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Reunion (with kids): it's not quite the same
Filed under: Work Life, Activities: Babies
My husband returned home tonight after two weeks of Army Reserve duty. And although it wasn't the first time he'd left me alone with my children, it was the first time since I had one baby on the outside and a full-time, all-the-time, work-from-home job. I have a babysitter 12 hours a week, but what usually seems like a luxury was laughably inadequate.
In the hours leading up to his arrival (a few hours later than scheduled thanks to an I-5 traffic jam), much though I missed him and his wonderful sweet husband-ness, all that I could think was how much I wanted to meet him at the door with my laptop all packed up and a few dollars for a beer, and run as fast as I could to the nearest WiFi spot without the kids. Or him.
Everett insisted that I watch him flip through the extras on the Monsters, Inc. DVD, or talk for one of his action figures; Truman was into everything and knocked over my coffee, my late lunch of pasta, my glasses, an entire drawer full of crayons and chalk (for the eighth time), a basket full of photo CDs that I'd just organized by date; and neither of them could keep their hands off me! I was just trying to focus for 10, 20 minutes on something. And not. Doing. So.
Reunions between loving partners, after kids enter the picture, just aren't the same. As a single mom I know and I discussed today: parenting alone is nigh impossible. It's no wonder our bodies were set up to need two of us to make a kid. Meeting the needs of a little individual by oneself is crazy-making. As Everett's poor Barney computer can attest (I threw poor Barney and his cheery freakin' voice across the room in a particularly low point. Never fear. The children were not in the room with me when Barney hit the wall).
I ended up self-medicating (we took that trip to the local coffee shop pre-reunion, and they have Hefeweizen on tap now! I love this town) and, by the time my husband arrived home, I was happy to see him and I didn't run for the hills. But you can bet tomorrow morning will find me high up in my coffee shop perch, completely sans young ones. You know. So my husband can re-connect with them. Yeah, that's it.
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
5-26-2006 @ 8:23AM
Amanda said...I know how you feel! Mine is constantly gone, for National Guard crap or to some conference or another. He is gone this weekend, as a matter of fact. And next. I did get a giggle at the mental image of you throwing Barney! I have definitely done the same.
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5-26-2006 @ 5:41PM
Snappy said...Ok - you finally convinced me to comment publicly. Given that I am a mom with a husband that travels frequently I couldn't relate more. I decided to do things a little differently at the end of one of his recent week long trips. I hired a babysitter the night before he came home and took a few hours of me time. This time I vowed not to be so close to the edge...no barney's hitting the wall (hee-hee)...at least not this week.
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5-26-2006 @ 7:23PM
Angela said...it's sad that you are so wrapped up in your own thoughts that you are not thinking of your family as a whole...
instead of looking forward to reconnecting as a family and as a couple with your husband, you look forward to being away from them all.
I'm not going to tell you that single-parenting while being married is an easy task, nor that you fear for your sanity and sense of self more than in any other situaion in life... yet, you seem to forget your husband is away because he is working either in busines or in military duty, he is helping provide for your family, and that family includes you... and after being in duty he needs time alone, for he has not been alone a more than a couple of minutes in the two weeks he's in duty.
I'm a Navy wife, my husband is in deployment usually 6 to 8 mos at a time, yes, you read right... and yes living with two little ones that demand your constant attention while you're pregnant with a third one and all the while juggling a part time job, the upkeeping of the house and the finances at home without the break of a babysitter or a husband to help you, I still realize that my husband is in worse shape than I am for he sleeps with at least 4 others in a room (officer quarters) and the rest of the time he is surrounded by 5000 people with nowhere else to go.
when he gets home, instead of only thinking of me, I think of him and how he so needs some "alone" time... and I also acknowledge how he has missed us, me and the kids and how he just wants to be with us.
You should at least wait a couple of days for your "me" time at your coffee shop and show you have at least missed your husband some...
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5-27-2006 @ 11:19PM
rachel said...Angela,
It sounds like you have a really good handle on your own challenging situation and how you choose to deal with it. Other families might work differently than yours does. From her post, and previous posts, it sounds like Sarah Gilbert's "me" time is actually worktime that she does from her home or coffee shop. Her "me" time is what she does to contribute in her way to her family.
Aside from that, I think different families take care of their needs differently. What might be selfish in one family, could be energizing and revitalizing for another. It doesn't make sense to automatically judge that one mother is selfish for desiring a break after going solo for two weeks when another is comfortable parenting solo for longer and will go longer still to give their partner a break. Most likely, both families are making sacrifices and doing what works for them. If it doesn't work, it's between the parents themselves to figure it out, not a spectator who doesn't have all the facts.
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