Dads prefer work to family time?

I think it boils down to this-at the end of the day, few men are constantly thinking about what needs tobe cleaned, eaten, cooked, organized, reminded, etc. The day to day functions of a household still remain primarily in the hands (and minds) of the women. Of course this isn't the case for everyone, but I know of many fathers who act the same way-and it's frustrating to watch.

I prefer going to work, and my husband is better with the kids. But day to day, when was the toilet cleaned, the sheets need to be changed and don't forget we need another bag of flour stuff, it's still all me. It's hard to relax and do what I used to when there's barely any brain left to spare.

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It's because men have wives. I need a wife.

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I think the title isn't correct. The article, nowhere but the title suggests that fathers want to work more than spend time at home. In fact only 1% of the fathers want to increase their time at work.
Sure the same margin applies for those who want to spend more time at home, but the majority keep the same schedule as prior to the baby. Why? Isn't this simply the responsibility of the parenting partnership? In fact isn't earning a paycheck even more important than when you didn't have a dependant?
I'm about to be a dad (any day now!) and my primary responsibility is to make sure we still have a cash flow. Of course, any other free moment I have will be at home with my first child.
If however, I win the lottery at some point, I will be spending more time at home. It jsut isn't financially viable at this time.
If I was a house hubby, I would be thinking of the cleaning, etc, and my wife would be bsuy making sure her career was on track so that her dependants would be taken care of.

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I think it's a socialization thing. I was raised to prize a spotless house (a woman's job of course) and my husband wasn't. (His sister was though!) I have just loosened my own standards about cleanliness etc. and I am much more relaxed. And my husband does his best to be sensitive to my needs (ie: when I am frustrated he helps clean). Don't you think if there were more parenting magazines geared towards dads with headlines like "How to make your child a genius" "Parenting mistakes you are making that will screw up your kid forever" and "Are you poisoning your child with household cleaners?" they might start to feel a little of the guilt that moms feel?

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I disagree with this study. I've been cutting back all over the place. Trying to reduce the hours I work, taking 1 day off a month to spend with my son, not opening up my laptop until he goes to bed, cutting back on hobbies and limiting the time I spend with Red Cross volunteering.

Maybe this will change when he gets older, (he's 2.5), but I have, (or should have), just as much responsibility as my wife to take care of the household as well as my family.

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I know a family for whom this scenario is exactly flip-flopped... my brother is the at-home parent and his wife is the one for whom the schedule did not change. She had the baby, and a week later, was back at work. He did, and still does, all of the childrearing, housecleaning, cooking, bill-paying, etc. She barely had a hiccup in her work schedule.

I don't think it's a sex-based thing, I think it's just how we are as a society. Our mores state that mom takes care of home and kids, and dad goes out and "slays the dragons". I don't think it's wrong, in fact, I thank God for it every single day. I couldn't imagine having to leave my son to go work. And I know that my husband, while he'd love to win the lottery (we'll share it with you kNut...) and stay home with us, he'd be bored inside two days. He enjoys going off to work.

Finally, and I don't mean this as a dig, although it will probably come out as such... perhaps the reason you (and so many others) are so "locked in a perpetual frantic juggling act involving work, housework, Nolan, and daycare and at any moment the balls are going to come crashing down on my head" is because you've taken on too much... raising a child, even in a functioning two-parent home, is a full-time job. You have taken on two full-time jobs. Something, at some point, has to give. It appears to be your peace.

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I don't think that that having kids and working is taking on too much if you have a healthy persective on it. I work, go to school, and have 3 kids. I am very busy, but I also don't get all stressed out if the dishes don't get done one day. I don't beat myself up if I have a long day and we eat cereal for dinner. And I don't believe that I am the only one who can take care of my children during the day. My children love their daycare and the people who care for them and all the friends they have. My dh and I are the only ones who can PARENT them but that is not the same thing as just meeting their needs and loving them, which others can do as well. I enjoy going to work, I do not enjoy staying home. Kudos to those who do, male or female.

One thing bothering me about this thread is the assumption that the only way for a family to survive is for the mother to stay home and the father to work. Unfortunatly it's often true, but rather than simply accept the fact and go along with it, perhaps we should be questioning a society that scoffs at paid maternity leaves (or paternity leaves, for that matter), refuses to create affordable and high quality daycare, and punishes employees (men and women alike) for placing a value on family time over work time. As long as our society immasculates (is that a word?) men for loving their families more than their career (which I really believe 99% of men do) and demonizes women who like to work even if (*gasp*) it's not a matter of avoiding homelessness, it will be hard for men to spend more time at home and impossible for many women to avoid insanity.

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I completely disagree also-
I have a very demanding job (and so do fellow co-worker dads) but we all know where to draw the line. We work harder to get out of here to be with our families.
This study could be perception rather than reality.

Also, as a Dad with a kid, I'm always thinking more as a provider. Making sure my family can weather the "what if's" financial scenario's.

Dad's think differently than moms.

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My cousin and I joke about our other cousin who is a Superdad. He simply puts us and most other men to shame. Not only does he work full-time, put in his fair share of child rearing duties, shops, cleans, etc., he also irons and even MENDS his wife's clothes. She is the better cook, so she is the primary chef unless they're BBQing. Then he's the Iron Chef. Not only that, whenever he visits my cousin or I at either of our houses, he just can't stand still and helps with OUR housework. He's a god amongst us mere mortals.

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"Don't you think if there were more parenting magazines geared towards dads with headlines like ..."

No. I don't think men would be that bothered.

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Men don't sweat the small stuff.

http://mens-skin.blogspot.com/

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