Do your kids "bore" you?

by Rachel Mosteller (Subscribe to Rachel Mosteller's posts) Jul 27th 2006 2:00PM

Categories: Money & Work, Development, Childcare

I used to imagine parenthood as busy, crazy and possibly, fun. It is fun, sometimes, when I'm having a good laugh with my two-year-old or I'm snuggling up to my baby. And it is busy, in the way that I'm always changing diapers or filling sippy cups.

But, I'll admit: Sometimes, being a stay-at-home-mom is boring. There. I said it. Sometimes, I get bored staying at home.

What, exactly, about it do I find boring? The same lunch every day, the constant routine, the lack of interaction with the outside world. But, do I find my children boring? Nope.

Why? Because they are still small. They are growing into their identities every single day. They have their own personalities: My daughter is the crazy little type A and my son is Mr. Chill.

So why does this mom think that her children are so boring? She won't go to parties with them or bring them to the museum during the summer. The park or the movies are out because they're just too boring. She'd much rather do adult things and think about what shoes to wear to the next party than put her kids to bed.

Look, I'm not one of those "Motherhood is always wonderful" people. There are times when I would do anything just to have a night to myself or to get to go out on the town. But my children will be little just once and I want to be the important person in their lives, not some nanny that got suckered into staying late at night.

(And no, I'm not saying people that have nannies are bad people so please, let's not even go there.)

How will her kids feel when they grow up to find out that their mom thinks/thought they were boring?

Comments (99)

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 5)

Ceallach 7-27-2006 @ 2:18PM

Hmm, Lots of strong reactions to the idea presented here....I think that she is trying to say that the kids come to live with you, not the other way around.

I see alot of mothers now trying to fit themselves in around the kids, rather than the kids around them. So you have SAHMs who can't shower, workout, get a meal in for themselves.....and worse, have no identity other than so-and-so's mom. Sorry, but those moms are BORING people, and the saddest part is that they chose to be that way.

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that raising children is a barrel of laughs. I think that it's periods of sheer tedium punctuated with blasts of insanity. And that is okay.

It is not okay to eliminate every aspect of your personal life for the children. Doing so just makes children who grow up thinking that the world needs to work around them, and nothing else matters.

So, do I live this way? Yes, sometimes.....the kids go places with me that I would prefer to leave them behind, like knitting, spinning and other types of events. We don't see movies so much becuase the 6yo does not have the patience to sit for that long. But I don't take them to dinner parties, and nannies don't take them to parties. Recently we had so many things happening on a Saturday that we could not do them all. We had to tell DS that he could not go to the party he was invited to, even though that is where we would have liked to take him....there was just no time.

Tina 7-27-2006 @ 2:28PM

I read the whole article thinking that perhaps it was some kind of joke, as in...at the end she would say "April Fool's!" or something, but alas, no joke. I was so taken aback by her (strangely inappropriate) honesty about something that I'm sure many moms secretly feel to some degree, but I think she sounds like a mahjorly spoiled self-centered person who should not have had children.
Her poor kids- she says she loves them- but what does that mean to her? She puts a roof over their heads and hires a good nanny?
I'll admit, SAHMotherhood is not for everyone, I get bored with the routine and the tantrums and the endless whining on bad days, but that is part of life- the good with the bad, for better or worse.

For that woman to publicly state how much she can't stand the "trappings" of motherhood is just obscene. Maybe she should have given them up for adoption. Then she wouldn't have to complain at all.

daisy 7-27-2006 @ 2:44PM

Perhaps you have heard of Betty Friedan? And the "problem that has no name"? The whole white middle class version of the feminist revolution happened because (white middle class) educated women were ... bored and unstimulated.

This is like when scentists "discover" something that was actually first discovered 25 years ago. There's simply nothing shocking here.

Ginny 7-27-2006 @ 2:45PM

I just can't imagine how those poor children feel having a mom who doesn't love them. Yeah Yeah, she says she does, but she doesn't. I don't think it's too fun going to children's birthday parties either. BUT, I do it because my children DO think it's fun. And really, it IS fun to watch my children enjoy themselves. There is nothing better than watching your children interact with other people.
I sure hope those children's nanny shows them some love. Oh, and I bet the author is borING at parties.

EBM 7-27-2006 @ 2:48PM

Wow, what an offensive article that lady wrote. I really can't believe she used her real name and put pictures of her poor children with it. It's very demeaning to them; this article and her public feelings about them are so public now.

She sounds very hostile to the children and never says anything kind about them. Telling someone you love them isn't the same as showing it, which she apparently never does. I know that lots of time spend parenting is dull and repetitive--but you do it because you love your children and want to do your best for them. But not in her case! She wants to pawn it off. I understand wanting this occasionally, or wanting it all the time and only doing it occasionally, but the impression she leaves is that she and her negligent husband do as little as possible.

What's especially sad is that this is obvious and explicit for her children--that she thinks interacting with them is boring and not worth her time.

The selfishness is scary.

Nancy Toby 7-27-2006 @ 2:50PM

I don't buy her claim that she loves her children as much as any other mother. Doesn't sound to me as though she does.

If she truly finds children that uninteresting, why the heck did she have them?

I feel sorry for her kids, who apparently have been pawned off on a nanny full time.

Ethel 7-27-2006 @ 2:55PM

My God! Doesn't anyone have a brain that isn't only stimulated by children? I love my boys, and I love the great things they are doing but they are quite literally boring! I can't talk about biochemistry with them, or about literature, biology, anthropology, general chem, calculas, medicine... nothing remotely mind stimulating for me. Yes, there is more to just being a bloody mom!

My mother, who is an Adlerian - she also subscribes to Drykers, didn't find my sibs and I infinitely interesting either. Don't get me wrong, she uses us as examples with her clients all the time (every embarassing moment, which is okay with me), but my mom has a life! She has a brain that has other things to work on other then kids - and that was a gift to us! I learned there is more to my mom then what she can do for me, and that there is more to me then what I can do for men/children/parents/anyone. Just because you are a mom does not mean you have to find your kids enthralling, or that you don't love them if they are a little boring.

IEC 7-27-2006 @ 2:59PM

It's too bad that she skipped the birthday parties while she was out getting her hair done, BECAUSE HER HIGHLIGHTS SUCK!

Nanny, nanny, boo boo.

Is anyone else not over the fact that her 10 and 12 year old children look like they're four? I hope that's an old picture.

And I got so bored (moan!) with the article half way through, that I didn't even finish. The comments, however, I will read. Those are my kind of people.

Ginny 7-27-2006 @ 3:00PM

By the way, how will her children feel when they Google her name one day and find this article....WAIT, they are old enough now to read it. My heart breaks for those boys.

Ginny 7-27-2006 @ 3:04PM

Ethel - the author didn't say she finds them a little boring. EVERYONE can be a little boring. She said she finds them boring PERIOD. A wise person once said, "When your children enter the room, do your eyes light up?" Apparently this author's do not.

daisy 7-27-2006 @ 3:08PM

If you all are so stimulated by your kids, why do you spend so much time online?

LS 7-27-2006 @ 3:10PM

There's a difference between being "bored" by motherhood, or by kids, and being utterly contemptous of motherhood and kids. Ethel stated that she can't talk biochemistry or algebra or calculus, etc., with her kids. But, Ethel, you can TEACH them those things, and perhaps find out something about them and yourself as well. That doesn't mean that you have to completely shun the outside world and become a mommy-hermit.

What I found disturbing about this article was the author's utter contempt not only for other mothers who happen to enjoy being moms, but for her own children. It's sad, and I hope her kids never, never read the article. Unfortunately, it's probably tacked on her refrigerator door, since her kid's test papers certainly aren't there.

IEC 7-27-2006 @ 3:12PM

Whoa, Daisy's out to make some friends today. Actually, Daisy, that's the exact reason why I stopped writing a blog. It was an incredibly tough decision, but it's kind of nice to get home in the evening and not feel the need to turn on the computer and entertain some readers.

Nikisma 7-27-2006 @ 3:14PM

I admit I have bowed out of children's birthday parties and sent my husband to represent "us." But this is more because I find the other parents boring, not my child. Face it, children are not the most fascinating, mentally stimulating and absorbing creatures in the world, and I absolutely believe in the philosophy of "benign neglect." I admit that sometimes while she plays with her farmhouse I read a book (the farmhouse gets really boring for me after awhile), but the joy I get from her proximity and the knowledge that she is fully engaged without me is comforting.

LS 7-27-2006 @ 3:15PM

Daisy... it's called "naptime"

Nicola 7-27-2006 @ 3:17PM

I will admit something here -- her sentiments mirror my husband's exactly. He hates doing "kid" stuff with our son. He will not attend birthday parties, go on outings, go to the zoo or museums, do crafts, or do anything that is specifically for the enjoyment of our toddler. He does love him, he spends time with him, he is home with him all day while I'm at work. But they do things on daddy's terms. They garden. They go for walks. They go shopping. They read books. They work on spelling and maths. The kid stuff is left to me. And we do lots of it. It took me awhile to come to terms with this way of life -- I do the fun stuff, he does the "real life" activities. But, its the only way that he was going to be happy with fatherhood (and he got a late start), so we make it work. Her attitude is not unique.

For the record, I love doing absolutely anything and everything with my two year old. Simply watching him learn and experience life is enough to fill my soul for hours on end. Bored? I don't have time!

Debbie 7-27-2006 @ 3:17PM

I find being a mom boring at times just like I'm sure most moms do and I'm not sure I could be a good stay-at-home mom but this woman sounds so bad. Neglectful and rude come to mind. Those poor children must feel so unloved. "Don't worry mom, we know you find us boring so don't play with us." This whole thing about text-messaging during a movie, geez. If you truly love someone you do stuff with them just to be with them not b/c you love it. I can't understand half of the stuff my husband talks to me about his work I find it extremely boring but I listen to him and do stuff he likes b/c I love him. Same goes for the millionth time of Mommy read me book.

Goldie 7-27-2006 @ 3:19PM

Why do I spend time online? Because that's where my kids are! lol (just kidding) (er, not really) Anyway, I skimmed through the article and I think I can relate on a few issues, namely interacting with fellow moms (there, I said it!) Discussing your babies' poop with a group of moms is boring. Listening to other mothers go on and on for hours on end about how amazingly brilliant their kids are is boring AND irritating all at once. The list goes on and on. But to call your own kids boring, I have to admit I do not get it. My guess is that she has been spending so little time around their children, she is completely detached from them and they are like strangers to her. Growing in the USSR, I have a feeling our mothers' generation was suffering from the same problem. (The fact that most of the kids' parents used to send them to sleep-away camps for all summer is a dead giveaway IMO.) I agree, publishing their real names and a picture on top of it is a tad cold. Poor guys.

Ginny 7-27-2006 @ 3:21PM

Daisy, if you must know, my children are at school. Do you have children? If not, why are you reading a blog about kids? If so, I see you have your fair share of stars, so u must be around this blog pretty often.

thordora 7-27-2006 @ 3:26PM

While somedays my kids are the coolest little dudes, other days I want to poke my eyes out with sticks. One more round with the playdoh or the Berenstein Bears or explaining the slugs to them.....

My children also bore me from time to time. I don't take them to the park, because it bores the CRAP out of me. BUT, I do many other things with them, that don't bore me.

WHile I like parents being honest, this smacks of someone wanting to have their cake and eat it too.

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