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"Happy Hour Play Dates" in the New York Times: is drinking around your kids a sign of problems?
Filed under: Just For Moms, Just For Dads, Work Life
The New York Times does it again: according to an article in today's paper, women who have afternoon play dates where the moms drink are part of a new trend that just might indicate that affluent moms are "disconnected and lonely," and "self medicating" as part of a "dangerous trend." After getting a couple choice quotes from Blogging Baby alumnus Melissa Summers and Christie Mellor, author of the book The Three-Martini Playdate: A Practical Guide to Happy Parenting, the Times goes to an"expert," Suniya S. Luthar, a psychology professor at Columbia who claims her research shows that the upsurge in affluent mothers drinking is somehow dangerous. Granted, it's the Times and not Luthar who then tries to bridge that possibility with the nice beginning of the story about moms enjoying a glass of pinot grigio while their kids play with each other. And to bolster the drama, the Times cites Jennifer at stayathomemotherdom, whose own battle with alcoholism seems like it was more due to isolation than the occasional afternoon martini with other moms. The Times go on to cite a dubious feminist and some anecdotal evidence about the hidden dangers of Moms drinking during daylight. For example, one anonymous mom reported that she "passed out after [a play date where alcohol was served] in her home, as her 4-year-old slept inside and the baby sitter, outside with her 7-year-old, rang the doorbell repeatedly." Hold the phones, the baby sitter had to ring the door repeatedly? Isn't allowing that to happen a hanging offense in New Jersey?Frankly, I'm sick of the whole mythology that once you have kids you have to become uptight about everything and buy a minivan and move to the suburbs and let all your values disintegrate into some hollow shell of how you saw your own parents. The whole point made by the moms who drink during play dates is that the alcohol is more of a symbol than anything else: they're not getting wasted, but the drink is a symbol that they haven't completely let go of who they are and let their kids overrun their lives entirely. And just because some "journalist" at the New York Times gets paid by the word doesn't mean we should question what these parents are doing. I say it's okay to drink around your kids. In fact, I'm going to go go crack a Bells Double Cream Stout right now.
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ReaderComments (Page 3 of 3)
11-11-2006 @ 7:10AM
Donna L said...Bravo for these ladies !! My friends and I have done this for years (my oldest is 27) and none of my friends are alchoholics.(or any of our kids for that matter) We just hid it in the closet (or the plastic sipees LOL). It has always been a social thing for us on our outings or camping trips. As a matter of fact we never hid it from our kids, just the disaproving stares of other uptight moms. We never got drunk or acted strange or drove under the influence, we just enjoyed adult activities with other adults as we still do now that our kids are grown up. This group of friends has been with me through engagements, showers, birthdays, pregnancies, deaths, divorces, empty nesting and all of lifes important moments. And we are still together as friends, supporting one another in all of lifes moments. I'm sure we would have done this with or without the mom-tinis but it sure has been nice to have a group of friends that shared every aspect of my life with me. BRAVO to these ladies for being honest enough to not feel the pressure to hide normal adult behavior from their kids or anyone else. We should all be so honest.
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11-10-2006 @ 10:54PM
Sheryl said...Lord, it must be a slow news day in NYC. What is the point of this article, anyway? That it's dangerous to drink while your kids are awake? Listen, drinking doesn't pose half the danger that sleep deprivation does. My mom and dad were both alcoholics. REAL alcholics, and I'm very cautious about my consumption of alcohol, but is nothing wrong with having a couple of beers or making a pitcher of margaritas come quittin' time. I'm so tired of everyone pathologizing everything.
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11-11-2006 @ 6:12PM
Silent Spring said...I guess I've seen and lived the dark side of drinking in front of children, so I can't relate to the comments that reinforce (some jokingly) that it's OK to drink while children are under the care of the drinker. See my blog for details...
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11-14-2006 @ 9:37AM
Susan said...Suniya Luthar, the professor quoted in the NY Times piece, is really trying to understand what we moms experience (nobody else seems to give a damn!) I encourage you to fill out her anonymous survey at www.momsaspeople.com — it is very thoughtprovoking!
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