Do your kids ever call you fat?

I think that's a respect issue. It would be reasonable for you to say that their comments are inappropriate for anyone, much less their mother. You could set consequences if they choose to go ahead and treat you like that.
It's not just about body image, it's about respect, and everyone deserves that, no matter their pants size.

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My 2-year-old told me this morning "that's a nice big bottom you got, Mommy!" At least she added the "nice".

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Interesting.

Thankfully my son only has words like "kitty cat! KIIIEEEEETY CAAAAT!" right now and is oblivious to both of his parents' struggles with their weight. Like you, I'm active and make healthy choices, so that is where I hope to redirect any persistent comments on my weight, or the idea that worthy women only come in single digit sizes.

Please revisit this issue if you find a lasting solution.

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I am with Kira--this is so much more than a body image issue. Your son needs to understand that those are not words we say out loud to ANYONE. Not a woman, especially, but that goes for sisters, aunts, grandmas, and the lady in the supermarket. I would sit down and have serious talk with him to not only explain that it isn't right, but also how hurtful it is. I would be frank with him and let him know that as his mother, those kinds of comments are particularly damaging. He is not too young to learn to temper his tounge. THEN I would have another set of discussions about health, fitness, food choices, etc. and share with him as you go along what correct and sensible ways you are cooking and excersising over a period of time. Call attention to your positive lifestyle decisions, praise him when he follows suit, and possibly encourage him to excersise with you. All this will lay groundwork for a positive body image, but will also prove to him that you aren't the lazy slob the ex would like him to beleive. At NO time would I ever bring up to him that you think his daddy is feeding him bull. You still have to do what you have to do to protect his view of his father--even when it isn't reciprocated. I would also spend opportunities to explain to him that bodies change as we have children and get older--no matter our healthy decisions--and show him as much as possible that the people on tv and in the magazines are NOT what they seem. Most of the pictures are so incredibly airbrushed it's ridiculous. Makeup can do absolute wonders onscreen too. By the way, the majority of movies are airbrushed scene by scene so the women look that good in the dresses, etc. Google a little-- I know there are several sites that show the original photo and the retouch in popular magazine format. Even if they ARE thinner than life they get there unhealthily, and through exteme measures. It simply isn't reasonable to expect the girl or woman next door to look like that. I have four children ages 9-3, 2 boys + 2 girls. I also have a 16 yr old step-son with an anorexic and emotionally disfunctional mother. I am currently pregnant with #5, and honestly I am nowhere near the size 4 I was when the kid met me at age 5. We have been through this situation with him and the comments as I have aged over the last 11 yrs and had the 4 kids! I have done my best to do the things mentioned above with my own. I still get occasional comments from my 9 yr old daughter, but partway because she is approaching puberty early, beginning to gain a little weight herself, and my 7 yr old son has not always been very tactful. I expect it to come up much more as the children grow....

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hmmmm.....

I must say that kids are idiots...because they're kids...the REAL issue here lies in your perception of yourself and why you've become so sensitive to the mindless crap that kids (your kids/any kids) repeat repeat repeat because they're idiots...they're kids. That's like taking offense and getting all teary-eyed when a mentally retarded kid slobbers out that you have no boobs. Kids' brains are dumb and dirty like their hands but that just makes for a fun-filled childhood. So, my advice would be to say: "you'll be one to talk when you're pushing your fat wife in a wheelchair."

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Couple other things I though of while I was showering my 8 mo belly a bit ago...visual aids help a lot- especially with boys. I don't know the boys' ages, or whether the ex has a girlfriend (or she has kids of her own) etc. But one thing that is helping my children to understand the body changes that come with having babies is seeing me pregnant and watching the transformation. Show the boys pics if you have any of what you looked like before and during their pregnancies-pick your smallest and biggest if possible. Also in the next short while, when you see a heavily pregnant woman, point her out (quietly, of course, so you don't hurt HER feelings!) Gives you the chance to appropriately display the correct way to discuss other people's differences by example as well. Then take a pack of balloons- pick two of the same size. Blow one up as big as you can with out popping it, and squish it a bit if you can. Let the air out, and compare (do this once before you do it with them to make sure there is a noticeable enough difference for the sake of argument.) Show them how something that started out the same size never quite returns to it's original size and shape after being stretched. Then blow the balloon up again--to signify the second pregnancy. There should be an even more noticeable difference after the second time. Then gently explain that not just the belly but also arms and legs, and boobs, swell a little, so they go through changes, too. Another visual explanation would be to have them drive a nail into a piece of wood. Then have them take it out. They need to see that even when you apologise for harsh or disrespectful words, the hole (and consequently the wound) still remain. You can remove the nail, but never the hole. This demo can be used repeatedly throughout other painful discussions, even if just as a mention of "remember when we did this?" I am a Christian homeschooling mom, so some of my examples might seem a bit different for dealing with things than the average person, but still very relevent. You are dealing with heart issues as much as respect and physical images. To change the heart is the main goal. To give the boys a positive lifetime experience in this will carry over to how they treat their future girlfriends and subsequent wives.

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I think your response should be geared to opening up a dialogue with your children. The fact that it hurts your feelings and is inappropriate should be addressed, but if you say that right off the bat, you are not really addressing the cause of why they are focusing on your weight. I would just say point blank, "you have mentioned that you think I am fat several times. Do you have any questions or concerns about my weight? Is there anything you want to ask me?"

Maybe they are secretly worried because they have heard that fat is unhealthy. Or maybe they are worried that they will be fat and socially ostracized when they grow up. Who knows what they are thinking? But this is on their mind, and they need to talk about it for some reason.

If you figure out that they are just being mean because they are mad at you, that's another can of worms to open up, but at this point you could tell them that you are happy to discuss why they are mad, but they need to tell you directly and not make mean comments about your looks. Clearly you have a great body image and are healthy, and they should hear that, too.

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I haven't heard fat directed at me (yet) but I've sure heard "old". My reaction is the same as it would be if they said that about a stranger. It might be true but that's no reason to blurt it out and hurt someone's feelings. It's different with little kids; they haven't learned yet. Mine are not little any more.

We don't say mean things about another person and that begins at home with all our family.

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