Moms and depression, how many of us have it?

After my experiences, I wish more doctors and nurses were trained to actual pay attention for PPD. I felt that what I was feeling couldn't possibly be that bad since no one noticed, especially the second time where it was nearly psychotic. It would have helped for a nurse or doctor to have asked me how I was doing, REALLY doing.

I could rake myself over the coals daily over the guilt of wanting to kill my child while ill, or I can be happy that because of the PPD, my bipolar disorder was finally diagnosed, and I'm actually LIVING. Funny how one terrible thing led to another.

I found therapy to be the best answer for the PPD itself, but I'm now medicated on Trileptal for the bipolar, which thankfully, keeps away most of the intrusive thoughts. More attention needs to be given to PPD as a real and dangerous illness, instead of the constant minimilization by the term "baby blues". I hated feeling broken and wrong. I HATED it.

Of course, I now end up talking about PPD half the time, which is almost an illness unto itself, but I'm fairly passionate about women KNOWING about this disorder and not feeling like crap about something that isn't their fault.

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How many of us have it? I do, I do!!

Not specifically PPD, I have "Major Reocurring Depression." Officially diagnosed as a pre-teen, in and out of therapy, in patient and out patient, anti-depressants, anti-psychotics. I'll talk about it all day long ;)

I do think anti-depressants are handed out like candy though. I think therapy should go hand and hand w/prescriptions.

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I didn't have PPD, but a few years after my daughter was born I began having severe panic attacks, and my first reaction was 'Do good mothers have anxiety?'
It led to finally being diagnosed with mild OCD, anxiety, and disordered eating which had led me to be depressed. I'm not medicated for any of these, but would choose to do so in an instant if it became necessary. I was lucky to have responded really well to therapy.
I am so glad that more and more women are talking about their experiences with PPD and other mental health issues. We hear so much about the concept of motherhood that I think sometimes actually being a mother can seem like we're doing something wrong. I wish I had understood before I had my daughter that having anxiety or depression didn't mean I was a substandard mother.

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I think I knew I was suffering from PPD after Baby #2, but I was so busy and so stressed I just didn't think I could find the time to find a psychiatrist, which is what I thought I needed to find. I also felt some shame and embarrassment. Finally, after a day that I spent in bed, crying for no recognizable reason, my husband staying home from work to care for our now 5mo baby and our toddler, I spoke to a friend who had had PPD and been very vocal talking about it. She immediately recommended her wonderful OB and quickly wrote down her name for me. It was the same OB who had come to help my midwife at the difficult delivery of my own baby! I was there the next day and on Lexapro immediately. Suddenly I realized what it felt like to be me. I'd forgotten.

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Your chemical make-up sounds eerily like mine.

Sudden anxiety attacks at age 27. Lexapro and Ativan solved them.

But now, breastfeeding, I'm off everything. I have found that the amount of sleep I get has a direct relation to my anxiety. If I don't get enough sleep (I know, who does?), my anxiety kicks in. So I basically had to structure my life (with a baby) like this:

Priority #1: Take care of baby.
Priority #2: Sleep.

Everything else gets put aside a little, and it works out.

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I felt very off after my son was born,but my symptoms did not match PPD. It was not until a few months ago, after reading "The Ghost In The House:Motherhood,Raising Children and Struggling With Depression" that I realized that I had suffered from post-partum OCD.

I wrote more here:

http://welborn.blogspot.com/2006/08/ghost-in-this-house.html

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Thanks for writing about this and sharing your story. I think you already know mine.

The more we talk about this, the more we "normalize" it so that we don't HAVE to feel like we're bad mothers or should keep it in the closet.

After all, if we were talking about physical health, there would be no shame.

You should feel proud of yourself for taking charge of your mental health. I'm trying to get there myself.

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In the US, there seems to be better, or at least more proactive treatment of PPD than here in the UK. I had PPD from about 3 months after my son was born, and sought help after 5 months. "We can't do anything for you" were the comforting(!) words from my GP, as I didn't want to wean my son for the sole intention of taking antidepressants (they haven't worked for me in the past). Luckily my health visitor is WONDERFUL, and got me on a Charitable program called OXPIP, which is donation-based counselling specifically for mothers with PPD, concentrating on mending the bond between mother and child (they see you together). It has been invaluable, and allowed me to form a bond that wasn't made properly at birth due to a traumatic delivery.

I am just coming out 'the other side' after 14 months - I feel vaguely normal now, and very glad I didn't go for the antidepressants - as the diagnosis is now leaning towards Bipolar II, where antidepressants are contraindicated (ie they make you more anxious & manic). This can often be precipitated by childbirth. It is often too hard to talk about it - even to friends who are GPs (and therefore trained). And therefore it is even harder to find support, even amongst good friends and family.

Regarding your GAD, I was also diagnosed with it also (finally!) by the GP after about 11 months PP, - I have looked at dietary ways of combatting this, and found that removing refined sugar from my diet has significantly reduced the frequency and severity of attacks. I find sugar can even trigger an attack; especially in conjunction with white wheat flour. I can highly recommend this book: 'Healing Depression and Bipolar without Drugs' by Gracelyn Guyol. Not that I am advocating NOT taking the drugs (as for many people they work well), and this site: http://www.psycheducation.org/ which has a lot of easy-to-understand explanations of various symptoms and treatment options.

Hope that helps! Good luck and hope the GAD subsides.

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I would characterize my PPD as serious.

Our pregnancy was not planned, and we both had very busy and demanding careers. The sudden change in lifestyle, all of the added responsibility and stress of being new parents (and maybe a few hormones) were almost too much for me. I never felt like hurting Margot or not taking care of her, but I just felt so lost and felt so bad for her, that she had such a "bad" mom. I felt helpless, ignorant, and sad.

Lucky for me, I have an amazing family and circle of good friends that did not let me drown. Once Margot became a little older and I was able to get out more, I was able to work through the depression. I think in retrospect I maybe should have talked to my doctor about medication - and next time I will be ready to do so if needed.

I think one of the reasons PPD is so stigmatized is because women are not honest about their experience with it and are not willing to discuss it. So much of society makes us feel like we are "crazy" or bad parents because we are not over the moon with motherhood the second our babies arrive. It took me a good three months to be over the moon about my daughter, and that is OK. Pregnancy, childbirth, and nursing were not all peaches and cream for me, but that is OK. It was very difficult, very emotional and very hard. But we did it. We made it. And we will do it again.

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I was being treated for depression for several years before my son was born so I was monitered very closely for PPD, especially since both my mother and grandmother suffered from it. Thankfully due to preventive treatment I was able to increase my dose of zoloft, maintain weekly therapy sessions and finally go on new anti anxiety medication. It's been a struggle but not nearly as difficult as it was for my mother or hers. They suffered much longer than they ever needed to because of the stigma involved and I'm so glad that it's being discussed more openly now.

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You have a very interesting blog, thankyou. I also suffer from depression and was diagnosed with it when my youngest son was 3 years old, so not PPD but I think brought on by the stresses of motherhood. I tend to worry excessively about my children, I know all mothers worry about their kids but so everyone tells me I worry irrationally, to the extent that I think it stops me enjoying them. Its nice to know when you're not alone.

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