Six things to consider when adopting internationally

Jen, Thanks for picking this up. foodad

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SO INTERESTING

I dont really have anything to add (yet) as Im currently living in Guatemala "fostering" our daughter until the process is complete and she is officially ours.

(THIS IS ALL MY OPINION) I am so thankful that we have this opportunity when adopting from Guatemala as I have remarked more than once to husband (who has to stay in the states and work): this truly feels like an international adoption now that I have lived in her country and met so many Guatemalans and learn their customs, culture and STORIES.

thanks for leading me to foodad!

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Foodad was right on with a few points, especially, I imagine, with regards to adoption from China. My son was adopted from Ethiopia.

In regards to "keeping her entire birthname:" we knew my son's birth name, all of three of them (first name his given name, second name his dad's first name, third his paternal grandfather's first name, in the Ethiopian style). It would not have been practical to keep his entire birthname! So we are using his birth dad's name as his Ethiopian name, which we love, and which connects him to Ethiopia. But we gave him a middle name and last name that connect him to our family. I feel very comfortable with this. Most families I know keep the Ethiopian name as a middle name.

Language school: if anyone knows where I can sign my son up to learn Amharic (spoken in Addis and northern Ethiopia), Oromiya (his birth language), or one of the other dozens of languages in Ethiopia, let me know! This simply isn't an option for all languages and countries. Maybe you could do this in DC or LA where there are large Ethiopian communities.

In regards to talking trash about the child's birth country: I agree! I didn't realize this was controversial. I haven't heard any other parents of Ethiopian kids say negative things about Ethiopia. On the contrary. I think we all tend to go on and on about how we love the country, the food, etc. And, we always talk about how good looking Ethiopians are. It must be tough to be average looking there, though "average" in Ethiopia would be drop-dead gorgeous in many other places!

My agency required us to do a lot of education about transracial families and international adoption before we adopted (though it bears noting that not all adoptive American families are white, and not all international adoptees are children of color, so it's possible to internationally adopt a child who may resemble you, if that's a priority).

Part of our education included preparing us on how to answer intrusive or ignorant questions. And how to be ready to be a conspicuous family. (I can see the wheels turning when people look at my pale skin and my son's milk chocolate skin. "Did she shack up with a black man? Where did she get that baby?" etc.)

Another controversial issue is your neighborhood and community. Are there people who live near you who look like your child? If not, why not? And are you willing to move? White parents who adopt children of color should be prepared to bring diversity into all aspect of their lives, not just the child's life. If parents are not prepared to move for their child, they might reconsider.

My last rambling comment is that I've also heard of parents going in the other direction when it comes to their child's country and culture. Keep it mind it is your child's and not yours. You do not become Chinese, Korean, Ethiopian, etc. when you adopt a child from that country.

Phew, thanks, Jen, this is obviously an issue near and dear to my heart.

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caria,

That was pretty "hardcore" of you to become the foster parent of your daughter. I'm proud of you. I wish everyone could do that.

daisy,

Every rule has at least one exception. You seem to have a great handle on the challenges of both international and interracial adoption. With regard to the people who go "too far", you're right, the parents do not become Chinese, Korean, Russian or Guatemalan, but the family is now part (that nationality).

If you cannot find an Ethiopian language school, maybe you can still find a way to learn a little bit of the language so that when you return, your kid has a little. Language school is a good idea in general for development. Maybe you can find another useful one that you will both enjoy learning. Good luck!

foodad

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爱 love

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My husband and I adopted a son 12 years ago from Korea we felt it was inportain to keep at least some of he kerean name with we did. Don't keep it from them about being adopted, our son has read his adoption paper and know all about his birth mother.
We plan on taking a vacation to korea when he is 16th year old. If he wan't to look up his bithmother tha tis fine with us we will help him. We know who touch him ever thing ( she brough him in the world and we tough him all the inportain thing in the world) He know who we are and that we love him.
We have a friend who never told there son he was adopted when he was 16 years old he found out, that was 4 years ago and to this day he still has not fogiven the all the way. He didn't care he was adopted just that his parents he lied to him all these years even when he make questions about they still never told he.
It a great feeling to hold you adopted son or daughter in your arm.I do agree with some of foodad tips.

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