Restaurant mess -- is it the waiter's problem?

by Karen Walrond (Subscribe to Karen Walrond's posts) May 9th 2006 4:04PM

A little less than a year and a half ago, my husband, 10-month-old daughter, Alex and I were eating at a family restaurant. I was busy feeding Alex, and while she was eating, I was equally busy cleaning up the mess around her.

"I wouldn't bother," said a voice.

I looked around. There, at the table next to us, was a mother sitting with her 3 year old son.

"What?" I asked.

"What you're doing. I never do that. Oh, I used to clean up after my kid, but eventually, I realized it wasn't worth it. The waitstaff are going to clean up after us anyway. I just leave them a big tip and let them do it. It is, after all, what they're paid to do."

I was aghast. And frankly, a year and a half later, I'm still aghast. I think there are so many things wrong with that attitude on so many levels, I'm not sure where to start. I'm so hyperconscious of how Alex affects people around her -- not the least of which are the poor staff who work their tails off at restaurants.

What do you think -- am I being a bit too rigid?

Comments (44)

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 3)

Jen 5-09-2006 @ 4:11PM

I agree with you wholeheartedly. I used to work in a restaurant, and I was disgusted and dismayed by the messes kids made, and the lack of effort on the part of their parents to clean the messes up. We are responsible for our children and the messes they make. I wouldn't leave a huge disgusting mess of my own for the waitstaff to clean up, why would I leave a mess that my kid made. Furthermore, what kind of example is that for our kids? That they can act like pigs and just pay others to clean up after them. That's not the message I want to teach my child.

Melissa 5-09-2006 @ 4:15PM

I think it depends on the amount of mess we are talking about. A minimal amount, let them do it. A tornado hit the table? Clean it up.

Erika 5-09-2006 @ 4:15PM

No, you're not being too rigid.

I, too, clean up after my daughter in restaurants. If she's dropping big hunks of food on the floor, or if she spills some water on the table, it isn't too much bother for me to pick it up or wipe it up. I was a waitress once. It's a crappy enough job without having to mop up huge messes.

My husband makes fun of me for this sometimes; in hotel, I straighten up as much as I can before leaving. Just because maids are coming in to clean up doesn't mean I have to leave trash and papers strewn around the room. We have a twice-monthly cleanign service; I make it a point to straighten up and put things in their proper place so all they have to concentrate on is the dusting and the scrubbing and the mopping.

To me, it's basic human decency; do what you can to make the lives of everyone around you easier, you know? The golden rule. I think that's a valuable lesson to teach our children.

And I *still* leave a nice tip for our waiters, especially the ones who patiently fulfill our many baby-related requests. :-)

LS 5-09-2006 @ 4:20PM

My son is past the *really* big mess stage, but while in it, we would always ask our server for a wet towel so we could wipe up the table. One time, I even went so far as to request a vacuum cleaner for the floor (crackers)!!! Our waitress said no, that she'd get it, but she thanked us for offering. We left her a HUGE tip that night.

LB 5-09-2006 @ 4:26PM

As a former waitress and as a mom, it's my feeling there's messes and there's messes.

I never liked waiting on people who thought they were doing me huge favors by stacking dishes, collecting menus, cleaning up as they left, typically they leave smaller tips since they feel they have left a smaller "footprint." It's usually about the same amount of work to turn over most tables. If you really want to do you the staff a favor, just eat, tip fairly and get out so it can be seated again.Keep in mind there are plenty of adults who leave disgusting messes behind, so as family please don't feel like burden.

On the other hand, if it's something more major, like spill back into the seats, huge chunks of food on the floor instead of crumbs, more than a few utensils etc, I think it's fair to pick it up, but I have seen moms cleaning bits on the floor while bus boys stand by with their sweepers, why waste your time and theirs, since many managers demand that they go thru all those steps anyway?

Caitlin 5-09-2006 @ 4:26PM

I agree with you. If I wouldn't tolerate at my table, why would I let it slide at a restaurant just because I don't have to clean it up? Someone still has to clean it up and it's never too early to learn how to be considerate of others.

Granted, there are some messes you can't clean up without help from the staff. But there's a huge difference in letting the staff know immediately instead of surprising them when the table gets bussed.

ann adams 5-09-2006 @ 4:29PM

It less necessary these days but I always cleaned up after the kids. Not perhaps to the point of sweeping the floor, but I certainly picked up things that were dropped, wiped up table spills, and stacked dishes toward the front of the table. Come to think of it, I clean up after myself and my husband as well. I've been known to drop or spill from time to time.

And of course I tip appropriately. It's hard work and even harder waiting on children, no matter how well behaved.

I must have made an impression on the girls. Now they do it themselves, almost too well. I believe they'd carry their dishes to the sink if I didn't stop them.

Bluepaintred 5-09-2006 @ 4:31PM

I think you hit it right on the money!
i always clean the table up before i leave! part of it may be because we go to the same restaraunt everytime and see the same waitstaff, but another part is its embarrasing to leave a mess like that behind! what if i was the one who had coffee to refilll a floor to mop, orders to fill and a bill to be rung up? would I want to be on my hands and knees grabbing little papers and bits of food?

my kids make a BIG mess each time we go out, and each time i clean it before i go. all of the garbage is in an empty cup with a fork, the fork is there so that the garbage comes out easily with no messy fingers when trying to empty the cup, i put the plates stacked, food ont he top plate, nd the silverware in an empty water glass, it takes the staff seconds to pick up and wipe down the table that way!

Laura 5-09-2006 @ 4:32PM

No you aren't being too rigid! Matter of fact, if I was still waiting tables I would give you a huge hug as well as the best service you have ever had! I had some of the biggest slobs in the world when I waited tables, I can't believe they would make such a mess. Also, what constitutes a good tip for these parents does not often correspond to the huge amount of work it takes cleaning up the messes they leave.

From the time my son was able to sit in a high chair at a restaurant we taught him good table manners and he is an absolute delight when we go out to eat. Now he is two and he knows to sit nicely in his chair, use an indoor voice and to never turn around and bother others or throw food. I also make sure to clean the area under his highchair very well before we even think of leaving. Being considerate of others is never wrong.

Justine Lemmon 5-09-2006 @ 4:54PM

That woman was rude. Nice example she was setting for her children.

LB 5-09-2006 @ 4:55PM

Please! (even if you choose pick up extensively) don't stack dishes! Unless you have stacked them yourself it's hard to know how it will balance, often this just creates work for your server. A staff memeber whipping by a table knows what she can carry, what she is available to do. Ironically she may need to leave the stack there until she can come back to get them all, instead of taking a few each time. Also some managers so not like to see stacks of dirty dishes being carried thru a dining room, they prefer the more invisble look of a few at a time. Or some insist that all dishes be placed on trays while in motion and the stack will really be hard to carry like that.

Being polite and patient are far more important to you servers than bustling around getting in the way- too many cooks and all that-

Kobie 5-09-2006 @ 4:58PM

I too was a waiter and agree that it was in my best interest for the party to leave as soon as they were done so the busboy(girl) could clean and re-set the table as soon as possible. I also agree that the mothers that were busy picking up tiny little crumbs on the floor were more hindrance than help.

That being said....minor messes...par for the course. Tornado - show some decent human consideration and at least pick up SOME of the mess if for nothing else than to show an example to your kids that it is rude to completely DESTROY a table and walk away.

On another note - I have two kids and grew up helping my mom raise countless others and we rarely had problems with kids leaving a huge mess. If any child decides that tossing food across the table is more important than eating it I simply remove him/her from the food all together. My kids seem to always get the message.

Special Red 5-09-2006 @ 4:58PM

As a former career waitress, I never leave a mess.

As a previous poster said, I stack menus, dishes, and clean up almost everything. First of all, I wouldn't leave that kind of mess at my own house, why would I do it in public for all the world to see?

Secondly, I know how busy restaurants can get. And since we typically dine out with a group of 6 adults or large, and 2 girls under 2 years, theres bound to be MASSIVE mess. I know what a pain it is to have to get a table cleared and clean all while waiting on people. So, I always clean up.

Thirdly, I always leave at least a 15% tip, and then some if she's a good waitress. If you forgot to refill our drinks after being reminded 3 times in 45 minutes, or were rude and inhospitable, you will not receive extra in your tip. If you do your job, and do it well, we have been known to tip 20 to 25%.

And lastly, I want my daughter to see what it truly is to be considerate of those around you and those working. Just because you have children is not an excuse to take the extra 3 minutes to tidy up after them, and as she will eventually be capable of cleaning up after herself, she will learn to do so. Granted, I'm not a people pleaser, but I do believe in respect for those around you and being considerate of others, and to me, leaving a monstrosity of a once-clean table is disrespectful and inconsiderate.

Amy 5-09-2006 @ 4:59PM

I agree, it depends on the mess. I don't get on the ground to pick up dropped cheerios, but if my kid spills a jar of mashed bananas (that happened this weekend) then I ask for a wash cloth and clean it up. Another time that happened, and the manager of the restaurant came over, cleaned it up, and told me not to think about doing it myself - they'd take care of it. I really liked that.

karrie welborn 5-09-2006 @ 5:07PM

I also clean up. I cannot help it, since I worked retail and restaurant gigs when I was younger. I know what its like to stay until 1 am getting the carpet clean enough for the next day--whether toddlers or drunken businessmen caused the mess.

I'm not armed with a slew of cleaning products or anything extreme, but I do pick up food my son threw on the floor, mop up spills, and just generally try and keep the mayhem under control.

Plus, its just rude IMO to teach your kids that its acceptable to leave a big mess because others will clean up after you.

Velma 5-09-2006 @ 5:40PM

I think there is a happy medium. I wouldn't worry about crumbs on the table or easily cleaned small messes, because the table has to be cleaned anyway. Anything big, however, I would attempt to take care of as well as possible prior to signing the check and being ready to go. It all depends on the situation, how busy the place is, the attitude of the waitstaff, etc., so I don't think you can have a "one size fits all" rule for this...actually, I don't believe in "one size fits all" rules for ANY aspect of parenting!

anton 5-09-2006 @ 5:57PM

I agree completely. Definitely pick it up. My kids are past that stage, but I always cleaned up the worst of the mess as it happened.

Even though it might be the wait staff's job, and I planned on leaving a large tip, it just grossed me out. I'm sure other patrons would agree. Lots of food on the floor is just not appealing, not apetizing.

LT 5-09-2006 @ 6:02PM

I do both. Clean up as best as I can with the giant pack of wipes that resides in my purse, *and* leave a huge tip. Why the huge tip? Mostly because in all likelyhood, one or both of my "usually-well-behaved-but-at-restaraunts-not-so-much" little boys caused a disturbance of some kind during our visit!

Daniele 5-09-2006 @ 6:17PM

I think it's fair to expect the wait staff to clean up after your child the same way they would if you accidentally spilled a glass of wine of the table. They wouldn't expect you to pick up the linens yourself and move all dishes and all that stuff. having said that, as everyone else pointed out, if your mess is above and beyond any measure of normalcy, then yes, I think you should pick up a bit. Matching work with tipping levels is also a great thought around this issue.

kelly jeanie 5-09-2006 @ 6:52PM

I usually try to pick up the worst of it. I can't get every little grain of rice, but we do try to pick up the chunks and wipe down the mess a bit. Of course at 13 months my son is going to be messy, but I try not to leave anything unreasonable. I also like to leave a bigger tip if he's really messy.

I appreciate seeing the comments from former/current wait staff. It's great to hear from those who have to deal with this stuff first-hand to know what they expect.