Lilah Sutphen: Surrogacy Soapbox
How Young Teens Are Different From Older Millennials
Super secret manipulative plan A: Third Grade
Filed under: Development/Milestones: Babies, Day Care & Education
I posted earlier today about my phone call from my youngest son's teacher yesterday. As with lab results, phone calls are just bad news. Good news can wait for the U.S. mail system. After talking to my son's teacher on the phone for an hour, and suggesting and dismissing various scenarios, we hit upon a plan that worked for both of us. Ideas that we rejected:- My coming into the classroom five times a week: This undermines the teacher's authority. Plus, I kind of need to work. And probably the best thing I can do is to act in support of her authority.
- Putting Tommy in a corner to work on his own so he isn't disruptive. Because he then will feel like he never has to follow the same rules as the other students.
- Home schooling-- heck, I have a hard time getting him to do his homework-- how am I supposed to get him to follow an entire curriculum?
- Providing "counters" for the entire class and having them lose counters if they don't get their daily work done. Because if one kid loses all five counters on Monday, what do you do with that child for the rest of the week?
Keep reading below the fold for the solution we came up with. Here is the set up:
Last year, I forbade any computer games, X-Box games, etc. during the week. The kids only got to play on the weekend, and then only every other weekend, because they spend alternative weekends with their father. So, taking away privileges was not an effective deterrent-- it wasn't immediate enough. So, this year, I decided that they could play computer games on school nights provided they get their homework done without incident. Well, that wasn't happening, so I took the computer games away.
So, this was my solution:
- Have me and the teacher both tell Tommy that I had instigated the phone call-- that won't make him feel defensive toward his teacher.
- Tell him the truly nice things his teacher told me about him: He is kind, he is affectionate, he is very smart, he is very capable of doing the work.
- Tell him that his teacher wants him to have a good year.
- Tell him that his teacher wants to help him earn back one hour of computer time at night.
So, this plan was designed both to allow his teacher to be seen as his advocate and to share a common goal, so he will cooperate with her at school (if he senses that a teacher doesn't like him or that all is lost, then his behavior will deteriorate), and also to give Tommy a concrete accomplishment every day-- with a reward at the end.
What solutions have worked for your kids? PLEASE SHARE! I'll let you know how this works for us-- and how long it works for us before we have to come up with plan B.
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
9-15-2006 @ 12:03PM
Cathy said...I have come to associate "the phone call" with bad news, so I comunicate daily with my children's teachers via e-mail. We are able to share "good news" more often this way.
Reply
9-15-2006 @ 12:05PM
Cathy said...Oops. Communicate not comunicate. Mom brain.
Reply
9-15-2006 @ 3:47PM
meg said...you might need to show him why he has to do his homework and be a good listener. Have him volunteer with needy people to demonstrate that not learning how or not being able to take care of himself and his responsibilities may force him to rely on the goodness of others rather than being able to do things on his own.
And NO its not to stigmatize poor people or drug addicts or whatever twisted mental image my fellow readers will come up with when they think of the needy.
The point of school and homework is to learn to take responsibility for yourself. Demonstrating to him what the alternative is might help.
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9-16-2006 @ 9:40PM
Tina said...I had a similar system years ago when my son had problems in 3rd grade. His problems were not academic, they were behavioral- interrupting, talking to his neighbors, constantly talking, and did I mention CONSTSANTLY TALKING??? It is hard to stay the course, but it is SO worth it. You WILL see a change if you are consistent on both ends. I wish you good luck. BTW, I was a third grade teacher for some time myself, and she sounds like she will be very cooperative and supportive. You are right, it has to be simple for her, she has 20-24 others.
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9-16-2006 @ 11:24AM
Kathy said...A consistent schedule and consistent discipline, both at school and home will benefit Tommy. Rewarding him an hour each evening to play on the computer for something expected of him will not help him in the long run.--His job is to behave in school and complete his homework. A classroom job such as messenger or helping to care for a classroom pet might be something he can work for. Occasionally going to a first grade classroom to read a book to a struggling, younger student might make him feel special. These might be rewards that he can work for, but find what truly motivates Tommy. Has the school guidance counselor done a rewards inventory that would determine this? The counselor/district psychologist could also do an on task/off task observation in his classroom that might help the "team" put the right interventions in place. Bring out the positive things Tommy's teacher told you about him: He is kind, he is affectionate, he is very smart, and he is very capable of doing the work.
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