from a basic belief that the free exchange of ideas and information was only ever good.

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Never ask me the time. I'll explain how to build a watch.

I answer questons as they come up, or at least try to. I also say let's go look it up because the world is full of things I don't know.

This morning one of the girls came in on the tag end of a news broadcast about the Ryan trial in Illinois. Try to keep that simple. I think I said the men took things that didn't belong to them. That they understand but I had to stop myself from ten minutes of explanatiions.

Just like here.

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This reminds me of the old joke - Jonny came home and asked his mom, "Mom, where did I come from?" Mom then launches into a 90 minute lecture, complete with pictures and diagrams. At the end of it, Jonny, looking dazed, says, "Billy said they moved here from Idaho, Mom. I just wanted to know where I came from!"

That said, I try to answer every question, with the caveat of first finding out exactly what the child is really inquiring about. Then I adjust the amount of information and the tenor of the conversation accordingly. It seems to have worked so far. Dad gets different questions than I do, which I find amusing and curious. I think I would be interested in knowing whether other couples disagree about depth and detail of answering questions, and how they deal with it. I know hubby and I sometimes diverge on this point.

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I struggle with keeping it short and simple. Sometimes my daughter cuts me off when she's heard enough!

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Questions from kids...I have a six year old boy who will go weeks and then spring a crazy question on me. I've answered enough of them to know that at times he's just going through a little exercise of my own. He just wants to know enough to satisfy his curiosity - and sometimes that's a lot; sometimes its very little.

And then there are times I take the 'Calvin's father' approach (Calvin and Hobbes??!) - and invent a fanciful answer that if your mom or spouse heard they'd probably come at you with a broomstick.

But that's what makes raising kids so fun - you gotta have a sense of humor about these things.

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Oh, I used to love the Dad on Calvin & Hobbes and his explanations. The one I remember fondly is the one about b&w and colour in answer to why old masters painted in colour and yet old tv and movies are in black and white. I have to see if I can find that. It's brilliant!

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OK, I had to find it, here is the transcript of that particular explanation of the b&w / colour issue:

Calvin: Dad, how come old photographs are always black and white? Didn't they have color film back then?
Dad: Sure they did. In fact, those old photographs ARE in color. It's just the WORLD was black and white then.

C: Really?
D: Yep. The world didn't turn color until sometime in the 1930s, and it was pretty grainy color for a while, too.

C: That's really weird.
D: Well, truth is stranger than fiction.

C: But then why are old PAINTINGS in color?! If the world was black and white, wouldn't artists have painted it that way?
D: Not necessarily. A lot of great artists were insane.

C: But... but how could they have painted in color anyway? Wouldn't their paints have been shades of gray back then?
D: Of course, but they turned colors like everything else in the '30s.

C: So why didn't old black and white photos turn color too?
D: Because they were color pictures of black and white, remember?

And, that led me to this story at the BBC site: http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A930296 which features a couple of great explanations to commong questions as well as a couple of Calvin's Dad's explanations.

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