Labour and delivery: the real worries

My biggest fear before I had my baby was that I would go into labor and not know it and that labor would be very very fast.

Yes I know I am the craziest woman alive. I had heard a few stories of women not knowing they were in labor and it really struck fear into my heart. Particularly because I was supposed to work until my 39th week (Didn't end up happening that way).

So that was the one that really made me panic. I worried about all the other things too but somehow I just knew that the baby was fine and delivery would be fine.

However my second and third biggest fears that I thought I could overcome through education and strength of will did come true. I ended up in the hospital, I let them do things to my baby I knew were wrong and I let them keep my baby from me. It almost cost me a breastfeeding relationship with my son, but I am glad I fought, I just wish I had fought more and earlier over some of the other stuff. But it is hard when you are tire, hormonal, and everytime your husband has to leave they come and threaten to have CPS come take your baby away if you don't agree to what they say. When you have nurses from other sections come and tell you that a homebirth is the most dangerous and irresponsible thing you could ever do and I quote "Once you have the baby safely in this world you can leave a loaded gun on the coffee table for all I care"

Please, if you are pregnant, learn from some of my mistakes and make sure that not only do you know your birth plan, not only do you know the research to defend your decisions, not only do you know what you would and wouldn't want the hospital/caregiver to do in certain situations make sure that your husband/partner and/or birth coach know as much as possible too. Don't assume that you will be able to be with your baby every minute and that you will be completly rational after you give birth.

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Doing it alone. I don't have a mother, and I really really missed having a steady female I could trust with me. I knew I could do it physically-I just worried that I would give up without someone there to tell me it was going to be ok.

I remember wondering if I'd know it when i went into labour-every woman laughed and said 'You'll know" but I didn't believe them. But it's true!

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I was worried about being hungry and being cold. Of course, I was worried about the big stuff but my craziest and obsessive concerns were regarding hunger and cold. I don't like being hungry and I hate being cold. I went two weeks past my edd with my son so I was induced and I knew an induction could take forever (and it did) and I had no idea how I was going to cope without food for that long. Plus, we all know how cold hospitals are... especially in those flimsy gowns with your rear hanging out.

Fortunately, they had heated blankets so I stayed toasty and not 5 minutes after the boy was born (after 16 hours of labor and countless tears shed while watching Hardees thickburger commercials), my mom went to the vending machines (I was chowing on a giant bag of baked lays as I was being wheeled from L&D to mom/baby with my son in the crook of my arm) and the hospital brought me a turkey sandwich.

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I was worried about pooping too! And I did, but apparently my midwife was quite used to the issue and she dealt with it before anyone else noticed. For some reason I had quite an entourage at my labor- husband, mom, best friend who won't ever get to have her own labor/delivery, plus the midwife etc. I intended for them to be at my "north end" but it really didn't happen that way and I was too tired to make an issue of it by then.

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I worried about pooping on the table also. I'm so glad it didn't happen, though. Since my husband was deployed in Iraq, I was very worried that he wouldn't be there for the birth. He was supposed to be home about a week before my edd. If she wasn't born before he had to go back, I would have been induced, which also worried me. In the end, she came 11 days early and he missed the whole thing. He made it home 47 hours after she was born but I was home by then. Although I feel very sad for him, because I know what he missed, I'm okay with how it all happened. I had a great labor/delivery, and as I think we all know, once I held my daughter in my arms, I didn't care about anything else.

Like Brenda, I regret that I let them take her from me. It was the next morning (she was maybe 15 hours old) but they kept her from me for almost 5 hours and I was too tired/emotionally worn out to insist that they give her back. She was fine - it was for their convenience. Anyway, I would never let anyone take her now without a better reason and, when it comes time for baby #2, I will be more assertive. I think the role of "mother" is so new and you are still adjusting to it while in the hospital.

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I wasn't as scared of pooping as I was farting. I just imagined my big hairy-chested 60+ OBGYN passing out from a silent but deadly.

Next time around I'm more scared of the baby having complications and getting another 4th degree tear. Funny how priorities change, isn't it?

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My biggest fear was also pooping on the table, and I did with both of my children! I was horrified when it happened with my first child and I kept apologizing to the nurses (who were great about it and assured me that A LOT of women do it). When it happened with my second child it didn't bother me at all. Maybe it's because I hadn't gotten my epidural until I was almost 8 centimeters and I was still in a considerable amount of pain (I know, all of you who did it drug free think I'm a weenie, but I'm okay with that!). Or maybe it's because I knew there was nothing I could do about it and that the most important thing wasn't my dignity (which is hard to maintain with your legs up in stirrups and hospital personnel coming and going like it's Grand Central Statioin!). The most important thing was having a healthy baby, which I was extremely blessed to do twice.

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It is so exciting to see all of your responses! Thank you so much for sharing your concerns.

The survey question can be found here: http://www.hamiltonbirthrevolution.com/?p=32

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I can deal with the pooping, probably with the pain, I'm fine with the idea that I might have to fight to get certain things done, etc. What I don't want to deal with is the fact that doctors/nurses/everyone tend to end up interacting with me as if I'm a veterinary patient. Why do they do this? Because I'm deaf and I have to lipread. So they just stop talking rather than slowing down and making sure that I can see their mouth when they're doing the things you normally do with a patient -- telling them what you're going to do, asking them questions, etc.

I'm always surprised that they don't put a muzzle on me when they go to draw blood, the way they do with dogs at the Humane Society clinic. :p

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By the way- the two hospitals that I spoke to before choosing the hospital that I'll deliver at-- both of them had a "nursery waiver" as one of many forms that you can fill out. Basically, if your baby is healthy and you and your doctor both sign the waiver, they won't separate you from the baby even to give it a bath.

So if you're afraid of being separated from your baby, ask if your hospital has anything similar.

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Brenda, I'm so sorry that happened to you. I had my kids (youngest 33, oldest 50) back in the dark ages when that happened all the time and there was nothing we could do about it. You don't need to hear all the horror stories but I have a few of them.

Now I'd fight back.

The first thing they did when I showed up at the hospital was give me an enema and kick my husband out of the room. It meant I was sitting on a cold toilet in the middle of contractions. They must not have liked the idea of poop either.

They knocked me out when my older son (38) was born in spite of the fact I'd told the ob/gyn I probably wouldn't need anything. He agreed and then ignored what I'd said even though I was doing fine. I have kids easily. And then they circumcized him without parental consent. I should have sued and now I probably would. I'm older and smarter.

And of course breast feeding was unthinkable. I tried with three of my kids and was discouraged every step of the way. I gave up. Two of my kids were preemies and no one suggested pumping for them. I sure didn't know about it.

And I'm off topic. Sorry but Brenda's comment touched me. I was so hoping we'd left the dark ages behind.

Fear? My oldest son (now 49) was born with serious mental and physical defects. Mentally he's never grown up and physically he's never walked unaided. I was frightened with every pregancy that it would happen again. When my youngest was born at slightly over 3 pounds I was sure it had happened again. It didn't - he's a little over six feet tall and healthy.

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I just read my comment again and even confused myself.

I have three sons, now 33, 38, and 49, and two daughters now 45 and 50. I very seldom mention my oldest boy and didn't realize I would this time until I started talking about fears.

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I am so sorry all of you have gone through so many fears and problems. I know when I delivered, an enema was a must at the very beginning, so you wouldn't need to worry abou "pooping" at delivery. Yes, it may have been uncomnfortable for a few moments, but it never occurred to me not to have it, knowing why it was done.

I did have a wild labor, 36 hours, natural and with a 9 pound baby in posterior position. Be thankful, for ultra sound. They had no way of knowing.
My baby popped..beautiful and healthy. I never had flack either from the nurses about nursing. They encouraged it.

Both of my kids were difficult births and perhaps I would have appreciate an epidural but everything was natural at this time-hence no hassles with breast feeding or Daddy there. (1972 an 1974).Episitomies had to happen too to prevent ripping..but that was about it.

I am watching my daughter at the end of her pregnancy. She has similiar concers to many of you. I do have a concern...abouthow many have induced babies. I see that happen after someone is one week overdue. How crazy is that? No one or few know exactly when baby was conceived or when it is ready?

How often do you hear of an over-cooked baby? One goes into labor when the baby is ready.

I find the interference many of you expressed a bit horrifying and takes away from the beauty of the experience.

Stand up for what is right. Stand up for what you need. I did three times in my pregnancy let my OB have it, when I thought he was out of whack.
Your maternal isntincts kicks in faster than you know. Trust it.

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First child: Fear of pain, fear of having an actual child and fear of poop.

Second: Fear that I wouldn't love the second one as much. Fear of the "known." Fear that things would go wrong and I'd end up with a birth like that of my first.

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Before I ever went into labor I worried A LOT. Mostly, I worried about needing an induction and not knowing I was in labor. I worried about not knowing because I had to have non-stress tests 2x a week toward the end of my pregnancy. They hooked me up to the monitors that measure the baby's heart rate and your contractions. Every time I went I would have one or two contractions, which the nurses would always point out and ask me if I felt. I never did! I finally did end up being induced, which wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. The hospital where I had my baby doesn't even have a nursery (except for the NICU) All healthy babies had to room-in with their mothers because there was no place else for them to be. Because I was induced, I worry that if I have another baby in the future I STILL won't realize when I go into labor and the labor will be shorter because it will be my second baby and I won't get to the hospital in time. I should really hold off this kind of worrying until I actually get pregnant again (which I hope does not happen soon).

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My biggest fear was episiotomy. Huge, toothgrinding, hair-pulling fear.

We knew at the first sono that my daughter would go straight to NICU so I was prepared for separation. The pain was wholly unimportant since I was so afraid of what her heart condition would mean.

If we have another, I'll be mostly afraid of the baby having a defect.

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We all seem to have poop on the brain. That is why as soon as I arrived for my induction, I asked for the enema. They told me I couldn't have it until the morning when they gave me the pitocin. I had the gel that evening, next morning enema and pit. (sorry, that seems like a bit TMI, doesn't it?) I was also terrified that she was going to have a huge head like her daddy. Those things look sooooo big on ultrasound. I was afraid of passing out from the sound of the heartbeat on the fetal monitor, since I nearly did every time I had a stress test. (which like jpark was 2x week, the only time I was allowed to leave my house the last 5 weeks)

She has a small head, but was transverse, so even after 3 hours of pushing and crowning, I still had to have an emergency c-section. I never thought to be afraid of that, which I should have, bc they couldn't give me another epidural, which wasn't working anyway, and I felt my c-section.

With my son, I knew he was going to be a scheduled c-section, I planned on repeating the bedrest and stress tests and all from the first pregnancy. I was flipping terrified of repeating the experience of the first c/s. They ended up having to take him 15 weeks early to save both our lives, but darn it, they took the time to make sure I was completely numb before wheeling me down to OR!

That just opened up a whole new set of worries and fears that don't apply to this post, so I'll sit down and shut up now.

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I also had many fears as a first time mom- and pooping on the table was definitely one of them!! I was my sister's coach for all of her labor/deliveries, and I was scared I would poop like she did while pushing! it was silly, but really, before you experience the whole labor/delivery firsthand you just don't realize that that is the least of your concerns when it comes time to push your baby into the world.

More than that, I was terrified of an episiotomy (my sister had one every time, and to me, was the worst part of watching her delivery) and the recovery from it. I was afraid for some reason I wouldn't be able to get the epidural that I knew I'd want, and of course I was afraid something would go wrong while I was in labor that I would need an unwanted c-section, and the recovery from that. I was also afraid that the baby would be healthy.

Like other posters, I will look at my next pregnancy/delivery with completely different eyes! This time I will be afraid to carry my baby to term and a good weight. My first baby was a month early and just below a normal birth weight, and I was completely unprepared for this! (she is completely healthy and has some developmental delays, but nothing serious or chronic). I will be afraid that once again my water will break but my labor won't start, requiring induction (agh) and I will be afraid that I will once again be diagnosed with pre eclampsia, requiring my need for that awful mag sulfate for 24 hours after my babies birth, reducing me to a babbling, bed-ridden loon, knowing that I couldn't even be trusted to sign my child's birth certificate. In short, I will be much more focused on my fears for my baby (and how my body will affect him or her) than fears for my own physical comfort issues. welcome to motherhood, I guess!

for those of you waiting to have your first baby, my (admittedly unsolicited) advice would be to explore the many different possibilities that your labor/delivery may include with your OB/midwife/etc., and what you would like, yet be open to the unpredictability that childbirth is. be your best advocate and arm yourself with information, but allow yourself to go where your delivery will lead you. my very best wishes to you and your families!!

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pbl, isn't that mag the worst? I had HELLP with my second and was on mag for 24 hours before they ripped him from my body. The perinatologist seemed surprised the baby wasn't moving. Duh! I couldn't move or even open my eyes, yet I wasn't able to sleep either.

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My most nagging constant fear was being alone. But I feared the poop some much that in the middle of concentrating so hard on pushing, I peed! All over the nurse! I was mortified. Dignity down the drain. No idea HOW I let that happen. My embarrassment distracted me so much, that hour later, i pooped! only a little but OH MY GOSH I was humiliated even in in prime of pushing, I wanted to cover my head. Then I started vomiting. Nothin left to shed, no more bodily functions OR pride. lol The shame was soon replaced my a much more startling relevant fear, they couldn't get my son's heartbeat anymore. It stopped. Then was faint. I was rushed for c section which was totally amazing because I was SOOO adament on having a natural birth then suddenly I was wanting to sprint to the operating room because I felt they weren't being fast enough considering my son was in jeopardy. Long horrible story w a fabulous ending short, the cord was wrapped around his neck twice and they had to bring in specialists at 4am but he is a now healthy beautiful active almost two year old. After all that, my shame of vomiting, urinating AND pooping on my nurses was nothing.

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