My Vicious Cycle
Filed under: Medical Conditions
Today I'm feeling more positive and less apprehensive about my ability to have a baby. Maybe it's because I have a new game plan, for both "Baby Quest 2006" as I'm now calling it and the 2006 NYC Marathon. I'm the kind of person who operates best with a checklist and a deadline. I love training for races because there is a set list of activities that leads to desired results. All you have to do is follow the directions.
With the baby thing, it's a little more complicated. My main gripe right now is figuring out when the heck I am ovulating. And don't give me that bizwaz about ovulating on day 14 of my 28 day cycle. Finding a woman in the world with a regular, "like clockwork" 28-day cycle is about as easy as finding Carmen Sandiego. Me, I'm back and forth each month. Some months it's 28 days and then some months it's 32 days long, with a 30-day cycle thrown in every once in a while just to get my hopes up and then cruelly dash them to the floor. This is why I fondly refer to my cycle as The Vicious Cycle.
I also keep reading different information about exactly when I am ovulating, regardless of the length of my cycle. I've read that I should count 14 days starting with the first day of my period and also that I could backwards from the day of my proposed next period. The latter option of course doesn't work for me because I have basically no clue when it's going to hit me, up until about an hour or so before it happens. Also, there seems to be some dispute about the number of days to use if one is not a 28-dayer. I've read to use 16 days for a 30-dayer and 18 days for a 32-dayer. I've created an excel spreadsheet to document and predict everything and the only conclusion I've come up with is that I still don't like math.
Believe me, I've done my homework on this one--I know how to look for many of the tell-tale signs of ovulation. I keep a vigilant watch over my boobs in case they start hurting, monitor my grouchiness, check my underwear constantly and take part in a slew of other activities designed to help me figure out what the heck is going on inside me but I just can' seem to detect it (if, in fact, I am ovulating at all).
Of course, I've also read differing reports on what such signs mean. I could The only thing I haven't tried without the help of a monitor is the old sticky fingers egg-white test, which frankly grosses me out. I know I'm 31 and should be adult enough to do it, but I just can't seem to muster up the courage to do the deed. For those of you who don't know what this is, apparently you're supposed to be able to tell when you're ovulating or about to ovulate or some such thing by sticking your fingers there to see if what gets stuck to your fingers is sticky and has the consistency of an egg white.
So right now I'm sticking with math. I fully realize that plan may not work out and in the end I'll have to do the sticky fingers test anyway. Ultimately, if that's what it takes for me to have a child then I guess a few minutes of queasiness is worth it. Besides, if I can't handle something as minor as that then I certainly won't be prepared for all the gross (yet adorable) things babies do, right?