When the Asperger's kid doesn't want to ride a bike...

Well, as an adult who never learned to ride w/o training wheels, you can tell him that *I* wish *I* had stuck with it and learned to ride a bike. MAN would it have been nice in college.

My oldest just got a new (used) bike. His first one without training wheels. There has been balking and tears so far. (Just got it on Saturday.) I'm hoping he'll stick it out and learn.

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We have a similar situation at our house: Henry, who is nearly-six and has something very much like Asperger's, refuses to have the training wheels off his bike. He's very coordinated and does great on the bike with the training wheels, but he wants nothing to do with removing them; when we brought it up, he cried hysterically and said, "You can take them off when I'm 15!" Problem is, he's going to outgrow his current bike soon, and the next one won't come with training wheels.

We're just letting it go, for now. We feel like we're asking Henry to do so many other new and potentially scary things--things that are normal for his friends, like having to eat what is served for lunch at school--that if he doesn't want to ride the bike, we're okay with that.

But secretly? I'm hoping he will change his mind and let us take the training wheels off. Because I know he would love it.

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My 15-y-o Aspie had terrible gross motor skills in elementary school. We tried many things but it was really a matter of just waiting for him to mature. He is still not where his peers are, but he doesn't qualify for any type of physical therapy and is really just fine. We let him do the things he enjoys like jumping (or bouncing) on the trampoline. There are many things which I deliberately rock his boat over to help him learn to be less rigid but riding a bike wasn't one of the battles for us. This might be something you should push with your son and it might not. Trust your instincts.

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I think it's hard enough to teach a kid with gross motor issues (and maybe sensory-integration-related balance problems? or low muscle tone?) to ride a bike when he really really wants to and brings his own motivation to the task. Teaching a kid to do something that hard when he's not that interested just sounds like an exercise in frustration, for him and for you. Let it go for now. And be prepared to let it go forever, if he is. Save the stress for something that's really important.

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I have to wonder why it's so important to you, frankly. Why does it matter if Christian ever learns to ride a bike or not? Is it because bike-riding is a "normal" childhood activity? It's certainly not like it's a vital life skill to have. Like momm2mingbu I never learned how to ride a bike. Unlike her, however, I can't say as how I have ever felt like I was lacking something in my life because of this. I didn't enjoy bike riding, so I didn't do it. If Christian doesn't enjoy it, why force him? To me, that's the same as telling him he has to walk everywhere when he loves running.

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I have somewhat the opposite problem.. my six year old dearly would LOVE to ride her bike (with training wheels at the moment), but she is so uncoordinated that she can't figure out how to pedal it. I'm serious. She gets that you need to push down, but it's either both feet down or not at all, not alternating. I need a "how to teach bike riding" website... :)

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My 7-turning-8 YO Aspy still has training wheels. We have been working on the idea of removing them for a year. He has outgrown his bike, so he knows that to "upgrade" to one the right size means "no more training wheels." Honestly, I'm not sure he's ready. I'd like him to bebecause heaven knows it's hard enough already being different from his peers), but I think he's just physically not ready for it (he has gross motor and visual-spacial-balance issues as well). He's also very anxious--so I see any fall that draws blood (even just a graze) being enough to make him put the bike away for another 6 months. He only learned last summer @ 6-turning-7 how to co-ordinate the up/down. It took a lot of pushing him on the bike, then letting go and yelling "Left/Right/Left/Right" down the driveway until he got the rhythm of it.

If your son is a good runner, what about Roller blades instead? Still "wheels", but maybe easier to coordinate given that you're working with an "extension" of your feet, versus a whole other piece of equipment. I know my son enjoys his blades FAR more than his bike. He picked that up MUCH faster--in about an hour over a few days--than riding a bike. It's been a big confidence booster for him.

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Agreed, Sisyphus.

Bike-riding is certainly a *useful* skill - but you can't force his motor skills to catch up to where you want them to be.

More to the point, you should *never* be pushing him to do something just because it's the "normal" thing to do. Never, ever, if for no other reason than that it's illogical. Push him to work on the things he's *good* on, that he *enjoys* doing - who cares if it's normal? Normality is way overrated.

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That's a great question. I have a 7yo client who has Asperger's. I'm having a session with the parents this next week to talk about what's appropriate and what's not. I say, if he's not ready for it, don't push him yet. If his gross motor is anything like my client's there's just no physical way right now. Maybe set a goal for him, if he wants to in one year..and work on balancing activities, and the parts of riding a bike (like pedaling a pretend bicycle with feet in the air, or on an exercise bike) until he's ready.

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That is the freakiest smile I've seen on a kid in a long time... out of curiosity, what direction (clockwise or counter-clockwise) does the hair on his head go (you know, the one we all have in the top/back)?!

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my son has A.S. and we have been told to "rock his boat" as well. but in small steps. we just gave him a bike for his 7th birthday. - he looked very funny on his little bike. Like a clown at the circus. He hated the change. but we put the seat really low and made it look like his old bike. (same stickers, same wheel decorations etc, same bell .. you get it?). My son read a book at 4/5 yrs old called, "gus and grandpa and the 2 wheeled bike." often he will attempt something after reading it. He becomes the character in the book/movie etc. I say he is going to be like the "Pretender" from that TV show from a few years ago. Anyway, if he can imagine himself riding, and it seems fun and not to anxiety producing, then go for it. but really - if he wants to run let him run. by the way, is there an A.S. or N.L.D blog site?

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All I can say is, show him his options:

'Would you like to take swimming lessons or baseball? Football (soccer) seems nice."

Give him a list of options, take him to games to see what the rules are, how the players interact and get a general feel for things. Let him try different things out at home.

No matter what your child's physical abilities are. Whether there is a mild handicap, major disabilities or a child is functioning 'normally' or what a parent would consider to be 'exceptional', a child should ALWAYS choose their interests. No matter WHAT they are, within reason of course...will keep them happy and motivated. A child has to be motivated for themselves, not for the parent.

Just my point of view.

I say, if he enjoys swimming and is perfectly happy where he is, let him make the first move should he decide he wants to pursue something, or expand in his current one.

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Well, my kid doesn't have Asperger's, is reasonably coordinated, but somehow never learned how to ride a bike. Hated the whole ordeal, in fact, so I never insisted.

That was 14 years ago. He'll be 21 in July and he has turned out great. He works as a secretary during the day, plays in a band that gets regular gigs, and is going to college in the autumn to major in sound design. Every kid doesn't *have* to learn how to ride a bike, regardless of their characteristics--i.e., Asperger's or not. I know that Asperger's children have extra challenges--when my son was in elementary school, his best friend was an Asperger's kid--but in this case, I'd let him do something else he enjoys more.

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Hi My name is Heather, I my child was 4 whan I was told he had Asperges, seach problems and other things (not as bad), for gross moter skills I was told Gymn class would help him, I talked to the coach and explaind his problems she was very helpfull she did not single him out, or pointed it out to the other in the class, she added things to the program that would help him acording to the physio report,the whole class did it, it has helped him a great deal not only in gross moter skills, but boosted his confordance, he now thinks he can do any thing but still looks for me to say it's ok, if gym class can change my child for the good, Gym class could help you child to

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Look what I found!

http://www.losethetrainingwheels.org/

I haven't read through the entire thing yet, but it looks pretty neat!

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My oldest son has a very hard time with his motor skills. Learning to ride a bike was a big issue in my family for years. My extended family pushed the issue and kept buying him bikes. He has had probably four in various sizes as gifts over the years. He never used them.

I have to admit, I tried to push him. I tried to make him learn. It was a disaster and I regret it. I stopped pushing the issue when he was about eight (and we were both crying on the street curb from frustration). I realized then he didn’t have the coordination and he just didn’t want to. We bought him a scooter and he loved it. It took him two years to really get the coordination enough to not take a tumble every block or so. He’s almost 13 now and still has no interest in bikes and still loves his scooter. I wanted him to be active and have fun at the same time. The scooter fit the bill.

My youngest son, age two, already is already interested in bikes. Everyone is different. As a parent, sometimes, it’s hard to know when to push and when to not. After learning the hard way myself, I feel it’s better to respect your kid’s interest and find something active he enjoys. Leave the pushing for things like math and reading ;).

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I agree with the previous posters regarding not pushing your son too much when it comes to learning to bike with out training wheels.

If it's important to your family that everyone gets out and bikes together, you might consider a tandam bicycle. Your son will have the securtiy of knowing that you are controlling the bike, and as a family, you all can all go out together.

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My sister never learned to ride a bike without training wheels and was never really interested in it anyway. Sometimes we feel like our kids need to experience certain things in their childhoods like riding a bike, but in the long run, riding a bike isn't one of those huge milestones that needs to be met, just because society says so. Encourage him in activities that he likes. When he is older, maybe he will join the track team and be some amazing cross country runner. There are plenty of other activities for your child to experience, explore the whole range.

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I'm going to go out on a limb here and offer the alternative point of view, that maybe it IS a good idea to push your son into riding his bike without training wheels. I have been through this experience with two Asperger's boys -- two different kinds of asperger's boys.

My first son was seven years old, and we always knew that he was different from his peers, but we never thought he was different in a bad way -- he just seemed to be more "cerebral." This was back in the old days when Asperger's syndrome wasn't well known, so he wasn't diagnosed. He was 7 years old, and we were moving to a new neighborhood in a new state, and I thought he should learn to ride his bike. Dad was out of town, I had a two-year-old on my hip, and I'm trying to teach my son how to ride a bike. I basically got tired of being patient after hours of his not learning (after weeks and weeks of his not learning) and took him to the top of a big hill and pushed him down. He fell, I made him get back up. This happened over and over again. He hated me. But he learned how to ride. Was it important? Maybe not. All I know is that he took a bike-riding class in gym 7 years later, and it was his favorite class. Did he continue on with baseball? No -- not coordinated enough. Did he ever really learn how to swim? No -- he hates the water. But he learned how to ride a bike, and it enriched his life. He jokes constantly about having the meanest mother ever, but he enjoys riding his bike now.

My younger son (9 years old) learned how to ride a bike with no problem, and loves it. This is the son that is diagnosed.

With both boys, we have found that they are extremely stubborn about some things. They are the nicest, most interesting kids in general, but they seem to grab onto one or two things and you have to push them over the edge for them to realize that what they are stubborn about actually is no bid deal. Of course, you pick your battles, and riding a bike may not be one of the things you push on. But there is something to be said for pushing on some things. I don't think it's a good idea to have these boys to NEVER do anything they dislike/feel like they can't accomplish. They need to feel a sense of accomplishment, especially with difficult things, JUST LIKE THE REST OF US.

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I say go with your gut - my instinct around something like this would be to leave it alone, since it doesn't seem like there's a lot that he'd be missing out on by not having a bike. (He can get himself around, and unless it's a big social thing for kids in the neighborhood, then there's not much else that he'd use it for.)

If he and Andrew are around the same size, then he can always try and learn how to ride w/o training wheels on Andrew's bike if he expresses an interest. IMO, pushing limits is particularly effective when there's an external reason for doing so - when there's not much immediate benefit to be gained, then it'll be that much harder to overcome his resistance.

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