Baby shower for fourth child? What is the etiquette?

Filed under: Your Pregnancy

One of my dear friends is expecting her fourth child at the grand old age of 42. The doctors keep mentioning her Advanced Maternal Age. This baby was not planned, but they are thrilled with their unexpected gift. And her friends, including me, want to give her a baby shower.

She keeps telling people she does not want a shower. She is embarrassed-- this is the fourth baby! She says they have what they need for the baby. I told her, "Yeah yeah yeah, but this is ME you're talking to" so she is having a shower. She will be happy-- I have known her since our oldest children were two. But I was wondering about the etiquette of baby showers. She protested to me that baby showers are for first babies. I countered that we are in a much better position, as her friends, to afford to shop for a baby at this point in our lives. Most of us are finished having children. We don't get invited to a lot of first showers-- is she going to deny us the pleasure of shopping for a baby girl????

I realize that I am not the most conventional person in the world. There doesn't seem anything odd or funny or unusual about having a shower for my friend-- she has been one of my best friends for years! But what about the people we are inviting: Will they see it that way? Or will they see this as unnecessary, she has what she needs, she has three other children. I told my friend, "It is not this baby's fault that she is a fourth child. We are celebrating this baby as much as all the rest." What would you think if you were invited to a baby shower for a fourth baby?

Wait-- it gets weirder. If she doesn't need anything for the baby, we want to get her something for her. When I was expecting my third boy, my best friends took me out for lunch and gave me a beautiful fountain pen. My friend wants a Kitchen Aid Mixer. That might be outside the range of what we can reasonably expect people to contribute to, what what about a Pamper the Mom shower? Gift certificates for massage, pedicure, bath products, lotions, she loves goats' milk soaps. Offers to babysit the other children. Carpool offers for the other kids. I can think of all kinds of things we could do.

What do you think?

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AdviceMama Says:
Start by teaching him that it is safe to do so.