What is "all"? I have the best of all worlds, and so I feel like I have it all. yet we sacrifice time, money and some opportunities. But I'm content where we are right now.

This pressure on women needs to bugger off. There has never been pressure on men to "have it all" and most wouldn't want it anyway. We create these pigeonholes. I had to come to terms with the fact that I am NOT my mother, or anyone else. I've also had to come to terms with the fact that right now, I can't do many of the things I want to do. But neither can my husband.

It's a tradeoff. And I must say, I'm looking forward to the day that it's not a big deal if you're a woman with kids too. If anything, of any of us, Katie Couric has more resources at her disposal, so I don't get it.

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Thordora, you stole my thunder!! When are we going to stop looking to others to decide when we "have it all"? I figure I have it all, too. I never wanted to work - not for money, anyway. I love to work, I just didn't want the responsibility of HAVING to have a job (I hope that makes sense). On the other hand, my husband thrives in the role of bacon-getter, and I thrive as a stay-at-home mommy who occasionally volunteers her talents to worthy causes. I have a healthy set of pets, time to work out, and a not-so-spic-and-span house, but I am content. My husband is content, and my son is an absolute riot.

So I have it all.

Do people approve of my lifestyle and the decisions that produced it? Do I look like I care?

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have it all? Thats hard, I have an 18 month old that wakes up at 5 and i'm with him intill bed time (6) after bedtime I run off to work for 7 hours ( 1 am) then I go to bed for about 4 hours and wake up and do it again. During the day im a mom and a wife and at night I have a full time job do I have it all....I'm to tired to know but i love my family and wouldn't have it any other way.

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This issue is making me crazy. I think it's insulting as hell to claim that Vargas is being forced out but is "covering" for ABC. Why would she?

NEWS Flash! We can't have it all. We can have a lot and we can pick a lot of what we have, but we can't have it all. To each her own.

Also, I don't think men should be working as much as some of them do, at the expense of family. I read some pundit upset about this say, "no man would ever step down without a fight" Gimme a break! Since when do men have it all?

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It depends on what "having it all" means to you. If it means having 2 kids, working 80 hours a week at your job to get the next promotion, afford the exclusive private school for your kids, and pay for your McMansion and trendycars(tm)... then probably not.

I think the people who have it all are the ones who are happy with what they have. I have a friend who I would say "has it all". Her husband has a short commute to a job he enjoys, and the option to telecommute. She's a work at home mom, and homeschools both of her kids. If they were living the McMansion lifestyle, they wouldn't be able to homeschool their kids, which is very important to them.

As for Vargas, perhaps 20/20 leaves her more time to be with her family? I say good for her, since she was able to negotiate a move to a show that is a better fit with her personal goals.

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Jeez, I can't even think of a single male news anchor who I even know how many kids he has, or if he even has kids or a wife. It's just not a factor with them - why should it be such an issue with the women?

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I say more power to Elizabeth Vargas. She made a decision that was best for her and her family. I think the real issue here is why can't women be supportive of other women who make decisions like this? I think it's absurd to even attempt to adopt the mindset that it's all equal with men and women working full time, building careers and raising families. The bottom line is women are still the ones who give birth and nurse babies. Until medical science changes that this is what it is. I say Elizabeth Vargas is one smart and courageous woman worthy of praise and respect!

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I did not just have a job, but a career when I was pregnant at 35yo. I owned by own business and was very successful in the business world. I realized after my second child at age 39, I could be successful or give 100% to both. I sold my business and stayed home with my children. I do some consulting from my home, but I mostly suppport my husband's new company and work toward creating a brighter future for my children.
My new career is Ceo of my household.
Elizabeth may have seen the same future and I applaud her.

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Moms doing everything. The typical stereotype a mom that tackles a job, family, children, cleaning, feeding of the family,running errands and countless other tasks.

Choosing to work outside the home or work in the home as a "stay at home mom" is a personal choice. What we feel happy with and is best for oursevles and the family.

The term "momtrepenuer" suposidly is a wonderful complement to a mom : with its meaning > a mom that works with her own business or away form the home and tends to the family, chores, children and the list goes om - a super mom who does it ALL


As a working mother and as a past stay at home mother, to me the term momtrepenuer puts down a mother. By keeping her the caretaker and person in charge of everything like she is the superwoman. When fathers are not recognized as dadtrepenuers "the dad that do it ALL".

Terms that moms place on themselves can start to turn the other way giving a message that moms do it ALL.

But all in all things in the home should be shared equally with balance. If a mom is working and dad is working chores and childcare should be distributed equally. If we are attempting to equalize our roles as males and females. Without an emphasis that we are a supermom " codependent" to caring for others.
The important thing is that we are happy whether working or staying at home and do not give into the pressure of either side because of what a moms "job" should be. There is a mom and dad to care for a child and a 50 /50 share of work and home care and child care would be wonderful without the emphasis of a mom that does it all.

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To be honest, I think most of the frustration with this situation and other similar ones comes from the other side of the equation - not the home, but the workplace.
It's not there is anything wrong with making your family a priority and I think most people agree that being able to do that for your children is a wonderful thing for your family.
But on the other end of things, for working women (both mothers and non-mothers), it can be very hard/demoralizing when a woman at the peak of her career in your office/industry scales back her responsibilities for any reason (usually motherhood or other family-related reasons). They're legitimate reasons, but it seems to send a message to everyone else in the office/industry that women don't take their careers as seriously or can't be expected to stay in for the long haul. It's an unfair judgement, but it continues to happen. And for women at the bottom or middle rungs of the ladder, it can be tough when there are very few women left remaining at the top of the ladder to pave the way for them.
So, on the one hand, when a woman scales down her work responsibilities to care for her family - it's a step forward for that woman and the needs of her family, but can also feel like a step backward for the larger sisterhood of women still fighting to be viewed equally in the workplace.
For example, if there is a rising female star at ABC hoping for a spot in the anchor's seat post-Charlie Gibson, does she look at Elizabeth Vargas on the one hand happy she's doing what's best for her family, but on the other hand wondering if it will be that much harder for her to convince the corporate big-wigs that she would stick it out and succeed when it's her turn? Possibly...
Motherhood and career are tricky equations - for every victory on one side of this, there can be a drawback on the other end.
Just wanted to put another view of this out there...

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If you are a mother, its impossible to be able to do whatever you want whenever you want on your downtime (if you wanted that, stay a single career woman ;)) so of course you have to compromise a bit here and there.

Obviously Elizabeth wanted that too (two young kids at 43, or any age, can't be easy) so she's taking time off before her new little one is born, and I applaud her.

Plus anyway, wasn't her husband injured in a robbery a few months back? Even if he's recovering well physically, he may still need her emotional support on another level, which she may be able to better provide if she's home more and has fewer stresses related to her career. (I know some guys can be very insecure sometimes, especially after tragedy befalls their family. Or it could be that they feel some jealousy or competition with their kids for their wife's precious time, so that brings stress to a marriage on some level as well.)

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Great post Sarah-nicely articulated.

As a woman who is trying to raise a young son and raise her career level, the pressures on all sides are at times almost unbearable.

I am lucky enough to have a flexible schedule but still am a corp exec and "on the clock" around the clock. There are days were I just feel like I am failing at everything, and I try and look around to see a role model-another woman who has done the same but I hardly can see anyone.

Maybe everyone else is right, you cannot have it all but does that mean we have to give up career dreams if we are moms?

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All I can say to this is the only reason it is an issue is because she is on the news...plenty of woman have given up alot to be where they are, and have also passed many opportunities for their family. I like so many other mothers have to work a full time job rotating shifts and keep house and be a wife and mother. It is hard and I would give anything to be a stay at home mom...but these days it takes 2 incomes to survive , pay bills and set up a college fund. Don't get me wrong I am glad that women have the opportunities that they do now, however, I wish that we could still get by on just one paycheck.

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A great post and great comments. As we expect the arrival of our first, we're grappling with this again, but with some urgency, since he's almost here, and we have to make some decisions.

Perhaps it's that pressure that led me to start writing about it myself. I'm not glad that so many parents feel pressured by this, but I'm glad to see that we have some company. I only wish that I'd read this before I went to all that trouble. I could'a just pointed over here and said, "Read that."

I'm sure, however, that we all will have more to say about this along the way. I don't think this is a debate that is going away or getting any easier to grapple with.

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I hate that question... "Do you think we can have it all?" Does anyone ask men that question? If a man works and is able to be home with his family each night, every weekend, and for holidays and vacations, he isn't considered to be giving up anything. I don't see it any different for women if they make the choice to work outside the home. On the other hand, if men or women are working many nights, weekends, and missing holidays and vacations with their families, I think they are sacrificing too much. If there are more women "giving up" higher level positions, perhaps they are reaching this conclusion more quickly than men. As the saying goes, "No one ever says from their death bed, 'I wish I'd spent more time working'."

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"Having it all" means prioritizing for families. ALL Mothers are Working Mothers. Since staying at home full time is not an option for most young families, perhaps it is time for young parents to get involved in the political process and demand their representatives support H.R. 1589, a package of proposals to "improve the lives of working families by providing family and medical need assistance, child care assistance, in-school and afterschool assistance, family care assistance, and encouraging the establishment of family-friendly workplaces."

In a nutshell, the Balancing Act would provide:

1. paid leave for caring for young children and elderly relatives;
2. increased child care options for working families;
3.funding for afterschool programs and universal pre-k;
4. free school breakfast; and
5. more friendly and flexible workplaces.

Family Income to Respond to Significant Transitions directs the Secretary of Labor to make five-year grants to a State or local government to pay for the Federal share of the cost of carrying out projects that assist families by providing wage replacement for eligible individuals responding to caregiving needs resulting from the birth or adoption of a son or daughter or other family caregiving needs.

Family and Medical Leave Enhancement amends the Family and Medical Leave Act of 1993 (FMLA) to allow employees covered by FMLA to take up to four hours during any 30-day period, and up to 24 hours during any 12-month period, of parental involvement leave to participate in or attend their children's or grandchildren's educational and extracurricular activities. It amends Federal civil service law to apply the same parental involvement leave allowance to Federal employees.


Child Care Expansion amends the Child Care and Development Block Grant Act of 1990 to authorize additional funds for expanding child care activities for young children less than three years of age; establishes the Child Care Provider Development and Retention Grant Program and the Child Care Provider Scholarship Program; authorizes the Secretary of Health and Human Services (HHS) to allot funds to eligible States (and Indian tribes and tribal organizations) to pay for the Federal share of the cost of providing access to affordable health benefits coverage for eligible child care providers and, at State option, the spouses, domestic partners, and dependents of such providers; amends the Housing and Community Development Act of 1974 to provide for use of community development block grants to establish child care facilities and amends the National Housing Act to provide for insurance for mortgages on new and rehabilitated child care facilities and for acquisition of or the refinancing of debt on existing child care facilities and authorizes the Secretary of Housing and Urban Development to make technical and financial assistance grants to acquire or improve child care facilities or equipment; directs the Secretary of HHS to establish a business child care incentive grant program.


Expands access to universal pre-Kindergarten: The Balancing Act directs the Secretary of HHS to make grants to State agencies to develop full-day, full-year universal pre-kindergarten programs for all children three, four, and five years old.


Extends Free Breakfast programs: Amends the Child Nutrition Act of 1966 (CNA) to direct the Secretary of Agriculture to carry out a universal free school breakfast program without regard to family incomes; amends the Richard B. Russell National School Lunch Act (NSLA) to direct the Secretary of Agriculture to establish a program of healthy school nutrition environment incentive grants.


More Flexible Workplaces: Amends the Employee Retirement Income Security Act of 1974 (ERISA) to provide for treatment of employees working at less than full-time under participation, vesting, and accrual rules governing pension plans and under group health plans; and directs the Secretary of Labor to conduct, in not more than five States, a pilot program to raise awareness about telework among employers, and encourages them to offer telework options to employees; amends the Elementary and Secondary Education Act of 1965 (ESEA) to require State educational agencies to give priority to 21st century community learning centers program applications submitted jointly by eligible entities.

Let's stop talking about this and do something that would make our lives a little easier and expand our choices-Stand up for yourself and other young mothers- write your representative in Congress an email or call and ask that they co-sponsor H.R. 1589 and tell them You are a VOTER in their District. Your vote does count! If they don't hear from you, they figure you don't care.....

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i am constantly amazed by the way working moms can juggle both career and families. it surely does seem unfair that a mom with a newborn would be 'demoted', whereas her male partner would be congratulated.

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