Staying at home: so easy!

by Kristin Darguzas (Subscribe to Kristin Darguzas's posts) Aug 31st 2006 12:00PM

Categories: Just For Moms, Just For Dads, Sex

Today, Rob stayed at home with Nolan. I had presentations and some deadlines at work, and Rob's boss is very family-oriented and understanding about sick babies.

It was not without a healthy dose of smug satisfaction that I left the bed unmade and my coffee cup in the bathroom. I didn't put on a load of laundry and resisted the urge to give the floor a quick sweep before I left for work.

"He's the stay-at-home parent," I thought smugly, "Let him deal with it."

Nolan is sick, so he's cranky and listless, though he is a little easier than usual because he sleeps so much right now. But I still expected at least one mid-morning phone call, begging me to come home and fix a dire situation, find the sippy, locate Nolan's Robeez. It didn't come.

"Ah!" I thought,"He's suffering in silence!"

But no. I came home from work and the bed was made, with pillows plumped and arranged. I didn't know Rob even knew how to make the bed. The kitchen was spotless, there was a scented candle burning on the table, and dinner was simmering on the stove. Nolan was wearing matching clothes.

"I could do this every day!" Rob chirped, and I deflated, because I'd been muttering for a year about stay at home motherhood and its challenges. So, he sailed with ease through one day at home. That means nothing, right? Right?

Comments (15)

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

san 8-31-2006 @ 12:08PM

"'I could do this every day!' Rob chirped." No he couldn't. I do it every day and no he couldn't, or he wouldn't like it. It's novel for a day or a week, a change of pace from office routine. It's another thing we've you haven't seen daylight for three days, you feel like you're basted in poop and snot, you're sick with what the kids have, they won't nap without 2 hours of rocking, they won't go to bed until 2 in the morning.

Having done both I can say that, man or woman, staying home with the kids is hard; work is merely inconvenient.

Roma 8-31-2006 @ 12:12PM

http://www.theconstantjanitor.org/ good site!

Susan 8-31-2006 @ 12:17PM

Last week, on my children's first day of FULL TIME school, I was home alone all day. I cleaned! I cooked! I wrote! I paid bills and answered phone calls and folded laundry! When my husband came home, I said, "This rocks! I'm going to get SO MUCH STUFF DONE!"

This week . . . this week, not so much.

The first day, or the odd day, of anything is a breeze (for me, at least). But when the odd day turns into every day, and the laundry is piling up and the phone is ringing and the baby won't nap and there's nothing to eat . . .

Well, that's a whole other thing.

san 8-31-2006 @ 12:33PM

"...and the laundry is piling up and the phone is ringing and the baby won't nap and there's nothing to eat . . .

Well, that's a whole other thing."

Amen.

Stay-at-home parents don't have the kind of support system you have at work. Spills, filth, wastebaskets, there is a cleaning crew for that. Free coffee and usually someone else makes it. There's a deli in the basement. Sure your boss is all over you demanding attention, but he can be put off because he understands language. And he usually doesn't need his diaper changed, or a bottle, or God knows what.

Mind you, staying with the kids is great on many levels, but it is difficult to a degree and in a way that, unless you've done it -- and I don't mean on weekends -- you'll never understand what it's like.

Christy 8-31-2006 @ 1:19PM

One day is not an example of 24/7 stay-at-home-parenthood. Though it sounds like he enjoyed his time with Nolan. My husband has done this a few times when I've been out all day. I've come home to a clean house, clean kids, laundry done, etc. Stay-at-home perfection! But really, it's the everyday (and night) that becomes hard. I hope Nolan is feeling better.

CJ 8-31-2006 @ 2:42PM

How in the hell do they do that? I mean seriously? That drives me insane! I too would say how hard it was to stay at home and take care of EVERYTHING , and I go out for the day and he says" Oh that was fun, we had so much fun" Excuse me? I'm not sure I heard you correctly. Say that again. LOL

Kellie 8-31-2006 @ 2:43PM

My husband said the same thing 2 years ago when I came down with the flu. By the evening of the third day he told me he could not wait to get abck to work. His exact words were," You can't leave him alone for one second!"

Duh.

LS 8-31-2006 @ 3:27PM

I think 50% of it is the mental game. Guys look at what needs to be done vs. what they want to do... bed needs making, kitchen needs cleaning, baby needs changing. They *want* to read a book, watch TV, play with a clean baby, whatever. They do the needs - just get it the heck done, and the rest of the day is yours to see to the wants.

Hate to say it, but my completely informal survey reveals that women 1)think things to death, 2)complain things to death, and 3)are too picky about everything.

And I'm a woman, and a SAHM.

I've taken a much more "manly" approach to my housework: if it needs doing, get it done quickly and efficiently. Don't do everything in one day - if the floor needs washing today, it's going to need washing tomorrow, and the world isn't going to end if it doesn't get done.

Once we women relax and figure out how to enjoy our time wherever we are, work or home, our lives will be much simpler.

Dave: Two Boobs and a Baby 8-31-2006 @ 4:48PM

Nice job Rob!
I would love to stay at home a couple of days a week with Sam. Unfortunately, it's just not possible at the moment. Sam's 10 months, and Heather is about to give birth to our daughter Ella (Oct 9th).

I just have to get this breast feeding thing down, then ya never know!

Cheers,
Dave - Two Boobs and a Baby

Tina 8-31-2006 @ 7:04PM

It was just one day. Something any grandmother, babysitter, aunt or Dad could do. Try a whole year,Robbie.

Sandy 9-01-2006 @ 1:42PM

When my husband has stayed with the kids for the odd day, he always does a great job of keeping the house neat (actually, *getting* it neat...I'm a slob).

My sister teased him about having to prove something and he was insulted. He said that he does it that way so that I can come home from my day out and enjoy a calm, neat home.

How thoughtful is that??!!

He's a helluva guy, that husband of mine!

Jennifer 8-31-2006 @ 11:17PM

Ha. Being married to the energizer bunny is daunting. Even when he wasn't on paternity leave he would show me up with his cleaning, laundry and cooking skills.

I gave up a long time ago.

jjwalsh 9-01-2006 @ 5:18AM

I totally understand how you felt a bit disappointed that it seemed he didn't need you, but how lucky you are to have a husband that can take over so competently when he needs to. I am on my 40th day of bedrest now in my 33rd week of pregnancy and since I have been diagnosed with an incompetent cervix, my husband had to completely take over everything, I think I (and dare I say many wives and mothers) don't allow our darling husbands and children's fathers to do enough! I think we need to give up some of our control over the house and kids a lot of the time and let our other half take a share in the responsibilities for the kids sake as well as our own. Is it societal pressure or gender stereotypes making us feel like we need to be in control over the house and kids, I'm not sure. But I am determined to allow my husband an even share in the responsibilities even once I am back on my feet- I have seen so many positive changes in his relationship with our son and his sense of dedication to the family and home, it would be such a shame to let things go back to me taking full responsibility and control over everything again. It is going to be hard not to "take over" again, but I'm definitely going to give it a try.

Justin 9-05-2006 @ 3:11PM

I saw another site that may be of interest to stay at home parents. Called MommyTalk.com. Another collection of blogs and forums to help get through the day! This one allows you to build your own family homepage as well. That was really cool. Pictures, friend network, email, private messages, forums -- all that fun stuff. It was free, I saw them on the news in AZ and thought people might be interested in trying it, like i did. OK thanks,

Janice 9-06-2006 @ 5:53PM

Being a stay at home parent is more then Just one Job, you are a cook, a cleaning lady-or man, and also a gaurdian to you're child or children. I have as busy 2 year old who gave up his afternoon nap and a colicy daughter that is 2 months-from 4 pm to 10 pm she will cry unless I am constantly bouoncing her In a blue rocker. Thank god my son goes to bed at six or I would go insane. I give my husband alot of thanks and credit for putting food on our table but, once and awhile I wish he would change a dirty dipear.