Subjective beauty of pregnancy

by Kristin Darguzas (Subscribe to Kristin Darguzas's posts) Jul 11th 2006 1:00PM

Categories: Love & Sex, Pregnancy & Birth, Media

I read this editorial by a woman who professes confusion about the conflicting images of "sexy" we're bombarded with by the media. Is sexy the ripe, fertile body of a pregnant woman? Or a washboard stomach and toothpick arms so popular with the big-sunglasses set of Hollywood? The two are so completely opposite: lush versus bare, roles versus slate - that it's no wonder may pregnant women feel so dowdy.

I wanted to feel powerful and earth-goddess-like with my baby bump but instead I felt like a bulbous fruit - possibly a pear, possibly an apple on sticks. Very swollen sticks.

I had all the cute little tops to show off my bump but until I was about 8 months pregnant, I felt like people looked at me worriedly, wondering whether I was indeed pregnant or if perhaps I'd developed a fondness for chocolate molten cake. Both, I would have responded, had they asked.

It didn't help my confidence that Rob treated me like a fragile shard of precious crystal that could not be touched, dropped, or rolled and the hurricane of hormones that tormented me in pregnancy made me sure that meant I was an eternal pariah.

It makes me wonder: do most women find that their partners found them desirable in pregnancy? Or did you have a partner like mine, semi awed, semi-freaked out that there was a baby living in that area?

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Comments (13)

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

Amanda. 7-11-2006 @ 1:35PM

My husband found me VERY desirable during pregnancy. I'm fairly boy shaped when not pregnant so the added curves were very much a plus in his book. Towards the end of my pregnancies (42 weeks with my son) when I was feeling very walrus-esque, the freak... err, husband... couldn't keep his hands off me.

SpecialRed 7-11-2006 @ 1:39PM

Both my husband and the majority of his friends have "pregnancy fetishes". To them, there is nothing more attractive than a plump and bulbous pregnant woman.

I watch as my hubby's head turns, not for the tiny little things in skimpy outfits, but for an 8 month pregnant woman. He says its about the size: "preggos", as he calls us so lovingly, are lush, like a tree bearing ripe fruit. For his friend, it's the combination between tougher than nails "I'm going to force a human being out of a tiny opening" bravado with the influx of weepy, instable, fragile hormones... he says it's such a beautiful contradiction.

Most of the men in my life are openly attracted to pregnant women. Maybe they're just weird.

thordora 7-11-2006 @ 1:46PM

Pregnancy was the only time in my life when I felt attractive-I'm normally a bigger girl, so it was nice to be VERY proud of my girth for once, instead of trying to hide it. I miss having that belly to rub. My husband LOVED it when I was pregnant, especially since certain tissues expanded a LOT. But, my husband loves bigger women anyway, so it wasn't shocking that he loved me just as much when I was pregnant.

Sadly, someone I work with wasn't so lucky. After 3 miscarriages, they finally "got one"-BUT, her husband wouldn't come near her for the ENTIRE pregnancy, likely out of fear for "causing" another miscarriage. The sadness and loneliness in her eyes...it sucked. I wish it could have been different for her. She didn't enjoy her pregnancy at all, and she was truly radiant.

Jay Andrew Allen 7-11-2006 @ 2:06PM

"Is sexy the ripe, fertile body of a pregnant woman? Or a washboard stomach and toothpick arms so popular with the big-sunglasses set of Hollywood?"

I don't get it. Why does it have to be one or the other?

SI 7-11-2006 @ 2:07PM

You'll be happy to know you are not the only person who has gone through that. My husband was freaked out by the thought of having sex with me while I was pregnant. I'm not sure exactly of his reasons. Maybe it was just the thought of there being another living being inside of me or the large amount of weight I had gained from poor eating habits while I was pregnant. Or maybe the baby moving during sex was wierd to him. I don't know. I know that at a time I needed him to be sensitive to me, he wasn't and it hurt a lot. Don't get me wrong. He was excited about the baby and fascinated by the growth and movement of our child, he just didn't want to have sex all that much while I was pregnant.

Kristin 7-11-2006 @ 2:13PM

Jay, it doesn't have to be either/or, of couse. I just meant to display the extremes we often see in magazines as standards of sexy.

Eva 7-11-2006 @ 4:59PM

Having suffered from an eating disorder prior to my pregnancy, getting larger was extremely difficult for me. Luckily, I was blessed with a husband who had already seen his previous wife through a pregnancy and without my having to say it out loud, he understood my discomfort. So he started photographing me. It's one of the most wonderful gifts he's ever given me. No matter how ugly and bloated I felt, he'd always manage to take a breathtaking photo of my ever-growing shape. It helped me to see my body through his eyes and it allowed me to accept and even relish in my changing form. Those months did more for my self-esteem than the years of therapy I'd undergone. I can't even imagine how different my emotional health could have been without his support.
The pictures definitely added spice to our sex life too. Nothing like an elegant, sensual photoshoot to make you feel like a goddess.

Angie 7-11-2006 @ 5:19PM

My husband says he finds me attractive and sexy pregnant, but also that he's glad when it's over, because I'm so uncomfortable. I find the message a little conflicting, and my emotions about being pregnant change daily. He seems to really love the postpartum figure, when the stomach goes mostly to the breasts. :)

Cathy 7-11-2006 @ 6:07PM

My husband was extremely interested in me during pregnancy. I was extra sensitive and responsive to his touch. When you're so big it's comical, you take sex less seriously and have fun. That's probably why we have so many children.

Lisa F. 7-12-2006 @ 10:08AM

Even though, at 37 weeks pregnant right now, I feel fat and ugly, ny husband can't keep his hands off me! It's something about me being pregnant with his baby; it makes him feel all manly or something. He tells me I'm beautiful and sexy everyday, but with my horribly low self-esteem and body issues that I've been dealing with since I hit puberty, I have a hard time believing him. I guess I need to realize how good I have it. Thanks, Kristin!

Amy 7-12-2006 @ 10:49AM

My husband found me very attractive in a completely different way, which, unfortunately, wasn't THAT kind of way. I felt sexier than ever, but he was reluctant to have sex for far too long.

Michelle 7-13-2006 @ 12:34PM

My husband seems to find me equally sexy, whether pregnant or not; he even finds my post-baby-30-pounds-overweight body sexy. Go figure.

Jaime 7-14-2006 @ 11:02AM

Hubby thought I was incredibly sexy but at the end, he was a little scared of it all. I loved being pregnant. As soon as my body changed from "just getting plumpy" to "pregnant" (around 5 months for me, I was in heaven. My hair never looked better, my skin was perfect, and I looked and felt beautiful. At the end (I was 2 weeks over due), then I felt and looked like crap but for most of the pregnancy, I was in heaven and loved the way I looked.

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