Underwear and potty training

by Rachel Mosteller (Subscribe to Rachel Mosteller's posts) Nov 2nd 2006 12:02PM

We have been trying to potty train our 2-year-old daughter. I say "try" because, with the exception of one time, we haven't been very successful. But, I'm going to keep hoping.

I've seen many suggestions about buying your child some "big girl" underwear to use as a reward. I've tried to hype up the "pretty Dora panties" as much as I possibly can without trying to sound like some freaky Dora pimp. But, here's my question: Should I go out and buy the underwear now to tempt her with, or should I wait until we actually have results?

What worked for you? The promise of a reward, or seeing the reward in person? Or, should I just bite the bullet, put her in her underwear and hope for the best?

(And, please, no "maybe she's just not ready" comments. I've been there, done that and really just need some help right now.)

Comments (25)

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)

maria 11-02-2006 @ 12:23PM

I think I have a higher mess/accident tolerance than a lot of people - so this may not work for you - and I would recommend doing it at a warmer time of year -

But - I just took each of my kids out, we bought the undies together and I just bit the bullet and put them in them. #1 son was fully trained in 2 weeks (we started at 2 1/2) #2 son wanted to wear them too soon to be like his big brother and took f-o-r-e-v-e-r... My daughter is 29 mos and pretty much fully trained. Again, at the point we thought she was ready - I just put her in undies and dealt w/the accidents. But, I have a crappy sofa, my carpet is already stained and I don't mind letting the kids wear just undies in the house (the warm weather comment)

Good luck!

renee 11-02-2006 @ 12:25PM

Just put her in underwear and see how she does. My daughter will pee and poop in diapers all day long...The first time we put her in underwear and explain to her that she couldn't pee in them she ran to the potty. It was not a miracle cuz she still has accidents 6 months later and doesn't tell us when she has to go but she does hold it and wait for you to take her to the bathroom.

We took our daughter to the potty every 15 minutes until she could stay dry between those times then we went to a half hour and then to an hour. We used the kitchen timer to remember to take her(we also have a one year old so we would get distracted and then pee would be all over.)

Be prepared for lots of pee on your floor.

thordora 11-02-2006 @ 12:47PM

Suck it up, and deal with the mess. I was too chicken to do that, and I likely could have had my oldest trained 6 months before I did. She had some incidents for a few days, but then she was fine. We also did a "chart" where she could mark off her "potties" herself, the reward being a big honkin backyardigans book. It worked, somehow!

The messes aren't that bad. Except when they fall asleep in the Lazyboy.

Ginny 11-02-2006 @ 12:34PM

I think that it wouldn't hurt to let her wear them now. My kids are only 4 and 5 and I can NOT remember what we did. I guess being an "older" mom can do that to ya. lol Actually, I think it's more of an indication that no matter how you do it, she will stop peeing in her pants eventually. lol

wookie 11-02-2006 @ 1:27PM

I don't have an immediate suggestion (except that for us, "Commando" worked well). I am kinda creeped out by the picture being used though... the angle makes it look like that toddler is throwing up in the toilet.

mamatulip 11-02-2006 @ 1:34PM

I bit the bullet with my daughter: I stuck her in undies and had a towel ready. Yeah, there were accidents, but she seemed to be able to tell when she had to go better with undies on than with a Pull-Up on. After putting her in undies, it only took about two weeks before she was fully trained.

Good luck!

Jennifer Susse 11-02-2006 @ 2:34PM

I bought underwear for both my son and daughter when they were 2.5. My son was completely uninterested in the underwear. My daughter, on the other hand, decided that she wanted to wear the underwear then and there…and proceeded to successfully potty train herself. We were completely unprepared. The timing was awful--it was still winter and we were about to go on a week long car trip. But bless her, she was ready. Stopping every hour during our trip was a small price to pay for her success.

Eden 11-02-2006 @ 3:25PM

Tried that. Didn't work. But we used Disney Princess panties ;)

We have tried every single thing suggested to us and then some. At this point, she's just going to have to decide on her own.

bluepaintred 11-02-2006 @ 3:38PM

lol we didnt do panties, but then we have boys. we got out the gitch, put them in, told them what the potty was for and let them mess themselves a few times. its really gross to them while in undies not a diaper. it takes about a week of constant putting on and off the potty, but then you are done

mamaloo, the doula 11-02-2006 @ 4:14PM

I strongly believe kids have to go bare-arsed at the beginning of training. The undies should be a reward for proven ability.

Here is, step by step, how we did the potty training, which, was wildly successfull:

-buy two sets of stickers, a cool set and an ultra cool set, and a sticker album. Involve the child in picking them out, if you like.

-cut them up and put the cool set in a clear jar and the ultra cool set in a different clear jar.

-get a potty and put it in the living room or the kitchen or whatever room you and your little trainer are in most of the time. For us it was the living room and at first, my son enjoyed sitting for long periods of time just watching his cartoons. He even ate lunch on the potty one day!

- Explain to your little trainer that s/he will get one cool sticker for every single time they sit on the potty and they will get one ultra cool sticker for every time they "perform" on the potty.

- Leave the child with nothing but a shirt and socks on and explain that poops and pees only go in the potty.

- You should expect a couple days of accidents, but kids who are physiologically ready for training will catch on very quickly. Keep a little handheld carpet cleaner on hand for messes, cover the sofas with old blankets or a vinyl table cloth.

-After the first time the child successfully pees or poos on the potty, let them call Daddy and Grandma and anyone else special to brag about what a big kid they are. THis is a guaranteed self esteem booster.

- Ask your child ever 20 mins to a half hour if they need to go potty or if they'd like to go potty. But don't badger them - if they say no, don't let them see that you are anxious - just let them be on their merry way. If you start demanding action or getting upset over accidents or refusals, they'll start turning the whole thing into an epic power struggle.

-Remember that pooping usually takes longer to master than peeing.

-After a week of good potty use, switch the child out of diapers at night and into pull-ups and start encourageing them to go potty first thing after waking up and last thing before sleep.

-After a week of good potty use, go and pick out so cute undies together and put the child in the undies for a few days.

-After the child can pull the undies up and down reliably, put them in pants. Be sure to stock up on a few pairs of elastic waistbands so your child doesn't have to fiddle with buttons, snaps and zippers.

- For naps, for the first month, or so, make sure they have something under them if they aren't in a diaper or pull up. And, expect them to be in pullups for another while for night sleeping. My son, even though he is 90% potty trained, still pees in his sleep at least once per week.

pbl 11-02-2006 @ 4:53PM

my MIL had 4 boys and swears by the potty-train in a day method, using a doll that wets. she says she needed a whole day alone w/ the child, stayed in the kitchen (easily mopped up if accident) and had a potty party w/ lots of water toys, fluids to drink and salty snacks (to get the kid to drink more). the kid and the dolly both had potties, kid would give doll drink, have it use potty and imitate with great fanfare. every hour or so break out new water toy, diff. snack, etc. the kid wore underwear the whole time, and i guess it's important to stick w/ the undies or else you run the risk of always reverting back to diapers 9which may be why it took my nephew TWO YEARS to train). if your kid can go the whole nap and night and stay dry, I say go ahead and try it! good luck, we're not there yet, but when we are i expect i'll be bringing in my MIL for the weekend.

katrina 11-02-2006 @ 5:17PM

We tried everything for our daughter. Stickers, panties, toys, books, new potties-everything. My husband and I got so mad b/c she just didnt care. She showed lots of interest and talked about it all the time, she even pretended her little sisters bumbo seat was a potty but she refussed to go in the actual potty. I just gave up. Literally the following Saturday she said she had to go so my husband took her to the bathroom and tried to have her sit on her little potty and she said no I want to sit on the big potty. We put her on it and that was it. From that day on she's been going. I was so happy yet so mad. I kept reading books about potty training in 1 day and thinking that was such BS. But thats what happened for us. She just decided it was time. Sometimes we still have issues with BM but shes doing a lot better. I would just give in and put big girl underwear on her at all times. We sometime used pull-ups but just told her it was big girl underwear and she couldnt pee in it and she wouldnt. And I tell everyone some kids want to be like mommy and daddy and use the big potty so try a seat that goes on the toilet-or if thats what you are using then try the small potty. Good luck!

kristie 11-02-2006 @ 5:55PM

I thought Wookie's comment about the picture was funny, because at my house, a toddler bending over a toilet is a very common scene... She is saying "bye bye pees" "bye bye poos", and watching them go down... Thanks to all of you for your suggestions, especially mamaloo - I cut and pasted that one onto a Word doc to use later, because I'll be crossing this bridge soon!

Summer 11-03-2006 @ 10:43AM

Forgive me if I repeat what someone else has already offered, but I am far too lazy to go through the comments right now. As a daycare provider who has potty trained over 15 kids, here is the scoop. You say she is ready. So now you think of an older lil girl she looks up too. You set up a play date and get her to give your girl some of her panties. When she wears them you tell her not to pee in so and so's panties, or she will be mad. You need to use peer pressure on your side. Let me know how it goes. Summer

chelle 11-02-2006 @ 6:12PM

We did not do the panties right away.
The first month the kid went bare bum. All the free time she would be bare. We had accidents but by the end of week one she had mastered running to the potty (that we kept in the livingroom). Adding panties has been a challenge since then :D But she is slowly getting it. I find the fancy panties not to be motivation for my two year old so we use the extra bulky gerber ones for accidents.

We have good days and bad days but she is improving! Good luck!

Lisa 11-02-2006 @ 6:30PM

I started potty training my daughter at 21 months. It took about 4 month to be completely day and night trained. She never liked the little potty chair...she insisted on the big girl toilet. I used a potty chart with stickers, after she got bored with that to keep her on track I went to the dollar store and bought some simple toys and books and let her pick out a toy each time. But in the begining I let her go bare butt, she only peed on the floor a few times, then realized she should go to the toilet. I completely ditched the diapers during the day at first and dealt with the messes. I never used pull-ups unless we went somewhere that didn't have a bathroom. But it's hard to go back and forth between panties and pull-ups. I think it confuses them sometimes. I say buy the panties and deal with the messes. And don't forget to ask her all the time if she has to go. My neighbor used to ask her son how his bladder felt. Now he still will tell you "my bladder feels full" before he goes to the toilet. Hope this helps. Good Luck, have patience and stay consistant!!

Uly 11-02-2006 @ 7:20PM

With my older niece, we just took her to the toilet every time we changed her diaper. Children that age pee every hour or two hours, so that's how often her diaper got changed. And if it was dry, we'd really encourage her to go pee-pee on the toilet.

And it worked, though she still needs reminding - children often do until they're six or seven or so.

Unfortunately, she's still not trained for poop, prefering to hide away and go in her panties instead. Ew. (And I've told her I'll put a diaper on her if she asks, she doesn't have to go in the toilet if she really doesn't want to, but she won't do that. EW, I saw, eeeeeewwwwww.) Apparently, this is normal - my sister and I were both like that. I'm told. I really didn't need to know that about myself, frankly.

Lauren 11-02-2006 @ 7:39PM

Go ahead and buy them. You'll need them eventually anyhow, and something tangible might be what she needs.

Good luck!

Mamacita 11-02-2006 @ 7:51PM

When my daughter was two, I bought her some lacy panties, dangled them in front of her with the promise that if she used the potty, they were hers, and she never had another daytime accident. Ever. A few more nighttime accidents, but that's another topic altogether.

My son, on the other hand. . . . . I had visions of him at his own wedding, walking down the aisle, with a wet diaper flapping between his tux-covered legs.

Sometimes a bribe in the shape of cool underpants works. Sometimes, it doesn't. But don't anyone lose heart: they all learn eventually. Let them do it at their own pace and don't panic.

But what do I know: I'm an unfit mother.

ann adams 11-02-2006 @ 8:04PM

We used the sticker system and pretty panties for all three at once. Stickers as a reward for performance and panties later.

The panties stayed in the drawer with the promise they could wear them as soon as they started using the toilet instead of their pull-us. It worked almost immediately. They coveted those panties.

If we'd been training one child I probably would have gone with a bare bottom. Elcie (Oldest), mainly because of her c.p., was just becoming physically able to do it as her sisters, ten months apart, were being trained.