Australian group wants to ban hitting kids

Actually the stats sicken me. Good for Australia for recognizing the need for a ban. *mutters* never hurt anyone.... somehow I think I know a few people who might disagree with that.

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Brutal honesty alert:

As a newer mother, I listened to another mother's advice about smaking Kieran's hand when he went to touch stuff. A little part of me died the first time I did it.

It was like a gateway drug. Pretty soon, Kieran's hand was getting smacked for less extreme things (it started with him trying to yank electrical cables and getting a little handsmack and ended up being given out for ultimately silly things like chucking a fry across the table).

Eventually, handsmacking didn't seem like a strong enough punishment, so buttsmacking started.

Then I noticed something that really shamed me: I was smacking Kieran's bum when I was angry with him. I noticed other things, too: he was a bit agressive sometimes and when he was frustrated, he lashed out physically. I didn't like it, so I vowed to stop it.

We started doing timeouts and they are WAY more effective.

I have noticed a direct correllation between my hitting Kieran and his hitting back or hitting other people. THere are times when I'm not a perfect parent and I give a swat, but Kieran always hits back. And, frankly, he's within his rights there, as abhorrent as it is.

I was a child who was hit. My parents used implements and had spanking rituals. I never wanted to be like that. It's been very difficult to curb this behaviour once I allowed myself to start and I'm very humbled to see the reaction my son has to this poor parenting.

I am happy to say, however, that physical punishment is the rarest of rare around here these days. I think we're all happier and better behaved for it.

momcast: http://momcast.blogspot.com

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I think you've hit on a real hot-button issue and I look forward to seeing the post count on this one, since "are kids getting brattier" generated 514 comments, and a considerable number seemed to say "yes, because people use time-outs instead of a switch."

I choose not to use physical punishment. I was raised in a spanking family, and I have awful memories of seeing my younger brother spanked. Without going into details, it just seemed so degrading. And I'm another one who understands the impulse to hit, but I don't do it because I don't trust myself. I think my experience would be just like Mamaloo's; it would be a gateway drug and soon I'd be spanking for everything that irritated me. I can't say I never would, because I've heard that if your kid does something that really endangers himself/herself, like running into the street in front of a car, that it is hard to resist the impulse. Perhaps I'm too pragmatic, but I also can't say that I'd support a total ban, because I just don't think it would get approved in this country and I would rather see our legislators focus their limited energy on reforms that have some hope of passing.

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There are so many abused children that it is awesome to see some movement on teaching that children should not be hit. I am the first to agree that it is annoying when kids act out and the parents do nothing. I applaud those that keep their cool and set appropriate limits. If a child acts out and we lose our cool and beat the child, we are one ones who have lost control, the kids are doing what normal kids do. I have a really active 2 1/2 year old and he does try my patience but I don't hit him (I might stomp my feet if I get angry enough and take a deep breath). I will not hesitate though to take him out of a restaurant and away from a play area if he is acting up. Children should remember their childhood as fun happy time, not a time of stress and walking on eggshells. My mom was married to a man for about 5 years who ruled the household with an iron fist. During that time, my siblings and I lived in terror and were beaten regularly, my little brother getting the worst of it for forgetting to flush the toilet or putting on his pants before his socks (at 4 years of age). I remember my stepfather saying that he was going to teach my brother to grow up right. That man had grown up with a mother who treated him the same way and he hated her. What lesson can any child possibly learn from getting humiliated and terrozied for just being a child?

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this is touchy- but there is a big difference between abuse and smacking a kid's butt because he's running into the street! my mom smacked us maybe 5 times in our lives, but it felt like more because of the impression it left. is that good? maybe, well i'll put it this way- i don't disrespect her, i love her and do what she says. you cannot reason with a toddler on a lot of issues. i do understand opting out of hitting though. it's a choice, but i don't think with should put a scarlet letter on a mom who smacks the kid when he does something very naughty. parenting is hard, we should not point fingers at each other.

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Sometimes I think I am the last of the spankers, of my generation.

But although I do not have a zero tolerance attitude toward spanking children, I acknowlege that it has never been my primary discipline method. There are other ways to get through to children, especially once they are verbal, and spanking CAN be harmful if done too often or too hard. In the past, I`ve compared it to drinking alcohol while pregnant (something else I did) -- sure, it can lead to very bad things, but would outlawing it all together help or hurt, overall?

I would never support a law against spanking. However, I would gladly support measures that encouraged parents to use other forms of discipline.

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It would be a shame to have to put a ban on what works for many parents. Unfortunately, there are some unstable parents out there who abuse this, the way they many other things are abused. It's kind of like drinking alcohol. What if alcohol sales were banned to all because of those who abuse it?

I spank, but rarely, when it seems to be the appropriate punishment for the infraction. I can see why some parents choose not to spank. If I could ALWAYS get my point across without spanking, I would.

I have found that now that my oldest daughter is 7, it is becoming even rarer for me to have to spank her. I think it is more effective to spank when they are much smaller (starting about age 2 til about 5 or 6). For one thing, I use my hand, I do not leave marks, and never pull down their pants. I also never spank more than two or three swats. Maybe it is more the fact that it IS rather humiliating to be spanked that makes it work. Blast me for this, but if that's what it takes sometimes to keep them from committing the same infraction over and over, maybe the bit of humiliation is the lesser of the two evils?

My daughters are not afraid of me, and they do not act physically aggressive afterwards. They know they are adored and loved. I do not act out of control when I do it, although I do raise my voice sometimes. I haven't had to spank my 7 year old in months. Occasionally, she slams her door when I send her to her room for time-out, and she almost always yells, especially when I take away a privilege. In my particular case, I believe that it is me raising my voice to them that I need to keep in check more than the occasional spanking. It also may be genetic - she was loud from the time she was born!

God knows, I wish I were the perfect parent. We are all doing the best we can. I do not approve of violence and do not believe that occasional soft-core spankings are violent, but that is just my humble opinion. In another family, spankings just might not work for them. If you are not comfortable with spanking and have any doubt in your mind about it, please don't! I think that every mature, healthy adult knows if they are crossing any kind of line of abuse or approaching it, whether it be verbal, emotional or physical.

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"a considerable number seemed to say "yes, because people use time-outs instead of a switch.""

Time-outs work - but only if people actually are consistent. And "using a switch" doesn't work if you're not consistent.

That said, from my experience (and from what I've heard talking to other people), time-outs seem to work better than spankings and similar. I've heard people say over and over again "I hit him, and I felt bad - and it didn't even work!" when it comes up in real life. I've found in my own experience, it doesn't work. It doesn't work with little kids, and it *sure* doesn't work when the rude person on the bus does something, y'know, rude :P

Does that mean it can't work for anybody? Well, no - but since other methods seem to work, it makes sense to try them first - just be consistent.

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I think there has to be a clear line drawn between beating and abusing a child and smacking a child with restraint.There are certain areas on the body that sting and are not too sensitive, mainly the bum. I was smacked when I was growing up and I certainly dont disrespect my parents for it. I was never beaten, scarred, marked or really hurt in the process.Oft times, the smack made me stop in my tracks and then they could talk sense into me. I remember being smacked when playing with fire resulted in my little sister having burns on her toes and I can say with all certainty that I deserved the smacking. That being said, I believe the world is changing. Many in our generation seem to be raising a bunch of spoiled,selfish kids with no respect for elders and authority and no boundaries. I believe thats why we have a lot of delinquent (right spelling?) kids now, moreso than in previous generations.Does that mean we have to spank them? I dont know. Maybe,..but I wont go around condemning those that spank (with restraint and without serious pain or injury).I believe we as parents should learn to discipline and restrain our children and if timeouts, grounding or spanking work, go right ahead. the aim is to raise them and thats not easy.

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As a first time mom of an almost two-year-old, I have tried to do everything in ways that are "new and improved" from my parents' generation. That meant breast feeding, back sleeping, organic when possible foods, and car seats. It even meant a strict NO HITTING policy (I thought). Then came the day my toddler bolted out the front door and nearly to the street before I could catch him! When I did, he laughed thinking it was a great game. To emphasize that it was NOT, I smacked his diaper padded hiney. It made me feel horrible, but didn't make much of an impression on him. I have been using time outs consistently for months. He sits in his crib sans toys or in the center of the living room carpet. Sometimes this works...sometimes it doesn't. The problem is, he does things that endanger him, such as bolting in stores or the front yard, and laughs hysterically as we are forced to chase him, regardless of the consequences. I'm at wit's end. In parking lots, etc. I keep hold of his hand, and I resorted to using a stuffed animal style halter and leash when we took him to the museum, but I'd love to hear what others do if time out or the rare tail-swat doesn't work.

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