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Adventures in parenting: tales of traffic
Filed under: Babies, Development/Milestones: Babies
My 13-month-old, Truman, is fast. He's been walking less than two months, but he dove into the mobility thing as if he was training for the Olympic 10-meter event. He'll dart from place to place in the blink of an eye. And I'm just not ... well, let's just say I'm not a perfect mom.
Because last weekend, I let Truman walk into traffic.
It was Sunday afternoon, and my husband was doing his one-weekend-a-month thing with the Army Reserves. I had a ton of work to do, and felt guilty for keeping the kids cooped up. So, to assuage my feelings of parental inadequacy, I let them play in the front yard while I worked on my laptop. Everett was hilariously playing man-to-man defense, making sure Truman didn't get too close to the busy street only a few feet from our little picket fence. And I was watching, I mean, I was only four or five steps away from the boys.
And then, suddenly, Everett had to pee and ran to the side of the porch (I've taught him not to drop drawers in the middle of the front yard, aren't I a good mom?). In the few seconds it took me to turn my head and see what Everett was doing, Truman ran for it. By the time I looked back at him, he had taken one step into the street.
The traffic was going slowly thanks to the lazy weekend day, and it was the middle of the afternoon. So the car headed directly at my tiny excited one-year-old had no problem stopping. But oh. my. god. You haven't known fear, shame, guilt, and abject terror until you've snatched a baby from the path of an oncoming (very slowly, but still) car.
In fact, I was keenly aware of the few cars stopping and strangers running towards him as I gathered him close. And suddenly I was the terrible parent and there was nothing I could do to show these people, watching my ultimate failing, judging my moment of carelessness. I replayed it over and over as I walked him back to the porch. I was already answering the Child Services agent's query in my head ("but he just learned how to walk! how was I to know he would make it all the way to the street?") and helping Everett get his pants back on, vowing to myself that we'd never play in the front yard again until I'd secured the perimeter with a wall worthy of East Germany, when a Volvo wagon pulled into our driveway.
The middle-aged woman in the passenger seat (it seemed as if her daughter was driving, but I was too upset to see clearly) shouted out the window something about how close my yard was to the street (oh! thank you! I'll have to take that up with my real estate agent! I thought bitterly to myself). And I wondered how anyone could think that telling me what I'd done wrong after the near-accident, was a good idea. Surely they thought I was one of the friendly neighborhood meth heads, tweaking while I let my children run wild in the streets (but really, the only drug I've had today is caffeine! I wanted to assure them). I muttered, "I know!" and shot them looks of caring, concern, and reproach.
All the rest of the day (which we spent fortressed in our house, with all the front locks secured, just for good measure) I couldn't shake the feeling of bad mama. Later I tied Truman tightly in one of my many handmade baby carriers (good mamas make baby carriers by hand, right? good mamas wear their babies while walking to get organic veggies, right?) and walked to the nearby Trader Joe's. Everywhere in the evening light, people watched me benevolently, smiling widely at my adorable child and (I'm sure) thinking what a cute pair we made.
And I felt like a fraud, a charlatan, a humbug. I'm not a good mama! I wanted to yell. I let my child walk into traffic! And I pulled the straps of the carrier even tighter, and squeezed Truman close to me, and wailed inside.
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
6-10-2006 @ 2:34AM
bluepaintred said...you arent the first nor are you the l;ast. on friday, heading into the doctors appointment for my 6 year old son, he let go of his baloon, then I had to explain to my doctor what the brandnew bruise on his tailbone was from ( the fall to the street) and the "rug burn like" mark on his neck were from ( where I grabbed hte back of his shirt ) had I not done this, he WOULD have been hit, his foot was about a foot from the car that drove past 2 seconds later. where he would have been if I hadnt grabbed him. I should have been holding his hand on such a busy street, but he is six and doesnt want me too.. Im not a bad mom persay, but next time i go to a busy street i will hold him regardless!
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6-10-2006 @ 6:19AM
Scamer said...What a beatiful creature on the picture :) Where are you get it ?)
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6-10-2006 @ 8:14AM
Amanda said...Please don't beat yourself up. I think we all have those moments where we feel like we are bad moms. Luckily, our children turn out OK! I know I have certainly had my moments of panic too!
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6-10-2006 @ 8:49AM
ann adams said...You know what Sarah? It happens. He's okay and you will be. My oldest was like that. Was like that? She just turned 50 - she's still like that.
After my first walking excursion with three babies in downtown San Francisco, I purchased a length of clothesline and tied it around her waist. I couldn't hold two by the hand and push a stroller at the same time and Carol had a fixation for the street. I grabbed her just in time (letting go of the stroller and the other child of course) and said never again.
I may have cried then too. It was a long time ago and I'm not sure. I do remember shaking with fear (and guilt).
Of course then I got to hear about child abuse for treating my child like a dog. I think that may have been the moment I learned to do what I thought was best and not worry overmuch about what others who weren't in my shoes might think.
I'm not suggesting you run out and buy a leash. Just know that it could have happened to anybody and be grateful that you were right there. Not in the house watching soaps or smoking crack. You were there.
And now you know how quickly they can move.
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6-10-2006 @ 9:35AM
suburban misfit said...The same thing happened to me once, only we were in Germany. So not only was I "the bad mother", I was "the bad American". Try explaining your fast-moving child in a language you can barely speak!
It happens. No harm, no foul. Brace yourself: there will be *more* moments that make you feel like a bad mother. I know you have two kids, but in my experience, my bad motherness didn't rear its ugly head until I had to watch out for two kids all the time.
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6-10-2006 @ 9:46AM
thordora said...You are NOT a bad mommy. I think this happens to every parent. Happened to me the other day, without the cars. I turned for 2 seconds, and my normally well behaved toddler decided to RUN down the middle of the road. How these creatures can move this fast is beyond me.
Don't beat yourself up about it. I know I didn't. I just had a new appreciation for what I did to my own mother. :)
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6-10-2006 @ 9:54AM
Troy said...This little creatures too quick :)
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6-10-2006 @ 11:39AM
Ginny said...((((((((((((Sarah))))))))))))))) I am glad you were there to snatch him and that the drivers were going slowly. Little ones have a way of going into the street no matter how close you are. They are quick little things.
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6-10-2006 @ 1:26PM
Jenn said...Although this hasn't happened with our daughter yet (she's only 4 months), I had a similar incident while watching my niece.
And my MIL tells me that my husband once managed to get outside when he was about two, and was out of sight so incredibly quickly that she couldn't find him. While she was frantically looking for him, she got a call from a neighbor that he was happily and determinedly walking STRAIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD outside her house (they lived in a rural area -- the neighbor was quite a distance from them, and the road was actually a highway).
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