Baby shower for fourth child? What is the etiquette?

I think you should respect her wishes concerning another baby shower, but I love the idea of celebrating and supporting your friend.

If she's not game, I'd love a Pamper the Mom Party. :)

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I'd love some pampering me self!

I love the idea. I remember we had TONS of stuff for our first child, and for our second, people barely seemed to care. I'd imagine she might be feeling a bit of that as well.

I'd say also offer up so babysitting for the others during the first week, and after, to give her a chance to bond with the newbie. But I'm sure you're already all over that action. :)

What great friends she has!

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If she is embarrased, it might be nice for her to surrounded by people who love and support her. Some people feel uncomfortable "gift-digging" and she already has everything she needs. I think this is a very kind gesture on your part. Maybe you could have a day at the spa instead of a formal shower, with just her closest friends and family, obviously with you all splitting the cost of her services.

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The people at my husband's office gave us a "diaper shower" for our first baby, but I think that this would be a GREAT "non-first baby" shower idea. She may have everything she needs for a baby, but diapers are something that is both necessary andd nice to not have to run to the store to get.

I love the idea of a pamper the mom shower, but make sure she has time to go and actually do the things that you give her gift certificates for.

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Call it a Maternity Shower or something and make it all about her. If people want to buy the adorable baby girl clothes thats great but don't make it the focus.

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A good friend wanted to host a baby shower for me with kid #2, but we really had everything that could possibly be needed or wanted for a baby. Our solution: we had the baby shower. Good food, good friends. The gifts were given unwrapped, so we could ooh and ahhh over them...and then we wrapped them up so they could be donated to an organization that provided support to expectant mothers who didn't have a lot of material resources.

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I agree with Karie, you should respect her wishes and not call it a 'baby shower' ;)

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I just threw a shower for a friend of mine who is expecting her 3rd child. Actually, we threw her a 'sprinkle' (how cute is that?) with the idea that you don't 'shower' them with gifts, you sprinkle in what they need.

My friend is very environmentally concious and didn't want new gifts, so the theme was 'Re-use, Re-make, Re-cyle' and we basically asked for cute hand-me-downs, made gifts and/or re-cyled gifts for a winter baby (both previous babies had been summer babies). She had presents to open at the 'sprinkle' while her large gift that we all chipped in for was a day at a spa that had a certified pre-natal massuese.

The best present was from her mom who gifted her with baby clothes that jeni wore when she was a baby.

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heh, pretend I spell-checked that, would you?

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I say go for it - focus on it being a celebration more then a shower. Make it more about Mom then baby.

I threw a second-child shower for my old boss as many of us who came weren't around for her showers with baby #1. I was mainly about just getting together with friends and having fun and celebrating the pregnancy more then a traditional "baby shower".

I worked with her to plan the menu - indulging her every craving. We all pitched in for a single gift (in this case a double stroller as she had everything else from baby #1) and used the left over $ collected for diapers - everyone can use them. The final thing we did was set up for dinner from her favorite restaurant to be delivered on her last night at the hospital, complete with a margarita (a craving we couldn't accommodate at the shower). Anyone who wanted to get her something special gave her that gift upon the birth.

Another idea I've participated in is to set the "shower" date (really just a dinner at her favorite restaurant) and have everyone pitch in for her to enjoy a spa day during that day - have her get pampered, hair done, make-up done, etc. then she joins the girls for a great night out. There's nothing like feeling relaxed and pretty when you are 7-8 months pregnant!

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You can never go wrong with a Diaper Party either...papmerps, all sizes, all stages, diaper cakes, etc...

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I say go for it! There are some ideas to celebrate the mother in Pam England's "Birthing From Within" book. You can read that section at a bookstore or at a library.

If your friend really wants a Kitchen Aid mixer, see if everyone who attends the shower would be willing to pitch in for that and that can be her only gift. I'm sure she will appreciate it very much! =)

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My old H.S. and gradeschool friends and I throw "fill her freezer" parties to celebrate friends' second (third/fourth) children. We have a brunch with decorations and cake, and everyone brings a frozen dish (usually dinners, but sometimes loaves of banana bread, etc.). With my second child, I had about two weeks worth of dinners all ready to go when I got home from the hospital. It was a lifesaver. Plus, my college friends gave me a two-week supply of dinners from a personal chef. I got to pick out the dishes, and the chef delivered them to my house (the chef usually prepares the food at your house, but I didn't want someone cooking in my kitchen all day). So, I actually had a whole month's worth of food prepared without having to lift a finger. It made taking care of my newborn and SO much easier.
Plus, it's fairly easy for the party-goers to make two of a favorite dish, serve one to their family, and freeze the other for the party. It's easier than going shopping if you've got multiple children yourself.

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While it is nice of you to want to plan something for your friend, if it were me, I would be pretty annoyed if someone threw me any kind of shower against my wishes. I'm not a shower person at all, I didn't even want one for my first (and only) child. My godmother finally talked me into it, but I ended up cancelling it because my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer two weeks before and it was a very difficult time.

A "pamper the mom" "shower" is a little better, but still (to me) sounds like begging for gifts, especially if you invite tons of people. What my playgroup has done for second and third time moms is just take them out for dinner in a small group and get little gifts, either for the mom or baby. To me, that is so much nicer and more appropriate. Your friend might feel the same way, I hope you ask her what she wants and only invite close friends/family.

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You can still throw her a shower, just call it something else. I think you can have a shower no matter HOW many babies you have, especially one that is unexpected (then again the Duggers don't need anymore). I think a baby shower is a way of celebrating a new baby. We are planning baby #2 and I hope one of my friends will be nice enough to throw a shower, but I would like to have it after I have the baby considering this time I promised for it to be a surprise on a boy or a girl (I don't like yellow).

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You should respect her wishes, but I don't think there's anything wrong with throwing a baby shower for the 2,3,4, or more children. In fact, a friend of mine had her 2nd baby 6 months ago, and a couple of us threw her a shower. She didn't need a whole lot of baby stuff, but some people gave her a few baby things that you never buy yourself. The three of us that threw the party gave her a 'Day at the spa for mommy to be'

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Pamper the Mom is a great idea...because there should be some celebration, yes?

I have always thought one of the best gifts you can give a new mom is to go in together and hire her a postpartum doula if she doesn't have one already. Someone to come in and help out those first few weeks is something every mom could use, no?

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I was recently given a surprise shower for my 6th baby! All the guests were wonderful and gracious, and most gave gift certificates.

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I think that I would be embarrassed if you held a shower too. I would also be thrilled if you wanted to have a little party for me that is NOT called a shower where people wouldn't feel like they should bring a gift. Have fun. You sound like a good friend.

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There's always a good reason for a party. W/my second son - we knew from a sono that he had a serious heart problem and when my friends offered a shower I was reluctant. So instead we went out for lunch and they gave me a gift certificate for a massage (that baby is almost 5 and thriving) We thought we were done and got rid of all the baby stuff - 6 weeks later I was PG w/#3. That time a different group of friends gave me a "hand-me-down" shower where each person brought some of their hand-me-downs. It was great.

Finally - w/each baby we've had a time capsule party where friends get together and bring something that commemorates that year and we put it away. We figure when each kid is 18 or 21 we'll get together again while he/she opens it and talk about old times. They're a lot of fun. Items are funny and serious - CDs w/popular music, latest fad item, the year Cal Ripkin retired there was a bunch of stuff, etc.

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